A month or so later, about Late
June
Justin stretched his arms up in
the air. He was sitting in a rather
uncomfortable chair. It felt good and he
made a slight groan feeling his back pop.
He snapped forward and stared at the lady across the desk from him. She cocked an eyebrow at him and he
sighed. “I can’t believe you’re out of
Sprite, Cathy. I could have you fired.”
She rolled her eyes and looked
back at some paperwork scattered on her desk.
“Go on and try it! I could use an
early retirement. Why are you here so
early and bothering me?”
He flashed a smile and reached
across to desk to pick up a peppermint in the small blue dish she had
there. “Because, you love me.”
“I wish Sondy was here. Then you’d be bothering her,” she said in a
flat tone.
Justin unwrapped the candy and
popped it in his mouth. He shoved the
confection into his check and said, “Me too.
She was hot. Guess what?”
Cathy rolled her eyes, slapped her
hand to her forehead and groaned, “I have no idea.”
“I gotta date tonight,” he said
winking.
“Really? With who?”
“Some chick.” He shrugged and
yawned. She was a friend of a guy they
went out clubbing with occasionally. He
had seen her out a couple times and always thought she was hot. Finally, he got
the nerve to ask her out on a real date.
He didn’t really know what he was gonna do with her yet. Perhaps go out to eat and come back and watch
a movie. He hoped she’d be ok with
that. And he also hoped he’d get a
little action at the end of the night, perhaps.
Cathy stifled a laugh. “Oh wow, you’re gonna charm her.”
“Nah, she’s a friend of a
friend. I met her a couple times out and
about at parties. Figured why the hell
not, ya know?”
The older lady smiled at him,
picking out a peppermint for herself. “My daughter might need a prom date next
year. Can I call you if she’s desperate?”
“Is she hot?” he laughed.
“Did your mother not teach you any
manners?”
He immediately took offense to
that and sat up straight from where he had been slouching in the chair. He cocked his head to the side. Normally he’d
never challenge anyone older than him, especially if they were a woman. But if they talked about his mom, it was on
whether they were male, female, young or old.
“My momma did a fine job!” He
eased off a little when he saw the surprised look on her face at his raised
voice. “You know I’m just playin’ with
ya Cathy. I’m in a good mood.”
“I can tell.” She smiled.
The big wooden door to Dr.
Baitman’s office opened and a younger, attractive man with sandy colored hair
in a white lab coat with a shirt and khakis on underneath came out, followed by
Dr. Baitman himself. Justin stared at
the other man. He looked familiar but he
couldn’t place where he’d seen him before.
He shook it off and turned his eyes to the man he knew. “Well, hey Justin. How are you doin’ today?”
“Super. What’s up Dr. B?” He stood up from the chair and routinely
shook Dr. Baitman’s hand.
“Not much. I’d like you to meet Dr. Alden Height.” He motioned to the younger man beside
him. “He’s part of that new psychiatry
firm that we joined with.”
“Hey…nice to meet you.”
Justin shook his hand, getting a
weird feeling. He just couldn’t place
it. He met a lot of people in his line
of work, but he was usually pretty good about remembering where he saw someone. Names were another thing. He couldn’t remember anyone’s name. It had always proved to be an embarrassment
to him. Shit, what was this dude’s name?
Something with an H. “You too.”
Dr. Baitman walked over to Cathy
and handed her a folder and started talking to her, and Justin was left there
with the other man. He wanted to dash
out of there, or at least past the dude that was staring at him with a goofy
smile. Oh shit, this was awkward. The guy cleared his throat and said, “Me
and my sister went to your concert a couple months ago. She was flipping. She loves you guys.”
“That’s cool.”
He jumped when he felt a hand on
his shoulder and saw Dr. Baitman walk beside him and towards his office. “You ready Justin?”
“Sure.” With a small wave and a quiet “bye” he
quickly found himself sprawled out on the couch with Dr. Baitman in his chair,
glasses on his nose, legal pad in his lap and ready to go. “So how are you doin’ today,” the doctor
asked.
“Great. Got me a date tonight. Yeah buddy!”
The doctor gave him an amused look
and smiled at him. “Well that’s
good. Getting out into the world is
always a good thing.”
Justin clapped his hands together
and sighed. “So what are we talking ‘bout today?”
“Well, let’s see.”
He watched Dr. B look through his
legal pad of notes for a moment, and then sucked the air through his teeth and
said, “I forgot the journal. But the
only dream I remember having the past week was about
The truth was, he had stopped
writing in the journal. He would forget
and last time he had been on his way out the door when he remembered it and ran
upstairs to get it. He spent 15 minutes
in the car trying to remember his dreams for the past week and ended up creating
a few boring ones to jot in there. He
hadn’t dreamt of her in so long. It was
getting to be almost three months. He
would be lying if he said he didn’t miss her.
He did. But now he was getting
over her. Or at least he thought he
was. He hardly thought of her
anymore. He was slowly getting over
Britney, too. He didn’t miss her as much
and realized how much she had been strangling her a little.
