Thanksgiving evening

Finally, she had some privacy. After a day of havoc she had a moment alone. Her senses were in overdrive as well as her emotions. Too much had happened the past days and it was now all sinking in.

The house was maleless.

Except for two.

The Timberlake tradition had carried on in full force, after the Thanksgiving lunch, all the men of the family that were above the age of 10 went on a one night camping trip in the backyard.

Stephen was the youngest male of the family at the moment...being 9 years and 10 months. Too bad for him the Timberlakes didn't round up their numbers.

So like a superhero, Justin had come to save the day, requesting to skip this camping trip and stay at home with his younger brother. Meredith had watched Justin construct a huge tent out of the bed Stephen and Jonathan were sleeping in and sheets and yard sticks and strings in their bedroom. Watching him help his brother out had unfortunately brought her into a world where her mind couldn't shake the thoughts of how much of an amazing father he would be.

But he wasn't a father, and probably never would get the chance to be one.

It hurt her like hell when she asked if she could play with them, and Justin..Justin had been the one to say no.

She understood why, it was time for him and his brother, but it still hurt. She didn't feel comfortable enough yaking it up with all the women of the family in the den and kitchen. She knew most of them didn't know about their situation, and she wanted to keep it that way. She didn't need their prying.

So she was sitting in a rocker on the front porch, wrapped in a blanket with a cell phone in one hand and a mug of hot chocolate in the other.

She just needed someone to talk to, someone she could just listen to and not have to think about her own problems for a while.

She dialed and waited, hoping she wasn't disturbing a family moment or anything.

"Hello?"

Meredith snuggled down in the blanket a little more and said in a very childish voice. "Hey Kissy."

"Mere! What's up!?"

"Nothing, am I disturbing anything?"

"Nah, I'm actually just watching TV with my bro, waiting for Jace to um...ya know, call."

Meredith smiled. She bet Chris was blushing right then. She could hear the nervousness and giddiness in her voice. "So yeah, what's up with you two? Justin has said...things."

"What did he say!?"

Meredith bit her lip trying not to giggle too loud into the phone. "He said you scream really loud, and you like to moan 'JOSSHHHH' a lot."

"WHAT?!"

Her teeth failed her and she burst into laughter. "I'm so just kidding."

"What has that little brat said??" Chris's voice bit through the phone.

"That you two are...each other's teddy bears, and pillows, and sheets, and hehehee."

"Shut it." Her friend growled.

Meredith giggled some more but sobered herself up a little. "It's cute hon! I'm happy for you. How's the family?"

"Good. How about down there?"

"It's..." She closed her eyes and sighed tiredly. "It's great."

"Spill it. What was that sigh for?"

"It just.. it was a little tense at first and then...the other day we kinda..." She trailed off and turned her head to the front door just to see if anyone was coming outside.

"Kinda..."

Her voice dropped in volume and she sunk down into the blanket, curled up in it like a ball; like she was a teenager who was sneaking to talk on the phone late at night. "We were all over each other and gonna ya know..and Stephen interrupted us. I was kinda upset because I just, I thought that if..if we DID make love that it would change things."

"Aww, Mere.."

Meredith checked the door again and continued on with her secretive antics. "But listen. That night everyone else was doing something and I was showering and...and...he came in."

"You guys are kinky!" Chris screamed delightfully into the phone.

"It wasn't like that. But..but I really thought since ya know..w-we made love then it would be different. I mean even though it was in the shower it just..it was perfect, ya know? But now it's like it's more weird." Meredith took a sip from her hot chocolate that was now close to room temperature.

"Explain." Chris said shortly.

"Like today during Thanksgiving lunch, he sat beside me but barely acknowledged me. Our whole conversation was "could you pass the butter" and then it's just...weird...s something bad is gonna happen." She looked out over the dark lawn of his grandparents house. She could hear delightful feminine laughter coming from the house. She turned her head to the left...she could see a dim light coming from one of the windows that was in their bedroom. She wanted to be with him, but he didn't want her there.

"Honey you don't know that. I think this was good for you two. Hopefully it'll get his ass back to where he belongs with you, I'm tired of him hogging the damn couch at Josh's."

She gulped down the lump that had formed in her throat and took in a shaky breath. Her emotions had been fine until that day. She wished she could control them, but they seemed to be controlling her instead. "H..how was he there?"

"What do you mean?"

She closed her eyes tightly. "When he was there, how did he act?"

Chris' chuckle was heard. "Ate a lot of cereal. Watched way too much sports center. But then he would like just...vanish for hours and come back and if I asked or Jace, he would say he just went out driving."

She groaned out a sigh. "Shit."

"Is that bad?"

"I..I don't know. He only "drives" when he's got too much stuff on his mind."

"Well, Mere you both do."

Chris was sympathetic and Meredith knew she really cared, but she didn't KNOW what she was going through, and even though her words were a little comfort they didn't make her feel 100%, hell even 50% better about it. "I just wish he would talk to me about all this. I wanna work this out."

"Then work it out. Sit him down and make him talk."

