later.

She wasn't asleep but almost. Her brown eyes were closed off from the world and she was curled up in the dining room chair, still waiting on him. Her head was resting on her propped up, bent knees when blinding light poured through the blinds and hit her closed eyes. She immediately woke completely up.

She didn't move a muscle as she saw two blinding headlights of a car pull up in their driveway. She couldn't see very well but she heard a car door slam shut, voices she thought, and then the headlights pulled away, and then disappeared.

The house was silent for a few minutes. Deathly silent.

Then she heard a noise, the garage door squeaked open. It shut gently. She heard footsteps around, near the kitchen of the house. Her body uncurled and she stood up. She padded through the dining room to the den.

Her eyes caught the clock.

It was almost 1 in the morning.

Her movements slowed as she walked through the den. She could hear him moving around the kitchen, shutting a cabinet, letting the faucet run.

She heard him clear his throat.

She stood like a statue by the couch, not wanting to turn into the kitchen. She had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.

And her brain kept replaying the question over and over:

-where the hell had he been?-

Her stomach knotted when she heard footsteps, getting closer, and closer.

But when he came into view, halted mid step, that's when her stomach felt like it was pressing into her lungs. Her hand gripped the back of the couch for balance and she tried desperately to control her breathing.

"Wha ya doin up?"

She immediately noticed he sounded off, slurred almost.

It took her a long while to find her voice but finally she pulled it together, took a deep breath, and said, "Waiting on you."

He stared at her a long time, then shrugged. "why?"

Meredith sighed and put a hand on her hip. "It's one in the morning Justin. Where the hell have you been?"

"Out 'n about." He smiled an innocent smile at her and started doing a rendition of the mambo towards her.

"Have you been at Joey's this whole time?"

"Nope." He smiled again but this time the smile was as far from innocent as possible. He spread his arms and shuffled towards her more.

She tried to shy away from him but she was getting trapped between him and the couch. She placed a hand on his chest, trying to push him away, wondering why he was acting so strange. "Well then what the hell have you been doing?"

"Come 'ere hot momma." He laughed and pulled him into her.

She gasped when she started to feel him grind himself into her. He was obviously very excited but it scared her that it was one in the morning and he seemed to have no sense of that."...what?"

"Come 'ere, gimme some suga." She felt his lips sucking hard on her neck. Her hands snaked up his chest and around his neck. She found his head and finally was able to pry it away from her.

Her brown eyes looked deep into his. "What's going on?"

Justin licked his lips and started thrusting himself into her. "Damn baby I'm so fuckin hard for you. I want you. Lay down on the couch for me." He might have thought he was being sexy but he wasn't. His grinding was turning into plain humping and she immediately felt perverted by his actions.

"What?!"

He breathed into her face. "I wanna fuck you."

She caught the smell of his breath. Looked up in his eyes again and saw how glassy they were. She scoffed and pushed him forcefully away from her. "Oh my god, you're drunk."

He gasped and sarcastically said, "Nah..." Before falling into giggles.

She was standing near the wall that separated the kitchen and the den. She place a hand on it to steady herself before she asked him, "J..Justin where have you been?"

He was hanging over the back of the couch, his ass high in the air. He wiggled it and then shot back up, turning around and walking towards her. "I went to a bar."

"Why?"

He shrugged again and put a hand on the wall beside her and pinned her against it. "Because I wanted to. Now shut the hell up and get naked." He was leaning in to kiss her again and she couldn't believe she actually get him touch his lips to hers. She didn't like this at all. She didn't mind the fact he was drunk but the fact he was practically taking advantage of her and that it was so late at night all balled into this big package that made her pretty pissed off.

Again her hands pushed at his chest and this time it took a lot more of her strength to get him off her. "Ok, ok! STOP!"

His shoulders slumped and he looked down at the floor pouting. "What, do-don't you want me?"

