2 days later, early evening
Candles flickered in the dim blue lighting, making weird moving shadowy shapes dance across the floor and walls of her living room. Not a sound could be heard but her own breathing, and the purring of Muffy.
Loneliness.
Her exact feeling. She never felt more alone than she did right then. It had been so long for her. At least 6 years since she had last been truly LOVED. The only affection she had gotten was the occasional hug from one of her sisters or mother, and the small amount of company that Muffy provided.
She thought she had gotten over this. She thought that enough time had past that she had become immune to the need of love. She was independent and didn't need things like this. But now it had crashed back into her. And the absence of love, affection, and comfort washed over her, like a steady cold winter breeze, causing goosebumbs to rise on her skin and tears to build up in her eyes. She took in a deep breath and it was released in a shaky manner.
The last time she had had someone to hold her was Trevor. And now knowing that everything he had said to her was a lie, she felt like never in her life had she had someone, specifically of the male species that cared about her. Maybe she was supposed to be one of THOSE women. That grow up old, alone, with just their cats and the take up bird watching or become like Martha Stewart. She laughed, and it ended up choked in her throat. She then realized she had been crying. It wasn't like her to cry. She was a tough, independent, strong, 27 year old, well in less than a week she would be 28.
In dawned on her. She was getting older, and older. And she still had failed to "snag" a man as her sister Kim would say.
Her thoughts immediately rushed towards one person, one name, one...thing.
Her head slowly turned and she looked over her shoulder to her computer. She had snagged someone, in a sense.
She sniffed, and pushed Muffy off her lap, before she stood up and slowly padded over to her computer. Her bare feet made no noise as she walked, and she pulled her cotton robe around her body a little tighter and then sat down.
With a slight move of the mouse, the screen saver was taken away and the AOL sign on screen appeared. Her pointer finger hovered above "enter" and by accident, on reflex she pressed the key.
Her breath was sucked quickly into her lungs and she waited, not exhaling. She had returned that morning, checked her mail and there was an eloquent, beautifully written email from no other than him...Randall.
His words were like a warm bath, a long hug, a heated make out session that would led to something much more.
She couldn't believe she was thinking things like that. All he had done was say he was there for her and if he could he would comfort her however she wanted it. And right now, she wanted him...WITH her.
Her breath was released when she got online and the little welcome guy did not say "You've got mail."
She was relieved and disappointed in the same moment. She wanted someone to talk to, but she was afraid if it was him, she would push too far and her emotions would make her vulnerable.
She brought up a "write email" box and was all ready to write an email to her niece, Lisa, just to past the time.
But even before she got to type in the email address her attention was diverted, her heart beat quickened, and her palms started to sweat. She pulled her half dry hair from its bun and let it scatter around her head. She was nervous, she was fidgety, and all for one reason...'
LakeJ0321: Hey Elizabeth. How are you?
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She didn't respond and he immediately got worried. HE didn't know if she ever got the email he sent her because she didn't reply. Letting his guard down had become a rare thing for Justin to do, and that's exactly what he did in that email. He took time and care in what he said, but he was a little afraid he had said too much.
The last thing he wanted to do was scare her off.
He sighed, when a glimmer of hope met his eyes.
Drliztn: I've been better.
LakeJ0321: Yeah. I'm guessing you are back in town now.
Drliztn: Yeah, flew in this morning. Longest damn flight I think I've ever been on.
LakeJ0321: Really?
Drliztn: No, just seemed that way.
LakeJ0321: Oh...
A few more moments went on. He figured she obviously wasn't in the talking mood.
Drliztn: Thank you for my email.
LakeJ0321: Well you are welcome.
Drliztn: You...you seemed to know me so well. Like you knew exactly what to say. I mean, I know I haven't ever talked about it much but me and my dad never had that great of a relationship. Well, we really didn't have a relationship. Especially in the past years.
LakeJ0321: You had briefly mentioned it a few times.
The truth was, he knew a lot more than she thought he did. He could remember their time playing basketball a decade ago and how the whole game was spent with her criticizing her father, and him trying to find a reasonable explanation to the whole situation between Liz and her dad.
Drliztn: I just, I feel so alone now. I don't know why. I mean, Randall I never told him I love him. Like REALLY. I never said it with meaning.
LakeJ0321: Just cause you don't say it doesn't mean the other person doesn't know it.
Drliztn: I hadn't spoken to him in about 6 years
LakeJ0321: Oh. Lizzie it doesn't make you a bad person. It takes effort on both sides, ya know.
Drliztn: It's all my fault.
LakeJ0321: What is? A heart attack? I don't think so babe. You cant cause that.
Drliztn: I'm a 28 year old failure is what I am.
