THE MAKING OF “BLACK & BLUE”
THE CALL
BSB: *singing*
*A.J.’s mobile calls*
All: *stops and looks annoyed at him*
A.J: Sorry, I’m sorry guys *answers the phone* Hello? Hey baby… yeah, that’s a place nearby… mhm…
Nick: *starts playing with Howie’s hair*
Howie: Hey! *wink* Cut it *wink* out!
Kevin: *sighs*
Brian: *starts making weird noises into the mike*
Kevin: You… guys… are… so… immature… you… two… especially *looks at Nick and Howie who are bitch slapping each other and whining loudly* You… guys… need… to… grow… up… badly…
A.J: *hangs up* Sorry about that guys.
Brian: *stops making noises* Who was it? *looks at him, warningly*
A.J: Don’t worry B-Rok, it was Amanda. She’s coming over.
Nick and Howie: *stops slapping each other* What?
Nick: *whining* Not her.
Howie: *whining* She’s so *wink* annoying *wink*
Nick: *whining even louder* Yeah! Why does she have to come here?
A.J: She said she wanted to see me, I don’t know *shrugs*
Brian: She’s coming to make sure that you’re not cheating on her again.
A.J: Oh… *thinks* Do you think it’s too late to cancel the hookers?
All: *looks at each other, doubting*
A.J: I gotta make some phone calls…
SHAPE OF MY HEART
Nick: Guys?
Kevin: *hissing something to Brian*
Brian: That’s my solo, I’m not giving it to you.
Kevin: But… I… want… a… solo. I… think… that… after… trying… to… raise…
Nick… I… deserve… at… least… one… solo… per… album…
Brian: But… umm… *looks through the papers* How about you and A.J. sing a part together?
Kevin: That… is… not… a… solo. Don’t… try… to… fool… me… like… that… again, I… know… better… than… that… now.
Nick: What is the shape of my heart?
Howie: *wink* *holds up the lyrics* *wink*
Brian: But it’s a half solo.
Kevin: But… not… a… whole… solo. I… deserve… a… solo… or… two…
Nick: No, what is the shape of my heart?
Howie: *wink* How you *wink* feel *wink*
Nick: I don’t get it.
Brian: We’ll see if we can… umm… get you a solo or two.
Kevin: *excited* Two? Will… you… give… me… two… solos? Two… whole… solos… for… me?
Brian: Can we start with a half solo for now?
Kevin: *nods happily*
Nick: But… how do I feel? *confused*
Brian: A.J.! Is it okay if Kevin sings with you? No one will probably hear him anyway…
A.J: *on the phone* Yeah, yeah, be quiet Brian, can’t you see I’m busy?
Nick: I don’t get it, which way do we want it and what is the shape of our hearts?
All: *realizes that he’s serious*
Brian: *whispers to Howie* My goodness, he’s umm… thinking. What happened?
Howie: *wink*
Kevin: *looks at Nick who is ruining his happy moment*
Nick: What is the shape of my heart?
Kevin: *smacks Nick over the head* Be… quiet… you… blond… airhead.
Nick: *cries* OUCH!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!
I PROMISE YOU (WITH EVERYTHING I AM)
Nick: That was a lot of promises.
Howie: *wink* Yeah *wink* From a lot *wink* of people *wink* too* wink*
Brian: Leighanne? *half runs away*
Kevin: Kristin? *runs (in slow-motion) away too*
A.J: Wonder if the hookers are here… *hurries to check*
Nick: Huh? *confused*
Howie: *wink* I wonder *wink* if they were *wink* thinking about *wink* something else *wink* than I did *wink*
Nick: *just confused*
Howie: *wink* *looks at Nick* *wink*
Nick: I don’t get it.
Howie: *sighs* *wink*
MORE THAN THAT
BSB: *reading through the lyrics one last time*
Nick: *happy* I saw this on “The nanny”!
Howie: *wink*
Kevin: Be… quiet… Nick.
Nick: I did! Mr. Sheffield told Fran that he loved her and then he took it back! That’s the thing *feels smart*
A.J: Be quiet.
Nick: It’s true!
All: NICK, SHUT UP!!
