[AN: I have nothing against Mandy Moore, Christina Aguilera or Jessica Simpson, except that their music is ALWAYS playing on the radio (that, Britney or ‘NSync... wonderful isn’t it?). I do have something against Britney Spears (but it will take too much space to tell you), and Mandah Williford.]
THE BOYBAND PROJECT
Once five blond (actually only four of them were blond, one was a brunette that had colored her hair blond) singers (they claimed to be singers but they really couldn’t sing at all) were going out to do a documentary about where boybands came from. The only problem was that they were lost at the moment.
Britney: *points at a place on the map* And we’re like, you know going here you know!
Christina: Isn’t that a map of Tennessee?
Britney: Like no, on you know Louisiana. That’s like Kentwood you know.
Mandah: Shouldn’t someone tell Mandy to change direction? We passed the way to Orlando a long time ago.
Jessica: That’s funny, I didn’t know Mandy had a driver’s license.
Mandah: She doesn’t.
Jessica: Oh *looks at Britney and Christina* How many people lives in Kentwood?
Britney: Like about 2000 you know, I’ve like done them all you know.
Christina: I’m going to tell Mandy to turn around *gets up*
Britney: But I you know wanna like meet like you know, Chad again you know. I haven’t like screwed him in like you know, over a month you know!
Jessica: Don’t you wanna meet your family too?
Britney: Chad and me are like you know, family you know, he’s like my cousin.
Mandah: You’re screwing your cousin?
Britney: Like, yeah. What’s like you know wrong with that?
Mandah: *shrugs shoulders* Nothing.
Britney: They are like making a you know museum about like me.
Jessica: I wish I had a museum *dreaming look*
Britney: Maybe you like will you know one day, but since I’m like you know, the most like talented out of you know us all I’m like the one who you know gets one like first.
Jessica: Who’s going to make it?
Britney: Like my dad you know, but I’m like paying for it.
*Slowly the bus stops*
Jessica: What’s going on?
Mandah: *looks up* What are you doing?
Britney: Mandy?
Christina: We’ve run out of… ummm… something.
Mandy: It’s not my fault!
Jessica: Then we just have to walk.
Britney: Like, walk? Won’t that like hurt you know, our feet?
Mandah: I say we stay here till some hot guys come and helps us.
Britney: Like yeah!
Christina: Okay.
Jessica: I don’t know… let’s hang out a sign at least?
Mandy: I’ll make one right away.
Britney: Like I don’t think so you know. I’m like making it you know, and we better have like you know, pink paper.
--- Three hours later ---
Britney: *comes in again* No one will like stop! *throws the sing saying “HLEP” on the bus floor* Don’t they like know who like you know I am? *looks at the others* Don’t they like know what I’d like do?
Mandy: They should.
Mandah: Yeah, at least by now you’d think people were catching on.
Christina: *nods*
Jessica: I guess we have to walk anyway.
Britney: I like you know, hate walking, I haven’t like walked a you know long way since… since… since I like gave the you know president on like Jive a you know blowjob!
Christina: You too?
Britney: We’re like so alike you know.
Christina: Well we are best friends.
Britney: Since like MMC!
Britney and Christina: *jumps around like two six-year-olds*
--- Later ---
Mandy: Do you guys really think that walking through this forest was such a good idea?
Christina: Don’t worry, I know where we are *looks at the map* Umm… we’re right here *points at the ground*
Jessica: Really? *happy* I thought we were lost, I’m so happy we’re not!
Mandah: I think I’ve seen that tree before…
Britney: You like said that like the last time we you know passed it *roll eyes* How like you know, blond can you get?
Mandah: Umm… Christina is the blondest of us but she bleached it so… *thinks* Mandy?
Mandy: Can we please talk about something other than who is the blondest?
Britney: Let’s like talk about guys you know!
Mandah: I miss Nick…
Britney: I like miss Justin…
Jessica: I miss Nick…
Britney: I like you know miss Chad…
Mandah: What?
Britney: My you know cousin, like Chad you know *confused*
Mandah: Not you. Jessica!
Jessica: Hu?
Mandah: Nick is mine you bitch! *attacks Jessica*
--- The other three takes a break while the bitch fight is taking place ---
Jessica: I meant my Nick!
Mandah: Nick is mine! *tries to choke Jessica*
Jessica: Nick of 98*!
