MY INTERVIEW WITH BRITNEY SPEARS!

Somehow they thought my other interviews were weird... I don't know why though... I got a paper to follow now, strangely enough.

Britney: Like, hi!
Me: Hi... *sits down* *looks at the paper I've been ordered to follow* So, what did you do before you became a *coughcoughcough* singer?
Britney: Well, you know I was like on the Mickey Mouse Club you know with like Justin, and like J.C., Christina, you know and Justin of course. Then it like, you know went of air *pouts* People like, you know think that I like sat on like my ass...
Me: *interrupts* It's on your skanky ass.
Britney: Right, like on my skanky ass. But that's like not true you know, I was, you know like doing my best to become famous, you know.
Me: Like what? Dancing naked for family members?
Britney: Well, like that too, and sleeping with like every male in Kentwood you know, but I also screwed a couple of people that I like later found out like worked at Jive you know. It took a few years you know, but then I finally got to the like president and like, you know did him too.
Me: Your parents must be so proud. *decides to ignore the paper* While we're at it. How many guys did you sleep with anyway?
Britney: Um... like I don't know, you know... I can't like, you know remember, like too many.
Me: *mutters* Any number over ten that is... *sigh* But how many kids do you have?
Britney: *starts counting her fingers* Um... like... you know... seven *holds up eight fingers*
Me: That many?
Britney: I had like twins twice you know... *thinks* Or... like... um... yeah, I, you know think that's it.
Me: But who takes care of your kids? When you're on tour and all.
Britney: My mom, you know. And like Chad, and Lance.
Me: Lance? Of 'NSync?
Britney: Like yeah.
Me: Why is he taking care of your kids?
Britney: He's like the father of like *starts counting on her fingers again* two, you know.
Me: Damn, I never would have guessed that Lance was a father. The other four of them on the other hand, but not Lance...
Britney: Justin got like six you know.
Me: With you? *confused*
Britney: No, like three with me, and one with some skanky ass ho, you know that he like met at a concert-thingy, teeny something, you know.
Me: Teenybopper?
Britney: That's like, you know it! Do you like know where she like, you know lives? I won't like let her steal like my man you know!
Me: I'm sorry, I don't... although I'd love to see the result of the bitch fight.
Britney: And... like... where was I you know?
Me: Justin is the father of three of your babies, a teenybopper had one of his too and you were just about to tell me who the mothers of the other two were.
Britney: Oh. Like you know some cheep ho and then you know the other bitch that's like standing on like, you know my corner now you know. When I get home I'll you know make sure to like open a can of, you know, whoop ass on her you know.
Me: Good for you. But the other kids, do you know who are their fathers?
Britney: Um... like... one is like one of the 'NSyncers but I like you know don't like know which of them...
Me: You don't know? *not too surprised*
Britney: Um... like, you know no.
Me: And the other?
Britney: Some guy at like some you know record label that I like you know screwed to like get in. They like threw me out though.
Me: What a surprise. But are you sure he's the father?
Britney: No.
Me: Wonderful. *looks at the paper* Would you ever... screw that question.
Britney: Like okay!
Me: Eeehh... right. Have you ever thought of being nice to your fans?
Britney: I like hate fans.
Me: But your fans, have you ever...
Britney: I like you know hate all fans. They you know like hate me so you know why would I like you know like them you know? Plus you know they are like so annoying, and they are like, you know either you know Backstreet Boys fans or like you know 'NSync fans or they don't like pop and then you know they like don't count.
Me: *actually surprised by Britney's stupidity* Okay, but your own fans then?
Britney: I like you know hate like fans, they are like awful, all of them you know.
Me: But... *gives up* Which fan is worse, the BSB fan or the 'NSync fan?
Britney: Um... BSB fans like hate me you know, I don't really like you know why though...
Me: You insulted BSB several times and you claim that you'll be remembered ten years from now and that they won't.
Britney: Well that's like true you know.
Me: Not really.
Britney: Oh...
Me: And 'NSync fans?
Britney: They are like scary you know. I'm like afraid that they'll like you know hurt me.
Me: Cause you're screwing the whole band?
Britney: Yeah, and like because I'm you know the mother of some of like their children you know and that I'm like married to Justin you know.
Me: *shakes head* *mutters* You're not married to Justin you stupid bitch... *cough* So which is worse, BSB fans or 'NSync fans?
Britney: Like 'NSync fans... or BSB fans you know... or... like... um... *confused* What's like the difference? I like hate you know them all you know.
Me: Well if that's not an intelligent answer I don't know what is.
Britney: Like thank you.
Me: It wasn't a compliment. *gets up* Bye. *leaves the room and a confused Brintey Spears*