He let a moan escape his mouth at
the feel of her small, warm mouth around him.
She pushed down and then pulled up, taking him with her. He had to admit, getting head was the best
way to wake up. It made him smile and he
let out a deep breath, not opening his eyes yet, just savoring the feel. “Shit, girl.”
It had been good to have her back
in his arms. He had missed her more than
he realized. It all hit him when he
started to get teary after she called him to tell him that she had a week off
and would be coming home.
Home. It was the place he had missed the most. The tour had come to a close and now he had
the rest of the year to do whatever the hell he pleased. She still had a couple weeks left on her
tour, but then she was going to come home and they’d finally get to be
together, just them.
They’d been together almost a full
week, except for the few shows she had in LA, and she was going to have to head
back out in the next couple days. She’d
been distant and that hadn’t gone unnoticed, but the night before they had made
love for two hours straight and had held each other. She had even confessed about how she couldn’t
wait to have this time off with him.
Afterwards, when she had started crying about how scared she was that
she knew she wanted to spend her life with him, all the distance between them
flew away.
And apparently she was feeling
damn good to wake him up that way.
His life was finally back to the
way he wanted it. She had disappeared, left him alone, and while at first he was a
little shocked, disappointed and quite confused, he finally let it go. Well, after a couple weeks of acting like a
zombie.
Imagining her at the concert had
been a low point, and having the dream that followed fucked him up in the head
for a little while. But then he realized
she had to have been completely imaginary because once he had the dream that
she disappeared, she did. She was gone
and it didn’t take him too long to get over her. He knew it was a weird situation, but it was
one that he was ready to put behind him.
He was ready to move forward with
his life and go on with Britney. Trace
had called him on the change in his attitude and seemed highly thankful that he
was back to normal. In fact, he had
plans to come up the next week after Britney left, and they were going to try
hit up every golf course in the surrounding 60 miles. He smiled at his life.
But a groan left his mouth when
she started going faster. He had to stop
her before she made him get off. He
could feel all his muscles start to clench and moved his hands down to her head
to pull her away. If he was going to cum
it was going to be inside of her and not on her face. He knew she didn’t like that.
Her hair felt a little different
in his hands, a little more thick than normal, but figured that was because of
the extensions they had added for the tour.
He gasped when she just wouldn’t stop and opened his eyes to look into
hers to get her to pull off.
But when his eyes focused
correctly he thought he couldn’t see again.
He was blinded. This couldn’t be
happening to him. Not again. It was finished. They were through.
It couldn’t be her.
She pulled off him and shook out
her brown hair a little, then licked her lips.
“You want me to stop?”
He pulled himself further up on
his bed. For some reason he didn’t
really recognize his own room, but he knew it was his. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m…” She bowed her head with a shy smile and
whispered, “ya know…” before moving up towards him and reaching out to hold him
in her hand.
He slapped her hand away receiving
a doe-eyed look in response. “No! Stop!
You were supposed to have disappeared!”
He rubbed his hands over his eyes hoping that maybe it’d make her leave
or make him wake up or whatever the hell would work to get her to disappear
again. He had just gotten over her and
now she was back. She just wasn’t fair. “I- I can’t keep DOING this!”
She began to pout and he hated
that he found it sexy. She was a
torturous vixen. “But I’ve missed you.”
He rolled off the bed and away
from where she was trying to grab at him.
He put his back to the wall and beat his head once against it, praying
it would jolt him out of this misery. If
she was real he wouldn’t have a problem with her. Well, he’d have to decide between her and
Britney, but at least he would have some control. In these damn dreams there was no
control. He couldn’t say no, he couldn’t
force himself to wake up, and even though he thought he had, he couldn’t get
rid of her. “Well, I haven’t missed you.
I’ve finally gotten over you.
W-why do you DO this to me?”
A horrible gruesome thought came
to his head. What if he killed her? She wasn’t real so it wouldn’t be
murder. He could go to the kitchen, get
a knife, come back up and then close his eyes as he stabbed her. That way he wouldn’t have to see her when he
did it. She’d probably not die and end
up killing him in return. He shook his head;
he shouldn’t have thought such terrible things.
But he did want to get rid of
her. He had to.
“I don’t…” He took a deep breath, “I don’t want you
around any more, Darcy.”
He didn’t know where it came from
but there it was. Darcy. That was her name.
Her eyes were watering and her lip
quivering when she responded, “Y-you want me to go?”
