[A/N: Thanks to: Tericka, Sabine, DeaMon, Freak_Gurl_Luv_Nick, Bre and Acyla, who had the kindness of answering my pledge of ideas for this freak story, they are however not to be put to blame for the result. If you feel like flaming, do so in a *review*. For future freak stories (that is what I've decided to call them) that YOU want to help me with (you know you want to) you can give me the suggestion/s by a) review b) e-mail c) the message board. And put me on Author alert, it will make me happy once I’ve got over the chock :) I'd also like to say that I'm sorry for dragging Harry Potter characters in here... it's just that I'm starting to well... get obsessed with them. I think. Besides, I needed at least one person who knew how to do magic. So for you who don't know, muggle means someone who can't do magic (a regular human, like you and *sniff* me). And another 'sorry', for making it so long, I just couldn't stop once I got into it... Now go on and read the story, and review!]
Warning:
Spoiler for: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
(Sorry about that, if you've read it go along, if you're not
going to read it go along, if you don't care go along. Otherwise,
click on the 'back' button.)
Rules:
POPSTARS, MAGIC and INSANE FANFIC AUTHORS DON'T MIX
*A hole opens up by the ceiling*
‘NSync and BSB: *falls down from a hole*
Nick: *cries* That hurt!
Kevin: Shut… up… Nick.
*Hole closes*
All: *looks at each other*
Chris: Yay! *gets up and jumps up and down of happiness*
Howie: We’re *wink* in a toy store? *wink, wink*
Joey: Food?
Nick: *sobs*
Brian: *hands Nick a blue teddy bear* There.
Nick: *whiny voice* I don’t want a teddy bear! *throws it away*
Brian: *sighs* Fine *gives Nick a Barbie* Happy?
Nick: *nods*
Chris: *picks up the teddy bear* *hugs it* My very own teddy bear! I’ll name him… Teddy!
All: *ignores Chris*
A.J: We’re in a fic again, aren’t we? *looks at the others*
J.C: *sniff*
Lance: I think so *giggles* I’m from Mississippi.
All (minus Nick and Chris who are playing with their Barbie and Teddy): *looks at each other, scared*
Joey: Food?
Brian: *searches pockets* I… uh… I think I lost my Bible…
Kevin: *gives Brian a warning look*
Brian: I didn’t mean to! *wanders off to search for it*
Lance: Are we going to *giggle* stay here? I mean I don’t mind… *realizes that he’s lost his purse* MY MAKEUP!! *cries* We gotta get out of here!!!!!!
Justin: Yo! Yo be quiet man! We ain’t interested in ya girly stuff *shivers*
J.C: *checks pockets* NO!
A.J: What?
J.C: My drugs *sniff* are gone *rubs nose*
A.J: Uh… *checks his pockets too* … mine too…
J.C. and A.J: *hurries to check all the exits*
Lance and Justin: *follows their example*
Joey: No food? *confused*
Kevin: Uh…
Howie: *wink*
***** 10 minutes later *****
J.C., A.J., Lance, Justin and Brian: *comes back to where the others are*
A.J: There’s no open exit!
Lance: I want to get back to Mississippi, cause I’m from there. I’m from Mississippi! And we’re stuck here!!
J.C: And no drugs! *sniff, sniff*
A.J: *rubs nose*
Nick: *still playing with his Barbie*
Chris: *still playing with Teddy*
Joey: Food? *confused*
*Angry voice*: NO!
*Whiny voice*: Please?
Kevin: What… was… that? I… think… there’s… someone… here… other… than… us.
*Angry voice* (now closer): I said NO!
*Whiny voice* (also closer): Please, please, please?
*Angry voice*: NO! What part of no don’t you understand?!?!?
*Whiny voice*: The o. TEACH ME!!!!!!
*Angry voice*: For the last time, NO!
All: *looks past the shelf with Barbies*
Snape (Harry Potter character): Stop it! I won’t teach you anything!!
Nat (that would be me): *holding on to his leg* Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease? *smiles innocently*
Snape: GIVE IT UP!!