Kevin: Shut… up… of… I’ll… have… to… hurt… you. Be… quiet.
Nick: *pouts*
Howie: *wink*
IT’S TRUE
Kevin: My… song… is… going… to… be… on… the… CD *excited again*
Howie: *wink* Aren’t those *wink* ‘NSync? *wink*
Kevin: *happy moment over as soon as “‘NSync” are mentioned* *looks around for someone to hurt* *smacks Nick over the head*
Nick: Ouch!!! *cries for his mom*
A.J: That’s not all ‘NSync, just what’s-his-name and the albino.
Joey: *chewing on a Twinkie or two*
Lance: Hi *smiles nervously*
Brian: Umm… what do you want?
Kevin: *mad*
Nick: *sobs*
Howie: *wink*
Lance: We just *very nervous* We just wanted to ask you…
BSB: *looks at Lance and Joey*
Lance: *throws himself to Kevin’s feet* PLEASE LET US IN YOUR GROUP!!!! *grabs Kevin’s leg* PLEASE????? *smiles*
Kevin: Let… go… of… my… leg… you… annoying… troll. Go… away! *shakes leg to get rid of Lance*
Lance: *holding on* PLEASE!! We didn’t even take Chris along this time! It was my idea cause I’m from Mississippi. He’s too old, almost 30, so I knew you wouldn’t want him, but me, Joey and me, we’re still young. We won’t even sing a lot, and no girls are going to care that we are there! Please?
A.J: *shakes head*
Nick: *confused*
Brian: *disgusted*
Howie: *wink*
Kevin: *shakes leg*
Lance: Please *crying* You are all better looking than we are, nobody will even like us so they’ll pick on us and leave you alone. Please? Just let us in the group *cries some more*
Kevin: *shakes leg*
Joey: You got chicks, right?
A.J: Of course we do.
Kevin: *shakes leg*
Howie: *nods* *wink*
Nick: *quits sobbing*
Joey: *nods* Good, and they are legal, right? I got all these minors pregnant by me and I guess I have to stop doing them and go for legal ones instead *starts chewing on another Twinkie*
A.J: Been there, done that.
All: *stares at A.J.*
A.J: Ehh… *realizes that what he said isn’t good for their images* Just kidding *nervous smile*
Howie: *wink* So those girls *wink* calling to talk *wink* with you about *wink* child support *wink* just got the *wink* wrong number? *wink*
A.J: *nervous* Yes. If course they did.
Nick: *confused* All of them?
A.J: Yes!
Howie: *wink* All 38 of *wink* them?? *wink*
A.J: Yes!! Be quiet both of you!!!!
Howie: *wink*
Nick: *confused*
Kevin: *shakes leg*
Brian: That’s enough. SECURITY!!! ‘NSYNC MEMBERS IN THE BUILDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Security: *comes running to throw Lance and Joey out*
Lance: No! *cries* Please! I’m from Mississippi!! Let me be in your group, I’m from Mississippi!!!!!!
THE ANSWER TO OUR LIVES
Nick: *looks at the lyrics*
Lance (far in the distance): BUT I’M FROM MISSISSIPPI!!!!!!!
Kevin: ‘NStink… are… evil… very, very… evil.
Nick: Umm…
Brian: What?
Nick: I don’t get it.
A.J: Now there’s a surprise.
Howie: *wink* Really… *rolls eyes* *wink*
Brian: Ugh.
Nick: Mom said that I just should make money to her, not think, not my fault *pouts*
Kevin: They… are… very, very… evil… young… men… who… are… affecting… young… people… in… a… very… bad… way. ‘NStink… are…evil.
Howie: *wink*
Nick: What is the answer of our lives?
Kevin: *smacks Nick over the head*
SHINING STAR
Howie: *wink* We wrote *wink* this song! *smiles* *wink*
Nick: *hopeful* Can’t we sing it?
Kevin: *looks annoyed at Nick and Howie*
Brian: *sighs*
A.J: Why?
Howie: *wink* *looks at Nick*
Nick: *looks at Howie* *confused*
Howie: *wink*
Nick: *confused*
--- 10 minutes later ---
Howie: *wink*
Nick: *confused*
Howie: *wink* I know! *wink* You’ll get to *wink* sing as much *wink* as you *wink* want! *smiles* *wink, wink*
Kevin: *shines up* We’ll… do… it *looks at Brian*
Brian: Umm… sure… whatever.