He nodded, trying to not let her
crying affect him. He hated when she
cried. “Yes.”
“I-I’m sorry.” Her shoulders started to move with sobs and
something pulled at his heart and his chest started to ache.
He sighed and breathed out her
name. “Darcy…” He closed his eyes and expelled the air that
seemed to be choking him in his lungs.
He wanted to go to her and hold her but he knew he had to be
strong. He couldn’t give into her. Not this time.
When he opened his eyes, his world
tilted and he had to shake himself to brace what was in front of him. It was Britney, with a rather confused and
upset look on her face.
“Who the fuck is Darcy?” Her voice was thick with attitude and he was
not prepared to have this conversation.
He shook himself and rubbed his
eyes, making sure that he was seeing correctly.
This couldn’t have happened to him again. His blue eyes blinked at her
expression, which hadn’t changed at all.
“Wh-what?”
Her eyebrows merged and her hand
was on her hip. He tried not to let the
fact that she was sitting there with her breast all over the place and the fact
that he had just had a dream about getting head affect him, but it was quite
difficult. “You’re moaning some bitch’s
name in your sleep and breathing hard.”
He reached out his hand to her
arm, trying to calm her. He didn’t want to
get into this now. “It was just a dream.
And it wasn’t even a sex dream, so just go back to sleep.”
Her eyes narrowed and after a few
minutes she snatched her hand away and stumbled out of bed. She looked to the side for a second, staring
off to space like she was remembering something, and then suddenly ripped back
over her hips the pair of basketball shorts she had been lounging in the night
before, the ones he had ripped off her.
“You were lying to me that time!”
He realized she was referring to
the sex dream incident. He didn’t want
to go down that road again. He didn’t
want to have to explain it to her. He
moved his elbows out from where they had been supporting him up and flopped
back on the bed. He hit the bed with his
hand once and sighed. “Britney, let it
go and come back to bed, please?”
He looked up to see her poking her
head through the yellow tank she wore the night before. She pulled her arms
through and then stared at him for a moment.
He tried to seduce her into bed a little by licking his lips and
wiggling his finger at her. He was
trying to forget that he had just had another dream about her, well, now he could call her Darcy. He was also trying to forget that he had
figured out her name. For some reason
that seemed like a monumental occasion.
He wasn’t supposed to be thinking like that, though. He was over her. He had forgotten about her. She was just a memory, just a dream.
Soon Britney’s eyes stared to
water and the defensive stance she had had crumbled. Her shoulders slumped and her breath caught
in her whiney voice, “Ar-are you
cheating on me? Is that why you were so
weird on tour?”
He couldn’t believe she would
accuse him of that. He rolled his eyes,
not really wanting to get out of bed, half because he had a hard on and didn’t
want her yelling at him for that and half because he didn’t want to get up
yet. He pulled his legs off the side of
the bed and walked toward her, feeling a little awkward standing there naked in
front of her and not knowing why. Usually
they were extremely comfortable with one another, too comfortable some would
say. “No! No! Please, B…”
He wrapped his hands around her arms, but she just looked down at the
floor with a pout. “…just let it
go. It’s nothing. I swear I’m not-“
Suddenly her eyes went wide; her
hand shot to cover her mouth and two tears fell from her eyes. It frightened him to see her loose it that
quickly. Her voice was smaller and
quieter than he had ever heard it. Worse
than when her grandmother died and worse that one time a year ago when she
thought she was part of the 1% that birth control didn’t work on and just knew she
was pregnant. It had proven just to be a
late period because of an excess amount of stress she was experiencing at the
time and he knew she wasn’t pregnant, but she had acted like a mad woman for
about three days. “Oh...oh shit.”
“What?”
“He…” She broke away from him and started to pace,
something she only did when she was freaked out. He hated not knowing what was going on with
her. “I can’t believe he told you.”
He pushed out a laugh to try and
show her that he wasn’t upset at anything.
“What are you talking about?”
“I knew he wouldn’t be able to
keep his mouth shut.”
He stepped forward trying to stop
her from pacing, but she just turned and walked the other way. “What the hell, B?”
She stopped and patted her chest a
little, tears still falling and her eyes showing anger and horror. He was starting to get a little freaked out
himself. “I told him to let ME tell
you. It was my fault, my problem, not
his.”
“Britney…”
She stopped and laughed at herself
and then rubbed the tears off her cheeks.
“I can’t believe I’m mad at you for this, when I was the one who started
it.”
