prom

The Prom Exposed:
Seeing it for what it really is

You might think that Shazia Ahmad, 16, is really lucky.

After all, her junior prom is coming up in May, and then next year, she�ll have
her senior prom to celebrate the end of her high school years.

The Prom is a yearly social event commemorating students� end of high school.
While technically speaking, it signifies the successful completion of studies;
it is more than that. It is the ultimate event on the teen social scene. It is a
social marker, indicating a change from being a teenager to becoming an adult.

But Shazia won�t be dealing with all that goes into the Prom: getting a fancy
dress, getting made up, etc. because she�s not going.

\"The angel of Death can show up at your door anytime,\" she says, quoting a
speaker at Muslim Youth of North America (MYNA) session she attended. \"Do you
really want him to catch you at the prom?\" she asks.

What is it about the Prom that made Shazia happily reject the idea of attending
the ultimate teen celebration in North American culture?

It�s not the happiness of completing high school she rejects when it comes to
the issue of the Prom. It�s the social elements present there.

The Prom: What it�s really about

\"Dating, drinking, drugs, sex, they�re like essential components of your prom
night,\" Ahmad tells Sound Vision in a telephone interview from her home in
Albany, New York. \"Being in that environment is dangerous because it makes you
vulnerable to doing wrong.\"

But it doesn�t stop there. Ask Shaema Imam, 22, who attended her 1994 Prom.

\"It�s not just the drinking, it�s not just the hotel room and sex part, it �s
the whole atmosphere that�s created where alcohol, dancing and varying degrees
of nudity are correlated with a good time,\" says the McGill University student.

It is also big business.

\"[The] Prom isn�t about North American society wanting its youth to turn into
well-adjusted people via grad night,\" says Imam. \"In fact, this is a multi
million dollar business of selling clothes, accessories, make up, limousine
services, food, alcohol, condoms. You need to realize what this is all about.\"

Prom night often starts off with dinner at a hotel organized by the high school.
But that�s tame compared to what happens afterwards.

Many of the students head off to clubs, where mixed dancing and plenty of
alcohol and drugs are part of the scene. (For more details please see Anatomy of
the Prom at http:/www.soundvision.com).

Imam says students in her graduating class rented a club called The Underground
for the post-dinner part of the Prom. She says the smoky, dark and unsafe club
scene disgusted her.

In general, what�s wrong with the Prom?

\"On one level there�s of course the Islamic restriction on being around those
who are doing Haram things,\" notes Imam Khalid Fattah Griggs, Imam of the
Community Mosque of Winston-Salem in North Carolina. Griggs accepted Islam in
1972. He attended his high school Prom a few years before that when he was not
Muslim.

\"We�re not even supposed to be sitting amongst people doing Haram (forbidden)
things and so the environment is just pregnant with acts [we�re not supposed to
be involved in]. From the music that is being played to the Islamically
inappropriate interactions to the drinking,\" he says in an interview with Sound
Vision.

\"It�s just a very unIslamic environment and atmosphere. You can�t be in that
environment without being negatively influenced.\"

\"The whole purpose of the Prom is to provide a dance forum for students,\"
Griggs says. \"This forum has no Islamic parameters.\"

Alcohol: No Prom without it

\"Everybody becomes so drunk,\" says Shadi Sakr, 23, about the Prom.

He recounted how one student, the year after high school graduation, kept
insisting Sakr was in the same limousine as he on Prom night.

Sakr did not even go to his Prom. He discovered the details of the evening from
his friends who went.

\"Once they�re drunk your non-Muslim friends are no longer
�nice-people-who-happen-to-not-be-Muslims�,\" says Imam.

\"This is the point at which you realize that there is a fundamental difference
between you and them. You are a Muslim and they are willing participants in this
aspect of North American culture,\" she says.

But alcohol can lead to more than making a fool of yourself on the dance floor:
it could lead to death.

According to the group Mothers Against Drunk Driving (M.A.D.D.), in 1995, 48.7
percent of traffic fatalities that occurred during the first week of the prom
were alcohol related.

Sex: Prom Night is the night for it

Sex is clearly part of the Prom experience.

\"It�s the volatile mix of putting unsupervised teenagers with their hormones
raging, providing an opportunity for these teenagers to act out their
fantasies,\" notes Imam Griggs.

He does not think that things have changed with regards to the Prom much since
his teen years. \"I think that as long as there have been Proms, that same
element of debauchery has existed,\" he says.

While for young women, the Prom may be seen as a special night of celebration
with friends and a guy of their dreams, \"for the young guys, you�re just trying
to see how many young girls you can be with [have sex with] before the
sunrise,\" Griggs tells Sound Vision.

Sakr explains that youth losing their virginity on Prom night is one of the foci
of the evening.

\"It�s the night where you become an adult, supposedly,\" he says.

Hotel rooms are rented, in most cases for this very purpose.