A.J: Ugh, why?
Amanda (who by now found her way there): I think it’s a pretty song.
Nick: Yeah *smiles*
Howie: And *wink* you don’t *wink* want to be *wink* impossible now *wink* that Amanda is* wink* here? *wink*
A.J: *looks at Amanda*
Amanda: Can’t you do it? *smiles*
A.J: Fine, I will.
Howie and Nick: Woohoo!
Kevin: I… want… a… solo…
Brian: Well you’re not getting it.
Kevin: Please?
Brian: We’ll think about it.
Kevin: *sigh*
YES I WILL
Amanda: *listens to the result* It’s so beautiful *sighs happily*
Nick: A.J. wrote it.
Howie: *wink*
Amanda: Really?
A.J: Yeah *smiles*
Amanda: *looks at A.J., hopefully*
A.J: Umm… *nods*
Amanda: Aww… Alex! *kisses him* Where’s the ring?
A.J: Ring? Err… *takes one of his hand* *smiles*
Amanda: Aww… it’s so… *looks at it* not what I expected *giggles* I love you!
A.J: Love you too *smiles*
Amanda: I just gotta call all my friends!! *walks away giggling*
Kevin: *snickers*
Nick: Huh?
Brian: It looks as if you’re engaged Bone.
A.J: Huh?
Howie: You *wink* gave her a *wink* ring and a *wink* song about *wink* marriage… *wink*
A.J: *stares at the others*
Kevin: *chuckles*
Nick: *giggles*
Brian: *grins*
Howie: *snickers* *wink*
A.J: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs screaming into the night (okay., just into one of the bathrooms)*
TIME
Kevin, Brian and Nick: *outside the bathroom*
Brian: A.J., come on, it’s not that bad.
A.J. (from the bathroom next to the one the others are standing next to): It IS!!
Kevin: Maybe… we… should… *points*
Kevin, Brian and Nick: *takes two steps to the side so they are in front of the right door*
Nick: Amanda isn’t that bad.
A.J: What do you know about that?!
Nick: Well at least she doesn’t hit you…
Kevin: Exactly… That… is… true.
Brian: Come out now.
A.J: No!
Brian: She’s busy in the phone, just come out now.
A.J: *cries something about high phone bills*
Kevin: But… don’t… you… talk… at… least… as… much… in… the… phone… as… her?
A.J: *cries something unhearable*
Nick: Umm… why did he propose in the first place?
A.J: IT WASN’T ON PURPOSE!!!
Nick: How do you ask someone to marry you by mistake? *confused*
A.J: Where’s Howie? I need to hear his voice, and make fun of him.
Brian: Will that make you come out?
A.J: Maybe.
Kevin: *turns around to tell Howie to come over* *sees Howie, pressing himself up against the wall, terrified*
Howie: I heard *wink* something in *wink* there *points at a closet* It’s *wink* a ghost! *wink, wink, wink*
Nick: *screams* *jumps up in Kevin’s arms*
Kevin: *drops Nick on purpose*
Nick: OUCH!! *crawls behind Brian*
A.J: What’s going on?
Brian: Howie thinks there’s a ghost in the closet.
A.J: *snickers*
Kevin: Just… open… the… door… and… see… for… your… own… eyes… that… there… isn’t… anything… there.
Howie: *shakes head* *wink, wink*
Nick: *hides behind Brian* How do you vanish it?
A.J: *snickers*
Kevin: There… are… no… such… thing… as… ghosts.
Howie: But you *wink, wink* admitted that *wink* you saw that *wink* one in the *wink* hotel room! *wink, wink*
Kevin: There… are… no… such… thing… as… ghosts, except… that… one.
Brian: *takes Nick’s hand* Come on.
Nick: *follows Brian to the closet* Brian, I’m scared.
Brian: *sigh* *walks over to Howie* Go and check for yourself, there’s nothing there.
Howie: There is! *wink, wink, wink*
Brian: Go and check, God will protect you.