He couldn’t help it anymore. He hated being left in the dark and hated
knowing that his girlfriend was clearly messed up about something and he knew
nothing about it and didn’t know what to do to help. He lashed out and grabbed her, forcing her to
sit down on the bed. She looked a little
shocked but it went away when he kneeled before her, keeping his hands on her
arms so she wouldn’t move. He looked at
her with honest concern and said, “Ok, calm down and tell me what the hell is
going on.”
She jerked against him in an
attempt to get away, but he wouldn’t let her move. “Oh, do NOT play dumb! You’re just trying to get me to spell it out
to you. You always try to make me feel
horrible whenever I do something wrong so that I’ll cry. I think it makes you feel better when I cry.”
It was his last bit of sanity when
she said that. She knew better than to
say that. He had cried to her about how
much he hated it when she cried. She was
trying to make him feel like shit and he called her on it. He stood up, stumbling a little and then
walked over to throw on some boxers.
“Ok, you know I hate it when
you start crying. Especially when I
don’t have a FUCKING clue what is going on.”
“Is she pretty?” She asked with
attitude.
“Who?”
“Darcy.”
He groaned and flipped on the
light to his walk-in closet, walking in to grab shirt but mainly just to get
away from her for a moment. He called
out to her form the closet, “Britney.
Please. I don’t know anyone named
Darcy. Some dream girl, I guess.”
“Right,” she said sarcastically.
He closed his eyes and threw the
shirt that was in his hands on the ground.
He gritted his teeth and said “fuck” silently, before stalking back out
and pointing a finger at her. “Ok, you
wanna know the truth? For about four
years I have been having these dreams off and on about every couple months
about this girl. I’ve never met
her. Sometimes we have sex, sometimes we
talk. I was having a dream right then
and I finally knew her name and it was Darcy.
But I’ve been trying…” She
started to laugh and he felt sick to his stomach. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything. “What?”
“God, and you call ME immature at
times.” She rolled her eyes.
“It’s the truth!”
She waved her hand at him and then
looked down at the nails that were on the hand she waved. “Bull shit
Justin. You don’t have to make up
fucking stories to make us feel better.
I know you have this notion in your head that me and you are gonna live
together forever, but I really think you’ve been reading too much US
magazine. Cause ya know? We’re really only together because we know
each other and it’s comfortable.”
It felt like she was holding her
small manicured hands around his neck and was slowly squeezing in his vocal
chords and wind pipe. This wasn’t the
girl he knew, or once knew. He softened
his tone and tried to step forward but his body seemed too heavy. “B- Britney…”
She shook her head and lifted one
of her hands in the air, flipped it over and held it there. “I mean.
What did I expect? You to forgive me?
You to come back crawling and tell me you didn’t care, that you needed
me anyway?”
His voice was still small. Fear ran through him as well as adrenaline
but still, he couldn’t move. He knew
something was about to happen, he just didn’t know what. “What are you talking
about?”
She rolled her head at him and
then her eyes. “I’m talking about me sleeping with Wade and you sleeping with some girl
named Darcy.”
He shook his head and looked at
her again, wondering if he heard her correctly.
When nothing in the room changed, nothing in his mind changed, he
knew. It was like she had hurled an axe
through his chest. He even stepped back at
the imaginary force and gulped. He took
in a deep breath, and when he let it out some type of strange noise came out of
his mouth.
The only thing running through his
head was one word, no.
Her “duh” expression faded and she
looked at him a little more seriously, “Why do you look so shocked?”
He took another deep breath and
was amazed by how low and calm and even his voice was when he said, “So...you
think that Wade told me about you two fucking, and therefore I went and fucked
some girl to get back at you.”
She turned on the bed and stared
at him. He couldn’t believe she wasn’t
flipping about this. Maybe it was
because she didn’t give a damn that she had slept with someone else. Maybe it was because she thought he had done
the same thing. But he hadn’t done the
same thing. He had been faithful, he had
loved her, and he had wanted to spend his life with her. And all she had to say was, “Well, duh
Justin.”
“Britney…”
When he said her name she seemed
to realize that something wasn’t right and her voice shook, “Wh-what?”
He closed his eyes, feeling the
sting of tears build up in his bottom eyelid.
He licked his lips and clenched his fist. “Wade never told me shit. And I haven’t cheated on you, ever.” He paused and opened his eyes to look at
her. “You know me better than that.”
