February 14th, 2008
"so what are you doing?"
"What do you think I'm doing."
Justin turned around and put his back on the counter, resting against it. He chuckled. "Lance."
"Ding ding ding, we HAVE a winner." Justin laughed at her animated voice.
"Brownie..not in front of the kids." He said in a mock, secret tone.
"Ohh shush. No, we are going somewhere to eat and then he has one of his infamous Bass surprises for me. I'm sure it involves lots of slow dancing and Marvin Gaye."
Justin rolled his eyes at the comment. "Well, tell him I said hi. I'm really glad you too are doing well."
"We are Justin. We're...perfect." Perfect. Perfection. A word he USE TO own. He use to control that word, until it slipped from his grasp.
He breathed. "Lucky.."
He could hear Patty sigh on the other end. He wanted to hang up right then cause he knew what she would say. But she spoke before he got the chance. "Justin, you gotta stop this."
"Patty, please don't bring her up. Not on Valentine's, please..."
His voice pleaded, and it sounded so desperate. "I just worry about you. You..you...nevermind."
"No, tell me." HE demanded.
"You're not the same Justin. I don't know if its Hunter or the divorce, or...your depression..."
"I'm not..."
She interrupted him and he snapped his mouth shut. "Don't pull that bull shit with me Timberlake. I know damn well you are. I'm practically your older sister. What are you taking?"
"Noth-"
She interrupted him again. "Justin..."
"Prozac and Zoloft." He said softly. Suddenly the microwave went off and Justin turned around and opened the door, picking up the full popcorn bag by the corner.
"Please get better Ju. Please..."
Justin placed the bag on the counter and rubbed his forehead. He whispered into the phone. "It's...It's so hard Patty. Sometimes I feel fine. Ya know? Hunter will be here and I don't even THINK about it. And then...shit..I'm soo fuckin lonely." He stated a little louder than he should. He bit his lip and turned around to make sure his son in the other room hadn't heard his slip in language.
"I just want to give you a big hug."
Justin half laughed. "I want you to give me a big hug too."
"I don't think Lance would appreciate that."
He remembered that unlike him, she did have a date that night. "Yeah..go on Patty, I don't mean to keep you."
"Ok, what are you doing tonight?"
"Watching a movie with Hunter."
"Ooo, which one?"
"A classic. Toy Story."
"1st or 2nd."
"1st."
"the 2nd one is better."
Justin stopped his movement of putting the popcorn in a bowl and his mouth dropped a bit. "No its not."
"Yes it is."
He laughed and threw the empty bag away. His son ran into the room, obviously smelling the popcorn his father had cooked. "Shut up. I'm right! I'm always right. Ask Hunter...tell Patty that Toy Story one is better than number 2." Justin dropped his arm and put the phone to Hunter's ear.
"TOY STORY ONE IS BETTER PAT-PAT!!" The little kid screamed in the phone.
"Ah..but..but..." Patty stuttered causing Hunter to giggle and hand the phone back.
Justin smiled and picked up Hunter in one arm, holding him to his waist, pressing the phone between his ear and shoulder and holding the bowl of popcorn in his other hand. "You can compete with a Timberlake."
"I'm leaving. Have fun ok?"
Justin chuckled and set the tray on the coffee table in the den and then resituated the phone. "I'll try."
"Bye Jay."
"Bye Brownie....hey wait..." He dropped Hunter on the couch, causing the child to fall into laughter.
"What?"
He sighed. "Thanks Patricia." He rarely called her by her full name, but he wanted to make sure that she knew he really meant was he said.
"You're welcome sweetie."
"Bye." Justin clicked off the phone and tossed it into the empty recliner, before plopping down next to Hunter and pulling the boy into his lap. A night with his son. What a way to spent the day celebrating being in love.
Well..it made since to him.
-------
"When do you get off?"
She blew her hair out of her face and smiled. "Now! THANK GOD."
"Hey, I gotta favor I need to ask of you."
"Oh god." Her hands clutched the charts to her chest as her and a colleague walked down the squeaky clean, shiny halls of the hospital.
"Its not..ok...so you know how I run that pediatric chat room on AOL."
She nodded. "Oh yeah, how is that?"
"It's great, they pay me pretty well for it. It's like a part time job. Anyway, I'm scheduled to do it tomorrow night, but I'm taking my wife to Knoxville this weekend."
"Aww for Valentine's day?"
The older man smiled and bit his lip, asking her. "Yup..anyway, do you think you can fill in for me."
"You mean in the chat room?"
"All you do is answer questions and give advice. You are like the moderator...I'll give you all the info tomorrow ok? I don't want to keep you. I know you are off and everything."
They reached the desk and the young woman handed her chats and folders to the nurse behind the counter. "Sure, I'll do it. I'm not doing anything."
"Liz you are amazing. I'm just..SO glad you have joined us here. I need to go..." The man looked at his watch and then back up at her.
"Bye..." She waved as he walked quickly away, his white coat flowing behind him and showing his bluish colored scrubs underneath.
"I'm glad to be here too." She mumbled with a grin.
Elizabeth signed a few papers at the desk and took off her stethoscope, letting it dangle from one of her hands. She turned around after saying goodnight to the nurse and began walking down the hall, her hands in her pockets.
She passed a room with an open door and heard a voice call out. "Dr. Liz?"
She stopped and leaned her body back, peeking in the room. She smiled.
"Hey Colin, what are you doing?"
