This page is where I will talk about stuff that makes me happy, sad, or just plain out sad to be a human. But you also have a chance to talk about them also. Please feel free to send comments if I think they are good enough I might post them.
09/16/02 People suck
Today I will talk about how people are not nice. Well my step brother is in the hospital. He is there because his girlfriend ran him over in his own car. Now come on people I have been in some bad relationships but to run someone over.. what is wrong with people?? So that is one reason that people are not nice (bad girlfriend) Number two, I have to drive in rush hour traffic and I let a lot of people merge into my lane did one person wave.. no I think not. But this is not saying by any way that this is how we as a people should be. I think that if someone does something mean to you than you should not do mean to someone else. I think that in small ways (a wave/ smile) and in large ways (not running people over in a car) that we can make it better. I do not see anyone else that can. What do you think?
May 2003
Well I have done it. I am a team lead. I can not believe it. I have people…. I am going to make changes. My friend and I are the two team leads. We are going to make the best of what we have. Some things are going to be hard. But that is life. I will be busy so I might not talk to you for a little while.
June 17 2003 Love hurts
He left today. But he kissed me before he left, almost like he know that was the only thing that would make everything ok. I felt a great loss. I am so glad I had Lisa. She started picking on me for him not saying good bye to me. She also kept me from crying. It is so cool that she feels the same thing about him as I do my man. God I can not believe I had such a good time. When he said that he loved me I felt like the grinch that stole Christmas. My heart grew three times the size. I can not belive that he called me two times after he left. I did not think he was going to be able to call me for days. Man he makes me so happy.
June 18 love and hate
Well I woke up early. I hate he pager from work. It is going off for 6 am to 2 am.How am I to get any sleep?. Oh well, I could not get back to sleep. I am not sure if it was that I could not wait to talk to him, or he was not next to me. He sent me the nicest e-card today. I LOVE THIS MAN! I feel bad for him and wish I could help him. I do not want to think of what he is going through, it has to been ruff. I know he loves her, and dose not want to hurt his family. I feel so bad for him. I so wish I could give him a hug I just hope he knows how much I love him. I can not believe I can feel this good.
June 20 birthday dreams
Today was his birthday and I hate that I could not belive that I could not give him a birthday kiss. But Soon I will be able to. He called and we talked for like an hour and I felt like the time just flew by. He makes me feel so good. I have never felt so happy to have someone in my life. I love him so much. I want to tell everyone how great he is. I am so lucky!
June 21
I love saterday morning cartoons. But this morning I just started to feel loney until I got a message from him. My heart just jumped. I just feel better when I hear his voise. He makes these sounds, they can make me melt. I am not sure how I am this chessy.
June 22
Crazy days
I just feel crazy today. I feel bad that I can not make him fell better. I feel that I just make him be worse. It is so strange that I need someone. I like how I feel when I get to talk to him. He just seems to know when I need to talk to him. I can not wait to be in his arms again. My frog Beast passed away today. I was on the phone with him when I found him. It was just one more time that he knew when I needed to talk.
Nov 4
I have a new found love for truckers
I just made it home. This did not work out when I went to live with the boy. I feel very empty without him. But I made it all the way across the country one more time, but this time in the snow. I ran of the road the first time about 200 miles into the trip. Not the way you want to start a 3000 mile trip. Well I missed a semi truck by like a mile go way to fast to be going on black ice. Well I am from Florida so this was the first time I had seen black ice. The truckers said I did pretty well. After then dug my car out of the snow and got me back on the road. They gave me not only a traffic update but also some food as we where going to be there for a few hours. The truckers as so gave me some great needed advice. I went on my way. I stopped at night fall when I hit Nebraska.
Nov 5
Day 2
Well I woke up and my car was under a foot of snow, the temperature was 19 degrees . This was not a good place to stop. But I dig the car out and think I will have a better day on the road today than I had yesterday. I also had to make up time. I start the car and get the heater running for the bird. I go back into the hotel and pack up. It is time to get back on to the road. I get out of the hotel parking lot, and on to the interstate. This is a whole new world. I have never seen roads like these. The snow was just blowing across the road. I can not see the lines in the road. But I have to push on. I was in the fast lane and a semi truck needs to get over. Well what else would I do for my truckers friends than slow down for him to get over? When I hit the breaks my car went a little to the left. I went through the middle of the road and also through the on coming traffic lane then stopped in the other ditch. After I got pulled out of that and got back on the right side of the road, ok so I had to stop crying. Then I was on my way home. I made it to Tennessee before I pulled off into a rest stop. I misread the map. I could have made it to Chattanooga before I stopped.