She stood up and narrowed her eyes
like she was going to challenge him. “You’re
trying-“ But
then her voice caught in her throat and she was forced back onto the bed by
probably the same invisible powerful force that made him step back. She gulped and stared at him with the widest
eyes he had ever seen. “Oh- oh shit.”
“Yeah….oh fucking shit.” His words
were slow.
“Justin, I…”
He put up a hand to stop her and
moved so that he could lean onto the wall. He had to support himself somehow or he was
gonna crumble down. “What happened?”
“What do you-”
He cut his eyes and his voice
straight to her, and when she jumped he knew he had made his feelings
known. “Don’t pull that innocent little
girl shit now Britney. I know you a hell
of a lot better than that. Give it to me
straight. I wanna know how the fuck this
happened.”
“Wade didn’t tell you?”
He hated when she pulled that
little innocent girl voice out of her ass.
He knew that she wasn’t a little girl, though she seemed to resort back
to those ways in awkward situations.
This situation was more than awkward, though. It was life changing. He could see his world crumbling down around
him. He knew that when he woke up, if he
woke up the next day, nothing would be the same. Everything in his 21 years of life would be
rearranged some how. She had done
that. She had messed up his plans and
messed up his life. He didn’t know how
to cope with it. He didn’t know whether
to cry or to punch something or to just let it go.
He didn’t know what to do. “Nope, and if he did I’d still wanna hear what you have to say.”
She took a moment to just sit
there and cry and he watched her do it, for the first time in his life,
enjoying the picture she made when she cried.
After a minute or two, she took a big breath and sniffed “I…You were
acting so weird,Justin. What was I supposed to do? I hated going on tour. You know I didn’t wanna
go. I’m exhausted and I…”
He cut her off, tired of her
running around the subject. “Get to the point.”
“I got really wasted…” She paused, closed her eyes and breathed out
the next few words, “Really wasted
but I couldn’t have been too wasted because I remember-”
“You remember him fucking you?”
“Justin I…”
His eyes narrowed and he crossed
his arms over his chest, feeling anger swell inside of him. “Was it good?”
“No, I…”
He shook his head. He couldn’t believe this. She had cheated on him. She had cheated on him with someone he
considered his closest friend. That
close friend of his had it coming to him and he couldn’t wait to get his hands
on the bastard. “I can’t believe you
fucked Wade. Of all people to fuck.”
Her voice raised two octaves.
“Stop saying that! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean-”
He couldn’t help but let the
images fly into his head of them together and he started to feel nauseous. “Oh,
you didn’t mean for him to put his dick inside you? Oh, whoops!
How the hell did that happen?”
“Stop it!” she screeched, making
her yell echo in the empty house.
He stepped forward now, towering
over her and feeling some type of sick, twisted empowerment by shadowing over
her crying figure. “Why should I? I’ve put everything I had into us.”
“What about this Darcy girl?”
He lashed his hand out, and she
ducked out of the way and crawled to the other side of the bed to get away from
him. “Get off the fucking Darcy girl!! She isn’t real. Call up Trace! He’ll tell you all the fucking shit! Why the hell-?”
His voice caught and he looked at
her for a moment. She made him sick and
all he wanted to do was curl up and die.
He turned around and sat down on the bed, not able to stand looking at
her anymore. He felt the sobs rising in
his body, but he didn’t want to break down in front of her. He didn’t want her to see how much she had
hurt him. He couldn’t handle it.
“What?”
His breath caught and he let the
tears that had been ready to fall to do so.
“Why did you do this to me? To
what we had? You could have come to me
and told me. You could have called me…”
“You think I didn’t try? I always tried to fucking call you after
shows. Cause remember? We were supposed to call each other then, every
night at
He surged up again and narrowed
his eyes at her. They were both pitiful
pictures. Tears on their faces, eyebrows
bunched, bitten lips, completely and utterly lost. “Don’t blame this one me! I didn’t cheat on you. I wasn’t the one who told Wade to put this-”
She jumped up and screamed at him
before he graphically spoke about what she had done with their mutual friend,
“SHUT UP!”
“WHY!” he screamed back.
She stared pacing again, this time
screaming and pulling at her hair. “I
don’t want to hear it! I can’t! I had…I had to go through the REST of the
tour staring him in the face and know that I fucked him. Do you know what that’s like?”
He couldn’t believe she was trying
to act like the victim. It made him sick
and it made him want to hit her. He
cursed to himself for thinking that. He
had never thought about hitting another woman but now, for some reason he had
very violent thoughts. He just couldn’t
believe this was happening to him, again.
