Breaking Down the Walls

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KayLee's Trail

By KayLee Armstrong

It has been over 15 years now since I have come out of the closet. Everyone has had to struggle with their own type of walls dealing with their sexuality just as I have. Somehow we all manage to break down the closet walls in our own way and allow our true colors to show. We have all heard coming out stories and the "walls" that were struggled over. When I finally came to terms with my sexuality and came stomping out of the closet I thought the walls would be gone. I am saddened that they are not.

The walls that distress me the most are not closet walls. It's the continuous addition of bricks and mortar to the wall between Lesbians, Gays and our Transgender brothers and sisters. Why does there have to be such a separation between the sexes? We are all in the same boat! We want to love and be loved by a significant other of the same sex. We should be rallying in the similarities that we share.

I suppose that we all have our own reasons for not wanting to associate with the opposite sex. Some of us have been married and had to deal with abusive relationships. Others just seem to loath men period, gay or straight. Several of my gay friends have also shared that some guys help to build the wall with mistrust and ill feelings towards women. Transgender Persons are now even feeling isolated and rejected by the gay and lesbian community. I know both women and men that will not attend a mixed function. The wall keeps getting bigger and I think that we as Lesbian Womyn, Gay Men, and Transgender Persons need to make a change.

I hate to admit it but deep down in I had this fear of men. After analyzing why this fear existed I realized that it stemmed from previous relationships. The relationships were not intimate ones, rather dominate male family members. When I was introduced to a gay guy I would immediately get a frog in my throat. I wanted to run and put distance between me and my fear. It took months and months of positive self-talk for me to realize that I feared something that did not exist anymore. I realized that the person that was shaking my hand was not to be feared. He was just being friendly and my fear had nothing to do with him. I had to tear down this wall of fear one lousy brick at a time. The mortar is tough and I still have to chisel away at it occasionally with positive self-talk.

I have some very dear friends, including Men, Womyn, and Transgender Persons. Yet I notice that most organizations are segregated and cater to a specific group. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I want to attend an event where they are no men around. I am sure that there are men's groups out there that just do not want me hanging around their event cheering them on. If you mingle just a little you might just open a whole new horizon.

If each one of us just takes only one brick off the wall and chiseled a little of the mortar away just think of the change we could make. Reach out and shake the hand of an alternate lifestyle person of the opposite sex. Get to know that person as a friend and realize that he or she is not looking at you as a sex object. Let's at least tear the wall down short enough that we all, Lesbian Womyn, Gay Men, and Transgender Persons can sit on it together.

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