CJ: FIE! That be a powerful sword!

 

VK: AYE, indeed!

 

Both sides seem equally surprised and confused by the turn of events. Now the vast, archaic dining room has a gaping hole, revealing a quite modern looking control room. Kurt Slasher, leaning out of the window, turns and looks back at the confusion.

 

Davros: Um… I wouldn’t jump out of that if I were you.

 

Kurt Slasher: Oh, and why not?

 

Something in his impertinent tone annoys Davros.

Davros: Uh… on second thought, knock yourself out kid.

 

Kurt Slasher: Well yeah, I think I may just do tha—HEYY!

 

Naked: So this is where all the camera cables lead to? Gnarly. Say, none of you would happen to know where the front door is, would you?

 

Nakedman says Gnarly because he is a 1980s surfer, or perhaps a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. If so, then he would definitely be sassy Raphael.

 

Technician: Through those doors, down that hall, take one right and you’re in the main entrance. There is a giant metal wheel you’ll want to release counter-clockwise in order to release the drawbridge – the only safe way out of the castl-

 

Davros throws a clipboard at him.

 

Davros: What are you doing, man?

 

Technician: Oh come on. This thing has been long enough already. We’ve got to end it.

 

Davros: Yeah. You’re right. Hurry it up, you two.

 

Kurt Slasher: I have absolutely no problem with that.

 

He jumps down from the window and heads back towards Nakedman, who grabs his sword from nearby the fallen wall and begins to flee.

 

Kurt Slasher: Yeah, you run away like a coward.

 

As Nakedman runs like a coward, he gasps a retort…

 

Naked: I am not running like a coward… *gasp*… I am merely disengaging for a tactical withdrawal to secure a defensive strategy, as per Clausewitzian military philosophy.

 

And as Kurt Slasher chases Naked, nearly catching up with him, he rapidly approaches a banana peel laying on the floor. A banana peel that must have been smacked out of a window with great force and ricocheted into this lower floor, though the window.

 

Kurt Slasher: Come here and get your- WHOA… wait a second.

 

He swiftly stops and looks down at the banana peel.

 

Kurt Slasher: *whew*… I almost slipped on that.

 

He jumps over it and continues his pursuit.

 

Naked: *GRR*… thanks a lot, what a useless plot device!

 

Following the technician’s general advice, Nakedman heads through the big doors, down the hallway in front of him, and takes a right to reveal a grandiose entry room, in which the castle’s bridge-entrance is, as well as the chain mechanism that will open the door and lower the bridge across the moat.

 

Davros: Come on guys, we’ve got to follow them with the camera, so that I can call this action!

 

Davros and a camera technician give pursuit. The cameraman runs while Davros rolls himself around. Meanwhile, Count Justice and Virtue Knight stay in the room and break things.

 

VK: HUZZAH!

 

CJ: Take this, foppish lighting serpents!

 

They attack some more cables.

 

Davros: We’re now right behind Kurt Slasher… Oh! And now we’re in the great entrance hall! Nakedman is by that big chain wheel, trying to lower the bridge down!

 

Naked: UNGH! Must turn! Is this thing welded in place? UNGH! I must… uhh… man, this floor sure is warm, especially on my nude, bare feet!

 

Kurt Slasher: Ha! You can’t even lower the bridge, can you?

 

Davros: Nakedman is just ignoring Slasher! This may be a mistake… because Slasher is coming right for him. OH! That crazy nude guy is whacking at the chains holding the bridge up with his sword! Metal on metal! Sparks are flying and… hey… this floor does feel a bit hot.

 

Camera Technician: Yeah.

 

With no luck taking the bridge down through turning the wheel or whacking the chains, Nakedman turns his back to the wall and yelps as Kurt Slasher steps closer and closer to him.

 

Kurt Slasher: How sad it is that you are going to lose right here, with about 4 inches of wooden bridge separating you from victory. You came close, but not close eno-AGHHHH!!!!

 

The floor collapses under Kurt Slasher and he falls right down into a hole. Flames rise up, filling the entrance hall with smoke.

