By: Larissa Pace

“Oh Walter! You’re so wonderful, talented and handsome! Of course I’ll go to homecoming with you!” said Alicia Keystone, the most beautiful senior at Fort Madison High School and the main object of Walter Mitty‘s affection.

“Back off, Alicia!” snapped Bridget Johansson, a junior. “Walter’s mine!”

Bridget turned to Walter and presented him with a Tupperware container full of cookies.

“Here Walter, honey.” she said, smiling sweetly, “I made some cookies just for you!”

“Gee thanks Bridget.” replied Walter as he accepted the container, “They’re chocolate chip, right?”

Bridget’s face fell. “N-no...they’re peanut butter.”

Walter raised an eyebrow.

“I dunno...chocolate chip is my favorite...”

“Oh, I’m sorry Walter! Throw out those detestable cookies! I’ll go home right this second and bake you five dozen chocolate chip cookies! Just PLEASE go to homecoming with me!!”

“NO!” shrieked Carly Peterson, the captain of the cheerleading squad. She ran up to Walter and grabbed his arm defensively. “You’re coming to homecoming with me right?”

“Get your hands off him, you tramp!” Alicia shouted, sending a spray of saliva into Carly’s face. “He’s coming with me!”

“No he’s not, he’s coming with me!” retorted Bridget.

With that, the three girls flew at each other baring their teeth and nails and began to engage themselves in a vicious cat-fight.

“Ladies, ladies,” Walter coolly intervened , pulling them apart. “Ladies please. I’ll take all of you to homecoming.”

The girls erupted in squeals joy and began to shower him with kisses...

“Move it, Mitty!”

The next thing Walter knew he was being shoved into a locker by the burly quarterback of the football team. Dazedly he looked around for Alicia but now she was gone. He knew he’d never work up the nerve to ask her out but...he could always imagine. He sighed and began his trek to third hour which was drama. He sat down at his desk just as the bell rang and Ms. Kirsch walked to the front of the room holding a fat book. “Today class, we are going to study Shakespeare‘s ‘Hamlet‘.”

“To be or not to be: that is the question,“ Walter projected from his spot on the stage, “Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing to end them?”

Ms. Kirsch stood and applauded enthusiastically. “Wonderful, Walter! Simply wonderful!“ she exulted, “Such emotion, such depth, such feeling, such power! You have the gift, my son. You my boy, are a professional actor.”

“Well, thank you, Ms. Kirsch. I’m glad to hear that you think so highly of me. So does this mean I get the part?”

Ms. Kirsch just chuckled. “Walter, you are so talented and wonderful that I’m going to give you ALL of the parts.”

Walter was stunned but pleased. “Thank you, Ms. Kirsch! Thank you so much!” “My pleasure. As a matter of fact, I ran into an old friend from Broadway the other day and he was looking for someone to play the lead in his new play which is sure to be a hit. So I mentioned your name and he automatically said that you’ve got the part!!”

“Oh yes, he probably heard of me after People magazine did that spread on A Day in the Life of Walter Mitty.“ he replied, “I told them it wasn’t necessary but they insisted, saying that they had to give the adoring public what they wanted...me.”

“Walter!” The voice was shrill and angry sounding. “Snap out of it!”

Walter looked up into the stern, glaring face of Ms. Kirsch. She didn’t look very pleased.

“Walter, how do you ever expect to learn if you refuse to pay attention in class?” Walter paused for a minute trying to compose himself. Where was he again? Oh yeah...drama...oops.

“Sorry, Ms. Kirsch I was just-”

Right then the bell rang.

“Never mind, Walter.” Ms. Kirsch said, exasperated. “Just go on to your next class.”

“Ok” he said quietly and made his way out of his desk, ignoring the snickers coming from the other side of the classroom. Walter stepped into the hallway and groaned as he remembered which class he had next. P.E. He was never very good at sports and was always picked last for kickball. But, he thought hopefully as he changed into his gym shorts, in an hour it’ll all be over.

“Alright all you worthless, scummy wimps!!” bellowed Mr. Patterson, the P.E. teacher, as the students trickled out of the locker-room and into the gym. “Get your rears in gear and give me fifty push-ups, on the double! 1! 2! 3! 4!..Keep up, Mitty! Get that poochy stomach of yours off the ground!”

“Go Mitty, keep that guy on the ground!” cried Mr. Patterson from the sidelines. “Go get ‘em!”

It was the end of the fourth quarter and Walter Mitty was the only player still standing on his team, the Bloodhounds. All the others had been tackled one too many times and were lying helplessly on the sidelines, cheering on the lone Walter. The game was resting in his ever-capable hands.

“Hut hut, HIKE!” Walter counted off to himself. He faded back and threw the ball hard and far towards the goalposts. Then he raced ahead of the ball, effortlessly caught it when it came to him, and then ran like heck towards the goal.

“TOUCHDOWN!! Walter Mitty saved the game!!” cried the announcer over the scratchy P.A. system. “That makes the score 51 to 50! The Bloodhounds win!”

The crowd erupted in cheers, whoops and hollers as the Bloodhounds raced out to field to greet their hero and hoisted him onto their shoulders.

“Great going, Mitty!“ called Mr. Patterson, giving a thumbs up sign. “I’m proud of you, son!“

Walter smiled proudly as he was paraded around the field on the shoulders of his teammates, reveling in the energetic applause from the crowd. He was truly in his element...

Just then a wayward football hit Walter in the head.

“Pay attention, Mitty!” growled Mr. Patterson.

“What a loser!” whispered some kid Walter didn’t know.

“I’m sorry Mr. Patterson. I was just thinking.” explained Walter.

“Listen Mitty, I don’t want you to think. I want you to play football! Now come on, you wuss, let’s hustle!”

Mr. Patterson blew his shrill whistle at the exact same time the bell rang.

“Alright, everyone to the locker-room to change.” He grabbed Walter by the arm as he tried to pass. “Except for you, Mitty.”

“But Mr. Patterson!” Walter protested, “I have to get to my next class!”

“I’ll write you a pass. Right now I want you to give me ten laps around the track. Maybe that’ll teach you to pay attention in class. Now let’s go! Double time! Come on!” Mr. Patterson blew his whistle again and Walter began to jog his way around the track.

There she was. Alicia Keystone. The vision of loveliness was waiting for him on the other end of the track, beckoning him with her big, beautiful blue eyes. Walter began to run to her, his sneakers making a steady rhythm on the pavement of the track, going pocketa-pocketa-pocketa.

“I just have to finish running these two miles.” he thought to himself, “Then I can be with the woman of my dreams!”

The thought gave him an extra burst of energy as he raced around the track in record time. The spectators watched with mouths agape in astonishment as Walter screamed across the finish line. He had just run two miles in 2.5 seconds. They at first gasped in astonishment, then broke into cheers and applause as Alicia ran to him and the cute couple embraced happily.

“Oh Walter, my love!” Alicia gushed “You’re so wonderful! You’re so talented, so handsome, so perfect!”

“Yes.” Walter replied evenly, shooting Alicia his most macho expression. “Yes, I know.”

The End