The Cereal Killer
By: Larissa Pace
(fade in on a television screen filled with static. pan right to a couch where a teenage girl is loudly snoring. girl grunts, rolls over, and continues snoring with her face in the couch. the phone rings. girl ignores first ring, then finally moves to pick it up on the third ring, mumbling complaints the whole time)
GIRL
(groggily)
hello?
(clears throat and repeats more clearly)
Hello?
CEREAL KILLER
(laughs obnoxiously for several seconds, clears throat and regains composure. speaks in a deep, menacing voice.)
Who is this?
GIRL
Who is....this?
CEREAL KILLER
I asked you first.
GIRL
(moves to turn on the light)
Well, why are you calling?
CEREAL KILLER
Do you like...cold cereal?
GIRL
(still sleepy)
Um...sure. I...I guess.
CEREAL KILLER
What's your favourite...cold cereal?
GIRL
Um...I don't know
CEREAL KILLER
C'mon...you must have a favourite.
GIRL
Um...Trix, I guess. It's Trix.
CEREAL KILLER
(in excited, high-pitched, nerdy voice)
Trix?! Really?!
(clears throat. subdued once again.)
How come?
GIRL
Well, you know the commercials where the kids are like 'silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!' and they take the Trix away from him, and he looks like he's about to cry and stuff? I think that's really funny.
CEREAL KILLER
(trying to suppress his anger)
You think that's funny?!
GIRL
Yeah! I think it's hilarious!
CEREAL KILLER
(menacingly)
Oh really?
GIRL
(beginning to sense that something is awry)
Yeah, uh...really.
(glances around the room nervously. stands up.)
Hey uh...who...who is this?
CEREAL KILLER
Who's this?
GIRL
(officially freaked out)
Why do you want to know who I am?!
CEREAL KILLER
Because I want to know who's kitchen I'm in!
GIRL
(gasps and holds phone in front of her face, staring at it with a frightened expression)
(cut to shot of darkened kitchen with Psycho theme blaring in the background. Cereal Killer runs out of the shadows towards the camera, brandishing his large metal spoon.)
(cut to shot of girl screaming. Cereal Killer hits her on top of the head with the spoon.)
GIRL
(in whiny voice)
ow!
(falls to the ground)
(screen goes black)
(fade in on an alleyway where the cereal killer is sitting on a box, happily eating Trix.)
NARRATOR
In a small town, someone is sick of all the Trix
(two thuggish looking teenage boys enter from right and take bowl of cereal away from cereal killer. cereal killer beats them up.)
NARRATOR
And six rich and beautiful teenagers are forced to realize...
(show Kayla primping in bathroom. she looks up into the mirror and sees 'Laerec' scrawled across it in red lipstick. She screams an extremely high pitched obnoxious scream.)
KAYLA
(suddenly stops screaming)
wait a second....'Laerec'?
(understanding dawns on her)
oh...Cereal! CEREAL!!!
(resumes screaming)
NARRATOR
...that somebody is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs
(cereal killer bursts through a wall with a spoon - like in The Shining - and holds up a box of Cocoa Puffs)
CEREAL KILLER
Heeeeeere's Sonny!
(6 teenagers sitting nervously in a semicircle in a living room. They are each clutching various cereal boxes)
MARK
(stands up purposefully and addresses the group with an air of authority)
Alright, you guys. Something's gotta be done about this guy who calls himself....
(in menacing tone)
...the Cereal Killer!
(screams off-camera. kids look around trying to find where the screams are coming from)
MARGARET
(frightened)
The C-Cereal Killer?
(screams off-camera)
MARK
Yes...
(menacing tone)
...the Cereal Killer!
(screams off-camera)
MIKE
Shut up!
(screaming stops)
NORMAN
(eating from a box of Lucky Charms. stupidly.)
I- I like cereal.
KAYLA
He's right! We have to save the cereal so that the prizes are still in the box for every child!
