Waking up the way he did, startled him. And the scariest thing about it all was the fact that he GOT startled by waking up that way. So many times in his life he had awoken this exact way, naked, with a sheet and comforter gently laying on him and moving as he breathed, moving as she breathed. He had woken a million times this way with her, his wife, next to him, as bare as he was, curled up to him searching for any warmth he could give her, hand on his chest or stomach near where her face was resting, her breath tickling across his bare skin, teasing and tickling his nipple and the already cool skin of his chest.

So the fact that he gasped when he woke up that way and the fact that he was looking down at his and her body and their tan and black patterned comforter that was covering there naked bodies in horror made him even more startled.

He should have woken with a smile, a stretch, a lazy sigh, but not in fright.

He took a few soothing, comforting, much needed deep breaths. If he kept up the breathing pattern, ragging and sharp that he had, Meredith would surely wake up and that was the last thing he wanted. Even though he could only see the top of her head she obviously was peacefully sleeping by how still she wasn't moving and the breath he felt floating over his chest.

He turned his head and squeezed his eyes shut when the sunlight coming in from the gorgeous clear Florida morning pierced his still sleepy and dilated eyes. Images from the previous night flooded his mind, and he couldn't help but let a smile take over his face.

He would never admit it to anyone but the past 2 weeks had been horrible. Pure..hell. He wanted to talk to her, he wanted to love her, he wanted to touch her, he wanted to make love to her every night, he wanted to cry with her and hold her and figure out what they were going to do. But every time he had gotten up the urge he saw her.

He had done a damn good job hiding his emotions. But she hadn't, she had tried, hard, but she was just unable to let it be hidden. She would wear bulky clothes and her face had been a constant pale shade ever since that Friday two weeks ago. Her eyes had remained dark and gray and everytime she smiled, the normal wrinkles in the corner of her eyes and the sparkle that had always intrigued him was no where to be seen.

His thoughts that she had lost weight were formed into fact last night when he had seen her body, all of her body, for the first time since...since it began.

She hadn't been eating very much, or at least what he could tell, and he thought her face had sunken in a little. But last night, he was certain her ribs were sticking out more than usual. The dip in her stomach was clearly noticeable. To the normal person it would have been nothing, Chris asked him the night before if Mere had gotten her hair cut because she looked different. Justin knew what it was. She was losing weight.

HE didn't know what it was last night that had finally made him push everything away and give into the one thing he had been needing all this time, her. Chris always had a way with making him laugh and easing his worries and last night watching Rush Hour 2 with him and picking on each other had made him more at ease than he had been in a while. So when Chris left he had little time to think before he had raced up the steps, striped down and tickled her feet through the sheets on the bed.

HE had to push the whole "baby" situation out of his mind at least 3 times he night before. Once before they had made love when he had found himself staring at her, wondering why something so horrible had to happen to them. Another time was while he was making love to her. He wanted to keep it semi-playful but then when his head flew back in pleasure and he felt her holding on to him so tightly as they moved faster and faster, her hands were gripping into his shoulders a little harder than usual, and her breathing was extremely heavy, even for her, but that's not what made his brain surge to the baby thoughts. It was what she said, what she whispered right as he touched heaven.

"I've missed you so much."

And then the most heart wrenching time was about 30 minutes after the last time, he was asleep or so she thought, and he felt wetness on his chest, then heard a sniffle, and he thought he heard her whimper, "I'm so sorry."

His eyes opened once more and obviously the clouds must have covered up the sun because the room wasn't as bright as it once was. He stretched his cramped, still sore from the strenuous activity from the night before, and he felt her move and groan with him as he did so.

She rolled over on her other side, forcing all body contact apart and curling up in a little ball, her bare shoulders and upper back facing him.

He relaxed back into his regular position and stared at the bone of her spine for a moment before dipping down and pressing a kiss to her shoulder then pushing himself off their large bed and walking to the bathroom.

Normally, or normal for the past weeks he would have never done the gesture. It wasn't that he was trying to be cold or mean or unaffectionate to her, it just hurt to much. It hurt when he touched her and he knew that deep inside, both of them, they were hurting more than anyone really could see. So kissing her shoulder was quite a big feat.