LakeJ0321: Failure? Are you on DRUGS? lol You are a 28 year old DOCTOR. I don't know many people that can say that. And you are on you OWN here in Memphis. I mean, Lizzie you are everything BUT a failure. How can you even say that you have FAILED!?
Drliztn: I don't know. God..I'm sorry. I'm so fuckin sorry.
LakeJ0321: Shh...just calm down.
Drliztn: You just told me to "shh" I'm not TALKING RANDALL! I'm typing. Oh god, I'm so pathetic.
LakeJ0321: You think talking to me is pathetic?
Drliztn: Great now you hate me too.
LakeJ0321: Stop this. Stop putting yourself down ok? You..you need someone to comfort you.
Drliztn: ding ding ding. WE HAVE A WINNER! But DO I have anyone to comfort me? NO!! I don't ANYONE that I know. NO ONE. And I DONT wanna talk to my family about this because they will get all "you didn't even care about dad" on me. And I don't have any friends. No one cares about me. So the only person that can comfort me is my fat ass cat.
LakeJ0321: You've got me
Drliztn: What do you mean?
LakeJ0321: I care about you Lizzie. You..you don't have no one. You've got me. I told you. I'm...I'm here if you need me.
Drliztn: No thanks. I'm not going to hug my monitor.
LakeJ0321: That's not what I meant.
Drliztn: then what the hell do you mean, Randall?!?
LakeJ0321: I DONT KNOW! I just..I wanna help you.
Drliztn: So what are you going to do? Call me up and comfort a hysterically crying lonely girl.
LakeJ0321: If you want me to...I can.
Justin sucked in all the air he could. He couldn't believe he just typed that. And then now he actually had sent it. He was preparing himself to get told off, or blocked. He scolded himself for being so stupid, and for pushing her too far. He knew he would do this. He just knew he couldn't give her the space she needed. Things were going too fast for her. If only he could tell her who he was, and make her trust him.
He gave up. There was no need to get his hopes up over her. She, she would never give him a chance.
Drliztn: Would you?
His eyes widened. He had just been given his chance.
LakeJ0321: Would I what?
Drliztn: Would you...call me. Please...just..just leave a message. I just wanna know you are real. You can just talk about the weather. I mean, or just say "hi Liz, its Randall. k bye" I don't care.
LakeJ0321: Um, ok. Sure. IF you want me to. What's the number.
-Stupid Stupid. What if she recognizes your voice? You can disguise it. Idiot, then you would sound creepy. Oh god, what am I doing.-
The next IM from her was her phone number. Justin nervously picked the phone by his computer and pressed the talk button. He listened to the dial tone for a few minutes.
He slowly began dial the number, his fingers shaking. Finally he pressed the last number and held the phone to his ear. He let out a deep breath and waited for her answering machine.
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"Oh my god" Liz mumbled when the phone began to ring. She waited and waited as it rang and rang.
She gulped when she heard her own voice.
"Hey this is Elizabeth Meyers. I'm not here right now. But if you've been on the planet long enough you know how to leave a message. So as soon as you hear the little beep, start talking. Kay? All right. Later."
And then...she hear him.
He cleared his throat first and then...and then...
"Um, hey. It's me. Mr. LakeJ himself. I really don't know what to say, or what you want me to say. Just, I've never lost anyone like parent. But, I did...well one time I pushed this girl, this amazing girl out of my life for stupid reasons. So, I don't know. It was kinda like she died because she wasn't around. I couldn't hear her laugh or her jokes. God, she was funny. Anyway. I don't know what I'm saying I'm just rambling. I just don't want you to feel alone Lizzie. I mean, there are so many people out there like you. Take me for example. I'm a 28 year old single father, PRAYING that one day I can have a suitable mother for my son. And maybe, just maybe she'll like me too. Maybe its dumb of me, but, in a way, I'm really hoping that...that you'll keep talking to me. Every day goes by and I pray to God that you wont stop talking to me. Cause something in me wants so much more to come out of this random Internet chat we have going on. Ok, so I've probably scared you away and you are probably about ready to call the cops on me. But..just know that I'm here for you Elizabeth. It's cheesy as hell to say, but I am. If you EVER need anyone, let me know, ok? All right. Well, I've probably ate up all the time on your machine. I'll..I'll let you go now..."
Before she had a chance to think, she had jumped out her chair, sprinted across the room and picked up the phone in her kitchen. "WAIT! RANDALL! DONT HANG UP!"
She breathed heavily into the phone. She waited, and then whimpered when he didn't respond. "dammit." She mumbled.
But then a voice came through the phone, and entered her ear. It was a slight, masculine, sexy laugh. "Such language Lizzie."