"Ms. Claire said that you were leaving." Ms. Claire was a nurse that always worked with many of Liz's patients in the hospital.
"Yeah, just for the night. I'll be back bright and early tomorrow." She leaned against the doorframe and smiled at Colin's mother that was sitting by his bed. The young boy, about 9 years old, had been rushed in the night before when his glucose level was down. He had diabetes and it wasn't the first time he had been rushed in, according to his records.
"Oh ok. Well bye bye." He waved and a small smile played on his lips.
"Bye Colin." Liz turned around and walked back down the hallway but before she got too far a voice called back to her.
"Hey Dr. Liz?" She turned around. It was Colin's mother. She even insisted on the parents of her patients to call her Dr. Liz. She hated the formality of a last name.
"Yes?"
"Thank you." she smiled.
On instinct Liz asked. "For what?"
The older lady smiled faintly and looked down at the ground before back to Elizabeth. "For making him better."
She just smiled and shrugged. "Well it's my job."
---------
He tossed.
And he turned.
He groaned.
He flopped.
He muffled a yell in his pillow.
He couldn't sleep.
It was Valentines Day and she had called him.
Of course she just HAD to call him. Whether she remembered what day it was or not, she CALLED him and reminded him of the finalization paper that he was supposed to be getting. When he opened the envelope of that piece of mail she was talking about...it would be offically..over.
He was glad about one thing. That call made him angry, and not sad. In fact for the first time since she had told him she wanted to separate, he didn't feel sadness talking to her. He was mad. Pissed off.
Maybe he was being selfish but he didn't want to accept the tickets to her show in Memphis. She was going to be in town in a few weeks and she wanted him to bring Hunter by. Somewhere in him, he knew Hunter should see his mother. And his mother should see her son. But another part of him didn't want her to. He wanted her to not have the privilege of that perfect child that SHE gave up.
He scolded himself for thinking that she shouldn't have the right to see him but right now he didn't give a damn. It was chanting in his mind. She left you. She left Hunter. She left you. She left Hunter.
So what that she still had a sold out tour? So what that she had just sold a bazillion records on her recent release? SO WHAT that she was just on the cover of rolling stone...AGAIN?
Who was he kidding, she still had a GREAT career. He didn't. He had given that up for Hunter.
But not for long. He flipped back on his back and stared at the ceiling as he thought about what the months ahead would bring for him. Writing, producing, and a few other things he would be doing. He had been signed up with some unknown artist to write and produce some of their songs. JC had even called him and asked him to join him in the studio. He hadn't agreed yet.
He wanted to, so badly. But he was afraid that if he went back to the studio with JC, he would be bitten by the bug again. And then he would want a career more than a fam...
"Daddy..."
A smile came to his face. To hell with a job. He'd be a janitor if it meant having Hunter in his life.
"Daddy..."
He loved that voice. It was like a drug and that simple, two syllable word, 'daddy'; better than Prozac, better than Zoloft, better than music, better than ANYTHING.
"Daddy...I don't feel good."
Justin's head snapped to his doorway when he realized he hadn't just been hearing his son's vice in his head. The light in the hallway poured in from the open doorway. He couldn't see his face, but the dark outline of Hunter was there, one hand on the door, pushing it open, the other dragging one of his many stuffed animals.
"What is it lil buddy?"
He whined. "My tummy hurts."
"Well, come here.." Justin patted the side of his large king size bed and watched as Hunter walked across the room and crawled up on the bed and over to him.
They laid there for a while, Hunter clutching to Justin's torso while Justin rubbed his back. Finally Hunter whispered. "Daddy, when mommy coming to see me?"
"I don't know Hunter."
"Oh.."
He contemplated not asking but, he new he had to, to be fair. "Would you like to go see her in a few weeks?"
"I dunno..." He could feel HUnter's tiny hand gripping and ungripping the material of his white tee shirt.
"Come on, its late. We need to sleep."
"Daddy why don't mommy like you." He asked out of no where, not even acknowledging Justin's comment about sleep.
Justin really didn't expect for his son to ask him that. And he really wasn't prepared with an answer. Finally he choked out. "Hunter...mommy does like me, she just...we want different things. But she loves you. She just doesn't have a lot of time to come see you and hang out like I do."
"Why don't she live here? Caleb's mommy is at his house."
Justin turned his head a little towards Hunters, and he held the boy close to him. "You know sometimes I don't even know why your mother isn't here. It's not like I don't want her here. I love your momma, I always will, but I can't be in love, and I can't have a marriage with someone that wants something that I can't let her have if she stays here with me. And...and I just can't give up what she would want me to, to be with her. I don't think she would WANT me to give that up."
Justin knew his words were too confusing for his son to comprehend. He was only 4, almost 5, but he hoped it would work to ease the worry in his mind. Somehow it seemed to ease Justin's worry.
Finally his soft, curios voice, pierced the silence room. "Will I ever have a mommy like Caleb?"
"I hope so Hunter. I hope one day you will have a mommy that lives with us, with me."
"Me too." After a few more silent moments, Hunter curled tightly up to his fathers body and clutched him like his teddy bear. "Night Daddy."
Justin turned his face and kissed his son on the forehead. "Good night Hunter."
For some reason, sleep didn't come easily. But he really didn't mind. The sound of his son's breathing and feeling of him next to his body made him feel comforted. It was the first time, in a long time where he really didn't mind being awake.