Whether spoken or unspoken, there had always been this promise they had to one another they would have a family. It was no secret that both of them were very family oriented, and it was no secret that they both wanted a family...together.

He had never in his life thought that this could happen to him. He had accomplished so much in his life at an early age and by the time he was 20 he had two main goals in life: To get married and raise a good family.

Goal one had been successfully accomplished, but goal two had failed.

And what scared him more than anything he could imagine was that marriage and family often went hand in hand, and he was terrified that if one of his goals failed...the other might soon follow.

He shut the water off in the shower and stood there, letting the cool air blow on his skin until he shuddered and goosebumps arose. Something about not warming himself and making his body suffer just a bit helped block the headache that was forming in his mind about the whole family situation.

He just wanted to be family free for a while. The calls from his mom seemed to be never ending, and he prayed he could have a week for just him and his wife.

Then maybe he would be able to get relaxed and comfortable enough to open up to her, and actually discuss what was going on, instead of just hiding it until it exploded....like it had exploded with HIS parents...

He stormed out of the bathroom at the memories from long ago. A towel was ripped from where it had been hanging and tied securely around his waist. He ran his hands over his face as he walked out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom.

Meredith had covered her whole body with the covers and was sleeping on her stomach. IT was the way she slept whenever he wasn't in the bed. It always amazed him, every time he would crawl into bed and she was sleeping that way, she would manage to shift so she was laying half on top of him, curled up to his body, yet would never wake up. HE shook his head and walked to his dresser to pull out some underwear and clothes for the rest of his day.

He couldn't imagine how something so beautiful, like what he and Meredith had, could become so fucked up.

-----

That same thought plagued him as he sat on the couch in the den, watching Good Morning America. It was 9:27 am. Meredith was late for work, but that had been just kinda a staple in her persona for a while now, well ever since...

He was getting really pissed off at having to say, "ever since..." or "in the past two weeks..." But there really wasn't another way to put it. So much had changed since then, whether they were acknowledging it or not. Their relationship had almost pulled a 180.

His morning had not started off that great, which usually led to a bad day. Usually waking up in her arms always made his day start off amazing, but this morning was different. The whole being scared thing put him on a mind trip and now somehow they had run out of his cereal and all they had was raisin bran. The milk had conveniently gone bad, and so his usual ritual of a bowl of cereal had turned into a uncooked poptart and orange juice.

He would be going into work later that day to work on a new slow song that JC had written. He kinda wish he didn't have to wait until 11 to get there. He could always go ahead and go but then he would just be sitting around. And sitting around always led to thinking...about things.

Like now...

If he was started when he woke up that morning, it didn't really compare to how startled he was now. The doorbell rang and he was quite glad he wasn't in the middle of drinking some of his juice or he would have sure spilled it all over him.

He collected himself and brushed a few poptart crumbs from his mouth and lap as he walked towards their front door. He didn't have a clue as to who would be coming to their door at 9:30 in the morning. Maybe it was a neighbor or UPS man. But they didn't really talk to their neighbors that much, and as far as he knew he hadn't ordered anything that would have to be shipped.

He got to the big thick wood front door and ran his tongue over his teeth to get any portrait out from the nooks of his teeth and finally, and carefully opened the door about a foot, peeked out and was definitely not prepared for the sight there.

The door swung open. He didn't know if it was him that did it or them, but it happened and the next thing he knew he was being kissed on the cheek and being clobbered with hugs.

"My baby!"

Justin forced a smile and patted the shorter woman's back. "H..hi mom."

Another pair of arms spread wide and he was pulled into a suffocating embrace. "Well don't leave me out! I'm your second mom."

"H hey." Justin closed his eyes, he didn't want to know what his mom...and her mom were doing here. He knew something must be up, and he prayed he could handle it.

The two older woman pushed their way through the door. Meredith's mother spoke up just as he was closing the door behind him, still shocked. "Where's Meredith? She at work?"