Nov 6
Day 3
Waking up in your car is not fun for anyone that has not done it. Well I have to shake off the empty feeling I have. I am going home and I should be happy about that. I go to the bathroom a wash my face. I look at the map to see what the weather is going to be like for the last leg of my drive. There might be rain. Well I can do this. I go back to the car a pack it back up, and start out on my drive. Well so much for might rain. It is a shit storm. But I can do this I have always driven in rain before, and I am a supper trooper. I have taken on the snow. So I am a little scared but I have made it this far and nothing is going to stop me from seeing Marty. Well after doing the math from every mile marker sign from the start to Macon, GA, I ran into another traveler and I saw he had a radar dictator when we where in a construction zone. He took off out of the zone and I was right behind him. I was with him to the exit I go off the interstate. I had a lot of fun trying to keep up with him. I get home and the first thing Marty says to me is “Welcome home” and gave me a hug. We unpacked my car. Made a few jokes. I was home, or so I was told by everyone.
Nov 7
First Day home
It is very strange to be back here. I unpack my stuff. I put it away. I am not sure how to feel about this. I will put my stuff where it needs to go. So many things have stuck. I have to close the bathroom shower cretin closed, I have never had some tell me the reason why you need to. I miss my old life. But I am home and it can only get better.
Nov 10
Looking for a job :(
11/19/03
What part will you play?
I feel like you are trying out for a play, but there are no parts left that really match your personality. Everyone else seems to fit into his or her role with no problem, but I feel like an outsider who simply has no part to play in the show. I sit back stage and scowl at everyone else who is practicing their lines and eager for their scene to be called. But then I think just because there isn't an obvious part for me in this play doesn't mean that there won't be other opportunities coming your way. For me to take center stage.
11/21/03
Dreams always come true but then they also do not come true.
Well today I woke up to a bad dream. I kicked my dog Mr. Slimy. He has a crystal in his but to help me have good dream. He did not work last night. It was a dream where the entire dream I was trying to find Cody. My heart hurt for the whole dream. I jumped awake and sat on my bed I sat on the side on my bed and got used to being a wake. The dream was one of them that it sticks with you after you are a wake. I got a shower to try to shake it off. But that just brought more memories back. I finished my shower and got out to start my new day. About noon the mail man came with a box. It was the box from my ex-boyfriend. I knew this package was coming but not sure how it was going to make me feel. But the first thing that came to my mind was “Dreams always come true but then they also do not come true”. It was from a movie I saw last night. Life is funny how it gives you signs, but for the most part I do not see them till after I passed them.
11/29/2003
What is it to be crazy???
Well I have been reading up on my craziness today. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I was on a “support” web site for people with it and people that have it. I did not see much support for the one that has the sickness. I am not saying that I should stop taking my meds or not try to be better. But shit ALL people make mistakes. This “support” group was very quick to say get out take care of your self. I mean you would never hear that on a cancer support web site. But so many people view metal health as something that can be fixed in one trip to the doctor, but I bet they are the same people that think people “choose” to be gay.
12/04/2003
Could my Horoscope be any more on?
Horoscope: Light is being shed on cold hard facts that you may have been trying to avoid for quite some time, narielle2002. There is no sense trying to pretend that you do not see the truth that is staring you square in the face. Just because you may not want to accept what you see doesn't mean that you can carry on with the belief that it simply does not exist. This is one of those times when you must face the music, whether you like it or not.
12/11/03
I have a job!!
I went for this interview today. The place was great. They have bring your pets to work day. I mean how cool is that? I can not wait to bring Danu to work. I think it is going to be a nice place to work. I will start on the 29.
12/12/03
What a great day for a road trip.
Horoscope: narielle2002, astrology is one of the tools you can use to understand who you are. Obviously, there are a lot of other tools as well. Have you already been interested in other techniques that help explore who you are? Scorpio has a close relationship with this domain because this sign is often concerned with what is buried or hidden. This will be a great day for reflection.
12/15/03
Life... got to love it:)
This is what my horoscope said today. What are you to do with this?
Horoscope: Today might be a point in the week in which you aren't able to connect very well with others, narielle2002. People may be unnecessarily harsh for seemingly no reason. Try not to get too emotionally worked up over these slights. Keep a safe distance between yourself and the drama around you. The next step you take might send you down a pit of quicksand, so make sure there is a good friend standing by to help pull you out. But I had a killer weekend. I had so much fun at the graduation. I can not believe she has masters now. It was nice to get a way and think.
12/19/2003
A day to look at my life
Life is a strange thing sometimes. Your heart and your head can really want two different things. Ok well me. But that is one of the things that make me special. I am not yet sure if it is a good or bad thing. I wish sometimes I did not see all the different thing that could go right or wrong. I think it would make picking a path much easier. I was so sick yesterday, sometimes I do not like my crazy people medicines. But then I think back to the bad time, and this is better not great but better. I so did not know this is what it was going to be like to be a big kid. I seem to not to like the holidays as I did in childhood. I kind of think it is that I find more joy in every day life than I do for holidays, to much work as a big kid;) Got to do the dishes.
