2 days before thanksgiving

Clothes were everywhere.

A pile of clothes was on one side of her, a suitcase the other.

Her brown eyes stared blankly towards the walk in closet across from where she was slumped on the couch. A voice from the closet was asking her yes and no to the clothing that was being thrown at her and singing along to the song that was playing on the radio. She occasionally would throw a piece of clothing back. "yes?" no? no!?! This is the coolest shirt you own. Ok, ok..no!...what about this...oooooo, life is a highway..I wanna ride it ALL NIGHT LONG. You'll need jeans because you will be playing with the family and rolling in that Tennessee mountain..soil."

"Tennessee mountain soil?"

The brown head from the closet popped out with a smile and a nod, walking over to stuff things in the suitcase. "Yeah."

Meredith rolled her eyes and turned to her friend. "First of all the mountains are on the other side of Tennessee from where we will be. And second I'm not rolling in anything."

"So what's the deal? When's he coming?"

He shrugged. "Hour."

"And then JC is driving you guys to the airport and then off ya go."

"Yeah, I guess."

"so both families are there?"

Meredith nodded and looked down at her hands, picking at her nails. "Yeah..well, Lynn and Paul and Jonathan will be there. The Timberlakes invited them."

"Isn't that gonna be weird?" The girl standing up reached over Meredith and pulled some clothes that were beside her and stuffed them in the bag.

"They are all close."

She walked back around the bed and towards the dresser, opening drawers and searching through them. "Well that's cool. I'm goin home for Turkey day."

"Kris..."

Kris pulled a red sweatshirt from the depths of one of the drawers and held it up. "OH MY GOD! Where did you get this Maryland sweatshirt I've never seen you wear it!!"

Meredith looked up and caught Kris's eyes in the mirror that was above the dresser. "It..It's..It's Justin's."

The smile on her friends face fell and her arms that were holding up the sweatshirt dropped. "Oh."

Meredith turned her head and stared at the wall beside the closet, her voice was low and even and cracked with emotion. "2002. NCAA championship. He took me. We really didn't care about the teams playing but, he was touring and- and he came home and surprised me and we flew to Atlanta for the night. He was pulling for Indiana. I pulled for Maryland. I bought it for him to annoy him. He'd only wear it around the house."

The weight on the bed shifted a little and she felt an arm slide across her shoulders. "Mere..."

Immediately she broke down and turned into her friends embrace, clutching her tightly. "I don't wanna go Kris. I really don't wanna go."

"Mere you have to."

Meredith pulled away and pleaded with her friend. "Do I? It's not my family. It's his. I mean what the fuck do I have to be thankful for?"

A forced smile pushed their way on Kris's lips. "Lots of things!"

"Name one."

"Well, you um..."

Meredith shot off the bed and started waving her arms and screaming. "My husband doesn't LIVE with me anymore!"

Kris sighed. Meredith had been an emotional rollercoaster. One minute she was ok, the next she was screaming, and then she's just stare off into space...crying. "It's only been 2 weeks-"

"Only 2 weeks!? The only times I've seen him was when he told me he c couldn't be around me for a while. A..and then he..oh god..." Meredith's hand were starting to shake and it frightened Kris. She stood up off the bed and pulled Meredith into a hug, smoothing over her hair and letting her cry on her shoulder.

"Meredith. Calm down. Shhhh..."

A choke came from her mouth as she pressed her cheek in Kris's shoulder and sobbed. "A..and now I'm supposed to go up there and act like me and him are all perfect. I cant do that. I cant do this Kris."

Kris pulled her over to the bed and pushed her down on the edge of it. "Sit down. Do you want me to go get you something to drink."

"No."

Unexpectedly the doorbell rang. Meredith gasped and her eyes pleaded with her friend, begging her to help her out.

"Shhh honey. I'll get it."

She was at the bedroom door when Meredith called out, "Turn the music up on your way out. I don't want to hear who it is. Tell them to go away. I have to finish packing. Am I going insane?"

Kris moved to the stereo and smiled. "You've been insane since I met you."

