A few days before Halloween.

"We NEED to talk."

He didn't like those words. They made his head ache and his ears ring. He knew this was coming. He had been there an hour, just the two of them. He couldn't handle those blue eyes staring at him and he couldn't handle the simple yes or no answers to his questions.

He usually loved the time he and JC spent together in the studio. But tonight he didn't want to be there. He wanted to be home.

Home...

Lately the studio had been an excuse from home. An escape from the harsh reality of his world.

A world where he and his wife lived in...but didn't communicate, and barely interacted.

It was getting to be almost 4 months. 4 months since this all began.

IT had been the worst 4 months in his entire life.

But for the first time, in those 4 months. He just wanted to be ...home.

"What?" Justin groaned, turning his eyes to the man that was sitting in the booth, headphones now in his hands instead of over his ears.

"I said we need to talk."

He didn't like that tone of voice. HE didn't know what it was about it. But he didn't like it.

At all.

"Ok, talk."

JC rolled his eyes.

"Dude you brought it up. So talk, if you don't have anything to say get back to working on that track. You were tearing that up but then you just stopped." He leaned back in his chair and crossed his hands over his chest as JC stood up and walked out of the booth. He pulled a chair close to Justin and straddled it, resting his arms on the back of the chair and staring at his younger friend.

"How is everything?"

Justin tried not to laugh in Josh's face. "Fine thanks. you?"

"No man. How is...everything. How are you and Mere."

Now he really wanted to be home. So Jace wanted to talk about...that. He didn't know what to say, he never did when someone asked about them. So he gave Josh the routine answer.

"Fine."

"Bull shit."

Something deep inside of Justin snapped. Whether it was good or bad was uncertain, like so many other things in his life right then. He just couldn't hold himself back from going off.

"Jace listen. Its no big surprise we are in a little bit of a bad time right now. So can you do like everyone else and just drop it." He ran a shaky hand through his curls and tried to control his breathing. He knew Josh. And he knew that he wasn't going to let this go.

"No. I'm not going to be like everyone else because I'm so worried about you, and Meredith, right now."

Justin turned and shouted. "WHY!?"

"Because..."

His arms cross over his chest and he challenged his older bandmate with a locked jaw and a frown. "what?!"

"Justin man...you guys are...just..dying." Jace was shaking his head almost like he had just heard the worst news and was trying not to believe it.

Justin rolled his eyes, a habit he had just recently been doing. "Would you get back in there and sing."

A sigh escaped JC's lips. He rubbed his forehead like he had a migraine. "No. I wont. Have you looked at your wife recently. She's thin as a rake. She looks sick all the time. She doesn't- neither of you do ANYTHING with the gang anymore. Whenever you two are around each other you bicker about stupid shit or you barely talk to one another. You guys are drifting apart and you know it!"

Before he could stop himself, Justin had shot out of his chair and pointed down at JC like a child being scolded. "Shut your fuckin trap Chasez. You don't know WHAT the hell is going on with me and Mere so don't try to understand it!"

Josh shot up as well. Still not as tall as Justin, but it had the same effect. "Exactly! No one knows what's going on with you and Mere. And you don't even know do you..."

Justin didn't say anything, but his features softened immensely. Jace demanded. "Do you..."

"I just...I..."

"Say it." His eyes met JC's and he fell back into his chair, holding his head in his hands.

"I'm losing her Jace. I can feel it. She's just...not there anymore, ya know?"

JC twisted his chair around so he wouldn't have to straddle it and eased down into it. "Have you two talked..."

"A little."

"Maybe you should talk more, ever think of that."

Justin shook his head and pressed his palms into his eyes to help rid some of the pressure that his headache was causing "I just, I'm so scared to bring it up. Whenever I do she just cries, blames herself and I just, I can't handle that Josh. I've ALWAYS been the strong one. I've always been the one to pull her up. But...I just don't know what...what's going to happen this time because I...I cant be strong."

His voice had gone from pleading and whiny, to scared, timid and no louder than a whisper.

"Just talk to her..."

Before he knew it he was rubbing his eyes so that the tears that were forming wouldn't fall. "I never in my life thought...this...would happen."

Jace laid a comforting hand on Justin's shoulder. "No one does Justin. But you can't let it take over your life man. Y..you gotta work with it. You guys are pain in the asses to be around. So if not for yourself do it for US! Shape up. Cheer up. It'll work out in the end."

Justin couldn't believe he was letting Jace tell him this stuff. He had heard the same speech by...everyone it seemed. But for some reason, tonight, it seemed to work, he seemed to get it. And he seemed to finally understand that he had to do..something.

But he still didn't believe it all. "You don't know that."

"Yeah I do." Jace's 10-year-old-looking smile made him chuckle.