Nat: No way! *extra whiny* Teach meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
Nick: *blinks*
Chris: *still playing with his blue Teddy*
Brian: Excuse me.
Snape: WHAT?! *serial killer look*
Brian: Err… do you have my Bible?
Snape: *blinks*
J.C: Or drugs?
A.J: Yeah, drugs are more important!
Snape: *looks at each and every one of the people in there* Leave me alone. *looks at Nat* And you let go of my leg.
Nat: Then will you teach me? *smiles hopefully*
Snape: No, you’re a muggle, you can’t do magic!
Nat: I’m not a muggle, I’m a vampire. I swear.
Snape: No.
Nat: Then I won’t let go.
Chris: *looks at Snape* Hey… there’s a girl attached to your leg…
Snape: *looks at Chris* Keep playing with your teddy bear.
Nat: *thugs in Snape’s robe* Please?
Snape: *mutters something under his breath* *pulls out wand*
Justin: *big eyed* Oooooooh…
Kevin: What… is… that… thing?
J.C: Is that some kind of a drug?
A.J: Please say it is.
Brian: You haven’t seen my Bible… or a Chihuahua?
Snape: *hands Nat the wand*
Nat: Yay! *lets go of Snape’s leg and gets up* So, now what?
Snape: *sighs* *looks around* *spots Chris* Aha… *grabs Chris’ Teddy*
Chris: Teddy? *looks at Snape* *eyes filling with tears* *reaches out for his teddy bear*
Snape: *completely ignore Chris* Here… *puts the teddy bear down on the floor* We’ll practice on this.
Nat: Cool!
Snape: *sighs* *annoyed tone* Okay… what you do is…
***** 5 minutes later *****
All: *looks at the teddy bear that is suddenly growing larger… till it reaches up to the roof*
Nat: Eh…
Snape: You were supposed to make it come to life, not make it four meters tall.
Nat: But… *points at the bear’s head* See!
All: *looks up, and yes…*
Teddy: *blinks*
Nat: Yay! It worked!!!
Snape: Can I have my wand back now?
Nat: No!
Teddy: *roars*
All: *blinks*
Chris: Teddy?
Snape: Uh… give me the wand.
Nat: No way!
Snape: Give it to me.
Nat: No!
Snape: *warning tone* For your own sake, give the wand back so I can put things right…
Nat: No fu… *gets interrupted by another roar from Teddy that makes the walls shake, some toys falls of their shelves * Eh… *steps behind Snape* Do something.
Snape: Give me the wand.
Nat: Why?
*A murmur is heard, and it seems as if it comes from the gigantic baby-blue teddy bear’s stomach…*
Kevin: This… might… not… be… so… good. I… don’t… think… that… whatever… she… did… to… the… thing… was… good… for… anyone… in… here.
Snape: Well aren’t you a genius *looks at Nat* Give me the wand!
Nat: NO!
Teddy: *looks around, hungry*
Joey: Food? *looks around too*
Teddy: *reaches out and picks up Chris*
All: *stare at Teddy*
Chris: Teddy? What are you doing Teddy?
Teddy: *takes a bite of Chris*
Nat: *giggles*
Snape: *looks at her*
Teddy: *swallows the rest of Chris*
BSB and the rest of ‘NSync: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *runs for their lives*
Snape: NO! Don’t run you’ll…
Teddy: *starts chasing them*
Snape: … make it come after you… *sigh*
Nat: Hehe… *evil grin*
Snape: I think you’d go in Slytherin.
Nat: That would be cool… *thinks* Hey, do you think there’s any chance that you could help me take over the world? *hopeful*
Snape: Definitely Slytherin.
Teddy: *comes running at them*
Nat and Snape: *looks at each other* Eh… *runs away screaming in different directions*
Teddy: *confused* *stops* *looks around* *sniffs in the air* *starts wandering*
J.C: Drugs… please, just some drugs… *looks up to realize that he’s standing face to face to a hungry teddy bear at least three times his size* Eh… got any crack?
