Chapter 12

 

He watched from a distance as she danced and sang and drank and drank and drank.  He and JC had perched themselves in the corner, out of the way, trying not to cause too much notice.  He didn’t think he’d have a problem in a place like this with being mobbed or something, but he still felt uncomfortable.  This wasn’t his type of place, wasn’t his type of music, and the only reason he had agreed to come was because he wanted to spend some more time with Kristen.  She hadn’t said a word to him on the drive there and once she had entered she had disappeared only to reemerge in the center of the front line of people standing in front of the small stage.

 

He drank his beer silently as JC and Brent talked.  Rick had come back every now and then, often saying he had to deliver a drink to Kristen.  He had never seen her drunk and wondered if her wall would crumble a little or if she would become even more of a psycho bitch.

 

He wouldn’t admit it but his feelings had been hurt that evening when she said she didn’t want to go because he was going to be there.  He was trying his best to patch things up after he kissed her and he thought he had made progress the night before.  And then he had gotten cocky and had ruined it that morning.

 

Britney was a lot easier to work with and figure out.  With Kristen he just kept crashing.

 

He was so fucking intrigued by her it was scary.  She seemed more comfortable in the crowd of people than he had ever seen her.  Maybe it was all the alcohol she had in her system but she was dancing, and singing and not caring about anything but having a good time.

 

“Havin a good time?”

 

Justin looked over and saw Rick had sat down at the table and was drinking a beer.  He rolled his eyes and grumbled, “Blast.”

 

“What’s wrong with you?”

 

“Nothin’.”

 

Rick set down his beer and crossed his arms over his chest, staring Justin down and making him feel two inches high. “Listen, what’s goin on with you two?”

 

He knew this was coming sometime.  He played naïve.  “What do you mean?”

 

“Don’t bull shit me man.  We all know Kristen has a crush on you, but you aren’t helping much leading her on.  Either you like her or you don’t.  I don’t want her to be hurt more than she already has ok?  And you might get hurt too, ya know.”

 

“I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

 

“Look, I know she’s a bitch at times and can have an attitude so thick you don’t even wanna deal with her.  But she’s a good girl, a nice girl, she’s fun.  I’m not her brother so it’s not my job to scare you into not liking her.  If you do that’s great.  I think it would be sweet for yall to hook up…”

 

He was tired of hearing all this.  He didn’t know what the hell was going on between him and Kristen and sure as hell didn’t want her practically adopted brother tell her.  “Rick just shut up.”

 

“All I’m saying is be careful.  You might hurt her, but I have a feeling she can hurt you a hell of a lot worse.  Especially since you’ve only been single about a month.”

 

His eyes cut sharp to Rick.  He was getting pissed off. “I’m not on the rebound.”

 

“Make sure she knows that.”

 

He drowned his beer in one chug and moved to get up.  “I need another beer.”

 

He walked through the mass of people over to the bar and waited to get through the people surrounding it to get the attention of a bartender.

 

It was while he was standing there waiting when he saw her dancing towards the bar by herself.  He figured he could buy her a drink and maybe that would be a good way to start things off.  He walked over to her and said over the loud music,  “Hey.”

 

“Heyyyyy JT!”  Her eyes were wide and her voice slurred.  He knew when she wrapped her arms around him that she was drunk as hell.  The room was hot and the moisture in the room has made her white tank partially see through and he could see her black bra even more than before.  Her pants were so low, the lower portion on of stomach was exposed.  Her lips were tempting even with that green tint and her eyes were shining at him.

 

She looked good.

 

“Hey, you havin’ fun?”

 

She squeezed him one more time in their hug and then pulled away, looking up at him and smiling.  “Mmmhmmm.  I’m gonna get me not-der drink.”

 

“You’ve had a lot already sweetie.”

 

She buried her face in his chest and he tried to ignore the fact that she fit really well against him. “I just want oneeeee moreee.”

 

“Why don’t we go and talk somewhere?”

 

She pulled away excitedly pulling on his hand and bobbing up and down.  “Why don’t we go DANCE and SING!  OOO I love this song.  Come on.”

 

He sighed.  He wanted to go somewhere and talk to her.  He thought he might get some honest answers out of her, now that she was intoxicated.  “Kristen…”

 

“Come ON!”

 

She pulled on his arm until he followed her.  His hand was in hers and again he ignored how well it fit in his.  He also ignored how cute she looked and how good the hug felt and how his hormones had been out of control ever since the night before.  She stopped and so did he.  He watched her as she sang and dance in front of him.  “She doesn’t careee whether or not he’s an islandddd.  He he he, what silly?!  DANCE!”

