Getting to Know…
NAKEDMAN
Hello there boys and girls. I am Nakedman. I am the CWO’s June 2000 Bar Room Brawl representative. As I’m sure you all know, the Bar Room Brawl has come to mean excellence. Even elimination in the first round isn’t something to be shameful of- it’s the best of the best.
Why? Because Cyberslam is filled up with bureaucracy and money-greedy, easily influenced, biased leaders. To win the Bar Room Brawl is by far now the most prestigious award in the game, to be chosen is more prestigious then going the CFL. Winning Grimm’s BRB is better then winning the Ultimate Title. As you all know the Ultimate Title has forever been stained by something that you all know about. It was a huge scandal that turned the stomachs and made people throw up their arms in anger. I think you know what I mean…
… That’s right, you guessed it, allowing Hellspawn to win.
Now
that belt means nothing. But the BRB is the future. So I say let the future
come, and let Nakedman be part of it. Enough ass kissing [Nakedman pulls his
lips out of Grimm’s anus] … Let us talk about, ME.
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My name is Nakedman. No, seriously… that’s the name I was given at birth,
“Nakedman.” My parents didn’t have a last name. They named my sister
‘Clothedchic.’
Nakedman
arrived in CSlam in late January, by luck he ended up in the iAPWF, one of the
greatest indies to ever live. I, well… clashed with Maxx Justice in the
beginning to say the least, for the two days that we were there together. It
was my fault though, I was being an ass. Hey, I can’t help it, I’m Naked. I
apologized to the good man and told him I was sorry for being such a big, hot,
sweaty, naked jerk… he then went on his merry little way to the CBF. Then a new
commish came in, a wise and brilliant man named Ghiaccio.
Wait, I just noticed that I forgot to say something. I am Naked. Completely and totally Naked. I am 100% nude. I wear no clothing. You may ask why… come on, ask. Well, I’ll tell you anyway. Clothing is a chain, it binds us down like slaves (SPX). People who wear clothed are constrained by limitations, these are the limitations that man puts on himself. Cloth -Free is the way to be, you are free of your self-inflicted bondage. If a slammer with clothes could go all the way, imagine the possibilities of a free, naked man.
Where
the hell did I get the idea for such a sick, twisted (and lets face it-
underlyingly homosexual) gimmick? Well, I can’t take the credit- but it
originates from my roommate and the Board of
Doom. My roommate and I play Cyberslam, and he
noticed a joke on the BOD. We all know that Quint sucks the fat one at making
pictures for CSlam champs, right? Well, this is nothing new- people were saying
that months ago. And someone said something along the lines of “The only way
Quint would ever put any effort into making a good pic is if the slammer’s name
was ‘Naked Man.’”
It was
irresistible. My roommate said that he would make a slammer called Nakedman. We
thought it was a funny idea but we never actually did do anything. We didn’t
have time to create multiple slammers just because that sounded funny. Yet I,
being the looser I am, eventually decided to do it! He appeared on the scene
and immediately got heat- for God’s Sake, I’M A NAKED MAN- I BETTER GET HEAT.
Both of us expected the slammer to last a week or so. It sounded like a funny
idea, but it would get old quick.
Only it
DIDN’T get old. Nakedman still remains to be funny and keep his edge. He goes
through character changes and everything is new and fresh again. Being Naked
will never get old. Its like having sex- do you think anyone is like: “damnit,
I’ve had sex like 100 times now- I’m tired of sex, wanna play Monopoly?” No.
People aren’t like that, and being Naked is just like having sex (only you
don’t need a woman).
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Nakedman joined the Army of
Darkness, a prolific stable that defined an
Era of the iAPWF, led by Holyevil. Psychomantis, Fallen One, Dave, Count Justice,
Virtue Knight and the talented Stormfire have made up the great AoDers that I
have worked with. We never take shit too seriously and never start crying like
bitches… we have fun and are always funny. I hope to make you laugh.
Just
don’t laugh at my small penis, I’m sensitive about that. After all, I am Naked.
I was
promoted to Diabolique’s CWO (not cow) in April, and started my Nakedness all
over again and fresh (ie: I used the same angles over because no one in the fed
knew me). Along my trip I’ve been naked, forced to be clothed, hung out with
Snoop Doggy Dog, raided the Oakland Athletics’ training camp, and- of course-
started thinking that I was in the middle ages and wore chain mail, a helmet
and carries a mighty sword. But then again who hasn’t done that?!
Where
does the future lie? The Bar Room Brawl- that’s where. Competition is stiff,
but not as stiff as me, because I am Naked. The best man will win and, humble
as I am, I hope it is ME and not anyone else. So bring the Convenience Store on
Baby.
Yep. I’m Naked.
-Nakedman