Sure he felt lonely sometimes when
he was at his house alone. He missed
having her curl up to him on the couch or come up to him randomly and give him
a hug. And yeah, going without sex for
months sucked. It more than
sucked. It was horrible. He never realized how horney he was until he
was left without a girlfriend, hell, even a dream girl to appease his appetite,
so to speak.
But he had been out on a date or
two.
He had made out with a girl at
this party a friend had a couple weeks ago and ended up getting a blow job out
of it. It was weird, though. It was the first blow job since Britney. In
fact, he had only had two girls his whole life do that to him. It was weird.
But he liked it. Yeah, things
were definitely looking up.
“We’ll save it for next time. Today I want to talk to you about an issue
you mentioned last time, but wouldn’t go further into.”
“What was that?”
“You’re parent’s divorce.”
He groaned and looked away. He didn’t really wanna talk about that. He didn’t see the point. “I just don’t see what’s the big deal. I mean, isn’t it like 50% of couples end in
divorce now. It’s not like I’m some
specialty case. And my parents didn’t
end their relationship on some really horrific note. They both ended up with really great
people. I mean, I barely remember it, it
was so long ago.”
“You told me that your past
girlfriends said you smothered them.
Maybe your parents divorce is the reason why. Maybe you’re afraid if you don’t show them so
much affection you’ll lose them.”
He looked down at his lap and said
quietly, “Man, I don’t know about all that.”
He didn’t like to think that his
parents divorce had any major effect on him.
At first he was a little traumatized, but he figured that was just how
most kids dealt with it. He was young and it had been so long ago. He never thought of it as losing a dad. He had lived just a couple miles away. He saw his dad a lot, well, until he got
going in
He hated when Dr. B would ask him
questions like this and pry and try to make parts of his life into something
more than they were. In fact, the more
he thought about it, the more he thought that maybe, just maybe he was
cured. He hadn’t had her visit him, he hadn’t even thought about her in so long. He was happy with his life now. Yeah, he missed Britney still, but he was
happy. He was single, and while at first
it seemed like that was some huge weight on his shoulders, now, now he felt
light and free.
Yeah, he still got lonely. But he was ok. He was doing just fine. He wasn’t depressed anymore. At least, he didn’t think he was.
But he had made a decision. No more girls, unless they’re just for
fun. No more serious shit. No more four years wasted. No more cheating. If he was single for the rest of his life,
fine; but he wasn’t going to be fucked over again.
And he was going to try his
damndest to keep Darcy away and out of his mind.
So far, he was doing good.
And maybe tonight Kelly will make
him do real good.
He thought about her with her cute
little blonde hair cut and her firm ass and boob showing tops she always
wore. She wasn’t a slut, at least he didn’t
think so, but she did know how to dress to turn a man on. He wondered if the first date was too soon to
fuck. It had been a damn long time, and
he had never had sex with anyone but Britney.
He wondered if he could do it. He
almost wanted to test himself. Ya know? Why the hell not. He wasn’t planning on falling in love again, so he couldn’t wait around for that
to be the deciding factor.
Hmm, he thought to himself that
might just have to seduce her.
Yeah. Take her out to a nice dinner, get all lookin’
fine, bring her back and open up a bottle of wine. They could sit on the back porch and he’d
open up to her about Britney. He thought
she’d like that. Maybe he’d try and
cry. Yeah, bring some emotion into
it. Then he’d lean in to kiss her. Oh shit.
It was gonna be good. They’d
start making out on the porch. He’d
start touching her through her top,
maybe even pull her dress or top or whatever aside so he could suck her
nipple.
Then she’d be all his.
Maybe he’d put his hand up under
her skirt and start fingering her. Hmm,
would she wear panties? He hoped not. Nah, she’d probably have a thong on. But she’d be wet. Oh
yeah, she’ll be wet.
He’d take her up the stairs. Wait, no.
Maybe they’d do it right there on the porch. Yeah, fucking on the back deck. Damn,
he thought. He wondered what she looked
like naked. She’d probably have a tattoo
on her lower back, or lower stomach. He’d
kiss it.
Shit yes! It’s gonna be a good night!
All of this thinking about sex was
getting him worked up and he figured he needed to get out of there before his
thoughts ran wild. He needed to go pee
and splash some water on his face and clear his mind. He needed to be focused on his real life, not
his sex life.
He took a deep breath and looked
down at his crotch. It wasn’t noticeable
but he was still embarrassed. A
bathroom break was needed.
He cut the older man off from his
long speech. He didn’t even know what he
was talking about. “I gotta go to the
bathroom. Can we pause for a second?”
“No prob.”
He stood up and sauntered back to
the closed door. He got out to the
hallway and realized he had never used the bathroom here before. He turned to Cathy who was giving him a
curious glance.
“Where’s the potty?”
She chuckled and pointed down a
hall. “Right down that hallway beside Dr. Height’s office.”
He nodded and walked straight down
the hallway. He was almost at the door
when he noticed another portrait of Freud on the wall. He stopped and stared at it a foot away. It was a much younger picture of him. He still had a little bit of hair, still had
a beard, but it wasn’t white yet and he didn’t have those round glasses. He studied the painting and saw that it was
on canvas, it was an original.