Meredith shot up from the bed and started pacing again, but this time she was picking up clothing, folding it and throwing it into the suitcase. "I just. I gotta think positive. Maybe this is what we need. Just..just a little family vacation."

Kris turned the dial of the stereo and the music flooded the room even louder than before. She rooted a little and danced to the old Madonna song that was playing on the radio. They were listening to a best of the 90's station. "Think positive! YES!"

"I can do this." Meredith plastered on a smile.

Kris giggled and imitated from the old Adam Sandler movie, "Big Daddy." "You can do it."

Meredith actually giggled. "That was bad."

Kris smiled. IT was good to see Meredith laugh, but then again she knew that in a few minutes she would probably be crying again. She pointed over her shoulder and started to turn. "I'm gonna go get the door now."

Meredith smiled and waved her away, wiggling her hips to "Vogue." "Oh kay."

Kris closed her eyes and took deep breaths as she went down the steps. Meredith was being a handful lately. She could have been a little more cooperative or positive about this situation. She could support Justin a little in his decision. But the truth was, Meredith was falling, in a downward spiral. If everything was ok with the world, Meredith would have been able to get through this time without Justin.

But everything wasn't ok.

In the Timberlake household, it seemed like there were very few and insignificant things that were...ok.

She reached the front door and there stood two people she wasn't expecting. One smiled at her, the other bust stared. "Well, hey. I thought you weren't coming for another hour."

JC smiled and stepped into the house, being followed by Justin. "We decided to come early."

"What are you doing here?" Justin pushed, standing in the foyer of his own house like a stranger.

"I'm helping Meredith pack." Kris responded quietly, feeling a little bit awkward with them here. "Well, um. I'll go get Meredith and let her know yall are ready."

JC gave her a tightlipped smile. "Thanks."

"Damn, what are yall doing? Trying to bust out my speakers?"

She ignored Justin's comment. So the music was a little loud and she could clearly hear it playing an old Alanis song. But he didn't live there at the moment, she really didn't think it was his place to say anything.

The trek back up the steps was one she really didn't want to take. She could see the scene Meredith would make when she found out they were early, and she wasn't really prepared to deal with that.

When she turned into the room Meredith was standing up over at a small but taller dresser that was on her side of the room. She was moving her hips and singing aloud to the song "You live, you learn."

After 3 times of screaming her name, Meredith turned with her hands full of bras and underwear.

"Oh my god, sorry. I always forget underwear. What should I bring?"

Kris came in and turned the volume of the radio down and came back over and fell down on the bed, watching her friend finish up packing. "You're asking me? I mean, it is YOUR underwear."

"No I mean, do you think Justin and I...nevermind."

Kris's eyes widened and she couldn't believe how different Meredith seemed now than before. Now she was assuming her and Justin were going to be ..doing things. "At his grandmas?!"

"We have before."

"You have?"

Meredith shrugged, walked over to Kris and stood there biting her lip, looking down at her. "Yeah. I mean, do you think he'd..want to?"

"You never know. I'd throw a black or red set in there just for kicks. I mean, you never know. But just make sure Stevo doesn't get into them. How old are they now?"

Meredith stuff her underwear in the suitcase and walked back over to the dresser. "Like 13 and 9 or something like that."

Kris cleared her throat and pushed herself off the bed. "Yeah, well Justin and Jace are here."

Meredith turned on her heels and her eyes widened greatly. "ALREADY!?"

"Yeah, they are downstairs. Just finish packing and I'll go down and keep them company."

Meredith seemed to stare at her a long time before finally managing a quick nod and smile. "Oh ok..."

With a roll of her eyes, Kris turned and walked back down the steps, hoping not too much drama would happen when the two of them finally saw each other.

-----

a few minutes later

His shoes felt like lead as he slowly stepped up the steps. JC and Kris were talking in the kitchen when he slipped away and moved to go see his wife.

His wife...

He had been slightly amazed when she had called him that morning after he left her and been ok. Then when they had sat down and talked about all this how supportive she had been towards him about his decision of needing time. But he knew, in the few times that he had seen her since, she wasn't ok with his decision. It had been a nice break these past few weeks, being able to just escape. But in reality he hadn't really escaped. He had missed her so much, and JC's couch wasn't as comfortable as he remembered.

