Chapter 19
He immediately wished he had taken
it back.
She was laughing,
hard.
It was a stupid idea, anyway. Give her a bath? A girl like Kristen didn’t want to be
pampered. She wanted everything
upfront and raw: nothing frilly. He
was nervous and embarrassed and could feel all the blood rush to his face. He put a hand on his forehead and it was
hot, very hot.
But then her arms surrounded him
and she squeezed him tightly, sighing.
“You’re so silly Justin.”
He brushed past her and went back
to sit on the bed. Just great, he
had tried to be romantic and it blew up in his face and he didn’t know how he
was going to save the night now. He
needed to do something to make her see that he cared about everything that had
happened to her that night. And he
felt he owed her something because it was her birthday. “Y-yeah. Sorry I didn’t mean to be
cheesy.”
She pulled away and through half
closed eyes and a drunken voice she slurred, “You’re
serious?”
“Well not anymore. I just thought it might relax
you.”
But then she didn’t seem so drunk.
He was amazed how it faded back and forth.
She stepped back and lost all contact with him, staring at him hard, her
eyes wide. “W- what? Y- you want to give me a bath?” She seemed like she was in disbelief.
“If you want
one. I mean, I don’t know, I don’t care. Just
never mind.” His sentences were
short and fast and he rubbed his hands over his face. He was starting to get a headache and
was about ready to ask her to take some Advil and get in bed so they could go to
sleep and just forget it all.
“Y- you,
you wanna see me nekked.”
He looked at her. She looked utterly shocked standing,
leaning against the wall. He
chuckled, finding it amusing she was shocked by this. He was a man. He did have a penis, which worked very
well, and for the past few weeks he had touched and sucked her breasts and
grinded his crotch into hers and made her cum with his fingers. Hell yes he wanted to see her naked!
“Um…yeah.”
“S- seriously?”
He laughed quietly and stared at
her. “You are my girlfriend
Kristen.”
It was quiet for a while and he
had laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling,
wondering how he was going to get himself out of this mess. Then he heard her clear her throat and
whisper something. He turned his
head to her and mumbled, “huh?”
She nodded slightly and said just
a tad bit lighter. “So, b- bath?”
She was biting her lip and her
eyes were as wide as a doe’s, and he couldn’t tell if she was anxious, excited,
scared, nervous or a combination of everything. It was making him nervous just looking
at her. “Just say yes or no. I’m getting
antsy.”
After what seemed like an hour she
cleared again her throat and timidly whispered, “Y- yes.”
He wanted to jump up and root and
yell, but instead, he contained himself as best as possible and put on a huge
smile, quickly saying, “Ok…I’ll get one started.”
“I’ll um, get
naked.”
She was still biting her lip and
had huge eyes when he thrusted a cotton robe at her,
with that huge smile still on his face.
“Here’s a robe.”
“T- thanks.” He
didn’t notice that she looked paler than usual as she slipped out of the
bathroom. He was too excited. He turned on the bath water and found a
complementary bubble bath the hotel had put in his “Vip basket.” He
used the whole bottle and 5 minutes later a warm, bubbly bath was lightly
rocking in the tub, the bubbles making a slight hissing
noise.
And then as he was sitting there
on the toilet seat, waiting for her to come back, it dawned on him: He was going to see her
naked.
He started to smile again. But it was interrupted with a knock and
her standing there in the doorway surrounded by cottony
white.
“Hey.” He smiled at her as he
stood up and let his arms dangle numbly by his sides as he stared at
her.
“Hi-hi.” She looked lost, her eyes huge and her
arms over her chest protectively.
She seemed curled into herself and he didn’t know if it was because of
what happened with her dad, or what was about to happen with him. He wasn’t going to try anything, just
talk to her a little and relax her.
“It’s all
set.”
Her eyes rolled a little
uncomfortably. “Great.”
He stared at her, staring at the
lanolin floor. Her eyes shot up
quickly at him and then back down and he asked, “You ok?”
Her teeth started to nibble on her
bottom lip. “I’m a little nervous.
And my head is starting to hurt.”
“You want some
Advil?”
She nodded and said in a quiet
voice, “Kay.”
She stayed in the doorway as he
went closer to her and opened up his shave kit that was sitting on the counter
beside the sink. After digging for a second, he found a small bottle and handed
her 2 capsules and then filled a glass that was also beside the sink with tap
water. “Here you
are.”
