...an hour later...

His beer bottle was now just cool to the touch instead of ice cold, and finally after about 2 hours, it was empty.

And he was extremely dizzy but it wasn't from the one beer.

It was from her.

So she brushed him off and shot him down, so what. He had kind of gotten use to that. But now, she was down there...talking...with another guy. And not just talking, flirting. He knew her better than anyone and she was sooo in her flirting mode.

Leaning forward, smiling that smile, laughing, giggling, being happy. He hated every minute of it. The guy was tall and dark headed and a little older looking, like maybe his 30s.

Justin didn't like him.

He was almost ready to go down there and shove her ring in his face and prove that she was taken.

Maybe she was just trying to piss him off. Maybe she was so drunk she didn't know what she was doing. He had watched her drown in her drinks. He was surprised she wasn't standing in a puddle. Drink after shot after glass she sat down there.

He bet she had spent a fortune on drinks.

It never occurred to him that he should go down there an stop her. He was too masked by the guy sitting next to her, and the way she had made him feel earlier.

Like he was nothing.

Christina and JC seemed to be having a great time. He should have known they were up to something. And they were annoying the hell outta him, being all cute and lovey dovey. It made him want to puke.

Chris had left to go talk to some girls and had disappeared.

When he had rejectedly sauntered back to the table where everyone else was at, he was all ready to go home, but that's when he picked up his beer, sat down and just found himself staring at her.

And now an hour had past, and all he had done was stare. In most circumstances he would have gotten wasted and forgotten about it all. But now the beer tasted like stale bathwater, and his stomach churned wretchedly.

"How much longer...I wanna go homee..." A drunken woman's voice slithered into Justin's ears. He turned and saw Chris practically on top of her boyfriend.

"Well you brought Mere. She'll need a ride home."

Chris smiled, her amount of alcohol in her system very apparent. "Why don't I go with you and she'll drive my car."

JC laughed and steadied her in her chair beside him with his arm. "I don't think either of you should drive."

Justin cleared his throat and stood up. "I'll get her."

"What?"

Christina's smile was huge and she reached toward Justin and hugged him around his neck, halfway choking him. "YAY! Yeah, go Justin. Shoo! Go get em tiger."

JC looked at him seriously. He had drank a little more than Justin but had backed off in the past hour since Chris had disappeared and Christina was pretty drunk. "You sure man?"

He sighed. "I guess."

"All right, well then give me your keys Kissyyy." He kissed his girlfriend and held out his hand.

"Kay." The couple stood up, JC still steadying her and proceeded to leave. But Justin called them back.

"W-wait."

"What?"

Justin's eyes searched the bar area rapidly, scanning and staring and making sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. "Where did she go?"

"Um..hmm, bathroom?" Chris mumbled.

"Go check for me baby." With Josh's request she smiled and walked towards the bathrooms in search of Meredith.

Justin pointed to JC and started to walk away. "You stay up here I'm gonna go down and ask the bartender."

He couldn't believe that less than a minute ago she was right there, and now she was gone. He hoped she was ok. He had a feeling she was, but he wasn't.

The guy that was sitting beside her in the bar wasn't there either.

--------

Justin sat in the car and stared straight in front of him. He didn't know who owned the black dodge ram that was crowding his driveway, but he had a good idea who. He hoped all that guy was doing was giving her a ride home, but he had a feeling in his stomach that that wasn't the reason. He put his car in reverse, backed up a bit and then squeezed his rather large SUV beside the truck, he was half on the grass of the yard.

The bartender had told him that Meredith and the guy had left the bar a right before he had asked him about her, the stranger escorting her and helping her out.

Justin was scared.

He parked the car, took a few minutes to collect himself and got out. He started out walking slowly to the front door, since the garage was closed, but the closer he got the faster his feet worked. By the time he was at the front steps he was almost running.

He went to the door, key already out and ready, but it was unlocked. He swung the door open and looked around.

No one was in the den so he called out, "Meredith?"

