An Awakening of Hope: What Is

By Alias

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Disclaimer: See part one for the boring stuff.

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Chris closed his eyes as the scene before him started to fade, not

wanting to see his past disappear before his eyes. It was his

sustenance, both the bad and the good. The bad reminded him why he

couldn’t afford to come close to someone again, why he couldn’t let

someone get close to him again. And the good…the good memories kept

him sane.

When he opened his eyes again, he was in the Seminole village he and

the others had first come together to protect.

"Mr. Larabee?" Chris whirled around at the sound of the young

woman’s voice, Seeing Claire Mosely, a young woman who had died at the

hands of her father, standing behind him.

Claire had died mere weeks ago, but her death was still fresh in his

mind. He hadn’t known her very well, hadn’t been in town long enough

before her death to get to know her very well. Yet, her death had

affected him, possibly because he, more than anyone, knew what her

husband would have to face in the years to come, knew that Chanu would

have to live with the knowledge that his wife and child had died

because of him, and that he might have been able to prevent it, if

only he had been there.

"What—What are you doing here?"

"I’m here to show you what your friends are doing while you’ve locked

yourself in the room, determined to drink your pain away."

"I’m not there now."

"No, you’re not. But you would be if you could, wouldn’t you?"

He didn’t want to answer that question, knowing that, even after

everything Sarah had shown him, he still wanted that. Not as much as

he had before, but the want, the need, to shut himself off from the

world, was still there. He glanced around for Nathan, but didn’t see

him.

"So, who’s here? Nathan?"

"Yes, but so is he." Chris followed the direction in which she was

pointing, and saw—to his amazement—Ezra, surrounded by a cloister of

children, spinning one boy, slung over his shoulder, around and

around, and then dropping to one knee as he set the boy down.

"Gather ‘round my young friends, gather ‘round." Chris moved closer,

curious as to what the con man was up to as Ezra started to count the

children. "Ah, perfect." He announced, obviously pleased.

"What’s he up to?" Chris asked Claire.

"You’ll see." He wasn’t sure, but he thought the young woman was

hiding a smile as Ezra started pulling small bags out his saddlebags

and giving them to the children. Eagerly, the children opened the

bags, finding candy inside.

"I don’t believe it." Chris said, as Ezra admonished the children not

to eat all of their candy now, and to give it to their parents for

safekeeping. He had known that Ezra had a fondness for children, but

somehow he hadn’t expected him to do this. He watched as the children

ran of to do what Ezra had told them to do, shouting their thanks, but

was surprised that one little boy stayed behind.

"Is something wrong my young friend?" Ezra asked, crouching down so

that their faces were level.

"My daddy died when the soldiers came, and my Mommy died when I was

born." Chris saw something that he had never seen before flicker

across the con man’s face. It looked, more than anything else, to did

be…familiarity. As if he knew something of what the boy had been

through. He knew that Ezra and his mother weren’t particularly close,

but realized he knew nothing about Ezra’s father.

"I see. Tell me, who do you live with?"

"Rain."

"Well, I happen to know that particular young woman, and I’m certain

that the fair lady would be more than willing to ensure your candies

safekeeping. As a matter of fact," Ezra rose and pulled another bag

of candy out of the saddlebag. "Why don’t you give this to Rain, so

that she won’t feel left out."

The little boy hugged Ezra when he gave him the candy, and then ran off.

After a moment, Ezra glanced around to see if anyone was watching, and

then pulled another bag of candy out of the saddlebag—Chris wondered

if he had left any in the store when he had bought it—and opened the

bag, popping a piece into his mouth.

Chris watched the con man’s antics for a moment, and then looked

around for Nathan.

"So where’s Nathan?"

"Yes, he’s down by the river, with Rain."

"Ah." Although Chris would have liked to have seen Nathan, he didn’t

want to invade his and Rain’s privacy, although he’d be sure to

remember Ezra and the candy, just in case the information ever became

useful.

Chris turned to face Claire.

"So, ah, are we going anywhere else?"

"She smiled at him.

"Of course. Mrs. Wells’s place is next."

"Mrs.—Nettie Wells?"

"Of course."

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Chris watched as Vin and Josiah struggled with the large, awkward

object covered in burlap. They were—or at least, Vin was—halfway up

the porch steps when Nettie came out onto the porch and glared at

them—or rather, what they were carrying—suspiciously.

"What, exactly, is that?"

Vin twisted his head and grinned at her. "Your Christmas gift."

"Somehow, I doubt it will fit under the tree J.D. and Casey just

finished putting up."

Chris turned to Claire. "J.D.’s here to?"

"Of course, where else did you expect to find him on Christmas Eve?"

Actually, Chris wasn’t surprised that J.D. was there, just that the

boy had managed to work up the courage to come. Kid had no trouble

facing armed men, but when it came to one sixteen-year-old girl…he

wondered if J.D. had gotten her the silver and amber combs Chris had

seen him eyeing the week before.

"Miss Nettie?"

"Yes Mr. Sanchez?"

"I’ve got the heavy end of this thing, do you think you could tell him

that he didn’t have to get you a gift, especially such a big one,"

the last bit was directed at Vin, " After we get inside and set it down.

She moved out of the doorway. "Of course."

Chris and Claire followed the three of them inside, and Chris noticed

Casey and J.D. off in a corner. Casey was looking at something in her

hands, dumbfounded, and Chris moved closer to hear what they were

saying.

Casey held up one of the combs Chris had seen J.D. looking at.

"What’s this?" The satisfied smile J.D. had been wearing was replaced

with a ‘what did I do’ look.

"It’s…a comb."

"What’s it for? I don’t think it’d do much good for the tangles in my

hair.

"No, they’re to make your hair look pretty. You know, when you wear a

dress, it holds your hair back from your face."