Teddy: *swallows J.C. whole* *burp*
Joey: No food?
Teddy: *goes after Joey*
Joey: *(for the first time in his life) realizes what might be a smart thing to do* *runs for his life*
Nat: *looks out of a closet* What went wrong? *shrugs* *closes the door and goes back to making out with Nick
****** 10 minutes later*****
Snape: *opens the closet door* *pissed look* Give. Me. That. *takes the wand*
Nat: Hey!
Nick: Huh?
Snape: *marches away*
Nat: Give it back! *hurries after Snape to get the wand back*
Nick: *follows along, not really thinking on anything at all*
Teddy: *about to eat Lance*
Lance: Please don’t eat me! I’m from Mississippi!! Don’t… cause I’m…
Snape: [And here we censor the magic words, just in case any reader would give this a try]
Teddy: *shrinks down to its original size* *blinks* Roar?
Lance: … from Mississippi…*blinks*
Snape: There!
Nat: *takes the wand back* Mine.
Snape: *mutters something under his breath* Give me the wand.
Nat: *thinks* *shakes head* Teach me more?
Snape: No.
Nat: Then I won’t ever end this fic.
BSB (the four that remains that is, Brian got eaten) and ‘NSync (errr… Justin and Lance, the teddy got Joey too): *gasps*
Howie: You can’t *wink* do *wink, wink* that!
Nat: Sure I can! I’m the author, I’m all mighty! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Snape: *nods* A Slytherin… no doubt about that…
Nick: *blinks* Huh?
Nat: So, teach me more *smiles*
Snape: Well I don’t seem to have any option anyway… *picks down a doll from a shelf* Make it come to life.
Nat: Didn’t we already do this?
Snape: Well you obviously messed up *looks at the teddy bear*
Teddy: *chewing on Justin’s pants*
Justin: *doesn’t even notice*
Lance: I’m from Mississippi.
Nat: Uh… okay, I can admit that I did. Same spell?
Snape: Yes, just pronounce it right this time.
Nat: Fine, fine, fine. *clears throat* [censored]
All: *watches the doll as it opens it eyes*
Doll: *giggles*
Justin: Wait, dat voice… ain’t dat… *thinks*
Lance: *giggles*
Snape: *gives Lance a pissed look* Turn that uh… whatever into a girl.
Nat: I thought that was a girl…
Snape: Do it anyway.
Nat: *shrugs* [censored]
All: *watches as Lance’s hair grows, and that’s pretty much the only change*
Lance: *looks around confused* What happened?
Justin: *stares at Lance* Hey… yo be pretty hot…
Lance: *giggles*
Snape: *disgusted* Anyway, let’s go on to him *looks at Howie*
Howie: *wink*
Nat: Uh… okay?
Snape: It’s a simple spell, even muggles can do it.
Nat: *nods*
Snape: Make him fall asleep by the word *looks at Nick* … idiot.
Nat: *nods* [censored]
Howie: *wink* Huh? *wink, wink*
A.J: Come on! Drugs!! Give-me-drugs-now!!
Snape: *resists the urge to smack A.J. over the head* Give him some drugs or whatever.
Nat: Uh… how?
Snape: You say [censored]
Nat: Oh…
A.J: *hopeful*
Nat: [censored]
A.J: *sees the little bags of white powder that appears on the floor in front of him* Yay! *starts sniffing*
Doll: Teehee *looks up at Justin, lovingly*
Snape: So, back to the doll, make it the size of a human, not four meters tall, a normal human.
Nat: Okay…
Doll: *grows while everyone is staring at it* *giggle* Fun breeze! Like *giggle* Hi Justin *fakes a smile*
Nat: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! *jumps behind Snape and holds on to his robes for dear life*
Snape: What? *annoyed*
Nat: It’s… it’s… BRITNEY SPEARS!!!!
Nick: *starts crying*
Britney: *giggle* Like yeah? *twirls hair*
Nat: *gives Snape the wand* Make her go away!!!!!!!!