 

“I don’t know how to dance to music like this.”

 

She took his wrist and moved his arms around, still singing.  “Just move!!  They laugh they make money, he’s got a gold watch, she’s got a silk dress and healthy breasts that bounce on his Italiannnn leatherrrr sofffffaaaa, he he he”

 

He tried to ignore that she had just grabbed her breasts, but that was something he just couldn’t do.  He was using all his power to keep from ravaging her at that point.  He had come to get closer to her and actually talk things out.  But now he just wanted her.

 

“And you say I don’t believe you’re sexual.”

 

She yelled over the loud music, “What’d you say?”

 

He shook his head and yelled back.  “Nothin’.”

 

He didn’t know how the hell to dance to this music.  It was almost all over the place and the way everyone else was dancing wasn’t something he would do in public.  So he just stood there moving his shoulders and hips a little.  She grabbed his hands and started dancing with him.  She turned her back to him and leaned on him as she started to sway her hips.  Her hips met his and she started to grind into him.

 

His eyes widened. It wasn’t booty dancing like he was use to but it was close enough. 

 

She was way passed drunk and he needed to stop her before he couldn’t stop himself.

 

He grabbed her hips to stop her movements and lowered his mouth to her ear so she could hear him clearly. “Kristen, I really think we should go somewhere and sit and relax and listen.”

 

She turned around and put her hands on his chest whining and of course still singing, “But I wanna danceeeeee!  She doesn’t care whether or nottt he’s an islandddd…”

 

“You can dance.  Look there’s a place over there opening up.  Please.”

 

She sighed and he felt her hand slide down his arm to his hand where she locked her fingers with his.  “Ohhhh kayyy.”

 

He almost liked the drunk Kristen better.  She was a hell of a lot more friendly and had yet to yell or complain or get mad at him.  And she was actually touching him, holding him; he liked that. 

 

They made it over to the side wall.  It was lined with a booth type seat.  He sat down and she plopped down right beside him, halfway falling on him.  “He he he, oh SHIT!  This is my song!!!”

 

She leaned against him and put her head on his chest.  He was forced to put his arm around her.  “Sing it to me.”

 

She looked up at him and with closed eyes and a bright smile she sang to him.  He just listened.  “When she walks she swings her arms!  Instead of her hips!  When she talks she moves her mouth instead of her lips and I’ve waited for her for so long. I’ve waited for her for so long. I’ve wondered if I could hang on. I wonder if I could hang on.  Yeah, let me go she said, let me go she said, let me go and I will want you more!  Let me gooooooooo. He he he he.  I want you.”

 

For a second he wasn’t sure he had heard her right.  He stumbled and felt all the blood rush to one particular part of his body.  He had only had two beers so far that evening so nothing else was affecting his hearing.   “W- what?”

 

She giggled a seductive laugh and rubbed against him a little, pushing her head into his shoulder. “Nuffffin’.”

 

“You’re being bad.”

 

She looked up and licked her lips.  Then in a tempting, low feminine voice, growled at him.  “Punish me big daddy!”  She then proceeded to stand up, turn her back to him, look over her shoulder and then smack her ass, all before falling into a fit of laughter.

 

He couldn’t take this anymore.  She was affecting him way too much.  He tried to tell himself that she was just drunk, but the male part of him was starting to overpower his senses.  He pulled on her arm and said in a fatherly tone, “Sit down.”

 

“Kay.”  She plopped down in his lap and wiggled a little, but finally she stopped.  He thanked God and then wrapped his arms around her, only because he wanted to keep her still.

 

She turned her head a little and breathed deeply, sighing, “mmmm you smell good.”

 

“You’ve had too much to drink girl.”  He said it partially to make her realize she was acting way too flirty, but mainly to hear him say it to himself out loud so maybe he would have some moral thought poked back into him.

 

She turned sideways in his lap and locked her arms around his neck.  She looked him in the eyes and tilted her head, pouting.  “I knowwww.  I just wanted to forget that you kissed me and didn’t know it was me and didn’t like me like I like you.”

 

He shook his head and rubbed her back a little.  “You don’t know that.  I like you.”

 

She pouted even more and bowed her head.  “No you don’t.  You just like me as a friend.  You just want some ass.  And now that you heard I got drunk and had sex with that guy I didn’t really know and stuff you probably think I’m a big slut.”

 

He couldn’t believe she would think that of him.  All his horney thoughts, well at least most of them, faded away and he really felt bad for this girl.  He hoped she didn’t think bad of herself for what had happened.  His hand moved her cheek so that she was looking up at him. “No I don’t.”