She shook her head at his appearance. He looked tired as hell, his hair was disheveled but with his curls it just looked normal, and there was an obvious strain in the crotch of his pants. He looked pitiful. "Not when you are drunk off your ass. Justin do you realize that its one in the morning. You were supposed to be home hours ago. I've been worried like mad. You're cell hasn't been on. I..I.."

He brought his head up and rolled his eyes at her. "Baby chill out. I just went to get a beer, or two..."

She sighed and couldn't help but smile at him. He was drunk and his behavior was out of line. But he did look sorta cute. "or three or four or..."

He bit his lip and giggled. "or eight. and some shots. hehehe."

Now it was her time to roll her eyes. "Charming Justin." She sighed and walked over to the couch and plopped down on it. He immediately followed her like a lost puppy.

"Baby don't be mad at meeeee. It's not my fault."

He plopped down beside her. He was extremely close to her, and had no sense of personal space at the moment. She turned towards him with wide eyes. "Oh its not?! You go to a fuckin bar instead of coming home to me! You get yourself sloppy ass drunk! no that's not your fault AT ALL."

He sighed and fell back on the couch, bring his legs up and draping them across her lap. "I didn't want to come home. I'm sorry."

She shot him a look out of the corner of her eye. He wasn't paying attention. He was enthralled with staring at something on their ceiling. "Why not?"

"Because I was upset. And I didn't want to get you upset too so I went out."

She pushed his legs off her and stood up. She pointed at him, suddenly she was getting angry. He might have been drunk but something else had gone on that night with him. She could see it in his eyes and felt it in his presence. IT scared her, and she wanted to get to the bottom of it. "Upset!? Justin THIS is me upset. I'm so upset right now."

Justin sniffed and curled up on the couch, staring at her. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a bad husband."

"What?"

His closed his eyes like he was in pain and whispered. "I got sad tonight."

"why?"

His blue eyes opened and stared at her. "I got jealous of Joey and Kelly. I got mad too."

Her heart started to beat rapidly. Now she knew what was up. Baby stuff, again. Suddenly she got the urge to run upstairs and go to bed. She wish she hadn't stayed up for him now. She didn't want to hear what he had to say.

Justin was a funny drunk. He was a horny drunk too. But above all that Justin became very honest whenever he had drank too much. He didn't hold anything back and became extremely confessional. Many of his deep secrets and embarrassing and personal moments were discovered by her when he was drunk. "o..oh..."

"Sooo, I didn't want make you think about baby stuff because I know we've been all happy this past week and I didn't want to make you go back to being sick. So I went out."

She walked back to the couch and sat down beside his curled up from. She looked at him. "And you got drunk?"

He turned a bit and looked at her. "I didn't know what else to do."

She turned her head from him. Tears were stinging in her eyes. Their problem, their stupid problem was growing into something bigger than both of them and it was getting out of control. Everytime she thought they were getting better it would just crash into something worse than before.

She now wished she had been able to go to that bar with him.

A minute later, and after a few tears had been shed, she heard him whisper. "Are you crying?"

"No." She sniffed and her cover was blown.

Justin sat up fast and started to panic. He grabbed her hands and forced her to look at him. IT was the last place she wanted to look at that moment. His face scrunched in pain and he started breathing really fast. "Oh no, I messed up again didn't i."

She didn't know what to say, so she remained quiet.

The longer she looked at him the more it hurt. Soon his hands were touching her face, his fingers brushing her cheeks and nose and lips. He pulled away and whispered for the first time that night without a slurred sound. "Maybe I should go."

When he stood up she grabbed his hand and pulled on it, trying to get him to sit back down with her. She might have been shocked and upset, but she didn't want him leaving her, especially in the state he was in. "No. Don't."

He shook his head and clutched her hand in his. "No, I don't want to make you sad."

She looked up at him and tried to give him a look to convince him to stay. "You don't need to go, you are drunk. W- where would you go?"

He sighed and managed to descend to the floor, sitting on his knees in front of her. "I dunno."

She reached for him, and brought him closer to her, spreading her legs so he could fit his body in-between them and get him close to her. "Don't go." She whispered into his hair holding on to him.