He shook his head. Why the hell was he so interested in that
damn painting? How had his mind done a
180 from the sex thoughts he had moments before. Ooo, sex.
Sex with Kelly. Oh, it was gonna
be so nice!
He turned and started to walk the
other way, smiling to himself. He hadn’t
walked two steps until he was pelted from behind and had to step forward twice
to gain his balance.
He righted himself and turned
around exclaiming, “What the hell?”
He hoped some psycho didn’t get
loose. Instead, there was a girl on the
floor, picking up plastic bag of food and her purse. Her brown wavy hair was in her face and she
was apologizing.
She seemed to be laughing at her
self, but deeply apologetic when she
said, “I’m sorry. Oh my god, I’m sooo
sorry.”
He shook his head and
blinked. Her voice was…well it was nice,
and sweet, and pleasant, and feminine.
And it was all too familiar.
No, no. It was just a coincidence. He was just tricking himself. He shook his head and looked down at her.
She looked up from the floor.
He felt the air be knocked out of
his lungs and he took a step back. That
imaginary axe came back. He felt nauseous. He felt like he might throw up right there.
He croaked, “Shit.”
“Holy shit!” she yelped.
He stared at her and she stared at
him. No,
no no. Fuck no. What the hell was this? It wasn’t possible. He had forgotten her. She had disappeared and now, now he was
fucking dreaming again. That had to be it.
He’d have to write this one down
for sure. He was in the fucking
psychologist office and she was there.
What a great dream for Dr. B to pick apart.
But the more they stared at each
other, not moving, not blinking, not saying a damn thing, the more he realized
how clear everything seemed around him.
He heard a phone ring and looked up and over to see Cathy answer the
phone. He’d have to test himself for his
own sanity. He took his thumb, put it
against his palm, closed his fingers on it and squeezed. He felt pressure. He felt the cold clamminess of his palm. He licked his dry lips and tasted the sweet
flavor left over by the peppermint. This
was real. No, no…It couldn’t be real.
She was his imagination. He was just going insane. Shit,
he thought he was cured. When he woke up
that morning he took a shower and thought about maybe getting some head that
night by Kelly. He didn’t wake up
thinking about her. He didn’t give a
shit about her anymore. He didn’t long
for her to visit him in his dreams. She
was only there really to please him sexually anyway. And really, usually she’d leave him more
frustrated. A couple times she’d talk to him about shit, but now he had Dr. B
to talk to. And affection wasn’t needed
anymore. Affection was just a fake need
that the media and romance novels and songs and girlfriends made men think they
needed.
Hell, he didn’t need shit. He had his momma for support, Trace for good
times and laughs, Dr. B. to talk about his problems, and Kelly, hopefully, for
sex. That was all he needed. He didn’t need her.
So, why the hell was she back
haunting him? When he woke up that
morning he didn’t think about her. When
he woke up that morning he didn’t cry because he was alone. When he woke up that morning he didn’t roll
over in hopes to find her there.
When he woke up that morning-
He woke up that morning.
So why was he dreaming again?
“Justin?”
He stared at her harder. She said his name like she knew him. There was also surprise in her voice, like
she was shocked he was in front of her.
A slight smile pulled at her lips and her eyes sparkled. It was those damn eyes. Her hair was wavy and framed her face and her
smile was magic. Dammit, she was beautiful. Dammit, he wanted her again.
Something clicked in him. The phone rang again. He heard the air conditioner kick on and come
out of the vent above him and blow cold air on him. He shivered.
He heard a ringing in his ears.
His heart started to beat rapidly.
He stared at her. She smiled at
him. She turned her head to the side and
blinked, that silly smile still on her face.
“I can’t believe it’s you.”
She was whispering, still shocked,
still amazed, still happy to see him. She
cut her eyes back to him.
Holy Shit
He gulped. This wasn’t a dream. This was real. This was fucking reality. She was there in front of him. She knew
him! It hadn’t been a dream. It hadn’t been some weird made up girl. It was really her. He had so many questions he wanted to
ask. There were so many answers he
needed. He wanted to laugh, he wanted to
cry, he wanted to scream.
He was freaked out and elated at
the same time. He let out a half laugh,
half cough and smiled himself. He
thought he was going to choke or throw up or cry or die or something.
He felt so many emotions wash over
him. He had to say something to
her. He had to say something to the
woman that he loved. She was the woman
who was not just in his dreams anymore, but the woman who had found him.
She had found him.
It was her.
He licked his lips and she smiled
brighter. She looked down at the floor,
shyly. Why was she being shy now? They knew each other. She was sometimes shy in the dreams, but that
was normally because of sexual situations. There wasn’t anything sexual going
on right now.
But holy shit he wanted to kiss
her.
He stepped forward and tried his
hardest to make words come out of his mouth.
He tried once and failed.
She was real.
He took a deep breath. There was only one thing he could think of in
that moment, only one thing that was clogging his mind and screaming in his
head. It was one word. He let it out in a hoarse whisper.
“Dar-Darcy…”