 

She smiled and bit her lip.  “Do you think you’re gonna get some tonight?  Cause I’m horney.  You might be able to take advantage of me.”

 

He took a deep breath trying to forget that she had just told him she was horney.  “Kristen, don’t talk like that.  I wouldn’t take advantage of you.  I’m better than that.”

 

“But what if I want you to take advantage of me.  Does that make me a bad person?”

 

It was the way she looked directly in his eyes and had asked it so sincerely that made gulp.  She wanted him.  Yes, she was drunk, but she wanted him.   And he could have her.  He tried his best to remind both of them this wasn’t how they wanted their relationship to be.  “Y- you’re just drunk.”

 

“Kiss me.”

 

She leaned in, and he took all his strength and forced himself to turn his head.  He brought his hands to her face and pulled her back a little.  “No, no, Kristen, stop it honey.”

 

He could see she was now getting choked up.  Her eyes watered and her voice began to shake.  “Wh- why don’t you like me Justin?  Am- am I not pretty enough?”

 

He sighed and did the only thing he knew how to calm her down.  He brought his arms around her and secured her into his chest, running a free hand through her hair as she sniffled against his shoulder.  “God girl.  Stop this.  I DO like you.  But you are VERY drunk and I don’t wanna do anything when you might not remember it or might not be using your best judgment.”

 

It was quiet for a moment and then she randomly asked, “Am I a good kisser?  You are.  You’re a realllllly good kisser.”

 

He tried not to remember the kiss they had shared the other night, but he couldn’t help it.  It haunted him and he kept thinking about how he wanted to do it again.

 

But not like this.  Not again.  He wanted a real kiss next time.  One without any substances affecting them.  “T-thanks.  And yes, you’re an excellent kisser.”  He felt things start to stir a little more down below as she shifted against him, so he made a quick move to get off the kissing subject.  “So um, how are you liking this?”

 

“It’s fun.”

 

“Yeah.  They aren’t that bad.”

 

She pulled away and said in a gleeful childish voice, “They’re AWESOME!”

 

He figured getting her off his lap was the next step to ensure he didn’t do anything ridiculously stupid that night, so he smiled at her and asked, “You wanna go dance some more?”

 

She nodded and hopped off his lap, once again grabbing his hand and pulling him to floor.

 

--------

Late

 

He leaned against the wall of the elevator and she leaned right beside him, her head on his shoulder.  JC had left with Brent near the end of the concert to go somewhere else, so it was just them and Rick.  They landed on Rick’s floor and he came over and hugged Kristen. “Bye sweetie.  You rock.”

 

“Thank you for my surprise Ricky.”  Her voice still had that babiness about it that he had never heard before that night.

 

“You’re welcome.”  He touched his finger to her nose and turned to leave.

 

Justin cleared his throat and called after Rick, “I’ll make sure she gets in ok.”

 

He was half expecting Rick to give him a look that said “touch her and you die”  but he didn’t.  He just nodded with a far off smile. “Alright.”

 

Once the doors closed, Kristen hugged herself to him.  He just sighed.  She had been that way all evening and he didn’t mind, but it hurt that it took alcohol to make her this way.  The elevator dinged on her floor and she clutched him tighter.  “Nooooo.  I wanna sleep with you.”

 

“Kristen that’s not a good idea, honey.”

 

She looked up at him and pleaded.  “Just like we did last night.  Please.  I just want to be all snuggly.”  The doors closed on her floor and he just stood there with her clinging to him.

 

The elevator opened on his floor and he pushed her a little to get her off him so they could walk.  He thought it was probably the stupidest thing he had ever done to let her come and sleep in his bed after she was in this type of state.  But he couldn’t help himself.  He wanted to sleep just like they did the night before as well.  “You’re so much different when you’re drunk.”

 

Her eyes were wide as they left the elevator. “Is that bad?”

 

“It’s weird.”

 

She pouted and bowed her head for the 50^th time that night it seemed. “I’m sorry.”

 

He smiled at her and took her hand, starting to walk towards his room.  “Don’t be.  Come on.”

 

“YAY!!”

 

He looked back at her and hushed her with a smile, “shhh.”

 

“ssssshhhhhhhhhhhh,”  she mocked in giggled

 

His eyes rolled at her drunken antics and he sighed as they reached his door, “why am I doin’ this?”

 

“I- I’m sorry.”

 

It was about the 100^th time she had said she was sorry and it was getting on his nerves. “Stop it.  I just, I’m gonna have to have a lot of restraint.”  He unlocked the door with the plastic card key and held the door open for her.

 

“What do you mean?”  She walked in and looked around the room.

 

“Don’t worry about it.  Do you want a t- shirt and some boxers to sleep in or something?”