And having to be around him and Chris every second was grating on his nerves.

And now, staring into his bedroom for the first time in a while, listening to Jan Arden's voice flow through the room and into his ears as the song Insensitive played, he realized...how much he had missed home.

He knocked on the door, something he had never done before and waited, impatiently for Meredith to appear. Soon she jumped from the closet holding up a silk and lace, scandalous black nightie that he had seen her wear many times before, against her chest.

"So Kris what if I packed this one. Think he woul-" She stopped the minute she lifted her head from the article of clothing she was holding against her to him.

Centuries seemed to pass as the stared at each other, not moving a muscle.

Finally, Justin figured he needed to say something. "Nice outfit."

A deep red color stained her face and she immediately dropped the nightie and threw it back in the closet. "Hi." It was the only thing she said, and he really didn't expect her to say much more.

He watched her walk over to the suitcase and close the top. IT was a smaller sized piece of luggage and she fought to close it. He watched as she swore at the thing and finally just gave up.

On instinct he walked over, opened the suitcase, resituated some things and then slammed the suitcase shut and turned the little locks in place. HE then pulled the suitcase off the bed and placed it on the floor, exaggerating how heavy it was. "Damn woman, what you packing? bricks?"

She stood there at the bed, wiping her hands against her jeans and looking at him in the classic "deer in headlights" stare. "I..sorry. I didn't know what to pack."

He smirked at her and sat down on the bed. He wanted to pull her in his arms and fall back on the bed with her. It had been so long since he had slept in his own bed and having her with him would make his day so much brighter. "And why you still using that gross old suitcase."

She bowed her head and whispered, "I like it."

His shoe gently kicked the back of her calf, teasingly, proving the first physical contact they had shared since he had left. "It's ugly and its heavy and its old fashioned."

And here it came. The attitude. With a roll of her eyes and a short glare she managed to trigger his annoyment. "Well sorry, I didn't know you were the luggage police."

He smirked at her, blatantly trying to piss her off. "That'd be fun. I'd have a badge and everything."

She sighed, standing there, rubbing her forehead. "Justin.."

"Yeah."

"How have you been?"

He met her eyes and pursed his lips a little. "Ok, you?"

"fine." She lied. He knew it. She walked by him and he reached out and grabbed her hand. Her hands were cold and clammy against his, her fingers seemed so small and he felt her pulse in her hand and could feel her shaking.

He met her eyes and whispered, "I've missed you."

And in that moment all hope for this day being decent fled from him. She jerked her hand away and rolled her eyes sharply. "Hm. I bet you have."

He snapped. He stood off the bed and stared down at her, growling out all his words. It had been a while since they had been together and he thought, just maybe she would be happy to see him. Obviously, she didn't want to be near him at all. "You know what!? fine. If you wanna be a bitch about all this, go ahead. I'm not gonna stop ya. Come on downstairs whenever your ready to go."

Once he got to the door he heard her yell back at him. "What if I don't want to go anymore."

He looked over his shoulder and lowered his voice, narrowing his eyes at her. "Tough." With that he slammed the door and stomped down the steps.

------

that evening.

The ride to the airport was horrible and the plane ride had been hell. And now, driving an hour and a half from one side of Memphis to the other and then into the Tennessee county to get to granny's seemed like it wouldn't be much better. She'd exploded and he's exploded, and now all that was left was the quiet, distant aftermath of two people trying desperately to get along with one another.

Justin had rented a car for them instead of having the family come pick them up. Lonnie hadn't join them because Justin knew what to do and security wasn't a big issue like it had once been. The radio was playing through the SUV and all else was quiet.

Justin was concentrating on the road, right hand on the bottom of the steering wheel, sunglasses over his eyes in the setting sun, sitting comfortably in the drivers seat.

She had leaned back her seat a bit and curled up the seat as best she could, her face turned from him, trying to sleep. It wasn't working very well.

