[A/N: I declare myself insane... I write serious 'NSync fanfiction, I need help... Mom? Where are those pills you wanted me to take??? I need therapy too! An institution sounds fine to me!! I can't believe I wrote a Joey story *hangs head in shame*]
MY DEAR KRYPTONITE
Once in my life I’ve truly loved. Her name was Kayla. She never loved me though. She cared for me, but she didn’t love me. She might have used me, in some way I haven’t quite figured out yet. Kayla, my dear kryptonite. She was, and still is, my weakness. I would have given her anything, if she’d just asked. She never did though, she never asked for anything, not from me anyway.
I still remember when we broke up, after four years she left me. It was my fault, I think. She insisted that it wasn’t, but even though I was as ready as any man would ever be for marriage she wasn’t. Or maybe she was, my sweet Kayla, but not with me.
Then… maybe 3 months ago, can’t remember exactly, I found out I had cancer. I always knew smoking was bad for me, how could I ever forget when she reminded me every day? It wasn’t love though, just simple caring for another person, and she was like that. If she saw someone hitchhiking she’d pull over, if she saw a child that seemed lost she always checked, and if she met an ex-boyband member that asked for directions to a hotel on the other side of the city she’d make sure that he got there. If he then fell head over heals for her she’d do her best not to hurt his feelings, even if she didn’t like the group, their music or knew any of their names.
She was just like that, sometimes I wondered if she was an angel cause she just seemed too good to be true. Or maybe I was just desperate for someone to talk to that didn’t know anything about me but cared that night and stumbled across the perfect woman.
I shouldn’t say perfect, cause no one, not even angels, is perfect. But Kayla was close, not like the vultures surrounding me now. The vultures I’d otherwise call friends. Old friends, J.C. and newer friends, but we grew apart and now that he found out that I got a week or two left he’s back. After 6 years. Pay his respect my ass. I’m not stupid, I can see that that’s not what’s on his mind. He wants something, they all want something. Except she. My dearest kryptonite doesn’t want anything than me to get better. Not only did I see her cry, feel her kiss me and hear her beg for some higher power to make me better. I can see it in her eyes. She thought I was asleep, but I was clearly awake, how could I have been anything else when she’d finally come back after one long year?
I know why she came back. It’s the same reason why J.C. is sitting across the room right now, but their intentions are different. He wants what’s left of my money, she wants to make me better. She’s even praying to a god she doesn’t believe in, I think she’d sell her soul if that would help.
While the rest sits there quietly, or are outside, she sits on my bed, holding my hand, crying. She’s asking me every now and then if there’s anything she can do for me, but not like the rest of them. She doesn’t fake her sympathy. I wish she would though, so when I go she can just move on as if nothing ever happened. I can see in her eyes that that’s not how it’s going to be.
I can’t say that I know that she likes me. I’m sure that she doesn’t love me, but still I know she cares. It doesn’t matter what they do anymore, I’ve written down my will, and I won’t change it. Kayla is going to get it all, I don’t care what the others think cause she’s the only one that deserves anything of it. Not that she’ll keep it for long, it always goes to charity of some kind.
Last night she laid down next to me, all quietly. She must have laid there for hours before she whispered that I’d always be her Superman. She still remembered that… I’ve tried to put all of that behind me, even if it didn’t succeed very well. I’ve told her about the time with ‘NSync, how we’d lived, about all the lies and every single secret I’ve ever had, I know those secrets will die with her. Not only could I tell her anything, but we could talk too. There’s nothing about me that she doesn’t know, and I know everything about her… except if she actually like me.
She’ll always be my kryptonite.