AMANDA
(in ditzy, blonde 'valley-girl' voice)
Wait, let me get this straight. You're saying that this guy thinks he's the Trix rabbit, so he?s going around killing everyone who eats cereal?
MARK
(matter-of-factly)
Yeah
AMANDA
Oh...ok.
NARRATOR
This summer, say 'Cheerio' to your complete breakfast. Because your Cinnamon Toast is about to Crunch
(same 6 teenagers sitting at a table holding a seance with a bowl of Rice Krispies in the middle)
MARGARET
(whispers)
What's it saying?
MARK
It sounds like...snap...crackle...POP
(teenagers make sounds of awe)
(cut to shot of Margaret and Kayla sitting at a kitchen table eating Fruit Loops)
MARGARET
They say that before you die you see....The Ring!
KAYLA
Wow, that's really creepy...
(looks in bowl of Fruit Loops)
oh my gosh!
MARGARET
What?
KAYLA
(points to Margaret's bowl)
Look!
(Margaret picks up a single fruit loop and holds it up dramatically)
MARGARET
Oh my gosh...the ring!
(suddenly the TV turns on full blast; girls cover their ears; buckets of water are dumped on the girls heads; girls scream - look at each other - scream - look at the fruit loop - scream - look at each other - scream -)
(cut back to shot of seance - kids are chanting)
ALL
Hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers and blue moons,
Pots of gold and rainbows, and the red balloons!
(cut to shot of Kayla standing in the woods holding a box of cereal in each hand)
KAYLA
Come on! Come and get my cereal! What are you waiting for, come and get me, punk!
(shot of cereal killer in alley contently eating a bowl of Trix. Same thug teens as before enter scene.)
NARRATOR
He was ridiculed.
BOY 1
Dude, check out this freak.
BOY 2
Hey freak, what's up with those ears, man? Like who do you think you are?
CEREAL KILLER
(in whiny, annoying voice)
I'm the Trix rabbit man!
(points to picture on box)
The Trix rabbit!
(boys laugh and point)
CEREAL KILLER
what? why are you guys making fun of me? what'd I do?
(cries)
(kids continue laughing)
NARRATOR
He was an outcast
(cereal killer despondently sits on the curb and dramatically gazes up at the sky)
CEREAL KILLER
Who am I?
NARRATOR
He and his one true love were forever separated by cruel fate
(cereal killer strokes bowl of Trix lovingly)
CEREAL KILLER
My precious...
(sweet looking little girl walks up and grabs bowl away from cereal killer)
LITTLE GIRL
Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids!
(girl skips away. cereal killer watches her leave with an expression of sadness and disbelief)
(cut to shot of  6 teens clutching their cereal boxes in paranoia)
NARRATOR
Now the forbidden Fruit Loop must be tasted.
(cut to shot of Kayla walking into her bathroom in a bathrobe and discovering a box of Trix with a knife stuck in it lying on the floor and surrounded by the cereal. Kayla flees from the room, screaming.)
NARRATOR
And he's playing for keeps
(cut to shot of cereal killer chasing 6 teenagers through the woods; kids are screaming and running toward the camera; they 'run over' cameraman; camera falls and is now looking at the sky. kids run back and huddle around, looking down at the camera.)
AMANDA
oh my gosh!
MARGARET
we killed the cameraman!
MIKE
Dude, are you ok?
KAYLA
Someone call an ambulance!
NARRATOR
He has become...
(cereal killer puts on scream mask)
NARRATOR
...the Cereal Killer!
GIRL
I'm so scared....
(takes a messy bite of Cheerios - dribbles and slobbers everywhere. starts crying.)
I'm so SCARED!
(cut to still shot of the Trix rabbit's face reflected into a knife sticking out the box. words 'the cereal killer' fly onto the screen.)
NARRATOR
The Cereal Killer. This film is not yet rated. Coming soon to a theater near you
(scene goes black)
...or NOT!
THE END
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