Snape: *evil grin* Sure… [censored]
Britney, Howie, Kevin, A.J., Justin and Lance: *disappears*
Nat: Wait… *looks around* Where did the others go?
Snape: They are all in the emptiest space around.
Nat: And that would be?
Snape: Well I tried to get rid of him too… *signs towards Nick*
Nick: *blinks*
Nat: You’re saying that…?
Snape: *shrugs* End this fic already.
Nat: *looks at Nick* Nick? Are you okay?
Nick: Yeah. Why? *confused*
Snape: *sigh* Well, judging on how high his IQ seems to be they are inside his head.
Nat: WHAT?!
Snape: *grins*
***** Inside Nick’s head *****
Kevin: Wait… what… happened? *looks around* Where… are… everyone?
A.J: Hehe… all the pretty colors…
Howie: *mutters* Stupid crackhead…
Justin and Lance: *making out*
Britney: *gasps* JUSTIN!!!
Justin: *confused* Huh?
Lance: *blushes* I’m from Mississippi.
Britney: How like dare you, you know? Don’t you like know who you know I am?!?!?
Justin: Yo Britney it ain’t like…
Britney: *slaps him*
A.J: Ooooooohhh… *laughs maniacally*
***** Outside of Nick *****
Nick: Hey… I hear voices in my head… *confused*
Nat: *looks at Snape* Do something!!!
Snape: *sighs* Fine. [censored]
Nick: Huh?
Nat: What did you just do?
Snape: I cursed him.
Nat: WHAT?!?!?!?
Snape: He can’t sing anymore *evil grin*
Nat: *gasps*
Nick: *confused*
Snape: It will be broken and they’ll come out of his head if they find his brain.
Nat: But… *thinks* Does he really have a brain?
Snape: Who cares?
Nick: *blinks*
***** Inside of Nick’s head *****
A.J: Hehe… look… purple pigs!
Lance: *blinks* He’s like J.C., isn’t he?
A.J: Oooooooh! They are flying!!! *keeps laughing*
Lance: *nods* Definitely a crackhead too.
Howie: Hey! *wink, wink* Look guys, *wink* look!
All (minus A.J., he’s watching the flying purple pigs): *looks out of Nick’s eyes*
Nat (outside): *looks at Snape* Do something!!!
Snape (outside): *sighs* Fine. [censored]
Voice (Nick’s): Huh?
Nat: What did you just do?
Snape: I cursed him.
Nat: WHAT?!?!?!?
Snape: He can’t sing anymore *evil grin*
Nat: *gasps*
Snape: It will be broken and they’ll come out of his head if they find his brain.
Nat: But… *thinks* Does he really have a brain?
Snape: Who cares?
All: *blinks*
Britney: Like… what? *giggles*
Justin: Yo, dat ain’t right. *looks irritated at the teddy bear that’s still trying to eat his pants* *kicks it*
Teddy: *cries something unhearable* *gets up and looks around for someone to eat* *spots A.J.*
Kevin: I… don’t… think… that… Nick… got… a… brain. I’m… afraid… that… we… are… trapped… in… here… for… the… rest… of… our… lives. We… need… to… find… this… idiot’s… brain.
Howie: *falls to the floor, snoring* *wink, wink* *drool*
Kevin: *blinks*
Lance: Guys *twirling her hair* Maybe we should try to find his brain… I mean, I don’t want to be stuck in here forever. I’m from Mississippi! I need to do something more interesting than this, cause I’m from Mississippi.
Justin: Yo, Eyebrow man? What we gonna do yo?
Kevin: *looks at Justin* I… hate… that… nickname… I… hate… it! I… can’t… stand… being… called… that… anymore, I despise… that…nickname… *growls something* *grabs his eyebrows and pulls them off*
Eyebrows: *lands on the floor… or whatever you can call it*
Kevin: THERE! Now… don’t… call… me… Eyebrow… man… again!!!
All: *stares at Kevin*
Eyebrow #1: *gets up* HEY!
All: *stares at the eyebrows*
Britney: *stops twirling her hair* Like… what’s you know going on?
Eyebrow #1: That wasn’t fair!!!