Howie: *looks at the closet* *shakes head*
Brian: DO IT OR I’LL *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!*
Howie: *terrified*
A.J: *chuckles*
Howie: *carefully tiptoes over to the closet* *lays ear to the door* wink* IIIIIIIIHHHHHH!!!!!! *runs over to Brian and Nick* I heard moaning!!!! *wink, wink, wink*
A.J: *laughs*
Nick: *cries*
Howie: *cries* *wink* *keeps crying*
Kevin: There… is… no… such… thing… as… ghosts.
Brian: *sighs*
GET ANOTHER BOYFRIEND
Howie: We just *wink* finished it *wink*
Amanda: *nods*
Howie: *lets Amanda listen to the newly recorded “Get another boyfriend”* *wink*
--- 3 minutes later ---
Amanda: *looks at Howie* Umm… *takes of the ring*
Howie: *wink* Huh?
Amanda: Could you… tell A.J. that it’s over *hands Howie the ring and leaves quickly*
Howie: *wink* Huh? *wink*
Brian and Kevin: *dragging A.J. out of the bathroom*
Kevin: You… must… sing… your… part… on… it… too.
Brian: Absolutely.
A.J: But she might be here!!!
Howie: Amanda left *wink* Where’s Nick? *wink*
Brian: He’s in a short therapy session after the whole ghost thing. Thank you.
Howie: *wink* I heard *wink* moaning!! *wink, wink*
Brian: There’s no such thing as ghosts.
Kevin: Exactly.
Howie: *wink*
A.J: Amanda left?
Howie: Yeah, she *wink* said that it *wink* was over. The *wink* ring is there *wink*
A.J: *cheers* *grabs a phone and starts trying to rebook his “meetings”*
EVERYONE
Nick: *singing* Am I sexual?
Howie: *sigh* *wink*
A.J: That’s the 29th time.
Brian: 32, I’ve kept count.
A.J: Nick, it’s not “Everybody”, it’s “Everyone”.
Kevin: I… don’t… like… what’s… coming… out… of… your… mouth…
Nick: *sigh* It’s confusing.
Howie: Should we *wink* try again? *wink*
All: *mumbles something in agreement*
--- 1 minute later ---
Nick: *singing* Am I sexual?
Kevin: That’s… enough… Nick *grabs Nick in the ear and drags him towards the bathrooms*
Howie: *wink*
A.J: I remember when he used to do that to me.
Brian: *nods*
A.J: It tastes so awful…
Nick (in the distance): NO!! PLEASE KEVIN NOT THE SOAP! IT WAS AN ACCIDEN… *gurgle* EWWWWW!!!
Howie, A.J. and Brian: *shivers*
A.J: Why do you wash people’s mouths with soap?
Brian: To clean their dirty mouths.
A.J: Again, why do you…
Brian: *gives A.J. a warning look*
A.J: Nothing.
HOW DID I FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
Howie: *sob* I miss *wink*
Lance… *wink*
Nick: I miss Mandah.
A.J: I’m free *grins widely* When are the hookers coming?
Nick: I’m going to call her…
Howie: I’ll *wink* call Lancey-Poo *wink*
Kevin: No… don’t, don’t… call…
A.J: Dude that’s sick.
Brian: Yeah!
A.J: She abused you Nick, she used you in all the ways your mom did!!
Brian: And then some!!!!
Kevin: Not… that… there… was… many… ways… left… of… course.
A.J: Yeah!
Nick: *pouts* I need her! *starts dialing*
Howie: *in the phone* Hi, it’s *wink* me… I’m *wink* sorry about *wink* earlier, but you *wink* know it *wink* wouldn’t work… *wink* Mhm… I’ll *wink* put in a good *wink* word for *wink* you, okay? *wink* *wanders of , talking in the phone*
Nick: Hi, Mandah, it’s me… could you please come? I need you tonight *snickers* *stops* Of course I’ll pay baby.
Kevin: *shakes head* I… tried… to… raise… him… well… and… this… is… what… happens? I’m… blaming… A.J.
A.J: I’m blaming Jane.
Brian: And Jane blames Mandah.
Nick: What? Oh they are talking about whose fault it is that I let you use me. Mhm… You blame Kevin for trying to be an extra father? Oh, okay.