In particular, the clubs are where students \"practice all [those] �girl-guy�
moves,\" according to Imam and the situation is even more dangerous because they
are most often under the influence of alcohol.

The build up and let down of Prom Night

\"There�s a whole building of an anticipatory culture around �the night�,\"
explains Imam.

Indeed, youth are bombarded through magazines, websites, television sitcoms,
advertisements, and general peer pressure to participate in this most
\"essential\" of teenage rituals.

Even parents who are strict with their children tend to loosen up for Prom
night.

\"This is the pinnacle of the night for you to go out and do what you want and
non-Muslim parents let their children do whatever they want [that night],\" says
Sakr.

\"The whole year, people were getting their licenses, deciding on what clothes
they wanted to wear. Reserving their appointments six months in advance for the
hair salon,\" he adds.

But the experience of and letdown from the Prom are much greater.

\"It�s almost impossible for any experience to live up to that build up,\" says
Imam.

\"This whole night there�s [an] aura of high class escapism, but the day before
the Prom and the day after you�re still the same, unsure teen,\" she says,
adding it makes it seem almost like you have nothing to look forward to anymore.

\"The next morning I went home on the city bus,\" she says. \"It�s almost like
turning back into Cinderella�s pumpkin.\"

Intense peer pressure to go to the Prom

Peer pressure to go to the Prom is not something non-existent. Consider Shazia
Ahmad�s case: \"I wear Hijab, I started a Muslim club at my school and I�m still
asked what am I going to wear to the Prom,\" she says.

\"The young folks are, because of our failure to provide Muslim high schools and
Islamic educational environments for our teenagers, in the public schools and
they�re subject to the pressure,\" explains Griggs. \"It�s not an artificially
induced pressure they�re feeling.\"

Amber Rehman, 21, of Montreal, Canada did not go to her 1996 Prom but warns
that, \"I had to be very firm and have a very forward opinion on it. If I let
myself, I could have been persuaded.\"

Peer pressure is often what makes young Muslims decide to go to the Prom.

\"It depends on how dear you hold your non-Muslim friends,\" says Sakr. \"I
would say most guys would follow the group. \"

But I just want to go out with my friends...

What�s wrong with the Prom if all it is going out with my friends to celebrate,
some Muslim youth ask.

\"Of course you want to be with your friends,\" says University of Toronto
student Aiysha Malik. She attended high school in Mississauga, a suburb of
Toronto, Canada.

\"Regardless of whether a person is Muslim or non-Muslim you forge bonds with
people who have watched out for you for five years [in some parts of Canada,
high school is for five years],\" she says in an interview with Sound Vision.
\"So you build bonds and you want to spend time with them, but you have to ask
yourself, what kind of time do you want to spend?\"

\"They�ll [your friends] be drinking and they won�t be the friends you know at
school,\" she explains.\" Once a person drinks they act different and the
dynamic is different. It�s less focused on friendship. \"

\"At a Prom it seems as if you�re together but you�re not. It�s like going to a
movie together. You go to a movie with friends but you focus on the screen.
You�re not interacting with one another, but you�re sitting next to one another,
so you think you�re together just because you�re physically present together.\"
Malik chose not to attend her Prom.

Sakr adds that at the Prom, \"you�re seeing people you�ve spent the last five
years of your life with in their worst behavior, and you�re rationalizing it.\"

It won�t affect me

A number of youth assume it�s easy to attend the Prom and not drink, dance, do
drugs, etc. The reality is very different.

\"It�s really hard to have a halfway thing,\" says Imam. \"There�s no way your
Muslim child can just go there and be a wallflower and not be affected,\" she
warns parents.

\"Once you�re there, you can�t say �I refuse to participate in your evil kind of
entertainment�,\" says Imam, adding that most youth would probably feel it�s
rude to leave.

\"If you think that you can protect yourself, then you�re entrusting yourself to
your own weakness,\" says Rehman. She adds that Allah warns against even going
near Zina (fornication and adultery). With the Prom, you�re not only going near
that, but also near alcohol and drugs.

\"You�re bearing witness to the Haram and ask yourself, if you were to die
there, how would you face Allah, that this is the last time you would be with
your friends?\" asks Sakr.

One night of ignorance, and never again!

\"Perhaps, just for one night I could pretend to be a regular Western teenage
girl, dress up beautifully, make my hair and make up, dance, have fun, and then,
wAllah, I promise, I swear to God, I�ll act like a Muslim forever after,\" wrote
an anonymous Muslim youth in the Summer 1995 issue of the Montreal, Canada
newsletter Salam, rationalizing her choice to go to her Prom.

\"Many Muslim youth may be tempted to think that this night is their last foray
into the Jahiliyyah (unIslamic) culture,\" says Imam.

But the result of this approach could be deadly: it could mean never coming back
to Islam.

