SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't
need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a
Wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his
Wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot
and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and
not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married
men are a lot more willing to die.
MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no
use two people remembering the same thing.
APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women
Somehow deteriorate during the night.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
Doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change,
and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a
man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a
woman - before marriage and after marriage.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING
MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals
some quotes mocking at the oldest "man-woman"relationship.....
we have seen many of them before but some in these are new most are seen, the others are seen umpteen times before.. anyways enjoy them ...........
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
A man placed an ad in the classifieds:
"Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire.
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is That you never get to prove it.
A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!"
His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy? "
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.
The rest cheat in Europe
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
Words to live by:
Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute
And some interesting ones....
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman-then, BAM!, it was all
gone!" "What happened?"asked his friend. "My wife found out...
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.
...............MAHAAABHAAAAARAT............
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you
wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