Mandah: Oh. *lets Jessica go* Sorry *gets up*
Christina: *trying to figure out where they are*
Mandy: *counting the strange figures hanging from the trees* 10, 15, 12, 7, 13…
Britney: *gives up on counting her fingers*
Jessica: Are you always acting like that when it comes to Nick? *gets up*
Mandah: Well, when I’m not following him into the bathrooms.
Jessica: You always do that?
Mandah: Of course. Don’t you?
Jessica: No…
Britney: I do you know *thinks* Like by the way you know, do you guys like know what a you know restriction order like is?
Mandah: Not really, but I got three.
Britney: I got like eight.
Mandah: You’re so lucky. Is one from Justin?
Britney: Yeah you know. It’s like you know, my favorite.
Mandah: Mine is the one from Nick. I still don’t understand why he broke up though.
Britney: What a you know coincidence!
Mandah: What?
Britney: Justin like you know broke up with like me too!
Mandah: Really?
Britney: Like yeah!
Mandah: You’re right, it’s funny when these things happens.
Britney: Like, you know, yeah!
Mandy: There are 15 of these hanging here *shows one of the wooden objects (think Blair witch) to Britney*
Britney: *looks at it* It’s like just some stupid thing you know.
Christina: *still trying to figure out where they are*
Mandah: God how ugly. *takes the wooden object and breaks it in half* There. Now there’s only 21.
Jessica: they are 32.
Mandy: 10.
Mandah: 21.
Christina: *looks up* 18 *goes back to looking at the map*
Britney: Umm… like too many you know. *looks at some rock piles at the ground* *kicks them* *whiny voice* It’s like getting like dark, and I’m you know without Ju-Ju.
Christina: Don’t worry, I know exactly where we are.
Mandah: Where?
Christina: Eeehh… *hurries over to the stream next to them* Next to this… umm… thing *points at the log that’s crossing it*
Britney: I like want my Ju-Ju!
Mandy: I want a roof over my head!
Jessica: I wanna eat.
Mandah: You eat?
Jessica: Well, not really but people think I do.
Mandah: Oh *confused*
Christina: And if we pass this thing *gestures to the log* we’ll get to the house over there.
Mandah: They better have a toilet *starts walking over the log, followed by the other blondes*
Britney: What is like that funny noise?
Christina: I don’t know *stops*
Mandah: *stops too* It seems to be coming from this wooden thing *looks down at the log*
Mandy: It does? *lays down and listens to the cracking noise* It does! Wonder what it means…
--- 1 min later ---
Everyone: *slowly walking out of the stream soaking wet*
Britney: This you know wouldn’t have like happened if like you, you know hadn’t like stopped!
Mandah: It wasn’t my fault! You asked what it was so we had to check!
Britney: Well that’s like… I am like you know more talented than like you!
Mandah: What? Is she? *looks at the others*
Mandy: Um… no?
Jessica: Eeehh… *looks at Christina* Yes?
Christina: I’m the most talented out of us.
Mandah: I don’t think so!
Britney: No you’re not! You’re not you know my like best friend anymore!!
Christina: *gasps* What?
Britney: You’re not my like you know, best friend anymore you know!
Christina: Then I might as well tell you that I am in love with Justin!
Britney: *gasps*
Christina: AND I’m planning to marry him some day!
Britney: YOU BITCH! *slaps Christina*
Christina: *gaps* *slaps Britney*
Britney: *gasps* How like dare you? *slaps Christina again*
Christina: How dare you? *slaps Britney again*
--- And after standing there slapping each other for an hour they hear something from the house ---
Britney: Like Justin?
Christina: Justin?
Mandy: Can we go now?
Mandah: *stops folding the map into strange things that can’t be named* Please?
Jessica: I don’t know this is such a great idea… the house seems to be falling apart…
Britney: Nonsense! Justin is like in there you know!
Christina: Ju-Ju!
Britney: He’s like my Ju-Ju!!
Mandy: *slaps both Britney and Christina* There, let’s go.
Mandah: It’s raining and we are all wet already after someone’s brilliant idea to stay on the log.
Jessica: That someone was you.
Mandah: Oh. Let’s go inside anyway.
Everyone: *hurries into the house*
Britney: Justin?
Christina: Ju-Ju?
Britney: Like shut up bitch!
Christina: You shut up!
Britney: Well, I like dated him you know! What did you like do?
Christina: I screwed him!
Britney: Well you know so did I!
Mandy: Am I the only virgin here?
Jessica: I’m a virgin.
Britney: Me too. I’m like saving myself you know for my like you know, future husband.
Mandah: I’m not.
Britney: Like ditto.
Christina: Can you at least decide?