He kept his arms around her waist but looked up at her and quietly said. "I just. I get so sad sometimes. I don't mean to. I don't want to. But, like, you make me sooo sad."

Her body stiffened. "I..I do?"

He nodded and scrambled off the floor and pushed himself up on the edge of their wooden coffee table sitting directly across from her. He rested his elbows on his knees and looked down on at the large oriental rug that covered their den floor. "Yeah, whenever you get all distant and pull away from me. And...it's like you don't understand that..that it hurts me too ya know? I mean I know its your body that cant handle it so you got all this guilt and shit but, I mean, I'm sad too. I've always wanted a little baby, with you. And now we cant, and that's sad."

She sighed. "Justin I don't-"

But he just kept going. "And I get really mad at myself too. Because I know I'm not doing a good job at being a husband. But I just, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. And I don't want you to see how hurt I am."

So there it was. That's what he had been hiding from her all this time. Maybe she had been selfish but she didn't realize how much he was going through too. She was glad she knew how he felt but now, she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to get through this. They were too lost in it now, too far gone to get help from anyone else.

And now she didn't know if they could still help each other.

She gulped and looked at him. He was still biting his lip, childlike almost in his drunkenness. She managed all the courage she had and asked, "how hurt are you?"

He lifted his eyes to hers and whispered. "I feel like I'm dying."

She couldn't handle this.

She ignored his last statement and stood off the couch. "You need to brush your teeth and take a shower. Then go to bed."

He nodded and stood up beside her. "Kay."

She led him up the steps and to their bedroom. After fixing the shower for him and pulling out a few towels she heard him say her name in a sing-songy voice. "Angellll-"

He was being a master at hiding and changing his emotions, even intoxicated.

She turned and saw him, standing near their shower, completely naked. She couldn't help it, she tried not to let it bother her or get to her and she didn't want to admit that she notice it but it was too late.

She noticed he was no longer excited for her.

She closed her eyes and stuttered. "Y yeah.."

"I love you. You know that, right?"

She looked up at him. he was smiling. "I know."

"Are you sure."

She nodded and smiled back at him. "Yeah, I'm sure." HE giggled and started to step into the shower. She figured she would give him some privacy and started to leave their bathroom and get ready for bed. She was tired as hell now.

But just as she stepped out the door she heard him holler, "Wanna join me?!"

She turned and saw him dancing in the shower. She laughed, for his sake. "Take your shower. Get sobered up."

"Yes ma'am." She watched him salute her and smile, before she closed the bathroom door be hind her.

Meredith stared at their bed. She cursed at her self for not going to sleep hours before.

If only she hadn't waited up for him...

---

His head hurt like hell.

His body was tired.

And the last thing he wanted to do was disturb her.

His shower had sobered him up, a lot. And now, dressed in boxers and a tee shirt, hovering over her figure that was lying on the bed, he was scared out of his mind. She looked lost and helpless laying there asleep.

She had worried over him. He felt sick to his stomach. Maybe that was just the alcohol, maybe not.

And the more he looked at her the more he was sure she had shed many tears while he was in the shower, and her crying was probably the reason she was asleep now. Or the fact she had stayed up late...waiting on him.

The more he stared the more certain became in his thoughts.

He was getting tired of hurting. And he was so exhausted from hurting her. HE knew he was, and he couldn't stand to do it anymore. He couldn't be strong for her and himself. He had done a lot of thinking that night while he held little Joe and watching Joey interact with his new born son, and finally he had decided; if he was going to be her rock, if he was going to help her out and make her better again, he had to make himself better first.

And that was something he couldn't do when wherever he turned he saw her, sickly looking, pale skin, thin frame, with circles under her eyes and permanent tracks from her tears streaking her cheeks.

He knew that he needed her. And he knew that she needed him. But he couldn't figure out how to make this situation better. Everything he tried ending up blowing up in his face and making it worse. Even forgetting about it and acting like nothing was wrong ending up hurting more than helping.

He needed to get away...

...from the baby situation, from the emotions, from the guilt, from the blame, from their house...

