Alone on the Florida Trail

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KayLee's Trail

By KayLee Armstrong

At some point in our lives most of us will experience being alone on the trail. The trail can be our busy interstates, city sidewalks, small town byways, and yes even a trail in the woods. Why you might ask has this happened to you? What did you do to deserve this pain? You probably did nothing wrong. It is a part of life.

If you become alone because your partner died you may feel cheated that she or he has taken the easy way out. Maybe you just fell out of love, wondering why love can't last forever? That is what we all want to believe. Maybe your partner went into a deep depression and had an addiction. When given a choice she loved her addictive habits more than you. I could not compete with her first love, marijuana. When I expressed my disapproval with this threesome I was asked to leave. I was out on the Florida trail, alone.

What do you do to cope now that you have to make it all alone? That is an answer I can not give you. In fact, all the therapists in Florida can not give you that answer. They can only give you clues but the ultimate solution is that you have to work it out yourself even if you attend hours of therapy.

Here's what I did to cope. I made a promise that I would not sit around feeling sorry for myself. I would make a new circle of friends and go forward and keep active in my social groups. I did all that and was very proud of my accomplishments, but no new lover showed up. Months turned into years, I never thought it would take so long to meet that special someone. I slipped in and out of depression and felt sorry for myself even though I promised that I would not let that happen.

So I started writing. I wrote trip reports for my outdoor group about all the wonderful places that we had visited. That led me to writing poetry, and this exercise was a good thing. I finally found a place to channel some of my energies in a positive way. It was not enough though; I wanted to be in love. I am a very passionate person and I wanted to feel that intimacy with another gal. I wanted Sex! Not promiscuous sex but loving making sex.

What to do with the bottled up passion? The poetry helped to use up some of this passion but there was so much more. I had so much love to give to another woman I was about to explode. So I started writing a love story and my love was channeled into my characters. When they were making love, I would sit at my computer and cry. When they achieved their goals, I would type away and laugh with them. They became a part of me, they were real; and I was involved in a new threesome. My closest friends even started worrying about me since I talked about them so much. But passion was channeled; my characters were in love.

Talking about my poems, trip reports, and the love story has led me to some very interesting people. They were intrigued about my projects and they volunteered to help edit my work. They became good friends telling me the things I did not want to hear. "You come up with a great idea but you need to write with more detail, character development, and conflict." My friends put me back to work at my keyboard with tears and laughter.

Writing is obviously not the only way to cope with being alone. Find what works for you. Maybe it's crocheting or gardening, watching a good movie or reading, working out or hiking. Even better join a group that interests you. You are not going to meet anyone sitting at home. The Internet is a handy tool to search for groups that you might be interested in joining. Shy away from the chat rooms and personals, it is just to easy for people to hide and play games there. It will not be easy, but you must get out there and do things that you enjoy. It is the only way that you will eventually meet someone that enjoys doing the things where a common interest is shared. If you enjoy hiking in the wilderness then hike in the wilderness. Wilderness hikers do not spend much time in the mall. A friend of mine would tell me to "keep showing up."

Basically the name of the game is networking. I never considered myself good at networking, but one day I just picked up the phone and called one of my clients that I suspected was gay. I asked her if she had any single friends that lived in a house that flew a rainbow flag. She was a bit taken aback but offered to meet me for lunch the next day. While telling her about my newfound writing interest she suggested that I talk to the publisher that she does proofreading for. She dialed the phone and introduced me to a new contact that could lead in several different directions.

I was reminded to continue getting out there and do the activities that I loved to do. Hike the trail alone! By hiking the trail alone I actually did meet some one that shares my love of backpacking. We actually met in a primitive campsite several miles into the forest. We have plans for a camping trip next week to get better aquatinted. We may not become lovers but I am doing the networking that I need to do to make new friends. Keep getting out there and in time you and I will find someone to hike the Florida Trail with.

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