“Thanks.”
He watched her take the pills and
drink all of the water. Then she
just stood there, gently placing the glass back on the sink, eyes not looking at
him at all.
“You wanna get
in.”
She nodded and walked past him;
the terry cloth of her sleeve brushed against his bare chest. She stared at the water and he stared at
her back.
He watched so closely that his
eyes started to get dry because he didn’t blink for a good minute. He watched her arms move as she undid
the tie in the belt. Then he
watched the robe loosen around her.
She looked over her shoulder. “C- close your
eyes.”
He thought it was a little
silly. He had seen her half naked
before and touched almost all of her, so he didn’t really see the big deal. Plus he really wanted to see her and
even though it was probably a horrible thing to do, to pressure her, especially
after she had been drinking so much that night, it was a natural reaction and
his voice came out a little perturbed.
“Kristen…”
She turned back away from him and
bowed her head. “P- please.”
“Ok.” He did as she asked and then found it
hard to do, so he slung his arm over his eyes to help block his view. That didn’t work, so he just turned his
back to her.
A couple minutes later, he heard
her meekly say, “I’m ready.”
He turned quickly and was met with
the sight of her completely covered in bubbles, except for her knees that were
slightly bent and peeking out of the water and everything from her shoulders up
was exposed. She was leaning back
against the tub and she was blanketed in thick bubbles. She looked beautiful and scared,
but mostly beautiful. “G- god.”
“What?”
He smiled and shook his head. He was really starting to fall for this
girl. She had pulled up her hair in
a high ponytail and her face was staring at her him so hard, like she was asking
him for something but didn’t know what it was. There was so much going on with her and
yet she was so simple at times and easy.
She was complicated as women could be, but as far as wanting stuff from
him, all she wanted was his companionship, or at least that’s what it
seemed. There were no ulterior
motives and that made him want to run to her and thank her everyday. “Nothing. Feel good?”
“Yes
thanks.”
He sat down on the outside of the
tub, his body in opposite direction of hers so he could face her. Her eyes were half closed and she looked
more tired now than drunk. “You doing ok now? You better?”
She sighed. “Yeah, sorry I went
off.”
“I would have too. That’s kind of a shitty thing to do, ya
know? Does he know you don’t want
him in your life?”
Her arms came out of the water and
she wiped them off to get rid of the bubbles before pressing her palms into her
eyes. He tried to keep his eyes off
the fact that the bubbles were quickly starting to die and he could almost see
her breasts. “Y- yes. I’ve written him a few
letters.”
“So you know his
address?”
She sat up and he saw boobs, but
he was more concerned with the tired look on her face, believe it or not. He stole a quick glance and then made
sure his eyes didn’t go any more south than her neck. He could tell she was tired
of this, tired of her life and just wanted a break from it all. She hugged her knees and put her cheek
on them. “I use to get anonymous
letters every year for my birthday with a 5 dollar bill in it. I always knew it was him. Somewhere in
He sat up and ran his hand over
her back, scooping up some water and letting it wash away the bubbles that were
stuck to her. “You aren’t a
burden.”
“I was to
him.”
She closed her eyes tightly and he
saw a tear slip out. He reached
over and brushed it off her cheek.
“Kristen…”
“What?” Her eyes opened and stared
at him, wanting him to tell her something.
He wanted to say everything in
that moment but couldn’t find his breath if he tried. He wanted to let her know how she made
him feel, what he saw when he saw her, and he didn’t really know how to do
that. So he just started, “I
just. You’re incredible. And you don’t know it. And you need to know it. You’re beautiful and sweet, even though
you don’t want anyone to know. You
make me feel amazing, girl. Like
when you walk in a room, I only see you, you’re the only one around or
something. It’s like just me and
you, ya know? Just us. The two of us. I
mean, I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”
She shook her hear and he was
certain he saw tears. “Just stop
then ok?”
He stared at her, she
shivered. He touched her damp back
with his hand and started to rub it.
“What’s wrong?”
“I…”
He whispered her name trying to
get her to look at him. “Kristen.”
She took a deep, shakily breath
and let it go. A tear slipped from
her eye and she half laughed/ half cried.
“I do really love you Justin.”
He believed her, sober or
not. He really believed her. But he wouldn’t let himself admit
it. Not yet. “R- really?”
Her gray eyes stared at him hard.
“Y- you don’t believe me.”
“No I just. God, I don’t know Kristen. This is just,
wow.”