“What? To cheat
on someone? Nope. But I have been cheated on before
Britney. What is it? What is so fucking wrong with me that you damn women can’t be faithful?”
She stopped for a moment and
sniffed before slumping her shoulders and sitting on the bed with her legs
curled under her and her facing him.
“Nothing’s wrong. You just- you
weren’t there…and you…”
“What? What is it?”
Her eyes lifted to him and she
looked at him very sincerely. “You know
how you told me you think Veronica and that other girl cheated on you because
you smothered them.”
He didn’t want to hear that. He couldn’t hear that that was the reason. He couldn’t deal with it. He wanted to run out of the room and away
from the house. He couldn’t hear those
words. For some reason he pressed on, “Y-yeah…”
“Well you do kinda pressure me,
Justin.”
His lip quivered and he was about
to let the dam break. “Thank-”
Then she cut him off with a soft
look in her eyes. “But I liked it. I liked knowing that you loved me that much,
that you gave me THAT much attention and not all this bull shit, fake attention
all these other people I know give me.
You really loved me, but
then…then you stopped.”
His head jerked. He couldn’t have been hearing right. He never stopped loving her. She must have been brainwashed. “What?”
“You stopped calling and you
stopped worrying, and you started being angry and upset and tired and sick and
I thought you were…I thought…”
“What?”
She looked down at her lap and
shrugged, “I thought you didn’t love me anymore.”
He exploded.
“God you little…you little BITCH! Why are you making this out to be my fault? You’re the one who cheated! You’re the one that…that…”
She shied away from him even
though he was pacing the floor a good ten feet from her. “I’m sorry…”
He stopped and shook his head at
her. “With Wa-Wade?”
“I…”
He punched his right fist into his
left palm and bit his lip. Someone
needed to pay for this. Someone needed
to physically be hurt and only one person came to mind. He had to be in the area because Britney’s
tour was in the area. He’d pay. “That
son of a bitch. That fuckin’ son of bitch.”
He quickly went to his closet,
picked the white undershirt back up and pulled it over him. He then pulled on some shorts, much like the
ones Britney was wearing, and slipped on some sandals. He started to the door, walking across the
room. “Where are you going?”
He turned back to her and she was
following him. “Leave me alone.”
“No, Justin don’t go find him.
It’s not…”
“Leave me alone Britney!” he
gritted, making it to the steps.
She grabbed his arm hard and
jerked him towards her. “Don’t!”
“Get OFF me!”
It took him a while to realize
what he had done. He didn’t mean to put
that much force into it, but he had. She
was leaning against the wall holding onto the back of her head. He had pushed her too hard and she had fallen
against the wall.
She looked up at him with shocked
eyes. “O-owe…”
The nauseous feeling came back and
he rushed to her, holding her in his arms.
He repeated himself over and over and then pulled away to look at
her. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,
I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?”
“No…”
It was then when he realized that
he shouldn’t have held her, shouldn’t have pushed her, and shouldn’t have
yelled at her. She had fucked up. She had ruined them, but he still loved
her. He didn’t know what to do, so he
stepped away from her and let her go.
She sank down against the wall and held her knees, crying and not
seeming to care that he was there watching her.
“Sh-shit…”
The wall met his back and he grabbed the mantel to try to support himself. It all
seemed to hit him right then. The day
before, his life had been back on track.
It had been perfect. She had been
perfect. They had made love and talked
and everything was going right. He was
refreshed and felt wonderful. And now…
All because of
the damn dream. If only she hadn’t revisited him, none of this
would have happened. He was really
starting to hate her, whoever the Darcy girl was. She had distracted him, she
had possessed him, and she had fucked up everything that was good in his
life. He was lost and terrified.
He didn’t know how to solve this
problem. He didn’t know how to make things
get back to the way they were anymore. He
rubbed his eyes with his palms and took in a deep breath which didn’t seem to
work and he was thirsty for air afterwards.
He spoke in a shy voice, “I mean, God Britney. What do we do now?”
When she didn’t say anything in
response, he knew: they were over. He
slid down the wall and sat there across from her, letting a big portion of his
life slide down with him and die.
He looked over at her and she
didn’t dare look at him. He felt tired
and sick and wanted to get up and get away from her, call his mom or Trace or
someone and ask them what he should do.
But when he made the effort to
move, he wasn’t able to stand back up.
So they both just sat there,
silent, broken, and no longer the people they once were.