Meredith nodded to herself and stared into her mug. "Yeah...I guess I can do that."

"When do yall come home?"

"We leave the day after tomorrow."

There was one of those awkward moments of silence over the phone that lasted a little too long and where you could hear the other person breathe. Chris cleared her throat and quietly asked, "Do you think he's gonna like..go home, go home?"

"I..." Meredith started. She leaned her head on her bent knees and whispered, "I don't know Chris. But..I really really hope so."

"I know honey."

"This trip has shown me how much I miss him"

"I bet."

"And..." She paused and closed her eyes, letting a tear fall from her eye, over her nose, and finally be absorbed into blanket. "How much I need him."

--------

late late that night

His eyes opened and he looked around him. It was dark but soon his eyes dilated enough to where he could make out shapes and things. He could hear heavy, childish breathing. He stretched and his hand hit something hard and cylindrical. Immediately he realized what it was and flipped on the flashlight, illuminated his hand made tent. Stephen was asleep across from him, using Justin's shins as pillows. Justin had a book called "Tennessee Legends and Ghosts" in his lap that he had been reading to his brother earlier before they both had dozed off.

He leaned his aching neck back against the headboard. It had been hanging down in his sleep and now it felt like he needed a good massage.

There was a crack in the sheets that were dangling from the headboard, he looked out and saw her.

She was in bed, curled up on her side, comforter covering her, back to them. He had felt horrible saying no to her earlier but he was trying to keep the Timberlake tradition in tact as much as possible. It was kind of a sexist family tradition, not letting the females come on the camping trip, but that was the way it had always been, and according to his grandmother the tradition was made by his great great great grandmother to get the men outta the house and outta the womens' hair.

Justin moved his left leg, and then his right. Stephen's head hit the mattress straight on, but not once did he groan or shift or anything, just kept on sleeping.

He pushed some of the tent aside and tiptoed over to their bed. It took him a while to get enough courage to slip into bed with her, but finally he moved the covers a little off her and eased down behind her. He stared at the back of her head, wanting to touch her hair. She seemed to shiver and he wanted to wrap his arms around her and warm her up a little.

After a few minutes he relaxed a little, placed his arm over her side and cuddled up to her back, spooning his body against hers.

"Night angel." He whispered into her hair, knowing she didn't hear, but not caring.

"Can we talk?"

He was startled that she was asleep. He usually knew if she was asleep or not but, he for some reason couldn't read it this time.

"W-what?"

She sighed, almost annoyed. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

"Yeah, sure."

And she immediately sat up and rolled her shoulders. Justin pushed himself out of bed and walked around the bed to her side. She had stood up now and was walking into the bathroom; he followed.

He shut the door behind him as she sat on the bathmat, leaning up against the tub. He sat down in front of her on the hard floor. She stared at him. He stared at her.

And suddenly he wish he had said, "No, I don't wanna talk right now."

"What's up?" He rocked his body a little in its Indian style position. She was hugging her knees to her chest. She rolled her head to the side and sighed, for the 50th time that day.

"We need to talk about us."

Justin cleared his throat. The room temperature seemed to raise to a level that made him sweat. "Uh..us?"

"Yes Justin. Stop pretending that there's nothing wrong."

He put his hands up in defense and shook his head trying to get his side across, a little peeved at her smart-ass tone. "I'm not pretending!"

She rolled her eyes, a habit that he was starting to hate. In fact everytime she did it, he wanted to just strangle her and tell her to stop. He bit his lip to get the thought of actually being violent towards her out of his head. It made him want to throw up. "Whatever. We need to talk about this stuff because if not it'll just explode. I...I cant do this anymore. I cant go from not seeing you for two weeks to sleeping with you again. It..its too much on my emotions."

It was silent.

Finally he let out a loud breath. "What do you want me to say?"

"Anything Justin. Tell me what you are thinking or feeling, what you want to do. What you have planed in that little brain of yours."

"I don't have-"

She cut him off. "YES, you do. I've known you for 8 years don't pull that bull shit. I know there's something up with you. You have a plan in your head on how you are gonna get through this. Please tell me!"

He looked to the side. She was right, but he didn't want to tell her his plan. He knew it would hurt her. And he thought that right now, here in his grandmothers house was probably the last place they needed to be having this discussion. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Dammit Justin!"

He gave her an unbelievable look. His little brother was asleep in the next room and he didn't want him waking and hearing them argue. "shh..."

She was getting frustrated. She stuttered, her hands were shaking as they ran through her hair, and it looked like at any minute she would have a nervous breakdown. "I'm sorry. It's just...I'm so damn tired of this. I mean, ok I cant have ch-children. But...God Justin, we've dealt with so much shit. Dan, a crazy ex-girlfriend, insane fans, your car accident, my dad's health problems, why cant we get through this? W-What's happening to us?"

"I don't know."

"I don't either."

He wanted to crawl over and hold her in his arms and just let them cry together or just be together or anything. But he was afraid that if he touched her she was break, shatter, and he couldn't deal with that.

