Chapter 8
February 17th, 1999...evening
Justin stared at the screen half in shock and half in sorrow. He had been busy the past few days with Britney in town and just had kinda forgot about the internet. SHE wasn't online, but her email had tugged at his heart.
Justin had always been surrounded with a loving family. Even during the divorce he knew his parents still loved him. They made a point to tell him almost everyday during the whole ordeal that it wasn't his fault. He couldn't even fathom what it would be like to think that your parents didn't love you.
He knew she needed to hear some words of comfort, but he really didn't know where to start.
Finally he just began typing.
Subj: Hugs for sale. Buy one get one free...
To: DMBluvr81
Wow. I honestly don't really know what to say. I've never felt like my parents didn't love me. And I don't know you or your dad. Like you said I don't know the background of your relationships with you parents except for what you told me.
You say that your dad loving you is bull shit. Well...forgive me for being mean and cold hearted...but I think your moping around is bull shit.
Don't hit me just yet. Hear me out.
Maybe we were raised differently, but I just can't imagine someone not "loving" their child. I mean, when you have a kid its a part of you (unless you are adopted. You aren't adopted are you?). When you have a baby you have CREATED that child. It would be like hating yourself if you hated your child. Are you following me at all?
Yes, people have problems with voicing their feelings. And even though your dad doesn't seem to have a problem telling your sisters, he might have trouble telling you.
I'm about to psycho analyze this...so prepare yourself.
This is my opinion...which is clearly that..I really don't know...
You are the youngest..right? You say that you weren't planned and you say that your dad wishes you were a boy. So...heres what I think. I think, because of those three things your dad feels like he has let you down. And maybe he even thinks that's he isn't worthy of loving you. Are you and your dad a lot alike? If you are, maybe he feels like he sees himself in you, and he is trying to live out how he wished he was in his youth by you. It's not right, and it's not fair...but it's a logical explanation.
And just a little secret between you and me... I know what its like to have people every single day say "I love you" but not really mean it. You say you are a blunt person but sometimes love is bigger than just bluntly saying those simple 3 words. "I love you" is such a simple thing to say. That's all it is, 3 SIMPLE WORDS. Unless there is meaning behind it, it's nothing. It's like saying, "What is up?" :) No emotional meaning.
Look around you. Forget that the words "I love you" exist and then think, "Does my dad love me?" Don't think, "Has my dad ever told me he loves me?" There's a big difference.
Sorry...kinda just let my fingers do the talking..hahahahaaauhhhh whatever...
Cheer up DMBluvr.
Play some Dave Matthews, clear your head, think about all that you have that others don't. Whenever I feel down I just think about what I have compared to starving kids in China or a kid with AIDS in Africa. Yeah, I know I'm like one of those damn "Feed the children" infomercials, but at least it works. At least it shows me that I have a hell of a lot I need to be thankful for.
So anyways, I'll talk to ya later. Smile for me Lizzie. No...smile for yourself.
I hope that was a good enough hug for you.
-Justin
P.S. I just read over this stuff. Maybe I should look into the field of "motivational speakers." I wonder how much money they make....hehe
Justin's finger moved the mouse to the send button and with a distant smile he sent the email. He left AOL on as he did some random things around his house. And he finally fell asleep watching TV in his room. She never came online, and he thought that was a little strange but he tried not to think about it too much.
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February 20th 1999
Justin's eyes lit up when he heard the dooropen sound on his computer, he minimized the ESPN page he was looking at to check his buddy list. Sure enough there her name was.
CurlyJay23: Where ya been Liz?
After a few moments he got an IM back.
DMBluvr81: This isn't Liz. This is her sister. She's been grounded from her computer and just got it back today, but she's not here. Sorry.
CurlyJay23: Oh ok. Sorry to bother you.
DMBluvr81: It's ok. Who is this? Jacob Dun?
CurlyJay23: No uhh, Justin. We just talk online. Which sister are you?
DMBluvr81: Ohh...so she talks about us? I'm Kim.
CurlyJay23: The cool, popular one with the gay friend.
DMBluvr81: Whoa, I might have to talk to lil lizzie about spilling to much info.
CurlyJay23: Believe me, I'm not going to stalk her. We just talk.
DMBluvr81: Mmmmmhmmm...suuuurree.
CurlyJay23: I see the sarcasm runs in the family.
DMBluvr81: Guess so... Gotta go.
CurlyJay23: bye
Justin sighed and waited for her name to sign off. A minute or two later she still hadn't signed off so he returned to his ESPN page. A few minutes later, he was so enthralled with the article on ACC basketball that he didn't hear the person sneak into his room.
Suddenly his world went black and he felt someone's hands over his eyes. "Guess who?" They said in a weird voice.
"Uhh, I have no clue..really."
"Come on Justin." The voice was definitely a girls, but he didn't know who it was.
"I know it's not my mom. She wouldn't do this sort of thing."
"Hey Just- ohhh sorry." Lance's deep voice echoed in his room.
"LANCE!? Wait...I know its BROWNIE!!!" Justin said happily.
Patty's hands fell from his face and she glared at her boyfriend. "You blew it Lance."
"Sorry." He shrugged and walked into the room.
"What are you guys doing here?" He asked, Xing out the AOL screen.
Patty smiled and studied all the pictures on his dresser. "We were in the neighborhood, saw your car in the driveway, thought we would stop by. Just going to see what you were up to?"
"Oh, well...I was just chillin on the internet. It's kinda been a boring day with it raining and all."
"Yeah, so are you still obsessed with that one internet girl." Lance tried to hide his chuckle.
"What? No, obsessed? pshhh whatever. I still talk to her."
"Have you told her that you are..." Patty gasped for effect and giggled. "Justin Timberlake."
"Nah, she wouldn't even believe me if I did. She doesn't care about pop music. She's cool though."
Lance leaned against the dresser and smirked at him. "Mmmhmm, cool eh?"
"Lance shut up. It's not funny. Gosh, don't you people ever get online? It's called chatting. It's not a big deal." Justin shrugged trying to get his point across.
"Whatever, so you wanna go get something to eat with us? Ride around. Find something to do."
"Uh, sure."
Patty smiled and walked towards his door. "Ok, I'm going to go talk to your mom. Don't take too long getting ready, Juju."
"Shut up, Brownie. Don't call me that."
She turned around and smiled sweetly at him. "Ok, juju."
"You're girlfriend is mean." Justin pouted, going to his closet to find a new shirt to put on.
"Nah, just to you." Lance chuckled.
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Late that night
Justin collapsed on to his bed. After eating with Lance and Patty they had all gone over to Patty's played some pool and watched a movie. He had just got home and was quite tired. He signed on AOL as he shed his clothing and got ready for bed.
He quickly walked over to his laptop when he heard the words "You've got mail."
He clicked on his mailbox and sighed.
Subj: smile
Date: 2/20/99 8:24 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: DMBluvr81
To: CurlyJay23
:) <---It's a smile
Happy?
-Me
p.s. thanks for the hug
Justin smiled. "You're welcome Lizzie." He breathed quietly before signing off.