Britney: Well… like does it you know count if you like you know, do a couple of like thousand people you know, even if you like really is like you know, planning to like save yourself you know for your like future husband?
Jessica: Yes.
Britney: Oh… But like if you like you know, take money for it you know?
Mandy: Still counts.
Britney: Eeehh… it like does? But you know if you are like doing it with like the you know guy you are like planning to like you know marry?
Mandah: Counts.
Britney: Like… really? Well, I guess I’m like not a virgin then you know.
Christina: I did it with Justin before you.
Britney: NO! You like didn’t! I you know did like all of you know ‘NSync like all the time when we were like you know, on tour! [You know it’s true.]
Christina: I’m never talking to you again!!
Britney: Well… well… Don’t like think I’ll be like talking to like, you know you!
Christina: Fine.
Britney: Fine.
Mandah, Mandy and Jessica: *looks at them*
Mandy: Are you guys done yet?
Britney: Yeah you know.
Christina: *nods*
Mandah: OMG!
Jessica: What?
Mandah: Look!
Jessica: The sewer?
Mandah: I swear we can’t be so far away from the source! You all heard Justin, right?
Britney: Like you know, yes.
Christina: Absolutely.
Britney: Shut up you know!
Christina: I’m not talking to you.
Britney: I’m like not talking to you know, you like either. Jessica, tell you know Christina to like shut up and that you know Justin is like mine.
Jessica: Christina, shut up and Justin is mine.
Britney and Christina: *gasps* *slaps Jessica*
Jessica: What did I do?
Mandy: Let’s just go down, okay?
Mandah: Yeah. *rolls eyes*
Britney: Like move over *pushes Christina and Mandy away* *starts climbing down the ladder into the sewer*
Christina: *follows Britney*
Britney: OUCH! You like stepped on my like you know hand!
Christina: Well, I’m sorry *rolls eyes*
Britney: I’m like so not talking to like you know, you!
Christina: Oh… right. And I’m not talking to you either!
--- 5 min later ---
Mandah: I think I saw a rat back there *looks around*
Mandy: There’s some light in the end of the tunnel!
Britney: Ju-Ju?
Christina: Justin?
Britney and Christina: *slaps each other*
Jessica: What is that?
Mandy: What? *listens*
Voice: YOU SORRY PIECES OF SHIT!!
Britney: Lou!
Christina: We’ve found them!
Mandy: Fast, where’s the cameras? *looks at Mandah*
Mandah: *looks at Jessica*
Jessica: We lost them when we fell in the stream…
Britney: Like who cares? *starts running*
Mandy: But our documentary! *runs after Britney*
Jessica, Mandah and Christina: *hurries after them*
Britney: I you know told you I like heard like you know, Justin! *smiles proudly*
Mandah: *stops* Lou?
Jessica: That’s him.
Christina: Hi Ju-Ju! *waves*
Mandy: What’s going on?
Lou: *standing on a chair, facing ‘NSync* YOU SORRY PATHETIC LOSERS!! WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE LIKE THE BACKSTREET BOYS?????
Justin: *whiny voice* Well… I don’t know…
Lou: IT’S AN ORDER TIMBERLAKE! YOU BETTER START BEHAVING MORE LIKE A BACKSTREET BOY OR I’LL THROW YOU OUT!!
Lance: Don’t you think you’re being a bit hard on him now…
Lou: THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO BASS! I DON’T CARE IF WE HAD TO DRAG YOU ALL THE WAY FROM MISSISSIPPI TO HAVE AN ALBINO TROLL! YOU’LL GO IF YOU DON’T ACT MORE LIKE A BACKSTREET BOY!!
Justin: *trying not to cry* But I grew up here, you can’t just throw me out…
Lou: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE?
Justin: *cries* I want my MOOOOOOOOOOOMMY!!!!!!!!
J.C: Shut up.
Joey: *mutters* Momma’s boy.
Chris: We are trying…
Lou: TRYING IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH ANYMORE!
NSync: *looks at Lou again*
Lou: YOU CAN’T ALMOST BE THE BACKSTREET BOYS, YOU MUST BE THEM!!
Britney: Like look at my you know Ju-Ju, isn’t he like you know, adorable?
Christina: Your Ju-Ju? He’s mine! I grew up here in the sewers under MMC with him!
Britney: I like did too!
Christina: *attacks Britney*
Mandah: So this means?
Jessica: That… boybands comes from the sewers under the old Mickey Mouse Club?
Mandy: I guess so.
If only they’d known how right they were…