Her breathign finally returned to normal and she looked like she was thinking. Somehow, she seemed to regain her composure in the silence of the bathroom.

Somehow, someway, he spoke. "I'm moving out next week."

He didn't know why he told her. He didn't know how it just slipped past his lips. He wished he could take it back, wished he could just rewind and control himself for letting that out. But now it was already out in the open, and somewhere in him, he felt a sense of relief.

Her brown eyes seemed to light up and a faint smile came to her lips. "What?"

"I'm moving out of C's next week."

"Y..you're coming home?"

Those words hit him straight in the chest and he stuttered, unable to say anything back to her. "I.."

He knew, he was about to do one thing he promise he would never do. And that was break her heart. "I got an apartment down at that new complex on Gorman Street. I just, I think that's what will be best right now. I don't want to fight with you. And I just need time to think."

She was no longer smiling, but now, she was glaring at him, almost evilly like she was about to pounce on him and beat the shit out of him. She scoffed and gritted her teeth. "Yeah...think."

He stared right back into her piercing eyes, challenging her. "I'm not coming back home to my wife that's emotionally unstable, so that I can become emotionally unstable too."

"What the hell do you mean by that!?" Her voice rose. He had long forgotten about his brother.

She'd pissed him off now. And she knew not to piss him off.

"You know what I'm talk about. You do NOT make this easy Meredith. You make this so incredibly hard. You cant just be happy or at least pretend you are. You don't TRY to get better you just waller in it. No wonder you were depressed when-"

Her hands flew out at her sides waving around. "Stop it. Don't you DARE put the blame on me. And don't you bring up my past. It has NOTHING to do with that. I'm way over that."

He narrowed his eyes and lifted an eyebrow. "Are you?"

She shot up and stared down at him and he started to get up. "Fuck you."

He didn't hold back as he stood up and towered over her 5'4 frame. "You're good at that."

"I don't have to take this shit." She started to push past him but he blocked her, mocking a move that Lonnie or Mike would use to do, crossing his arms over his chest and preventing any other movement.

"What are you gonna do, storm out?! Cry?! You're hella good at it. Go on sweetheart least see it."

But he had forgotten her strength as she pushed him and he had to move his feet to keep from falling. "You're such an asshole. Sometimes I don't know WHY I married you. I use to think you were God's gift to the earth. We all know that YOU definately think that you are God's gift."

"Shut up."

She was at the door now, hand on the handle. They weren't holding back their voices. By now the whole house was probably up. He didn't give a damn anymore. He wanted out. Out of everything. "That's mature Justin. What are you gonna do now? Pout? Call your mommy? She's just a few rooms away. Go suck your thumb to her."

"You need to-"

"You need to learn to act like a husband!"

He groaned and shook his head almost laughing at the way she was acting. "You're such a bitch sometimes." And then he pushed past her and stormed out of the bedroom. He ignored the fact that Stephen was sitting on their bed staring at them with wide eyes, scared to death.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Out" He groaned. He slipped on his sandals and pulled a jacket on and grabbed the keys to their rental car, yet still walking out of the bedroom, her hot on his trail.

"In your pajamas!?"

He couldn't take it anymore. He yelled. He turned in the hallway and just yelled at her for doing this to him, not even in their own house. She was embarrassing him, and in that moment she had totally seemed to have lost it. He wanted to pin her down some where and force whatever it was out of her that was making her act this way. "DAMMIT MEREDITH! Stop picking this fight with me. Stop it."

"I'm not doing ANYTHING!"

He turned and walked, on through the hallway. He caught a glimpse of his mom standing in the den besdie his grandma, them obviously wondering what was going on. Dorothy was curled up in her mothers lap on the couch, staring that him. Meredith obviously wanted a show, so he was gonna give one. "Why are you purposefully trying to piss me off?"

"Because its the ONLY time I get to see ANY TRUE emotion from you. Every other time you just put on this fake happy smile. You...you're only yourself around me when you are pissed off now!"

He stopped at the front door and turned and looked at her standing there in her pajamas. Tears were in her eyes and she was angry, angry at him, angry at God, angry at the world. She had every right to be.

But so did he. And he was exhausted from her thinking that he had to be the hero in all of this.

She didn't understand that he was the victim, too. He was hurting, too.

"I'm going for a drive." He opened the door and started out.

She threw her arms up and yelled after him. "Go head, run! Run away Justin. Do what you do best."

"God! SHUT UP!"

The house because a quiet, like an eye of a huge hurricane.

She started to smile. But it wasn't the smile he fell in love with. It was a very, very bitter smile. One he hope he never had to see again.

Her actions next astonished him. She actually bowed like a true actress. "Yes your majesty? Would you like me to get the royal throne out for you? Or better yet, let me go pull out the red carpet, heaven forbid you go without it."

He stared at her for a good few seconds, he couldn't find anything to say to her.

He didn't want to talk to her or see her or be even near her right then.

So he turned, hand still on the front door knob and walked out, slamming the door as hard as he could behind him

He walked to the car and definitely did not look back. Back Forward