Eyebrow #2: *gets up too* YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS RICHARDSON!!
Eyebrow #1: We’ll get you!
Kevin: *blinks*
Eyebrow #1: No one tries to get rid of us! NO ONE!!
Eyebrow #2: We’ll kill you for this! We’ll kill you all!!!!!!!
Howie: *snores*
A.J: *laughing uncontrollably*
Teddy: *chewing on A.J.’s shirt*
Britney: *confused*
Lance: I’m… I’m from Mississippi…
Justin: Yo, dat be wack!
Kevin: Uh… oh…
Eyebrow #1: *pulls out a knife* AHA!
Eyebrow #2: *pulls out a knife too* MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Kevin: *slowly backing away*
Lance: Um… Justin… sweetie?
Britney: He’s mine!!
Justin: Yo, leave I out of dis yo!
***** Outside of Nick *****
Nat, Snape and Nick: *sitting on a couple of chairs, with toys wandering around, some are more than one toy that has been put together (they’ve been used for practice)*
Nat: So… what are we going to do now?
Snape: *shrugs* You can always end the fic and let them stay inside of his head forever.
Nat: I’m not evil!
Snape: Sure you are.
Nat: Okay, but not that evil.
Snape: *looks at Nat*
Nat: Okay, maybe I am, but I like Nick. I can’t let him hear voices all the time! It’s hard enough to handle for those of us who have a brain!
Snape: Uh… yeah. Of course.
Nat: There’s no other way for them to get out of there?
Snape: Nope.
Nat: *sigh* *checks pockets* *sighs*
Snape: What?
Nat: No drugs.
Snape: I didn’t know you did drugs...
Nat: Sure I do. I’m Amy Amphetamine!
Snape: *looks at Nat funny*
Nat: That’s my nickname among my crackbuddies.
Snape: Your crackbuddies?
Nat: Yeah, oh, you know Harry Potter, don’t you?
Snape: Yes…
Nat: *nods* He’s one of them.
Snape: Oh he is, is he? *hopes of getting Harry expelled appears in Snape’s mind* Tell me more…
Nat: Like what? It’s not as if I remember a whole lot about it anyway… I mean, we get seriously stoned and just lay there and watch the pretty colors of highness… And A.J. tends to see flying pigs in different colors.
Snape: Oooookay…
***** 15 minutes later *****
Nat and Snape: *looks at Nick*
Nick: *crying* I hear voices!!!!
Nat: It’s okay, so do I.
Nick: They are saying something about eyebrows!
Snape: *blinks*
Nat: What?
Nick: The eyebrows! They’ve come to life and are trying to kill everyone!!
Snape: That might be a side effect…
Nat: What?
Snape: Oh, well since the teddy bear in there and Britney are alive, they might effect inanimate objects to come to life since they are trapped in an almost perfect vacuum and are under a spell… *shrugs*
Nat: So… what you are saying is…
Snape: The eyebrows might have come to life and are trying to kill everyone.
Nat: Oh…
***** 5 minutes later, inside of Nick’s head *****
Eyebrow #1: MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *stabs Lance repeatedly*
Lance: *cries loudly* But I’m from Mississippi!!!!!
Eyebrow #2: *jumping after Kevin* I’ll get you Richardson, I’ll get you!!!
***** At the same time *****
Nat: *singing (terribly off-key)* “Sitting on the bed or lying wide awake. There’s demons in my head and it's more than I can take. I think I'm on a roll, but I think it's kinda weak. Saying all I know is I gotta get away from me, gotta get away from me…”
Snape: BE QUIET!!!!
Nat: *blinks* Fine *keeps humming*
Nick: *crying loudly about the chaos in his head*
Snape: *shakes head* What did I do to deserve this?
Nat: *stops* Oh, you started it with cursing him like that. By the way, how come they ended up in his head instead of Britney’s?
Snape: *shrugs* She’s plastic, she got plastic inside of her.
Nat: Oh…
Snape: He got… well, not much inside his head.
Nat: He does have a brain, doesn’t he?