"How?"

"Faith man." Justin's chuckle ceased.

He needed help. He knew it. Everyone else knew it. but he didn't know where or how to get that help. "What do I do man?"

"I cant tell you that."

Justin shook his head, his watery blue eyes widening and pleading with his friend. "No you..you have to. I don't know what else to do."

A sigh fell from JC's lips and he let his back relax against the back of his chair. "Just...talk to her. And...if she cries, hold her. if she blames herself, correct her. Just...don't let her emotions or yours, keep you from doing what you need to."

After a few moments Justin took his eyes from the floor where he had been staring to look directly at JC. He nodded, and smiled. "Yeah...yeah I think I can do that."

JC rooted a little and stood up, then pointed to the recording booth. "All right. So I'm going to go in there, lay down this track and then we will get you out of here and to your woman. okay?"

"yeah..okay." Justin smiled, again.

It was the most he had smiled, in a long time.

----

Halloween...evening

She was pulling apart the sealed Snicker's "bite size" bag when she heard the words. At first she ignored them, him, and poured the smaller version of the "Hungry? Why wait?" candy in a large wooden bowl that was sitting on the kitchen table.

"Angel..."

That got her attention.

She whipped around and was immediately sandwiched in-between the table and him. His arms wrapped around her, his head rested on her shoulder and he started humming the theme song to "Ghostbusters."

She tensed at the initial touch but finally eased into his embrace and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and squeezed him tightly.

Her brown eyes closed and she began to smile. She had missed this so much, and in the past few days he had gone back to his normal loving, romantic, playful Justin.

And then he whispered in her ear. "We need to talk."

She stiffened in his arms and he pulled away and looked down at her with those gorgeous blue eyes. She watched him intently when he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead and then pulled away and grinned.

"W..we do?"

"Yeah. Come on love." She felt his warm hand slide down her arm over the material of one of his long sleeve T-shirts she had stolen, to where her hand was almost being swallowed up by the shirt sleeve. His fingers locked with hers and he pulled her away from the kitchen to the den, where he plopped himself down on the couch and then brought her down beside him, against him, so that he was holding her.

She was very content with his arm around her and her hand placed on his stomach. But after a few minutes of contentness having her head resting on his chest so she could hear his heartbeat and feel his body move as he breathed underneath the soft cotton of his navy short sleeved shirt over a gray long sleeve T-shirt, she cleared her throat and asked. "What are we going to talk about?"

She felt him sigh and his other arm came around her and squeezed her to him. She lifted her head and looked him in the eyes. "Us Meredith. We need to talk about us."

Her body became like a steel beam in his arms. She felt his grip on her tighten when she stiffened, like he was afraid she might slip from his grasp. They hadn't talked in a long time. About anything.

Especially not about this type of stuff.

She didn't know what to say, how to react, and what he motives were for this. She had become accustomed to ignoring each other to a certain extent and she had become totally use to avoiding topics that would cause her emotions to soar.

She took in a much needed deep breath and let it go saying, "oh kay."

"These last few months have been horrible, you know it." She cuddled up in his embrace, not really wanting to hear the words he was going to say. Afraid to where all this might lead. She just nodded.

"And you also know that we should have had this talk so long ago."

"Y yeah..."

She felt him kiss the top of her head a few times before he rested his cheek on her almost black hair. "It's not too late baby. So..."

She pulled away and stared at him when he didn't immediately finish his sentence. "So what?"

She shied away form his touch. He was looking at her too hard, trying to see into her soul. She had blocked out anyone, even him, from seeing that for a while now. He smiled and his hand still reached out to cup her cheek. "Stop being so frightened. I'm not going to hurt you."

Something in her snapped at those words he spoke.

She couldn't put her finger on what it was, but anger and pain flooded through her body and all she wanted to do was just, hurt something, or somebody.

She slapped his hand away. "Don't tell me not to be frightened. I cant help it. I've lived in fear for a while now."

He was obviously taken back by her hit. He brought his hand to his lap and now it was him, shying away from her. "F- fear of what?"

Meredith looked down at her hands that were shaking in her lap. She didn't mean to hit him, and she didn't mean to snap, but it was too late now. "That something is going to happen and we wont be together anymore."

He sighed an "angel" and scooted over to her, holding her face in his hands and forcing her to look him in the face. His eyes were pleading with hers. "That's not going to happen. God Meredith how can you even think that."

The anger came back.

She forcefully stood up and towered over him on the couch, her voice in a growl. "Y- you've pulled away form me. You haven't...TALKED to me in so long. You haven't just spent time with me. We haven't done anything together except barely live in the same house since this whole shit started."

