Somewhere in the midst of reality and fantasy, he was lost. Everything was so real; from the white puff of air that expelled from his mouth when he breathed, to the smell of the city's stale air. He could hear the sounds of the early, early morning all around him; cars starting, shops opening, a few people getting a head start on their morning routines.
But something wasnt right.
Everything was focused on the diner at the corner. It seemed like a weird moment in the movie Plesantville, where everything else was in black and white and the diner was lit up in a mix of pale blue and pink neon lights displaying "7th Avenue Diner."
The lights from inside made it glow, as if sent from above. The windows were crystal clear, letting him zoom into the diner like x-ray vision. But he couldnt find what he was looking for-who he was looking for.
He walked faster; his legs picking up the pace and his calves straining. He would have ran but that would have made a scene, and the last thing he wanted to do was make a scene.
A car whized past, a limo to be exact. He thought about his life behind tinted glass. What if they knew? What if they found out? What would they say about her? Would they praise him or scold him for being stupid and childish?
Would they approve of his secret rendevous with this mysterious woman?
None of that matter now becuase he was there. The 7th Avenue Diner's silver and glass doors were right in front of him. The whole diner gave him the feel of the 50s meeting the Jetsons look. It was a diner but had some strange futuristic flare that went well with the 50s decor. He didnt know why he was there, or what made him think to go there, but all he knew was somewhere, somehow he was on a mission to go to this diner.
He knew she'd be there.
And where ever she was...he was.
The door must have weighed 500 pounds because he struggled to get it open. The weather picked up and the wind roared around him and leaves and snow and other debris started flying around in the air. He put his other hand on the door and with all his might heaved the door open just enough so he could slip in.
The sound died and was sucked away like a vacuum. The sounds of The Drifters song "There Goes My Baby" softly played in the background. The smell of coffee and grease invaded his nostrils and the sounds of silverware clinking, the kitchen noises and small chit chat mixed in with the song.
He looked around, from face to face, trying to find her. Old men, young men, reading newspapers, drinking coffee, wearing suits, wearing jeans, all sorts of men were around. But not her, not even a woman besides the waitresses.
He walked to the end of the L shaped diner and sighed. She wasnt there. Maybe his info had been wrong; wires had been crossed incorrectly. He wanted to see her-needed to see her.
It had been a few weeks and he was starting to worry that she had disappeared on him, for forever. And even though she was a mystery to him, and made him more confused than he had ever thought possible, he wasnt sure that the ramifications of her vanishing were possible for him to get through.
With a heavy sigh that moved his whole body, he turned on his feet, stuck his hands in his pockets and kept his head down, looking at the white and gray speckled floor. He walked back to the door and right as he was going to leave he looked up.
And there she was.
She was talking with a waitress who was smacking on gum and looked like she had an attitude to match her dyed-red frizzy hairstyle. The waitress left her sitting there at the table and he watched as she carefully put the menu back behind the napkin despenser and salt and pepper shakers. Her hands then folded perflectly together on the table and he watched her shift in her seat. He bet she was sitting Indian Sytle; she always sat that way.
Her eyes looked around the diner like she had never been there and was inspecting it for safety and cleanliness. While she did this her eyes landed on him, standing there motionless.
Her body seemed to relax against the fake leather booth and a gorgeous smile broke out on her face. He smiled back and walked over to her. His body slid easily into the booth across from her. The frizzy waitress came over to them, gum smacking and all.
"What chu want, suga?"
He looked up at the waitress and smiled. "Coffee, please."
"Anything else?"
"You have cereal?"
She looked down at him like he was a child and cocked an eyebrow. "What kind you want?"
"What kind you got?" He smiled as his companion started to giggle.
"Corn Flakes, Frosted Flakes, Cherrios, and Raisin Bran."
His eyes widened at the lack of choices and forced a smile. "Frosted Flakes." And with that the waitress disapeared.
"Don't you love places with variety?" She said in a quiet giggle and with a perfect smile.
He didnt speak, he didnt have to. His eyes sparkled when they looked into hers and her light brown ones had their own twinkle that danced back to him. She seemed very happy to see him, and he was happy to see her. She looked beautiful; her light brown hair flowed against her shoulders in delicate strans, her lips and cheek blushing with color. She looked perfect, she always did. He bet she didnt even have to put make up on or comb her hair when she woke up in the morning.
He realized she probably didnt wake up as he imagined. But he let that thought escape his mind becuase she was there with him, and thats all he needed to focus on.
He reached across the table and grabbed her hands in his, playing with her fingers and letting his touch and slide against hers.
"What'd you order?" He asked.
Before she had a chance to answer him a big plate filled with scrambled eggs, bacon, and grits was plopped inbetween them. Along with the plate came a small bowl filled with tater tots-the diners idea of hash browns-and a tall glass of orange juice.
"A heart attack." She smiled watching him carefully as he took the small blue and white carton of milk the waitress had sat down and pour it into the white plastic countainer that held his cereal. The blue paper top that he had pulled off the top of the pre-packaged bowl rocked back and forth against the sleek table top in the air condition, which he just realized was working full blast for some strange reason.