He needed to get away from everything.

Even her.

He sighed, leaned down and kissed her temple. She shifted in her sleep and mumbled something but didn't wake. He prayed to God for that fact and stood back up straight.

10 minutes later he was dressed, with a small bag hanging over his shoulder. He finished scribbling a note to her on a piece of paper telling her to call him on his cell in the morning and telling her where he was going so that she wouldn't worry.

And then he left.

He walked down out of the bedroom, down the steps, through the house and into the garage. His was sober enough to drive so he got in his car, revved the engine and left.

He drove to the only place he thought to go, leaving all his pain and worries behind.

Or so he thought.

------

He knocked...again.

He waited some more, knocked, and finally leaned against the door with a sigh. He was starting to think that maybe this wasn't a good idea. But he couldn't go home. What if she had woken up and seen the note, he couldn't take that back now.

Plus, if he went back he went back to the hell he was living in, and he couldn't do that to himself anymore.

In the midst of his thoughts he saw a dim light in the window of the house come on and finally heard the sounds of a door unlocking. The door cracked open and he sighed at the site of his best friend.

"What the fuck are you doin?"

Justin sighed and looked down at his shoes. "Hey, umm, I'm sorry its so late, but umm, do you mind if I crash on your couch?"

"Yes, I do. Now leave, go home."

JC started closing the door, but Justin put his foot in the way and locked eyes with his friend, begging him. "P..please Josh. Home's the last place I want to be right now."

The door was pulled back open and JC leaned against it. "What happened?"

Justin just looked away and shivered. JC gasped slightly and asked, "Wait, is, is everything ok? Is..is mere ok!?"

"She's- she's fine I think. Right now. But I..." Justin stopped and ran his hands over his face. "I'm not ok."

Josh put a hand on Justin's coat and pulled him into his house, closing and locking the door behind him. JC was only clad in boxers and by the look of his still squinted eyes and his uncontrollable hair he had been deeply asleep when Justin had banged on the door. He felt bad, but he didn't know where else to go. JC motioned to the couch. "Come in man, what's up, talk to me about it."

Justin just slumped against he couch and turned his head to the side, closing his eyes and relishing in how much peace that one action gave him. "Can..can I please just, go to sleep. I..I'm really tired and, and I'm not thinking real clear right now."

"Yeah, sure. But you are telling me what's up tomorrow." JC patted Justin's knee in a comforting manner and started to walk back towards his bedroom.

"Hey Jace baby, who are you talking to?"

Justin and JC both looked at the girl that was shuffling into the room. She was dressed in only one of JC's long button down shirts. By the looks of it she had also been asleep as well. If he had been in any other mood he probably would have chuckled at the shocked look on Chris' face when she realized who was sitting in JC's den. She cleared her throat and nervously chuckled. "Oh umm, hey Justin."

JC quietly said, "I'll come to bed in a sec."

She nodded and started to turn back. "Oh ok, wait, is everything ok?"

JC shrugged and looked at Justin. "I don't know."

Justin sighed and laid kicked off his tennis shows and laid down, stretching his body across the couch. "I'm just going to crash right here and pass out. Just forget I'm here."

"Oh ok." JC and Chris said simultaneously.

He tried not to roll his eyes at their paranoid antics. "And don't worry I'm not going to comment or say anything about how bad this looks. I'm too fuckin out of it even realize you are standing there in his shirt and you just in boxers."

Chris's eyes widened. "Huh?"

He rolled over and mumbled, "Night."

Justin felt a hand on his shoulder and looked over to see JC peering down at him with a concerned look on his face. "If you need something, anything, come get me."

Justin was getting impatient; he just wanted to go to sleep. He sighed tiredly. "I'm 28 years old Josh, I can take care of myself."

"Kay, Night man."

The light turned off and Justin heard Chris whisper to JC, "What's going on?"

He responded with a, "I have no idea."

Justin closed his eyes and prayed for sleep to come.

JC was right, they had no idea what was going on. No one did.

Not even himself. Back Forward