She started to pace. She could see him out of the corner of her brown eyes, shocked, sitting there on the couch afraid to move. "I didn't talk to you because I was scared I would upset you."

Her arms wailed about and she turned to him yelling. "Justin don't you get it! I AM upset. Everything makes me UPSET! I CAN'T HAVE YOUR BABY! WE CANT HAVE A CHILD!"

His voice shook and he pushed himself carefully off the couch like if he stood up too fast he might faint. "We can still try. We haven't even discussed hardly anything. Adoption or, new medicines."

She pointed at him and narrowed her eyes, stalking towards him until she got so close she pushed him. "No JUSTIN. YOU HAVEN'T. I go to the doctor once every 2 and half weeks and inquire about this stuff. You haven't asked ONCE how it goes, what the doctors told me. You PROMISED me Justin."

He had to put a hand behind him and hold onto the small table beside the couch to keep from falling. "Promised you WHAT?"

Tears were welling up in her eyes as she got inches from him. She had never been one to like conflict, and here she was, pushing and threatening almost, bullying her own husband. "Th..that you were going to make love to me every night...until something happened."

His eyes closed and he shook his head in shame. "I..I know."

She crossed her thing arms over her chest and cocked an eyebrow at him, sniffing back her tears. "How many times Justin. How many times have we made love since then?"

The doorbell rang.

He didn't say anything.

She got up in his face and yelled. "TELL ME!"

His voice was a whisper, his eyes wide, breathing shallow. "I..I don't know."

She eased from him, and turned away. She had scared him.

And funny thing was, she didn't care at all. She walked in the kitchen, grabbed the bowl of candy and stalked back through the den. She got to the door and before she opened it, she looked over her shoulder and in a low voice growled at him. "4 Justin. 4 times, in 3 and half months."

-------

Halloween had always been a time for scary things, monsters...but fun.

This wasn't fun.

His wife had become a monster. She was mad, in both the angry and insane sense. He watched her swing the door open and change her attitude completely, squatting down to be eye level with the kids there that were trick or treating.

A string of trick or treaters had approached their door so it was a few minutes until she shut the door and set the bowl on the floor beside the front door.

He couldn't control his breathing. He was like a pit bull: breathing fire.

"Don't you DARE put all the blame on me."

She turned slowly, her eyes finally meeting his.

"I..I didn't mean..."

He cut her off, glared at her, and crossed his arms over his chest, making him look 3 times bigger than normal. "Yes you did. You don't want to be blamed for this. So you are acting like I'm the bad guy."

She pushed away form the door and shook her head. "No..."

He screamed. "IM NOT THE BAD GUY MEREDITH!"

She screamed back. "AND I AM!?"

"Don't you put words in my mouth." His voice was low, and he knew that it was rumbling in his lungs.

She was starting to panic. HE could see it in her pale face and hear it in her stuttering voice. "No no...go ahead say it. If I was just NORMAL. If I could just have a baby like everyone else out there we wouldn't be in this situation. YOU KNOW ITS TRUE! JUST ADMIT IT!"

He walked towards hers hearing the doorbell ring. "Not everyone can have kids."

Once he was 5 feet away she started talking wildly. Screaming then whispering, waving her hands about. "MOST PEOPLE CAN. JUST SAY IT! I know you want to. I know you are dying just to tell me that its all my fault. If I could just pop out a kid we wouldn't be here. You know that Justin. It's the truth. No matter how much you try and deny it. THIS IS ALL MY FAULT."

He was fed up. He didn't know how to deal with her, how to handle her, what to say to her. "Ya KNOW if you wanna believe that, FINE. It IS all your fault."

Her face fell. He watched it happen. He watched her cower away from him, shy back like she was afraid. "Feel better now?" But he couldn't stop the words from flowing from his mouth. She had hurt him. She had knocked the wind out of him.

He couldn't take it anymore. The doorbell rang again.

"Actually I do. Ya know, if you would just have been a little more sane about this whole situation we probably could have figured something out by now. BUT NO! You pushed me away too Meredith. You turned this fucking situation into hell. It didn't have to be this way. But YOU had to be the DAMN cry baby about it all. If only YOU could have SUCKED IT UP and acted like an ADULT, WE might possible be OK!! BUT WE ARENT, ARE WE?!"

She didn't say anything. She just stared at him like he was talking in Chinese. Tears were threatening to spill. But he had already gone too far, he couldn't stop himself. "ARE WE?!"

The tears fell and she choked. "No, we aren't ok. We are the farthest thing from ok." She turned from him and ran quickly up the steps, pounding down on them.

He was going to call out to her again, but he heard a door upstairs slam shut. He had scared her. He had truly frightened her.

The doorbell rang once more.

Now he felt like the monster. Back Forward