She sat up and her hands clutched
the edge of the tub. He didn’t even
realize she was naked now. He
was too concerned with what she just said.
That didn’t mean that they were IN love, but he was pretty sure he cared
a lot for her, loved her, wanted her more than anything he could imagine right
then. He had only really had 3
other women in his life tell them that they loved him and he believed them: his mom, his grandma and Britney, and
now Kristen. “What is so weird?
Girls tell you they love you all the time.”
He was at lost for words. He didn’t know what to say and if he
did, he didn’t think his mouth would have worked right to form the words. He was supposedly to be a suave, cool,
non-chalant kind of guy. And here
he was feeling that every nerve was on end, his mouth…dry, palms….sweaty,
brain…in a frenzy. “I- I guess…but, I..”
“What?” She sounded fed up and tired, pulled
away and ready to give up.
He looked at her dead on and
whispered, “I think…I love you too.”
She stared back without any
emotion on her face. Finally, she
leaned back against the back of the tub and crossed her arms over her bubbly
chest. “Don’t say it unless you
mean it
He didn’t know what to do or say,
all he knew was that he wanted to be closer to her, wanted to feel her against
him. It wasn’t anything sexual, he just needed to be closer. And it came out before he thought it
through. “Can I get in with you?”
Her eyes narrowed. “So you wanna have sex
now?”
He rubbed his face in his
hands. He was making this amazing
moment turn into shit. “I..no. I…shit
this isn’t...”
“This isn’t what? Isn’t what you planned? It’s not what I planned either. I came here to get away from
But he couldn’t let her keep doing
that. The reason he got in this
relationship was because she made him feel normal, and now she was putting him
on that DAMN pedestal. “God Kristen! Get it through that head of yours that I’m with
you because I love- like you, whatever!
I love spending time with you.
Y- you make me feel something I’ve never felt
before. Not even with Britney and
I’m not on the rebound either. You
might think that but I’m over her.
Really over her. I haven’t told you this but she’s called
me several times trying to get back up with me, even before me and you started
doing anything. I turned her
down. I’m over her. And I’m into you. I don’t care that you’re a just a broke
tour girl. You’re- You’re it for
me.”
He took a deep breath and looked
at her. He had been so riled up by
what he was saying that he didn’t really get to see her. Now she was crying, hard. He had fucked up once again.
She whispered something through
her tears and he didn’t hear her correctly. He thought she had
said…
“Get in…”
“What?”
She smiled a small smile and her
eyes softened at him. “Get in with
me.” He couldn’t keep his eyes off
her. She was beautiful and amazing
and everything he had never thought he wanted in a girl. And that’s what made him want her
more.
Before he knew it he had stood up,
slipped off his boxers and eased in behind her. He felt her, for the first time,
completely against him, naked, natural, and all his.
And it made his
own eyes start to water with tears.
--------
the next
morning
She woke up and didn’t know where
she was. Her body was numb and all
she knew was the room was dark, but not pitch black.
Slowly her body regained its
senses. She was warm, really
warm. She yawned and sighed, and
she felt weight on her side. Her
legs fidgeted a little, and she felt…naked.
The realization of what happened
the night before hit her. It was a
pretty damn big moment in her life and she couldn’t believe that it had really,
truly happened.
And now, the conclusion to a
perfect night ended with the beginning of probably a perfect day.
She pushed with her shoulders and
rolled over, hitting the warm hard body behind her. The body groaned and sighed and then
slowly his head turned over to her and a slow smile spread on his
face.
“Hi.” He said with eyes closed and that
permanent smile.
She knew why he was smiling so big
and she immediately felt bashful.
Her head tucked into her chest and she curled against him, making a
small, girly whiney noise.
She held his arm to her and then
felt it slip away. She was going to
ask him what was wrong but when she looked up he was stretching and yawning and
looked like he was fully enjoying himself when he rested back in his regular
position. He looked at her with a
half drunk/ half sleepy look and pulled her against him. “Mmm, we’re
nekked.”
Her tired eyes fully woke when she
felt his completely naked, and ready, body pushing against her. She would have made a comment about
morning wood but she didn’t want to degrade the moment. But she was ready to go back to sleep
and he seemed ready to go…period.
“Sleep.”
She mumbled trying to push into him and pin his little friend down so
he’d stop tickling her.
He stretched with his arms
straight above his head and his heels touching the end of the bed. He yawned and then curled up on his side
to look at her. “Nah, I’m awake
now.”