She was scared to say anything to him. She was scared to do anything, move even. She didn't want him to come down on her and she didn't want him to be mean to her. It was hard enough not knowing what to say to him, how to act and it hurt 100 times more when he was mean back to her.

She took a deep breath and turned her head a little just to look at him. He was mouthing along the words to the song on the radio. "Justin.."

He seemed startled when she called his name. She didn't like the fact that he had on sunglasses. She couldn't see his eyes and therefore she couldn't see any emotion on his face. "Huh?"

She resituated herself and timidly asked, "When do you think we'll get there."

His head tilted to the side a bit and he thought a little bit before speaking. "Bout 30 more minutes."

"Oh ok."

Time passed and now the radio was on commercials. She wanted to say something to him, but she didn't know what. She just wanted to talk to him, to know he was still...with her. She turned her head to him, and finally her whole body, staring at his profile as he drove. He seemed so strong and powerful sitting there beside her. He was one of the most complex human beings she had ever met, and yet she loved him so simply. She knew she had to be the one to start a conversation, if one was going to happen. "So, um...where do you sleep at Josh's?"

"The couch."

She could tell by the tone of his voice, he really didn't want to talk, or so he seemed not to. She didn't give a damn now, if he didn't want to talk he needed to tell her. "Is it comfy? Are you ok there? I know he puts the thermostat on like 50."

He sighed, annoyed. "I'm fine."

That was him telling her he didn't want to talk. "Ok. Just, ok." She stared at him some more. He switched hands on the steering wheel, resting his now free right hand on the gear shift in-between their bucket seats. She wanted to grab his hand and feel his fingers mold against her. That morning, when she had jerked away from him, she didn't mean to be a bitch to him, and she didn't mean to snap away. Truth was, she was scared by his touch. As soon as his hand touched hers she felt it, hard and cold, the truth that he had been gone from her...that he had left her.

Something he promised her he wouldn't do.

She closed her eyes tight and looked away form him, trying not to cry as the memories flooded her brain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

She fell back on the mattress and growled at the ceiling. "It was just a damn nightmare. Can you leave it alone?"

Justin turned completely around so that he was lying on his side, facing her. "No, I cant. Meredith what happened?" She didn't answer, just looked away from him. His hand moved up to her face and he turned it back towards him.

Her eyes were shut, but tears were streaming over the bridge of her nose, and falling onto the pillow. "You left me. Y..you left me." She whispered.

"Huh?"

Her eyes opened and she slapped his hands away, angrily saying. "THE NIGHTMARE JUSTIN! You LEFT me!"

He kept his voice quiet. "Angel, I would never.."

"Shut up Justin just...I don't NEED this right now. God, I don't need this." She forcefully turned on her side, putting her back towards him.

Justin was rather confused with what was going on. He knew she was stressed out, and the nightmare didn't seem to help, but she had never gotten this upset over something like this before. She had never shut him out like she was now. He didn't know what to do so he just apologized. "I'm sorry. I'll just leave you alone."

"THANK YOU!" She groaned and huffed and resituated her pillow to show him how mad she was.

He stared at her back for a while, and then moved so he was staring up at the ceiling. She had voiced to him after she had had a 3 hour long conversation with Kelly about what happens when she goes to the doctor about how nervous she was. He was nervous as well, but couldn't imagine what she was going through. IT was going to be her body that would carry their child and go through all the changes and pains necessary to have a baby.