Justin gulped as the two made their way to the den and plopped down on the couch and one of the plush chairs they had there. Obviously they wanted to talk, and he was pretty damn sure he knew what about.

"Umm..." How could he talk to his mom and her mom about this, if he couldn't even talk to HER about it. "She's..."

"Justin who was at the door?"

Justin followed the 4th voice up to the top of the steps to find her there, just wrapped up in a sheet that she was holding around her body. It exposed her shoulders and if she let go slightly with the grip on her hand he knew a very, even more embarrassing situation would occur. He watched as her eyes shifted from him to her mom, to his mom and then back to him.

Her brown eyes were wide and shocked and he just shrugged to show that he had no idea that they were stopping by.

Meredith's mothers hands waved her down the steps. "Honey come down here! I haven't seen you in so long."

Meredith's voice shook and she seemed more stunned than he was about the whole situation. "H hey mom, Lynn..what are yall doin here?"

"Just came to visit." Lynn smiled from where she was perched on the couch.

"Mom, y- you are in town?"

"Yeah, surprise." Meredith's mom smiled brightly and did a little hand movement with he bright eyes to signal the "surprise." She leaned forward and picked up a magazine on the coffee table before resting back in the chair.

Meredith chuckled a fake surprised laugh. "Heh..yeah..surprise..."

Lynn patted the cushion beside her. "Well come on down here love."

"I'm um.."

Justin gave his mother an unbelievable look from where he was still leaning up against the front door as his only means of support. "She's in a sheet mom!"

"JUSTIN!"

Justin looked at the top of the steps where Meredith was shooting daggers at him with her eyes. HE shrugged and looked at her innocently. "What? you are!"

"Baby go put some clothes on and then come back down here."

Meredith gulped and nodded at her mother before disappearing. "Yes ma'am."

With a push he managed to get away from the front door and walked carefully other toward his "mothers" He cautiously sat down by his mom and as she wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and squeezed him slightly, he picked up his glass of oj and drowned it all. His mouth had been so dry ever since he had seen them standing there. "So you have a nice night last night?"

Justin about spitup his orange juice. "MOM!"

Lynn looked at him and then Meredith's mother. "What? I'm glad the flame hasn't dwindled."

"This is not happening." He fell over on the couch and put a pillow over his head. He attempted curling up in a fetal position but his mother was already pulling on his arm to get him to sit up straight.

"Tell me all about what's going on."

The dry mouth immediately came back and his eyes darted from his mother's blue ones to a the other pair of brown ones that mirrored his wife's. They were bother staring at him, intently.

He didn't like it.

"what do you mean what's going on..."

Lynn placed a hand on his jean covered thigh and leaned in a bit. "Ya know..the..." He voice dropped to a whisper. "baby...stuff."

It was then when Justin was certain that this day, would be a very bad day.

-----

exactly and hour later.

He knew she was going to start crying. He just knew it. Her eyes were wide and she was looking away at the fireplace, and not at any of them. Her body was curled up in the recliner. He could see her struggling to keep her breathing even by the way her chest was heaving.

"I mean there's always adoption."

"You can even match up babies that will look like you and all this neat stuff."

"I went online the other day and got all this info off the web from this fertility clinic. There's lot of new drugs you can take and-"

"excuse me..."

The two women who had once been talking non stop for the hour stopped. The room went still except for three pairs of eyes that watched the only movement, Meredith swiftly walking out of the den and in the kitchen, intently.

Justin sighed and hung his head. He knew they would be too much for her. She never liked being interrogated and here she was being treated like a damn circus animal, questions and prodding being shoved her way. She wasn't ready to answer those questions.

2 weeks might have been a long time to everyone else, but Justin knew, it had yet to even begin.

"Justin.."

HE mumbled, "wha.."

He lifted his head and looked at his mother, then at Brenda. "What?" he said more clearly. They were staring at him like he had all the answers in this.

"Go to her." Lynn said with encouraging eyes.

Justin pulled back from her and almost gasped. "Me? why?"

He watched as his mom shook her head, reached for his hand and pulled it up between them. She held up his wrist in one hand and point to the gold band on his finger with the other. HE nodded slowly, as it finally dawned on him that it was his job to console her. "Oh ohh..ok."