"I've always been amazed by how much you can eat and still stay a stick." Justin smiled, his southern drawl flowing full blast with her. He was completely relaxed and compeltely at peace with her around. She was like his warm blanket, a nice fire, or that mug of hot cocoa on a snowy January night. She was cool like a summer dip in a swimming pool, the taste of lemonade after working for a long hot day, or the breeze that accompanies a shade tree. She was everything.
They ate, only mild chit chat interupted the process, and soon he was holding out his hand and asking her silently to take it as they walked down the street.
They didnt pay in the diner, but for some reason they didnt need to. And it baffled him that now it was late-late night, when only a half hour before the day had barely started. But nevertheless, it was night. Yellow cabs whizzed about. People bundled up in coats, hugging to one another, talking loudly as they walked to the surrounding clubs and bars. Neons lights and signs illuminated the street.
But in all the activity nothing existed but them. She was hugging on to his arm, taking some of his warmth and adding on with hers. They walked and walked and walked.
In a short time they had walked more blocks and passed more buildings than he could count, and now they were walking up the stairs, up and up and up and up.
They came to a door that was so familiar in his mind. He watched as she pulled her keys out from somewhere; she didnt have a purse with her. She struggled with the lock, so he decided to pass the time by hugging her from behind and dipping his head down to nuzzle his face inbetween her neck.
He kissed her there. Once. Twice.
She giggled.
The door creaked open and she flipped on the lights and the room lit up. It was the ideal city apartment.
She walked in and he followed. She didnt do anything else but walk straight back to the bed room. She didnt stop to check voice messages, didnt even lock the door. She marched straight back and got to the room.
Once there she let go of his hand and crawled on the bed and under the covers.
She looked up to him and laughed. "Well dont just stand there silly."
"Okay." He smiled back at her and moved to kick off his shoes.
But he wasn't wearing shoes.
He pondered when in the past moments had he shed his clothing down to his underwear, but there he was, standing in the room with just some plain navy boxers on. He walked to her, crawled into the bed and held her. His lips brushed against her shoulders and neck and he could feel and hear her sigh.
She was so beautiful, so special, so perfect. And all his.
Only his.
Lips now kissed along her jawline, straight to her lips where he tilted her head with his hand and kissed her deeply, making sure to take her breath away.
He felt her agaist his body; soft cotton oversized t-shirt, and those damn biker shorts she insisted on wearing- her idea of pajamas.
It was so real; the feel of his tongue agianst hers, her lips locked with his, and especially the feel of her hand reaching behind to run her fingers through his hair. It caused him to groan and she pulled away, returning to kiss him once and then once more.
"Goodnight."
He felt her breath against his moist lips and dipped in one last time before squeezing his arms around her and sighing. "Night, baby."
It felt good and right and when she started whispering his name he didnt want to respond becuase he wanted to revel in the feel of being close to each other.
"Justin..." But his name started growing in volume and before he knew it she was yelling at him, and he couldnt ignore her anymore.
"WHAT?!" He yelled back.
"JUSTIN! What the FUCK is your problem!? You were supposed to be at sound check 20 minutes ago. Dammit kid, what do you think you are doin'?! We all thought you had gotten kidnapped or some shit."
He laid there dumbfounded on the back couch of the bus. He looked around, took in his surroundings and tried to make sense of it all. 3 hours before he had left the confines of the huge collesium and stumbled on the bus after it had come back from refueling. It was quiet and away from eveything and everyone else.
It was his sanity at that moment, and it was his bed. And being as tired as he was he figured sleep would do him good before the show that night.
But that was 3 hours before he had slept through a sound check. And that was 3 hours before Mike was litterally pulling him out of the back of the bus and pushing him out towards the side entrance.
"You should have let someone know you were gonna go take a nap. After last weeks scare with that girl getting in Lance's hotel room we need to know where you guys are and what you are doing pretty much 24/7. You got that?" "Y
es, damn. Sorry I didnt know I had signed up for Big Brother."
Mike sighed and held the door open for Justin as he walked into. "That'd be easier for me. We'd know where yo' crazy ass was all the time."
He turned around and walked backwards, giving his bodyguard a smart-ass look. "But see, then you woudlnt have a job. Cause of the cameras."
"Whatever. What were you dreaming about anyway...I heard you...nevermind, I don't wanna know."
Justin laughed outloud and it echoed against the hallways. "Yo mamma."
"Watch it, white boy."
He started to run before he got a beating and headed towards the stage area. He thought through apologies in his head. "Well guys I was sleeping with this girl." "You see I dream about this girl and i was having breakfast with her." "I over-slept."
The last one seemed most reasonable.
When he reached the stage all the guys were looking at him, pissed as hell. Usually someone was always late for sound check, but never Justin. And no one had ever been almost 30 minutes late before.
He stammered in his explanation of where he had been, but the guys seemed to buy it and the sound check continued as planned.
But somewhere deep in the back of his mind, he thought about her, with her dazziling smile and sophisicated grace. She was breathtaking. Classic. Amazing. Funny. Womanly. His.
But most importantly: she wasn't real.
Each night it was getting harder for him to keep her from seeping into his dreams and taking over his sleeping thoughts.
And each day it was getting harder for him to keep from thinking about her in the daytime.
He had fallen for a girl...
...The girl of his dreams.