She turned on her side away from
him and he scooted up to spoon her.
She rolled her eyes and tried to push him away. “I can tell.”
He whined and rolled away from
her. She looked over her shoulder
and he was pouting at her. He
looked so adorable and she wanted to crawl over and give him a kiss, but her
pride wouldn’t let her, not just yet.
“He cant help it!”
“Sure…”
A couple seconds later he was
spooning her back, one of his arms snaking under her neck and his other around
her side, pulling her tightly against him.
She felt him everywhere and started to get goose bumps over her
skin. “I got to take a bath with
you, we…ya know…and then I get to lay all night with your sexy naked body
against mine. Do not get MAD at him
for being hard. It’s not his fault
God made him that way.”
She ignored his goofy voice that
was still gravely with the night’s deep rest. She started thinking about the night
before. How beautiful it was. She really had never described an event
in her life as beautiful before, but it was the first thing that came into her
mind when he slipped into the bath with her and held her. He let her cry and he kissed her cheek
and whispered words of comfort to her.
His hands massaged her shoulders and back. And when his hands went further south
she couldn’t think straight. The
only thing that ran through her head was how incredible his hands felt and how
deeply she had fallen in love with him.
They didn’t rush to get each other
off, and for some reason it wasn’t even about that. She felt connected to him unlike she had
been with anyone else, ever. She
laid awake a long time that night, after they had slipped into bed. She thought about how much she had
changed and was still changing. She
thought about her actions and her tone of voice. She was tired of being a bitch to
everyone and tired of being sarcastic and acting like she didn’t give a
fuck.
She cared, about him, about
herself, about the other people on tour, and all sorts of things. She had almost found herself crying when
she saw a news report on some suicide bombing that had happened in the
Justin had pulled that side out of
her. He had uncovered that part of
her that was buried so long ago.
“Thank you.”
His voice was quiet, again
battling for substance since he had just woken up. “For
what?”
She turned and flipped over on her
other side, so that they were facing.
Her hand had a mind of its own and it reached up and lightly held his
face. “Last night, it was
perfect.”
He smiled and leaned down to press
their foreheads together. His eyes
looked tired, but his face looked amazingly rested. “You were
perfect.”
The way he was smiling made her
blush. She felt comfortable around
him but that didn’t mean she was totally comfortable with herself, and hearing
such complements made her heart pump faster. “I didn’t do
anything.”
“You told
me…”
She cut him off and finished for
him. “I love
you.”
A smile slowly spread on his face
and he laid back on his back. “Mmmm that sounds nice. Come here.”
She curled up to him with her leg
over his, and his arms wrapped around her. “Thank you
for not taking advantage of me last night.”
“Huh?”
She waited a few seconds and then
whispered, “Cause you could have…really
easily.”
He didn’t say anything and she
wondered what was going through his mind.
She thought about how drunk she was and how much she wanted him and how
completely out of it she was, and yet oddly enough with it too. It was a lot like her graduation
night. But instead of spending it
with some highschoolish jerk, she had spent it with Justin. And even though they hadn’t had sex that
night, she knew that she wanted to, and if he had asked her, she would
have.
“Um, how you feel?” His voice seemed uncomfortable, and she
knew he was avoiding the subject.
“Surprisingly
ok. A little
headache.”
It was quiet for a few minutes and
for a little bit she thought he had dozed back to sleep. But then, right as she was about to
drift off, he spoke, quietly, but meaningfully. “Kristen, I…I might be a horney bastard but im not an asshole.”
She sighed and held on to him a
little tighter. “I know, I just wanted to say thanks.”
She felt his hand running up and
down her arm and it made her feel good and warm, even though chill bumps were
coating her. “Well, I just want to
say, I think we should go back to sleep.
I don’t have to be at the stadium until this
afternoon.”
She could hear the smile and joy
in his voice, and sleeping with him for a couple more hours seemed like heaven
to her. “Mmmm,
perfect.”
So she closed her eyes and relaxed
beside him and tried to fall asleep.
She didn’t dream, though, and it took her a while to get to sleep. She felt she was living a dream. And then she did a little bit of mental
bashing for being so damn corny. Of
course, her new sensitive side didn’t mind the bashing, but just because Justin
brought out the sensitive side of her, didn’t mean she was ready to expose it to
the whole world.
It was only after the bashing that
she got to sleep.