12/29/03
feelings
If love is only a feeling, how do you know when it is real? How do you know any feeling is real? I mean if you feel something with everything you are how can that be the wrong feeling? Who is the one that gets to pick what is the right feeling? How can there be such a fine line between love and hate?12/19/2003
A day around town.
You have to love the post office. I went to send off a package today. At the front of the line was a sign that read “one minute till great customer service”. Well if you have ever been to Disney than you know the signs always lie. So I took my place at like number 15 in line and waited for my turn. The place is all quite except for one worker who yell for the next customer in the line. Made me think of why she would do this. I think it is to make her self feel like she can do more work. So then off to get smokes. I get carded, doesn’t bother me, and the lady at the counter say “man you do not look that old”. I am just not sure how to take that. You have got to love life on the Westside.
12/31/03
This is how I will go into the the New Year!!!!!
Remember that life is a game and that in the grand scheme of things, we are merely specks of dust floating around in space. Our lives are a blink of an eye in relation to the life of the universe. Don't take yourself so seriously.
01/04/04
The New Year
I have made it to a new year. I can not believe that it is 2004 now. I look back at my life and think of all the things I never thought I would do. Then I go to all the things I will see. I can not wait to see what the New Year will bring. It can only go up. This past year has been very hard. I have to deal with a lot of new things. I am so glad that all of this did not end years ago. I am glad to be in the world and I am excited about the mark I will leave on the world.
2/8/04
Who to believe?
Someone very close to me told me something I did not want to hear. How do you know when you should listen to the outside force or stay true to what you see. I do not think you should only see what you see but also try to see yourself as others do. That is why it was so odd for me to not try to see myself for the other side. So I have spent sometime thinking about myself from this persons eyes. I have to say everyone should try it. It was quit the eye opener. So I have been looking for a job. I hate it. I never want to look for another job again.
June 16,2004
Choices,
When was the last time you sat down to see if a big choice was right? Well I can not think of one. I know I have made life changing choices, but they did not seem like they where at the time. They just felt like the right thing to do. How do you know in the moment what will change your life and what is just picking what is for lunch?? Is life a way to get from point A to point B or is it what you learn for it???? Do we believe all the things that we are told that it is about the journey not the destination?
07/07/04
Everyone knows the story of the nice guy. He'll take his female friends to parties, then escort them home when they're bewildered and drunk. He'll stop at their door, not once trying to take advantage of them. He'll break plans of his own to listen to his female friend's woes and complaints about her current asshole boyfriend. We all know this story. What I'd like to do is propose a counterpart to the nice guy. She is That Girl.
She's that girl who hangs out at the guys' table for purposes other than getting laid. She's that girl who will give up almost anything for her friends, be it sleep, food, or even just time. She's that girl who looks on in amazement that guys will take so much bullshit from their girlfriends. She's that girl who doesn't really care about makeup or clothes, but still manages to look nice enough anyway.
She's "one of the guys", but not really. She's "past the friend line" for almost everyone. She's short, tall, skinny, fat, ugly, beautiful... It doesn't seem to matter. She's the girl you see wandering around with headphones because the majority of the population annoys the hell out of her. She's the girl you see walking with a group without really being part of it. She's the girl who never seems to disclose her whole self.
She's the girl who'll never have a boyfriend worth having. All the good guys are her friends and all the assholes want to fuck her and run. She won't play the games other women play, and for this reason guys won't look at her twice. Men say they don't want to deal with bullshit, but this girl knows better. This girl knows that the games and the chase are what make the girl interesting. It is for this reason that this girl will end up alone, for now.
Eventually, guys may grow out of this stage. They may realize that games and bullshit are not a given in any relationship. They may realize that the girl who hangs around simply for the pleasure of their company has something more to offer. If this ever happens, that girl will be there. She'll always be there, because that's what she does.
Eventually, that girl will get hers. In the meantime, though, she'll continue to stay up the night through to help you with a paper. She'll continue to lend an ear or a punching bag when you get off the phone with your psycho ex-girlfriend. She'll never ask for more, though, no matter how much she may want to. She won't, because she values your respect and friendship too much.
07/12/04
Lucky or lack of it….
I was driving home and I saw a bumper sticker that said: WWJD. As I drove by the ghetto gas station (where someone was smoking crack in the bathroom) and on the other corner is the tire store that my best friend’s kids dad was shoot or shoot himself (no one knows) I got to thinking, He would fucking move he is the son of “God” right, that has to get you a good apartment some where other than crack town. But then again do you think he would move or live “with” the people. Do you think there is more trouble on my side of town or in the places that “look” nice? Or is how people see the trouble?
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