 

She plopped down on the bed and sat there. “Okie Dokie.”

 

“Alright.”  He went to look through his bag and tried to forget that she was there, on his bed, willing, cute, beautiful, wanting him.  He found her a t- shirt and some boxers and handed them to her.  She quickly went to the bathroom and he had just finished getting out of his clothes when she shuffled out.

 

He stared at her in his clothes, them swallowing her tiny body up.  “D- damn…”  By the time the night was over he might have to resort to castrating himself so he wouldn’t do anything to her.  That thought in its self helped him calm down little.

 

“What?”

 

He shook his head and got in bed. “N- nothing.” She stood there staring at him a little bit until finally he patted the space beside him and she walked over and crawled in beside him. She fluffed her pillow and laid on her side, not touching him, but just looking at him.  He smiled, “comfy?”

 

She smiled back and reached over him and curled up to his body, laying her head on his cotton-clad chest and having her arm reach over his torso.  “Mmmm now I am.”

 

He laid there for a while unable to move and not really knowing what he should do.  Finally, he got enough courage to wrap a arm around her back and take her hand laying on his side in his.  He cleared his throat and whispered to her, “Kristen, I… I do like you.”

 

“As a friend or more?”

 

“A little more.”

 

She looked up at him and her eyes were wide and bright and hopeful. “Realllly?”

 

He nodded and sighed, “But I just, I’m still getting to know you.  And I don’t want you to think I’m on the rebound.  Because I like you as a person.  I cant explain it but I do.”

 

“I like you as a person too.”

 

“I just, you have all these walls put up.  You need to let me in sometime ok?  I know you did when you told me but you were so indifferent.  It’s ok to be emotional about things.  And it’s ok to talk about things.  Just don’t push me away ok?”

 

She nodded and looked him dead in the eyes, “I just don’t wanna get hurt.”

 

He closed his eyes.  Those words hit him hard and he fought himself to not get too emotional in front of her.  He started thinking about how much Britney had hurt him. 

 

It clicked then.  He wasn’t on the rebound.  If he was he wouldn’t care and he wouldn’t be so cautious.  But he was, and he had dismissed every other girl.  But with Kristen he was scared.  He finally figured it out.  He was scared.  All the other girls that had asked him out hadn’t mattered.  But Kristen mattered.

 

And he was terrified that he might loose her, and he’d be left alone again and hurt.  He tired his best to talk, but it only came as a hoarse whisper, “I don’t either.”

 

She pouted and looked down at him, running her hand over his chest.  “You’re wearing a shirt.”

 

He half laughed, wishing she would stop touching him like that but happy that she had changed the subject.  “Restraint remember?”

 

She looked up with a smile.  “Can I kiss you?”

 

He wanted to kiss her more than anything, but this wasn’t the time. She was drunk and he was still trying to get over the whole not wanting to be hurt comment.  But he wasn’t completely un-human and part of him was starting to act up again.  They were in bed together and if anything else remotely sexual happened, he was afraid he might burst.  “Kristen I don’t-“

 

But it was too late.  She had leaned forward and kissed him, holding the side of his head so he wouldn’t move.  Her actions were shy at first, just pressing her lips to his and then when he responded to her touch by holding on her back and keeping her against him, her mouth opened against his and she kissed him more deeply.

 

He thought he had died and gone to heaven.  Besides the fact that she tasted like alcohol, her lips fit his perfectly.  They let him manipulate them and completely did was his wanted hers to.  She wasn’t too sloppy with her tongue but played with it just enough to tease him in all the right ways. 

 

And then she pulled away.  She pulled away biting her lip in a smile and then tucking her head under his neck, wiggling a little to get comfortable and then sighing, “mmm night JT.”

 

He stared at the ceiling for the longest time, trying to figure out what the hell had had just happened.  She had kissed him and he had enjoyed it almost more than any kiss he had…ever.  Maybe it was because he use to be use to kisses whenever he would see Britney, and now for more than a month he hadn’t had one, he hadn’t had anything romantic or sexual pushed in his way, or at least not wanted anyway.  He had plenty sexual things pushed in his way, but none with the feelings like he had with Kristen.  He liked her, he wanted to see where they were going, but he didn’t know how that was going to happen.  Not when she was defensive and had walls up 99% of the time.  She was going to have to let him in, somehow.  And he was going to have to let his own guard down, and not be so scared of having his heart ripped out again.

 

He squeaked out a stuttered, “n- night” and then laid there for what seemed like centuries, trying to figure out what the hell had happened that night, but more importantly, what would happen the next morning.

 

What would happen when she wasn’t drunk anymore?

 

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