Or, judging from the statistics on traffic fatalities, not coming back alive.

\"When I weigh the pros and cons of what happened, my Deen (religion) is still
here and if I had had fun that night I would have forgotten easily,\" says
Rehman.

The Prom night bubble bursts

Apart from the letdown from the gigantic hype, Prom night turns out to be a bust
for many.

Although Sakr says the day of the Prom, he just stayed home, was bored, and
\"sort of regretted the fun that I could have had,\" he later found out almost
everyone at his Prom was drunk, there was too much craziness in the hotels, and
some people got kicked out.

The Prom is a major test for Muslim youth. It represents the struggle against
some of the very basic elements of what is defined as a \"good time\" in North
American teenage culture.

Muslim parents and communities need to work together to recognize and help the
youth fight against these pressures.

But for youth like Shazia Ahmad, the Prom is no big deal. \"There�s life after
the prom,\" she says with a small laugh.

How to Say No To The Prom: 6 tips

Got your tongue-tied? Not sure how to say no? Having doubts about why you�re not
going? Consider these tips to help you say no.

1. Ask Allah�s Help

Make Dua (supplication) to Allah to help you resist Prom pressure for His Sake.
He is the source of all strength and only He can help you avoid it.

2. Ask yourself WHY you want to go?

Is it because of your friends? Is it just to hang out? Is it because you don�t
have anything else to do that night?

Finding out why you want to go to the Prom can, if Allah wills, help you better
identify how to cope with it.

3. Find out what�s wrong with it

Talk to a trusted practicing Muslim friend or an Imam or community leader you
trust if you have any doubts about why going to the Prom is a danger to you as a
Muslim. And read The Prom Exposed: Seeing it for what it really is at
http://www.soundvision.com

4. Remind yourself that you will get what is better

\"I firmly believe in the fact that if you give something for the sake of Allah,
Allah replaces it with something even better. Try it out and see what happens,\"
says Taha Ghayyur of Young Muslims of Canada.

5. Find a friend who is also not going

This is a great way to deal with Prom pressure. Resist is together, and you�ll
feel stronger and more confident about your position not to go to the Prom.

6. Remind yourself of what�s beyond the Prom.

The buildup to and the letdown from the Prom is often intense and disappointing.
Remember that life goes beyond this one night. Insha Allah (Allah willing)
you�ve got a bright future ahead. Keep your eyes focused there instead of this
one night of artificial happiness.

10 things you can do besides go to the Prom

Can�t find alternatives to Prom night activities? Here are some ideas from youth
activist Sr. Amber Rehman and Br. Taha Ghayyur of Young Muslims of Canada.
Rehman did not attend the Prom, and Taha Ghayyur has been active in trying to
convince young Muslims not to go to the Prom.

1. Take a hike

Or go on vacation to a place you always wanted to go. If it�s out of town, even
better-you�ll be far, far away from Prom madness on this day, but you will still
be doing something you enjoy.

2. Party the Halal way

Just hang out. Nothing formal, or it could be more formal if you want. It�s up
to you. You set the agenda. If the Prom is about getting together with friends
and having fun, well what better alternative to it than to get together and have
Halal fun, free of alcohol, sex, drugs, etc.

3. Have a pool party

May is when you start feeling the summer heat. If one of the brothers or
sisters� has a private, sealed off pool in their backyard, or even better an
indoor one, have a party in the pool.

4. Ride the rides

Go to an amusement park, and go on every ride twice.

5. Play mini golf

This game may seem like it�s for older men in plaid pants but it�s not (maybe
because the word \"mini\" is in front?). This is a great way to goof around and
have fun no matter how badly you play.

6. Plan and organize the first ever Muslims sisters� community graduation
banquet

Let sisters dress to kill, get all made up and eat great catered food-all in
privacy. They�ll feel more comfortable in the all-female environment and really
be able to relax and think about the future of their academic goals.

But don�t let it get too serious. Arrange a stand up comedy routine, anti-prom
skits, etc.

7. Go bowling

Okay, so you can�t compare the dull bowling alley with the flashy disco ball of
the hotel dance floor. Big deal. Bowling is a healthy way to burn off calories
(which the Prom going people will be gaining, not losing).

8. Have a paintball tournament

No one dressed in Prom clothes would dare undertake this fun way to get messy.
Too expensive. Enjoy this messy sport while others worry about staining their
expensive clothes at the Prom.

9. Eat out

If the fancy dinner is what you would miss with the Prom, go out to a Halal
restaurant with great food and service. You�ll have a good time and you�ll be
supporting a Muslim business.

10. Have a sports tournament

Take your pick: hockey, basketball, baseball, whatever you decide, it�ll be way
more fun and on top of that, think of all the money you�ll be saving (you don�t
need a tuxedo/dress, a limousine or a fancy dinner to play in a sports
tournament)

*Taken from Soundvision.com