Kevin: *snorts*
Mandah (who really was hiding in one of the men’s room from the start): I’m here!
A.J: That reminds me, when are the hookers coming?
Mandah? When are your co-workers coming?
Mandah: *gives A.J. a pissed look* *whiny voice* Nick!
Nick: Huh? *confused*
Mandah: Tell him to stop!
Nick: But he’s quiet…
Mandah: He’s smirking!
A.J: *grinning widely*
Nick: Huh?
Mandah: Ugh! Where’s my money?
Nick: One second honey…
Kevin: *sighs deeply in protest*
Brian: *cough, cough*
A.J: *clears throat*
Nick: Huh? *hands Mandah his wallet (cause it’s just simpler that way)*
Mandah: *grins widely and takes the whole wallet*
A.J: Nothing. Brian: I think I’m coming down with a cold.
Kevin: Man, I’m… tired… *gives Mandah a disapproving look*
Nick: Oh, okay.
NOT FOR ME
Nick: Mandah?
Mandah: *busy counting money somewhere else*
Howie: *sighs* Not again *wink*
Nick: *cries*
Mandah? Where are you??
Kevin: Hopefully… far… away… from… us… for… all… time.
A.J: Hopefully.
Brian: I got a feeling we’re not that lucky.
Mandah: *comes wandering*
A.J: You and your feelings, I got another one.
Kevin: *looks at A.J.*
Brian: What?
A.J: That the lovely ladies should be here now, buh bye! *hurries down the hallway*
Howie: Oh no! *wink, wink*
Kevin: I… know… I… can’t… believe… that… he… still… goes… to… prostitutes… but… at… least… they… aren’t… as… bad… as… Mandah… here.
Mandah: *ignores him*
Howie: *wink* Not that *wink* I have to *wink* pass the *wink* haunted closet *wink* to leave! *wink, wink, wink*
Brian: For the last time Howie, there is no such thing as ghosts.
Kevin: Exactly… except… that… one… we… saw… once… but… no… others. There… are… no… ghosts.
Howie: But *wink* I heard *wink* it!
Nick: Yeah! Me too!!
Mandah: *looks at the watch* *sigh*
Brian: Nonsense.
*closet door opens with a screechy noise*
Howie and Nick: *screams*
Howie: *throws himself behind Kevin*
Nick: *throws himself behind Mandah*
Mandah: Dammit Nick! You’re the one that’s supposed to protect me!!!
Nat: *steps out of the closet* *smiles*
Brian: See, she might be pale as a ghost, but she’s very much alive.
Kevin: There… are… no… such… thing… as… ghosts. But… there… are… many… evil… and… cruel… creatures… around… though *looks at Mandah*
Mandah: *snorts*
Nick: Hey! *gets up from behind Mandah* I recognize you *grins*
Nat: *grins too*
Mandah: *looks pissed at Nick*
Nick: *doesn’t notice* Do you two want a threesome?
Mandah and Nat: NO!!
Nick: *pouts*
Kevin: I’m… warning… you… Nick… watch… your… mouth.
Brian: *sigh* I’m going home.
Howie: *wink* I’ll try to *wink* find another *wink* way out *wink*
Kevin: *mumbles something about that there are no such thing as ghosts*
Brian, Howie and Kevin: *leaves*
Nat: *walks up to Nick* *whispers* I’ll do a threesome.
Nick: *smiles widely*
Nat: *hurries back to the closet*
Nick: *follows*
Mandah: *hurries up to Nick* What did she say? *pissed*
Nat: *pulls Dexter Holland (who is tied up) and a bat out of the closet* *grins*
Nat: *grabs the bat tighter*
Dexter: Wait! You said you wouldn’t hurt me! *stares at Nat*
Nat: *whacks Mandah over the head*
Mandah: *falls unconscious to the floor*
Nick: *looks at Mandah* That must have hurt *picks up his wallet that Mandah dropped*
Nat: Okay, let’s go *drags Nick and Dexter along (while ignoring their whining and protests)*
Result: Black and Blue (album, and what Mandah is when she wakes up and realizes that she’s surrounded by angry BSB fans), and Nat being very happy.