Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

With Eduardo Alvarado, Spanish Conquistador.

Translations by Father Navarez.

 

QUESTION: Hey, um… where is Cyberslam at?

 

Alvarado: ¿Cuál el infierno es las palabras de este salvaje?

 

Navarez: Él pregunta dónde es “Cyberslam.”

 

Alvarado: ¿Qué?

 

Navarez: “Cyberslam”

 

Alvarado:  ¿Cuál el infierno es un cyberslam?

 

Navarez: No sé…. Ehhh…

 

…To answer your question… this savage thing you know as “Cyberslam,” has been taken away by mighty God. He has punished you for your Pagan ways. Now give Gold to us and honor our God, the Lord Christ.

 

QUESTION: So is you copying this website a copyright violation? I bet it is. Who should I tell to file suit against you? Funky? Remy?

 

Alvarado: Remy come mierda.

 

Navarez: Mighty Alvarado says “Remy eats shit.”

 

QUESTION: So just how many damn characters are you anyway… wanna get a life, fatty?

 

Alvarado: Asga mi sword del tercio de modo que puede ser que golpee violentamente a este salvaje.

 

Navarez: Alvarado wishes to slay you with his Tercio blade. I beg that you pray to the Lord Chirst and convert now so that your soul does not burn in hell for all eternity.

 

QUESTION: So, just how do “slam” here anyway?

 

Alvarado: Magia.

 

Navarez: Sir Alvarado says “magic.”

 

QUESTION: How come sometimes Alvarado can understand the questions I ask and answer them even though he doesn’t need English and needs a translator?

 

Alvarado: EL SILENCIO, ABSURDO MOOR!!!!

 

Navarez: He says, “Silence, Foolish Moor.”

 

QUESTION: I’m not a Moor.

 

Alvarado: Eso no es una pregunta.

 

Navarez: Sí.

 

QUESTION: Where can I find the best pics of the hottest chics on the Internet?

 

Alvarado: Soy a partir del 16th siglo. No sé cuáles es un Internet.

 

Navarez: He does not understand your filthy, savage question. Perhaps if you put away your ungodly idols and stop being a savage he would understand.

 

QUESTION: Why do you keep calling me a savage? I’m Christian. Like you.

 

Alvarado: ¿Es él un protestante sucio?

 

Navarez: He asks if you are a filthy protestant. In which case – it would be worse. At least if you are a dirty savage, you are subject to the filthy devil that rules this land that Columbus found. If you are a protestant, that means you were naïve enough to be a follower of that heretic Luther, who defies the Church and Pope. You should be burned at the stake.

 

Alvarado: O apuñalado.

 

Navarez: Or stabbed.

 

QUESTION: What's with those dumb fed names? iEIEIO?

 

Alvarado: Viejo MacDonald tenía una granja.

 

Navarez: Sí.

 

QUESTION: O.O.C/Out of Character? What's that?

 

Alvarado: Su madre!

 

Navarez: Your Mother.

 

QUESTION: So are there cards or something? How do you wrestle?

 

Alvarado: ¡Es una página de la broma, bolso del douche! Es justo un tablero del mensaje.

 

Navarez: It’s a joke page, douche bag. It’s just a message board.

 

QUESTION: What separates a good “flash” from a bad flash.

 

Alvarado: No es bueno si no fluye la sangre de salvajes. 

 

Navarez: It is not good if the blood of savages does not flow.

 

QUESTION: Why did Wrassle[dot]Net Change their engine to be all gay?

 

Alvarado: Quemado e hielo hawg es estúpido.

 

Navarez: They’re fucking stupid.

 

QUESTION: What's up with that guy who’s like, “Dude… You’re Getting a Dell!”

 

Alvarado: Él es un salvaje que debe ser matado

 

Navarez: He is a savage that should be slain.

 

QUESTION: Why are all the female characters on Online Wrestling Games Lesbians? And why are they really all teenage boys?

 

Alvarado: Matémosle!!!

 

Navarez: Sí, Señor Alvarado

 

Alvarado gets up and slays the man asking all the questions.

 

Alvarado: Pienso que fue bien.

 

~END TRANSMISSION~