But no matter how nervous she was, it was no reason to shut him out. He hated this. He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms and tell her it would be ok. And then he heard her sniff, and a barely audible whimper came from her mouth. By then there was no stopping him. He had moved over to her, and wrapped his arms around her. "Meredith I'll never leave you. You know that. NEVER no matter what happens."

~~~~~~~

She shook her head when she heard him talking. She couldn't afford to let her emotions take control of her now. It was too dangerous. If she started crying then he would bark at her.

And that was the last thing she needed.

"What?"

Justin had taken off his sunglasses. The sun had gone down enough so that it was barely on the horizon and was actually quite pleasant to look at. He looked tired, neither of them had slept on the plane and JC had whispered to her that Justin hadn't slept well the night before.

She hadn't either.

He cleared his throat and made a move to turn off the radio. "Did you know C and Chris were sleeping together?"

Meredith's mouth dropped. She figured they were dating but both of them had been so secretive and shy about their relationship. "Huh!?"

A smile and chuckle came to his lips and he nodded. "Yeah, I mean, like, not for long. Kinda funny they've been...together I guess since I've been there. They make a good couple. About as annoying as.."

He trailed off and she didn't hear him. "as what?"

His face turned from the road and his eyes looked into hers for a moment. She got lost in the deep blue color as he softly said, "As you and me."

He quickly turned his head back to the road and she took in a shaky breath.

There was too much emotion in the car.

She knew he felt it like she did. She wanted to roll down the windows, as if their feelings would fly out. She took her mind off her and Justin for a moment, and kept the conversation on topic. "man that's so good. I'm so glad her and josh are together."

Justin nodded and smiled again, seemingly very interested in everything. "Yeah, she's a really cool girl. I can totally see how you two get along together so well."

Meredith kept the conversation rolling not wanting it to fade. IT was the most her and him had talked in a while, and she was cherishing every moment. "So is the whole clan already here?"

"Yeah I think. Oh and we do have to share a room with Jon and Stephen. Ya know, the room with the two beds in it on the first floor."

And then it hit her. Did he want to sleep in the same bed? She really didn't know all the boundaries on this whole "time from the wife" plan he had. She had been so shocked when she first found out she just agreed with what he said. "Oh ok. Well ya know, I can take a couch or a sleeping bag or-"

He half laughed half scoffed. "Don't be silly. Why would you?"

She looked down at her hands in her lap and started picking at her nails, not knowing how to respond to him. "I mean, I don't know. I don't know if you would want me in-"

He cut her off with a stern voice that reminded her of her dad coming down on her. "Meredith, we've slept in the same bed before, I think we can handle it."

The quietness in the car came back. She sniffed a little, trying to keep her feelings in check. She wanted this trip to be pleasant, and even though she really didn't think she was the bad guy in all this she decided she need to do something to make this situation a little better. "I'm sorry I snapped earlier."

"Huh?"

She lifted her head and looked over at him. "I'm sorry I snapped. In the bedroom, when you said you missed me. I'm sorry. I take it back."

Justin turn to her a little bit, looked at her, looked back at the road, and then looked back at her again. "Huh? w-what? Mere I'm .."

She turned her head from him and looked out at the Tennessee countryside. "I'm sorry you are mad at me."

Justin sighed, that annoyed sigh again. She glanced over and he was rubbing his forehead in with his hand like he had a headache. "Listen. Can, just for my family's sake, and for our sake can we just put all this behind us for a weekend. Please? Can we just ignore all our problems right now and forget about them and be happy."

She stared at the expanse of highway in front of them. "I've tried that before Justin. It doesn't work. Maybe for you, but..I just cant forget something like that."

His voice became like a whisper and she didn't think she heard him. "P Please..."

"What?"

He was licking his lips, nervous habit. "Please just, try. For me. I just, I know you cant forget Meredith. I cant either."

"I thought that's why you left, so you could forget."

HE looked at her for a moment. "No. I left to clear my head. To help myself get above this, so I could help you."

"Have you yet?"

He shook his head, more at himself than anything it seemed. "I..I don't know."

"Oh."

"I think I'm getting there. Or I hope I am." He was now biting his bottom lip.

"Justin."

This time the sigh that escaped his lips wasn't one of annoyment. IT was a tired sigh "What Meredith?"

"I've missed you too."

He flashed her a look, with a questioning smile. "You have?"

She stared at him hard, wondering how he could have thought otherwise. She tried to hold back the emotion in her voice but as soon as she spoke, her voice cracked. "Y Yes Justin, you-re my..."

HE sighed again, a relaxing sigh. "I know angel, I know." With that, his free hand reached over and grabbed hers from her lap. She watched him closely as he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

Goosebumps prickled her skin.

He brought their hands back down, still holding on to hers as they drove.

And for the first time, in a long, long time...she had hope in her system, not a large amount, but enough to make her smile. Back Forward