"What’s wrong with a braid?"

Chris laughed as J.D. tried to explain. Kid didn’t realize that just

because Buck managed to get Casey in a dress once, it didn’t mean that

she had ever worn one before that, or since then, or had even worn

combs or even knew what one was except that they were pretty things to

look at in the stores.

He turned his attention back to Nettie, Josiah, and Vin. Apparently,

it had been decided that Nettie should open her gift then, and it was

a new rocking chair.

"Why did you give me this? I have a perfectly fine rocking chair

right over there." Nettie nodded towards her old rocking chair, which

Josiah had set down in, and seemed to be trying to blend into the

building so as to not be drawn into either conversation around him.

"Nettie, that thing’s gonna fall apart any day now." Vin reasonably

replied.

"Nonsense, its holding Mr. Sanchez’s weight perfectly well."

Chris listened to them go back and forth for a few minutes, until

Josiah reminded Vin that they had promised to help move tables at

Mary’s.

Vin pulled a small, burlap wrapped item from his jacket.

"What’s that?"

"It’s for Casey. Was gonna give it to her myself, but…" He nodded to

where Casey and J.D. were arguing about something.

Are you ready?"

Chris cast a look at his friends. "Yeah, I’m ready."

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The smell of cooking food reminded Chris of how long it had been since

he had last eaten.

"So," he was startled to hear Mary’s voice, and turned to see her and

Terry Greer preparing food in Mary’s small kitchen. "This will be

Olivia’s first Christmas, won’t it? That is, her first Christmas in

a…normal setting."

"Yes, it is." Terry glanced into the room behind Chris, and he

twisted to see Buck helping Olivia and Billy put strings of

cranberries on Mary’s tree. "She’s so worried that she’ll do

something wrong, I can’t seem to get her to understand that there’s

almost nothing she could do that would be wrong, that all she has to

do is have fun."

"I noticed." A peel of laughter reached them from the other room, and

both women smiled. "If anyone can get her to realize that, it will be

Mr. Wilmington."

"Oh, I’m sure he cou—"

A cry of "NO!!! I get to put it up!!" Cut Terry off.

Chris turned at the same moment the two mother’s did, and saw the two

children fighting over a wooden, painted star.

Billy clutched the star to his chest. "It’s my tree, so I get to put

it up!"

"You’re momma said that it was my tree to, so there!"

"But it was my tree first, so there back!"

"Hold it, hold it!" Buck moved between the children. "Could I have

this for a moment?"

Reluctantly, Billy handed the star back to Buck, who handed it to

Terry, who—along with Mary—had come into the room. Buck bent down,

and—with no warning—picked Billy and Olivia up around waist, and then

bent a bit so that Billy could take the star from Terry, and then

carried them over to the tree.

"Now, you can both put the star on, ok?"

They did, and Mary and Terry went back to the kitchen.

"Mom!" Billy called out, stopping Mary.

"Yes?"

"You’re making enough food for Chris to, right?"

"Of course Billy. But…I don’t think Chris will be coming."

"But he has to. He can’t be alone on Christmas."

Chris felt guilt begin to tug at him. He hated to disappoint Billy,

but the kid just didn’t understand.

Buck turned Billy around so that they were facing each other.

"Listen Billy, Chris won’t be alone."

"He won’t?"

"No. Christmas was a very special time for Chris, for his family. He

just needs to be alone with them, with his memories, sometimes."

"But it’s not the same."

Mary came and knelt down beside the two.

"We know it’s not the same Billy, but we have to respect Chris’s

wishes."

"But he should be here."

Chris turned to face Claire.

"I want to go. Now."

"Go where?"

"Go…somewhere we haven’t been yet. Anywhere. To Nathan."

"He and Mr. Standish are on their way back to t own, there’s nothing

much to see there."

"Then…the future. I still have to go there, right?"

"Yes, but I can’t take you." Claire glanced at Billy. "Strange, a

couple of hours out of your life, and all of his hoping and wishing

will have been worth something."

Chris laughed dryly. "Hope? What good is that?"

"It’s a lot of good, just look at what your friends hope for. Nathan

hopes that he and Rain can eventually have a normal life together.

Ezra hopes that no child will ever feel as alone and unloved as he did

for so many of his own Christmases. Josiah hopes that everyone will

find what they’re looking for, even if they don’t know what it is.

Vin hopes that Nettie will like her chair, and that he’ll always have

a place to belong. J.D. hopes that he can figure Casey out someday,

and that everyone will have fun and that the food will be good. Terry

hopes that this Christmas will be wonderful for her daughter. Olivia

hopes that Christmas is everything she ever dreamed of, and that she

won’t somehow mess it up. Mary hopes that this Christmas will be

better than the last, and that you’ll come for Billy’s sake. Billy

just hopes that you’ll come so that you won’t be alone on Christmas

Eve. And Buck…Buck hopes that his best friend will find whatever it

is that he’s looking for, and will find some sort of peace for himself."

"And what do you hope for?"

"Me? I hope that my husband will love again, that he’ll be able to

feel what we felt again. I hope that my father and brother will find

some sort of peace with themselves, and with each other. And you?"

"I quit hoping a long time ago girl."

"I see. Then that is truly a loss."

And then, before he could open his mouth to reply, she was gone.

Chris settled into the doorframe, positioning himself so that he could

see the activities of both rooms, waiting for what came next.

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Author’s note: As I’m sure you can tell, this story, because of the

time constraints, is being sent out unedited. So, I apologize for the

misspellings, incorrect punctuation, and everything else. Also, if

Nettie and Casey seemed somehow off, its because I only saw Collector

once, when it first aired, and only have what I remember and comments

made on the lists to go on, and would like to apologize for anything

out of character on that front.