Snape: *shrugs*
Nat: *blinks*
Snape: While he’s like this you can always… I don’t know, do something with him, just leave me out of it.
***** 30 minutes later *****
Draco (Harry Potter character) (the hole decided that some other crackbuddies should be around so it spitted out Draco): *too stoned to do anything*
Nat: *giggles uncontrollably*
[A/N: She’s not high, someone (*coughcoughDracocoughcough*) took all her drugs, but she put herself into a stage of stupidity so everything would seem fun…]
Nick: *still crying*
Snape: Why am I being tortured like this? Why? Not even Voldemort tortured the people around him this bad… not even muggles were tortured like this…
Nat: *silly grin* Hey… Draco the narco… ya alive?
Draco: *blank*
Snape: Draco the narco?
Nat: Hehe… yeah! I’m Amy Amphetamine, nice to meet you Sevvie!
Snape: Don’t call me that.
Nat: What?
Snape: Sevvie.
Nat: Why not? *stupid grin*
Snape: I don’t like it.
Nat: But your name is Severus Snape.
Snape: Yes *wondering what he ever did to deserve this, since Nat is, if possible, even more annoying when in a stage of extreme stupidity*
Nat: So… Sevvie!
Snape: No, it’s not Sevvie.
Nat: Sev?
Snape: No.
Nat: Snapie?
Snape: No.
Nat: Do you ever wash your hair?
Snape: IT’S NOT MY FAULT THAT MY HAIR IS LIKE THIS!!
Nat: *blinks*
Snape: It’s been like this all my life, some people only have bad-hair days I have a bad-hair life!!!!!!
Nat: Uh… okay. But at least you got a nice hair color.
Snape: *looks at her*
Nat: *whiny voice* I want black hair tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Snape: QUIET!!!
Nat: *looks at Snape* *stupid grin* *giggles*
Snape: What?
Nat: *keeps giggling*
Snape: I’m so thankful I never had kids…
Nat: Oh! Can you adopt me?
Snape: I’d rather jump of a cliff.
Nat: *giggles* That would be fun! *thinks* No it wouldn’t. I like you…
Snape: You like me? *doubting*
Nat: *nods* You’re all evil and… cool *smiles innocently* Adopt me?
Snape: No.
Nat: Please?
Snape: No.
Nat: Pretty please?
Snape: No.
Nat: *smiles as innocently as she can*
Snape: No.
Nat: Please Sevvie?
Snape: No.
Nat: Adopt me.
Snape: I’m not going to go through all of this again, it was bad enough that I gave in on the teaching you magic part.
Nat: Adopt me.
Snape: You got your mom.
Nat: Yeah, but she’d surely agree to getting rid of me… I think. If I whine long enough.
Snape: That’s interesting.
Nat: Adopt me.
Snape: No.
Nat: Please Sevvie?
Snape: No.
(This goes on for some time, but I’ll spare you)
***** Inside Nick’s head, an hour later *****
Eyebrow #1: AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!!! I’ll get you Richardson, I’ll get you!!! *jumping after Kevin with it’s knife (which is covered in Justin’s blood)*
Kevin: *runs for dear life*
Teddy: *eats up the rest of A.J’s clothes* [A/N: That’s for you Bre, imagine away ;)] *burp*
A.J: *crawls up* *looks around* Hey… where did the purple pigs go? *takes a couple of steps* *trips* Ouch!
Teddy: *chewing on Howie’s shirt*
A.J: *picks up the thing that he fell over, which is in the size of his hand* What is this?
***** Outside of Nick, a couple of minutes earlier *****
Nat: Adopt me.
Snape: No.
Nat: Adopt me and I’ll let you live when I take over the world.
Snape: No.
Nat: Come on!
Snape: What? Are you going to kill me otherwise? *snorts*
Nat: Well, no. I like you too much. If you don’t want to adopt me, then… marry me or something!
Snape: *looks at Nat questioning*
Nat: Come on, just something! It’s not fair that you get to be wizard and I’m just a muggle! Let me in on that world will you?
