December 15th

He was bored out of his mind.

The man that use to be able to sit in front of the TV and be entertained by ESPN all day long, had vanished. The sports casters were annoying, he didn't care about any of the sports they were showing, and none of the games seemed to be interesting at all.

He looked around his little room. Boxes were opened and scattered, clothes were on the floor, just a couch and a TV that was on the floor occupied the "den."

He hadn't found a bed to put in the apartment. Instead he just slept on the couch. Some where in the back of his mind the thought of a bed, an actual bed wasn't that good of an idea.

Ever since he had met her, sleeping alone in a bed had been a challenge.

So the bedroom was filled with a few boxes amd not much else. He only needed the bare necessities here in his apartment. Food, TV, clothes, a laptop, stereo and toiletries.

He thought about going over to get his guitar but he really didn't want to bother her, or be bothered by her. But it might give him something more to do.

He turned off the TV and stretched on the couch he was sprawled out on. He yawned.

And then excitement flooded his body. He sat up and looked at the clock that was the only thing hanging on the wall.

6:30

"Damn..." He muttered.

He was hoping maybe it was 9 or 10 or something, so he could go to bed. He could have gone on to bed then, but then he would get up extremely early. And starting off his day early wasn't really something he wanted to do.

Time had slowed down since they had been...apart.

Minutes seemed like hours, no...days...

He was starting to think this separation thing was a bad idea.

But he honestly didn't know what else to do. If he had a choice he would have called her up and asked her out, on a date.

Maybe it would take them back to old times, when all he had to worry about was if he had put on too much cologne.

But she had put the stop on that part of the deal. He just wanted a little time to himself, but not a complete cut off from her.

She was the one that had set that into play.

He missed her.

And missing her was making him bored.

Everytime he got bored, he thought about her, and then he would force himself not to think about her, and he got even more bored.

He could smell her.

Sense her.

Feel her.

Taste her.

Even though she was a few miles away.

He could close his eyes and see her, giggling at a voice he would use to describe something he saw that day.

He could smell the fresh "garden mint" lotion she used on her legs after she shaved.

He could feel her legs under his palms, smooth and silky, just like women's razors commercials advertised.

He licked his lips and tasted hers. He smiled, thinking about how many times he had kissed her and then pinched her side, letting her know that HE knew she had been stealing his spearmint candies he kept on the high ledge above the cabinets in the kitchen.

It wasn't that he minded sharing his mints with her, she just couldn't control her self and on 3 occasions she had made her self literally sick by eating too many.

He laughed.

Everything about her made him smile. Every little detail.

From the way she would paint her toes and then pick off the polish the next day, to how she often stared into space when she got tired.

He groaned and rolled over to his stomach, turning his head to stare at the pattern on the back of the couch. His mind was starting to wander. It wandered to thoughts he couldn't afford to think about.

Her...

Making love to her.

His breathing quickened and he closed his eyes.

Bad mistake.

He could see her body above him, rocking, naked, smiling...moaning...breathing his name...

He pressed his hips harder into the cushions. He always loved making love to her, but something about when she was controlling him, when she was on top...unraveled him.

Seeing all of her body move and work to bring them both to heaven made him lose it...fast.

The ringing of a phone brought him into a harsh reality.

He sighed and blindly searched for the phone that was on the floor by the couch. He found it and pressed talk.

"Huh?"

"Lets go out." the voice over the phone stated more as a command than a question.

"What?"

"Lets go out somewhere tonight."

Justin groaned and pulled the pillow behind his head where it would be more comfortable. "Where?"

"I don't know; club, bar, bowling, Chuckie Cheese."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "I'll pass."

"Come on dude, I haven't done something with you in a while. It'll be fun."

Justin sighed and thought about going out with Chris. But he wasn't in any state to go out. He wanted to stay at home and do nothing. He wanted to waller in his pain and sadness. "I already have plans."

"What?"

Justin searched for a quick answer and he saw a few Christmas bags and presents he had in a corner for his brothers and other people. "Christmas stuff."

"What kinda Christmas stuff?"

"Shopping."

"Stores will be closed soon if not already."

He made a quick recovery. "Wrapping."

Chris laughed out loud, easing Justin's tense body a little. "What you get me?"

"Shut up."

"Touchy touchy. Geez. I wont ask next time."

Justin threw his arm over his eyes to block out the light of the room and sighed. He really hated this, in every way possible. "I'm sorry Chris, I just got a headache."

"It's all right. God knows if I go out with you the ladies will flock to you and I'll get nothing. But then again they will see a ring on your finger and flock to me. Pleaseeee will you go out with me."