He didn't get a response.

He checked all over the downstairs, the den, the back deck, the bathroom downstairs, dining room, even the basement playroom and finally came to the conclusion that she...and he were upstairs.

His palms started to sweat. Images he didn't want to think of came to his mind.

He took the stairs up two at a time and ran to his bedroom.

And he was met with a nightmare.

Or the closest thing to it.

There was that...guy. He was standing there with his shirt unbuttoned and untucked, looking like some male whore.

"Who the fuck are you?" His voice wasn't loud, but about as low as he had ever spoke before.

The guy cocked an eyebrow at him and smirked. "Maybe I should ask you that."

"Get out." Justin growled.

The guys eyebrows now rose and looked at him like he was crazy. "Excuse me?"

Justin took a step forward and screamed. "I SAID GET OUT!" He thought he heard a cough from the bathroom.

"I don't think-"

He pointed to the door. "THIS IS MY HOUSE! GET THE FUCK OUT!"

The guy looked about 10 years older than Justin, he had a hairy chest, but was built and used that to his advantage. He squared his shoulders, balled his fist and Justin thought that in a couple of minutes there might be a brawl. "Who says?!"

"The owner of this house..."

The guy just stood there and Justin's nerves twitched with anger. "Where is she?!"

"Huh.."

Was this guy really THAT stupid. "WHERE IS SHE?!"

"In the bathroom."

Justin swung the door of the bedroom so that it hit the wall, probably making the doorknob make a mark on the tan paint. "LEAVE!"

The guy gave him this weird look. Half like he was crazy and half like he didn't give a damn what Justin thought.

Justin stalked towards him and looked down at him, realizing that the guy was a little bit shorter than him and that worked to his advantage. "That's my wife in there. I don't know if you USUALLY pick up married women but no, its not gonna happen here. Go find someone else to fuck Rico Suave."

The guy laughed and rolled his eyes. "Did you just call me Rico Suave?"

"Out!" Justin barked at him, sorta like a little chiwawa.

The guys head tilted to the side and narrowed his eyes. "Who says your her husband?"

"Do you see the pictures of ME..." He waved his hand around the room. The guy made a circle and looked around and it wasn't until Justin looked himself that he realized there were no pictures of him and Meredith or just of him in the room. She had taken them all down.

"What pictures..."

Justin stuttered. "W- well what about her hand? Normal people would CHECK her hand for a wedding band."

The guy laughed and said something that was the last straw for Justin. "Listen Mr. Spears why don't YOU go find someone to fuck. I don't know what you have to do with Meredith but I'm sure your just.."

Justin walked back nose to nose with the guy and challenged him. "I'm her husband jack ass. Now Leave!"

He pushed him a little and the guy laughed it off. "I'm glad you find this funny."

A staring contest started that didn't last long. Justin reached in front of him and grabbed the ends of the shirt that was open and pulled the guy closer and gritted his teeth. "DONT MAKE ME CALL THE COPS."

The guy put up his hands in defense and Justin backed down some. "Ok, ok I don't want to fight you man. Geez...I don't think she was gonna give me any pus-"

Justin cut him off. "LEAVE."

"Yes your majesty." The guy bowed with a laugh and brushed passed Justin and walked towards the door.

He quirped up after him and turned on his heels. "I'll make sure you get out safely."

He stomped down the stairs with the guy and got to the door, kept it open and watched the guy swagger to his car and get in. He was still laughing. Justin was on the verge of being sick. Once he backed up and disappeared Justin slammed the front door, locked it and turned to look at the steps.

So she was planning to cheat.

He was red with anger, green with envy and blue with sadness. He was a whole array of colors and it was blinding his sight. He stumbled a little as he walked up the steps, and the truth about what was going on hit him.

It was truly over.

Part of him told him to leave and never come back, another part of him told him to go up there and cuss her out and KICK her out of HIS house.

He couldn't believe that she was gonna fuck some other man.