Snape: I thought you said you were a vampire.
Nat: I am.
Snape: Not if you’re a muggle.
Nat: I’m half muggle, half vampire. There. Now will you adopt me.
Snape: No way in hell.
Nat: *kicks Snape's leg*
Snape: OUCH!
Nat: *pouts* You’re mean.
Snape: *holding his leg* What did you think?
Nat: Adopt me?
Snape: As I’ve said before, I’ll marry a redcap, jump of a cliff, confess that I was in love with James Potter when we were in school, run around all over Hogwarts naked with a sock over my head screaming ‘Lord V. rocks’, before adopt you.
Nat: You can do those things too if you want…
Snape: I don’t want to adopt you, I don’t care how much you whine.
Nat: FINE!
*a hole opens in the roof and Lupin (Harry Potter character) falls down into the room*
Snape: Now what?
Lupin: Where am I? *looks at Snape* *looks at Nat* *looks at all the toys that are walking around* Fanfic, or am I lucky enough to be wrong?
Nat: Nope, you’re right.
Snape: I want to die.
Nat: Not in this fic you won’t.
Lupin: And uh… why am I here?
Nat: Adopt me.
Lupin: *blinks*
Snape: You are asking a werewolf to adopt you?
Nat: Well you won’t, so I go with second best.
Lupin: *mutters* Gee, thanks…
Snape: He’s a werewolf. Werewolf, Nat.
Nat: *shrugs* So?
Snape: He’ll rip your head off. (*Lupin looks offended*)
Nat: Look, you obviously don’t want to adopt me so why do you care?
Snape: If you die you won’t be able to finish this fic, then I’m stuck here forever with Blondie *nods towards Nick*
Nick: *lying on the floor crying over the voices in his head*
Lupin: Look… Miss fanfic author, I’m sure you’re nice and sane and all…
Snape: *snorts*
Lupin: *looks at Snape* … eh… But… I can’t adopt you.
Nat: Why not?
Lupin: The Ministry of Magic wouldn’t let me.
Nat: Why not?
Draco: Ooooooooh! All the pretty colors!
Lupin: *glances over at Draco* Eh… okay… *looks back at Nat* Cause I’m a werewolf, and you’re a muggle.
Nat: I’m not a muggle, I’m a vampire.
Lupin: Errr… well I’m a werewolf and I’m not allowed to adopt… hrm… you.
Nat: *looks suspiciously at Lupin* Why do I get the feeling you don’t want to adopt me?
Snape: Yeah, wonder why…
Nat: Fine! Then marry me.
Lupin: What!? *stares at her*
Nat: Marry me. If you can’t adopt me then… marriage is okay, right?
Snape: Yeah, werewolves are allowed to get married *evil grin*
Lupin: *stares at Snape* How evil can you get?!
Snape: This is about it.
Lupin: Why don’t you marry her?
Snape: Oh please, do you see me getting married any time soon?
Lupin: Good point.
Nat: *thugs Lupin’s robes* So, when are we getting married?
Lupin: How old are you?
Nat: *squirms around uncomfortable* 16… 17 in April…
Lupin: Well, then I can’t marry you. Sorry, you’re not 18.
Nat: Hey! If we get my mom to agree then we can!
Lupin: *winces*
Snape: Sounds great, doesn’t it Remus?
Lupin: Why me? Why not him?
Nat: Well, I’ve already whined at him for several hours, it doesn’t work. The only thing that I got out of it was that he taught me a whole bunch of spells.
Lupin: You taught a muggle spells?
Snape: As she said, she’d been whining for hours, non-stop.
Lupin: Still…
Snape: I’d like to see you last more than an hour with her.
Lupin: I don’t want to even try it…
Nat: So, when are we gonna set the date? I like the winter... but that's far away so we can simply get married right away in some place where there’s still snow. What do you think?
Lupin: Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t love you.
Nat: So?
Lupin: It might help.
Nat: I don’t believe in love anyway *shrugs*
Nick: *cries louder*
Nat: Be quiet!