He took a few deep breaths as he pushed himself off the couch. His body seemed to weight 100 pounds more than usual and he found it difficult to walk the short distance into the kitchen.

When he got there, he found her leaning on the kitchen island, on the other side, so her back was facing him. He could see her arms were holding herself and her shoulders shaking...

He could hear her sobbing.

It had been too much.

He walked over to her and leaned beside her on the island, not knowing what to do and afraid that if he touched her he'd start crying too, afraid he might hurt her more, or do something wrong.

But he wasn't able to make that decision for himself. With a quiet whimper she turned and wrapped her arms around him. Her face buried itself in the material of his black The Beatles T-shirt and she held him, tighter than he had ever been held before. "H hold me...please."

His arms had a mind of their own as they wrapped around her and so did his lips when moved down to her ear and he kissed her softly and whispered, "It'll be ok..."

"n no it wont. It'll never be ok."

That was it for him. She had lost hope.

If she didn't have hope, there was no point for him to have it as well.

A sigh escaped his lips and he was just about to whisper "I love you" when another voice echoed in their kitchen.

"Ok, so do you two wanna go to the clinic today. We could all go..."

Meredith groaned into his chest, he could already feel her tears seeping through. "Mom...p please...j just leave."

He turned a little, with her still in his arms. Meredith's mother shook her head. "But baby I flew al the way from North Carolina. I'm not just going to leave."

"Please..." It was a cry for help if he ever heard on. She was begging. She was begging for them...for IT to all just go away.

He watched his mom cross her arms over his chest and then watched Meredith's mom put her hands on her hips and get a snappy attitude. He loved both women, but they obviously had no idea of the damage they were causing at that very moment. "No I will not. I am here to help you. You may be all grown up and married Meredith Anne but I am still your-"

"PLEASE JUST GO PLEASE!!!!!" She screamed broke away from him and for the first time he got a good look at her face.

It scared the shit out of him to see how upset she was.

"Meredith you are overreacting."

HE stared at his wife as she closed her eyes, took two deep breathes and locked her jaw. He knew she was 2 seconds from exploding. Justin decided it was time for him to intervene. He looked at his mother and put a hand on Meredith's back to help calm her. "Momma, w will you two please go."

Lynn shook her head. "No honey."

It was the last straw for him. "GO!"

He didn't know if it was just the fact that he was the only male in the house or what, but his voice echoed quite a bit more off the walls of the kitchen that did Meredith's, or their mothers. Lynn started to speak. "wh.."

His hands slapped down on the island and he stared down both women as he growled. "NOW!"

He didn't mean to be so vicious or violent. But they were scaring his wife to death, and that scared him. And he figured they must have been blind or either stupid to see they weren't helping the situation at all.

He watched the too women grab their things and flee out the garage door.

He could have sworn he saw tears in his mothers eyes when she turned away form him.

But for the first time in his life, he didn't give a damn how his mother was feeling.

It wasn't until after he heard a car engine start and then fade away did he turn to Meredith. He grabbed her shoulders and dipped his face to kiss her forehead. He knew he had managed to frighten her as well with the outburst. "I..I'm sorry baby.."

She shrugged her shoulders to push him off her. "I..I'm going to bed."

"But..."

She interrupted him and jogged out of the room. "Tell Johnny I'm sick."

She had used up all her sick days over the past year on rendezvous with him and the time in the spring when she got food poisoning. The last week had been an exception, but he knew Johnny wouldn't let her off the hook for long.

And now he stood, quiet, desperate, needy and alone in the kitchen. He thought of calling up his mom's cell phone and apologizing but he really wasn't in the mood to get bitched at. He thought maybe he would go upstairs and lay down and sleep with Meredith. But he was sure she wasn't sleeping, and he was getting so tired of seeing her upset and it made him sick to see her cry.

So he trotted back in the den, laid on the couch, turned on the TV and got engrossed with Maury re-run about oversexed teens.

But not before calling up JC and Johnny and telling them that the Timberlakes were taking a sick day. Back Forward