There had to be a reason, had to be some explanation.

And there was.

He stood outside the bathroom door that was firmly shut and could hear her sobbing and throwing up in the room. He sighed. She was always irrational when she was drunk and he had a feeling that hell was about to burst open its gates and let the demons fly.

The bathroom door squeaked open and he pushed it a little further and watched her, she was crouched on the floor, head hung towards the toilet, her big brown eyes bloodshot and staring at him crying continuously.

"I.." A gag came over her and she had to throw up again.

His heart sunk. In the past months he had seen her scared and fragile. But now she was really broken. He had only seen her this way once before, in a part of his past that took a while for him to get over.

When she had broken down because of Dan, he had comforted her, and healed her. But he was afraid there was nothing he could do now.

Slowly he walked closer. He opened a drawer and found a ponytail holder and came behind her and kneeled on the floor.

"Jus-"

"Shhh." He quieted her and pulled her hair out of her face and back in a ponytail. His hands fell to her shoulders and on instinct he rubbed them. The anger and hurt he had felt moments ago had flooded away and was now surged with one need. The need to comfort her.

He felt her body tense and held on to her tightly as she leaned forward and threw up into the toilet. He cringed at the sound and the smell. Definitely alcohol.

She gagged for awhile and finally stopped and collapsed back in his arms like she was worn out. "You think your done?"

She nodded.

"Stay here I'm gonna get you come water to swish that out and a cool cloth, ok?"

She nodded again.

He quickly worked to get a glass of water and cool cloth. He figured while he was up there he would look in the cabinets and find some Advil, knowing tomorrow morning wouldn't be pretty as well.

He pulled out the Advil bottle but his eyes caught something else. It was a clear orange tinted bottle with a white cap. A prescription drug. His heart filled with joy that maybe she had taken his advice and filled out that prescription for hormone pills that could help their chance of having a baby.

But then his heart sunk down into the ground with what was written on the label. Zoloft.

She had fought it and then he had helped her in the first years they knew each other. She had battled depression and with the help of medicine and him and the guys she had pulled through, but now it was back.

And this time he couldn't blame it on a haunted past or her best friend that committed suicide, like what the cause was before.

Now there was only one cause and he felt like he might have to push her out of the way and throw up himself. He was the cause of her depression.

He heard the toilet flush and looked over at her. She was leaning against the edge of the counter, head hung, looking like a limp dead body.

"Meredith.."

She muttered, "A month and a half."

"Huh?"

Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath. "I went to the doctor in the middle of December, and he said I needed those. I've been taking them for a month and a half."

"Oh baby..." He felt like he could fall to the ground, beg for forgiveness. He couldn't believe he had brought this horror back on her.

"I don't like taking them. It confirms the fact that I'm pathetic if I do."

He fell to his knees and crawled over to her. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight, afraid she might slip away. His voice failed him and he stuttered like he had a speech problem. "N- n- no it doesn't. I..I'm so sorry baby. I...this is all my fault."

She didn't move in his arms and didn't make a move to hold him back, just sat there like she was a dead weight. "No, some of it is my fault, too."

He nuzzled her neck and his emotions came over him himself. "I promise you I'm gonna get you better, I promise."

She shuffled a little against him and sighed. "I wanna go to sleep."

"Ok. Here get that taste out of your mouth." He reached behind him and up on the counter and handed her the glass of water.

She squished it almost painfully and spit the water in the toilet.

Justin pressed the cool, wet cloth to her forehead and pulled her into his arms rocking her a little. "You wanna brush your teeth."

"Bed." She mumbled.

"Ok." Justin picked her up in his arms and realized how much lighter she was than she use to be. It was like holding a child. She was skinny and frail and limp and weak against him.

He laid her on the bed and proceeded to pull her shoes off for her. He then took their favored quilt and covered her with it. He leaned over and kissed her forehead firmly and lingered there. He then got up and moved to turn off the lights for her.