Lupin: Why don’t you marry him?
Nat: He’s a muggle.
Lupin: Oh. But don’t you think I’m a little too old for you?
Nat: So? You die, I get all the money. Big deal.
Lupin: I assure you, I’m not rich.
Nat: When I take over the world we will be *evil grin*
Lupin: *starts getting desperate* Why don’t you marry someone who’s already rich… like… *looks around* Him! Draco is rich!
Snape: Hey! You can’t do that to Draco! He doesn’t deserve to live with her!!
Nat: Gee, thanks Sevvie.
Snape: Don’t. Call. Me. That.
Nat: Okay Sevvie *shrugs* *looks at Lupin* *looks at Draco* You know… you might be right…
Lupin: Of course I’m right!
Nat: He is after all already powerful… or well, his father is, but still… and good looking, and my age, plus we already know each other… Lupin, you’re free to go.
Lupin: Oh thank god… *gets sucked up by the hole in the roof that opened again*
Snape: Can I leave?
Nat: No.
Snape: *close to a nervous breakdown*
*POP!*
A.J. (naked), Kevin, Howie (sleeping), Britney, Justin (bloody), Lance (dead), Teddy and eyebrow #1 and #2 (with knives): *appears*
Nick: *blinks* It’s… they are quiet… *cries of happiness*
Justin: *falls down dead*
Nat: Yay! *pulls up Draco* Come on, we’re gonna get married.
Draco: Hehe… look at the neongreen elephants!
Nat: *pets Draco on the head* Told you not to take my drugs too…
Kevin: Wait! You… can’t… leave… now… when… my… eyebrows… are… trying… to… kill… us… all!
Nat: *thinks* You’re right, this can be fun.
Britney: OMG! It’s like, you know fun breeze! *giggles* *spontaneously combusts*
[A/N: This part is dedicated to Alice a.k.a. Pansy Parkinson a.k.a. Badtz Maru.]
All: *blinks*
Nat: *evil grin*
Eyebrow #1: *falls down twitching*
All: *looks at Snape who is cursing it*
Nat: Hey… things were just getting fun…
Eyebrow #2: *tries to sneak away unnoticed*
Eyebrow #1: *blows up into tiny little pieces (i.e. hair is flying in the air)*
Snape: *sighs* *turns towards Eyebrow #2*
Eyebrow #2: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHHH!!!
Nat: Can I try? Please Sevvie? *smiles hopefully*
Snape: Not if I can help it… *blows up Eyebrow #2*
Nat: Not fair… Can I have the wand back?
Snape: *gives Nat angry look*
Nat: I take that as a… no?
Snape: Bye… *tries to apparate himself away* *fails*
Nat: *evil grin* No apparating in my story, only way out is through that hole in the roof, which is controlled by my thoughts, or death. And you can’t die! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Snape: END THIS FIC ALREADY!!!!
Nat: *blinks*
A.J: *crawling across the floor, trying to find more drugs*
Howie: *snore*
Nick: *crying happy tears*
Kevin: Shut… up… Nick.
Snape: *points the wand at the teddybear* Avada Kedavra.
Teddy: *falls down dead*
Draco: *laughs at something nobody else can see*
Nat: Right. Well, we’re off then, come on Draco… *drags him along*
Snape: WAIT!!!!
Nat: *stops* Yes?
Snape: What about me?
Kevin: Us. What… about… us?
Snape: Who cares about you?
Howie: *snooooooooooore*
Snape: Anyway, how do I… err… we get out of here if you leave?
Nat: *shrugs*
Snape: You’re leaving us behind?
Nat: Well… alright then.
*hole sucks up A.J., Howie and Kevin*
Snape: What about ME?!?!?!?!?
Nat: I don’t know.
Snape: End this fic now.
Nat: Why?
Snape: Cause everyone is sick of it by now.
Nat: No.
Snape: Say it with me… The end.
Nat: *shakes head*
Snape: *desperate* Please?
Nat: *looks at Snape* *looks at Draco* *sighs* Okay.
Nat and Snape:
The End