CHICKEN SOUP
FOR THE BEER DRINKER
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery
and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they
might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to
myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come
true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
~ "Unknown"
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "Bartender, got any specials today?"
Bartender says, "Yes, as a matter of fact, we have a new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It's a mixture of Pabst Blue Ribbon and Smirnoff Vodka."
The guy asks, "Good heavens...what the heck is that?"
The Bartender says, "Well, we call it a 'Pabst Smir.'"
And saving the best for last...
as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory
to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few
beers."