 

Naked: *cough*cough*… Satan? Was that you? THANK YOU! And I thought you had ripped me off when I sold you-

 

Davros: *cough*… What is going on here? What just happened? Why did the floor suddenly break? It’s almost as if directly under this entrance hall there is a dungeon. And maybe someone went to that dungeon. And it was dark. So he lit a torch. Then when he was done looking, he disposed of the torch on the damp dungeon floor, assuming it would go out. Yet the dampness was perhaps not water, but some flammable chemicals. Like maybe when this person entered the dungeon, they noticed that it smelled like rotten eggs. That would likely be an indicator of hydrogen sulfide. And since sulfur is a key component in gunpowder, we obviously know that it would be flammable. If all this were to happen -- then perhaps a fire could have erupted under this very floor and caused the structural integrity to fail, and create a hole in that EXACT SPOT that Slasher stood.

 

Technician: Pfft. Unlikely.

 

Davros: Yeah, you’re right.

 

Naked: See! I said the floor was hot! Now someone get me out of here!

 

Davros: Nakedman turns and is whacking at those chains again! Will he get that bridge to fall? Will he ESCAPE THE CASTLE?!

 

Naked: Oh wait.

 

Nakedman looks down at the device to open the bridge. He then clicks the child safety lock on it to OFF before turning the wheel again.

 

The gate bridge starts to descend.

 

Naked: WOO-HOO!

 

Davros: I think he’s done it! The bridge is lowering! Any minute now, Nakedman could just walk out of this castle!

 

On the outside…

 

Evil-Lyn: The bridge is lowering.

 

Skeletor: WHAT? I mean I… I knew that was going to happen. It was part of my plan. You see, I…

 

*THUD*

 

The bridge touches the ground on the other side of the moat.

 

Skeletor: Now, let us enter the-

 

Trap Jaw: Wha-what is that?

 

From the smoky shadows walks out a muscular man, carrying a mighty sword.

 

Skeletor: I-I-IT’S HE-MAN

 

Nakedman walks out.

 

Naked: I WIN! I WIN! I WIN! I DON’T LOSE! Wooo! Hi welcoming committee! Lavish me with praise and awards!

 

Davros: Nakedman is out of the castle! It looks like he’ll be advancing in the Bar Room Brawl! Congratulations to Nakedman and…

 

Davros stops as he sees a tattered man (covered in a comical amount of black silt) drag himself out of a hole and out of the castle, with steam rising from him.

 

Almost Cremated Kurt Slasher: *gasp*… *gasp*… I’m out. I’m out. I win. Nakedman didn’t beat me. He couldn’t have. I win… gasp*… I… ughh…

 

He collapses on the drawbridge and goes to sleep.

 

Naked: Gee, I don’t recognize any of you guys on the welcoming committee. You must be those newly elected player reps or something.

 

Skeletor: So He-Man, you have come to confront me and the horde without the masters at your side? What a foolish mistake, one that will cost you your life!

 

Trap Jaw leans over to Evil-Lyn and whispers in her ear (making sure not to bite her ear off with his AWESOME mandible!)…

 

Trap Jaw: Uh, I thought He-Man had a loincloth and a chest plate.

 

Evil-Lyn: Weeeelllllll He-Man, it looks like you really do have a “sword of power.”

 

Evil-Lyn smirks and stares at his crotch.

 

Naked: OH YEAH! You are one hot clothed mama! And yes, I found this sword up in the- oh wait…

 

Nakedman looks down and shamefully blushes, realizing what Evil-Lyn was talking about.

 

Naked: Err… yep, I’m naked.

 

Skeletor: Enough of this banter! We must take the castle, destroying he who stands in our way!

 

Naked: Um. So, I can, like, not stand in your way then. If you want the castle - it’s all yours. No need to destroy me and stuff.

 

Nakedman scurries over to the side with Skeletor and gestures for them to go in and take it.

 

Skeletor: Such odd behavior, He-Man. I thought such cowardice was held only by Randor’s son, Prince Adam.

 

Evil-Lyn: Ah, Skeletor, there’s been something I’ve been meaning to tell you about that. We’ve actually all known it since episode 4, but we-

 

Skeletor: SHUT UP! We shall now charge into the castle blindly! Take no heed as to where we run! CHARGE!!!!!!

 

Skeletor charges across the bridge, scatting to himself happily. The horde follows.

 

Skeletor & Horde: *AGHHHH*

 

They all fall into the huge, fiery hole in the floor.

 

Davros: OH MY! And who were those guys? At any rate, we’re ending the broadcast from here. But tune in again to Wrassle[dot]Net’s exclusive coverage of Bar Room Brawl: Round 2, coming soon! For Count Justice and Virtue Knight, this has been Davros!

 

Naked: OW! Sonofa…! I just pricked myself with this sword! AGAIN!

 

Ho ho, that Nakedman!

 

~The End~

 

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