What if they were employed... by Kevin?

I was thinking, you hear weird things all the time (no I don't mean the little voices in your head, I don't have any you see *realizes that everyone is amazed* Well, I don't.) and my mind works in mysterious ways (how else would you explain my stories?) and well...
What if Kevin had employed 'NSync, Britney and the other members? What would he possibly say about them?

Some of the quotes are taken from an humor site and have actually been said about employees for real. The idea is mine.

Howie          "It's hard to believe that he beat out 100 000 other sperm."

Backstreet Boys

Brian            "He's my cousin" Other than that? "I've known him all my life."

A.J.              "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

Nick              "This employee is depriving some village somewhere out of an idiot." Kevin felt like he had to tell us another thing too: "If you stand close enought to him, you can hear the ocean."

Chris            "He sets low personal standard and then consistently fails to achive them." "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

'NSync

J.C.               "He's been working with glue too much."

Joey               "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

Lance             "This employee is not really so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be." "I would not allow this employee to breed."

Justin              "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better." "If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

Britney             "She would argue with a sing post." "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

The slut