"Call Lance."

"He's doin Leslie."

Justin's nosed turned up and he tried not to laugh to loud. "And you know this because..."

"Dude, I just called, do you really want me to describe Lance's outta breath voice to you?"

"Ok, gross. What about C or Joey?"

"Joey's with Kel and JC isn't here for the weekend."

"Where'd he go?"

"Took my Christina to Charleston for a romantic getaway. Ugh, gag me."

Justin laughed and shifted on the couch a little. "She's not yours."

"One day my man, one day."

He sighed, and closed his eyes, he was tired, very very tired. Maybe going to bed at 6 or 7 or whatever time it was wouldn't be that bad of an idea. In fact now, he was thinking of what a great idea it would be.

"Justin...Justin."

"Huh?"

"I'm hanging up now."

"Oh ok. Bye, have fun."

"Yeah, you try to have a little fun too, ok man? Do something, don't just sit ok?"

"Yes daddy."

"Later."

"Bye." Justin pressed talk and let the phone fall to the floor with a thud. He stayed still for a while, staring at the ceiling. Finally, he rolled over and to a sitting position on the couch and after thinking about standing up for about a minute, he stood up.

He shuffled to the bathroom and figured he would take a nice relaxing bath. His muscles were tense and it would feel nice just to soak for a few minutes. He shed his clothing after he started to run the bathwater and then leaned against the sink waiting for the tub to fill up.

Watching the water fill up in the small tub, or small to what he was used to, was another bad idea. Thoughts of her flooded his mind again. He looked down at himself, standing there naked, waiting on the water and he realized...he was still aroused.

He groaned, not in pleasure but in annoyment with himself. He wanted the thoughts of her and him in a bath together just to vanish but he couldn't help it. He was never a bath kinda guy before her. Always quick and easy showers.

But she made baths fun. She made them relaxing, and even when she wasn't there he found that he liked to take them.

But now, desperately alone, he just couldn't bring himself to step in the tub and sit down and relax. Such a simple luxury he couldn't allow himself.

With a swear under his breath he leaned over and pulled the drain loose on the tub and pressed the knob in for the shower to turn on.

He stepped in, ankle deep in water and being pelted with a stream of water.

He stood there, for hours it seemed, trying to wash off the hurt and the anger and the horrible things he had done.

He thought desperately to back when this started, trying to figure out where he went wrong, what he said or did that fucked up everything that had been so perfect in his life.

He stood there, in the shower...letting the bath water drain away, and being haunted by past memories that he was frightened were swirling into oblivion, just like the water he was standing in.

---
across town..same time

"Well when ones lost I guess its good advice to stay where you are, until someone finds you..."

She knew something was wrong, really really wrong with her when she found herself bawling at Alice and Wonderland.

Disney Movies were her comfort and tonight she had settled on Alice. She had ate a little popcorn and laid on the couch and watched, quoting most of the lines and singing all the songs.

"But thats just the trouble with me, I give myself very good advice..but I very seldom follow it..."

But near the end of the movie, when Alice was alone and crying in the woods except for the strange creatures, singing the song "Very Good Advice," Meredith had found herself singing, through tears.

"Thats explains the trouble that I'm always in..." And she then broke down.

Her eyes hurt from crying.

Her stomach hurt from not eating enough.

Her head hurt from thinking too much.

And her heart felt like it was exploding.

She wanted to get in her car, drive to him, run to his door, hell knock it down and devour him in her arms.

She needed him, and the fact that he wasn't with her when she needed him the most was weighing on her like a heavy anvil.

"Be patient is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curious.."

It was almost Christmas, her favorite time of the year, and she wouldn't be spending it with him.

"Well I went along my merry way. And I never stopped to reason. I should have known there'd be a price to pay...someday...someday.."

She had called earlier to her mom and explained to her that her and Justin wouldn't be able to make it home for Christmas. Her mom was clearly upset. And then she talked to her father.

Which was a big mistake.

He made her feel horrible. Not on purpose, but obviously her daddy didn't know a lot of what was going on. He wanted to talk to Justin about his golf game.

She told him "he's not here."

She'd be spending her Christmas, in Orlando, alone, in their big empty house with nothing but her own arms and maybe a blanket to comfort her.

"I give myself, very good advice. But I very seldom follow it..."

She was so alone, so lonely, and frightened, and unsure of what her future would hold for her.

She wanted Justin there with her, but she was too weak to call him, too weak to go see him, too weak to reach out for him.

"Will I every learn to do the thigns I should..."

So she didn't move, and stayed on the couch, crying through the end of Alice in wonderland. Back Forward