Hey there, pal. How goes it? So, tell me... Is Heaven anything like you thought it was? You know, I never got to tell you goodbye. It was probably better that I didn't get to kiss your cheeks one last time before they buried you. I don't know that I would've left you. But if Mel can do it, so can I.
I don't know really what I want to say. "I miss you" seems too... Processed. That's a given. Of course I miss you. You were one of the most awesome people I knew, and to know that you're gone hurts. It hurts to know that I never got to say that I appreciated everything you did for me., especially in Computer Lit. I can't tell you how many days you made by cracking some stupid joke. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to strangle you for trying to be Mel's dad, either, but I know you were just trying to show that you cared.
It hurts... My heart hurts. I fall asleep each night, thinking, "I'll wake up tomorrow, and he's going to call me for hangover advice again." But every morning I wake up to the buzzing of my alarm clock and no phone calls.
Just knowing that you're gone breaks my heart. It wasn't supposed to be like that. You and Mel were supposed to get married. I was going to be the Maid of Honor. I was going to yell at you before the wedding--a lecture. "If you ever break her heart, I'll break your face." I never got to say that to you, John.
I'm mad, too. I'm mad that you were at fault. If you would've just slowed down... If only someone would've kept you in the parking lot one minute longer. You would be calling me for hangover advice again. And I could get one more "author's cut" of "Fudgesicles, Bananas and Eggs" or "Snowglobe." I could get one more bear hug and let you listen to my drama one more time.
I sat in the church Monday and remembered playing in the band with you & Mel and & Ashley once. It was really rough. But every time I think about how hard it is for me, I think how much deeper if goes for Aaron and your parents.
I'm so angry at myself for not being able to say anything else to them. I'm angry that I can't fix this. I want my Gay Tiger back. I want to sit in the band room again and make up stupid jokes. But I can't. I can't fix this. I can't have the Gay Tiger back. I can't sit in the band room with you anymore.
All I can do is grieve and remember all the good times. And hope that when my time comes, I'll be able to hang out with one of the best people I know.
I love you, John. More than I ever let you know. I'm sorry I never told you. You were one of my closest friends and I still hold you dear to my heart. I'll never forget you, and I'll always cherish all of our memories.
Watch over us GT! I want to be up there with you one day.
I love you and miss you tons!
Love always,
Your Tiger's Momma,
Lauren Renee' Edler
A million times we've needed you,
A million times we've cried.
If love alone could've saved you,
You never would've died.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a place
No one else will ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you didn't go alone.
Part of use went with you,
The day God took you home.
Author: Unknown
John, you're the angel watching over us now, and if ever I need consoling or reassurance, I'l take comfort in knowing that I can rest in your arms, and shelter under your wings until I'm strong enough to do it on my own.