He looked back over his shoulder and for some reason figured she would just sleep and he should leave her alone, so he turned to leave.

"W- where are you goin?" Her voice was shaky and nervous.

"I..I really don't know."

The room was deathly quiet until he heard a sob cry out. "Don't leave me. Oh god, don't leave me, not again."

"I wont leave." He walked determined over to the bed and knelt down on the floor. There wasn't much light on in the room but he could make her out enough to tell she was crying.

"I need you so much Justin. I..I cant breathe when you aren't here." Her hand touched his face and he thought he might pass out. He had asked the guy before if he had looked for a wedding band, and if he had, he wouldn't have found one. She wasn't wearing it.

Too much was going on in his mind and heart and soul and it was all jumbled up. He wanted to reach out for her and at the same time wanted to run away.

Justin cleared his throat and took her hand in his. He squeezed it and whispered. "Who was that guy?"

"I don't know..." It was apparent she was still crying.

"Meredith, what were you gonna do with him?"

Her hand squeezed his again and he looked up and could see her eyes staring at him, pleading. "N- nothing. I just, I wanted to go home and he brought me home and h- he helped me up the steps b- because I don't know, I don't remember...a- and he tried to kiss me s- so I went to the bathroom because I don't know. And then I got sick and..."

"Were you gonna sleep with him?"

She sobbed again. "No, I wouldn't do that to you."

He sighed, and his voice pulled into a whine. "Why didn't you get me and JC or someone else to take you home, or why didn't you call a cab? You shouldn't have to have strangers take you home."

"I just, I wanted to piss you off." Her voice sounded ashamed.

"Oh.."

"I'm sorry. I'm crazy right now." He could feel her body shaking against the bed as she cried. He hated seeing her like this. He hated every aspect of this.

Except for one thing. They weren't fighting. And she wasn't pulling away from him.

In fact, in some weird way, she was reaching out to him.

"Shhh, It's ok." He ran his hand over her arm and side, trying to comfort her.

"All I've ever wanted to do is make you happy and make you smile. And now whenever I look at you I see that look on your face when the doctor told you I couldn't have children. I've never in my life seen you look like that. You looked like you just got shot and I...I see that whenever we fight or whenever you are sad. I don't wanna make you sad."

His heart broke, again that night and he cupped her cheek in his hand. "Oh Meredith, and I don't wanna make you sad."

"You use to make me so happy." She whispered.

"You DO make me happy. I just cant bare to see you so broken down like this. It kills me each time."

He stroked her cheek in silence and just listened to her breathe. Her sobs calmed down and finally he was able to brush away her tears with his thumb and it stayed dry.

"I'm sorry I ruined your birthday."

He smiled at her and was happy when he saw her eyes light up in the dim room. "Well, its not really my- well It's 12:45 but I got a whole 'nother 23 hours and 15 minutes left of it."

"I love your smile." She said quietly.

"I love yours. I wish I could see it more."

She was staring at him, and she licked her lips. Her eyes fell to his lips and it made him want to kiss her. So he leaned forward, licked his own lips and got ready to kiss her.

But before he touched her mouth she whispered, "Don't..."

"I'm sorry."

"No, I just. I have puke breath."

He's body felt like mush when he heard her try and laugh. It made him smile again. "Does it look like I care?"

She took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "Just, n- not yet."

"Well, can I hold you?"

"Y- yes." He was happy she said that and crawled up on the bed with her, got close to her and moved her so that her back was to his front, him fully spooning her. He kicked off his shoes and held her tightly in his arms.

And finally, after a long long time, he was in heaven. It wasn't perfect, but he was damned if he wasn't gonna try to get it back that way again.

"I love you Justin."

He kissed her head then behind her ear and then her shoulder. He had waited so long to her hear mutter those words and it surged his body with hope and happiness and everything he had been missing for the past month. "I love you angel."

She had just given him the best birthday present she could, and he was determined now to give her that present back.

He was gonna make her see that one day, they were gonna be ok. Back Forward