if only words could somehow say
what one feels
language is a poor tool
when it comes to a man's soul

if only I could somehow let you know
show you
make you see and understand
this man
and how he longs evermore
for the comfort of your warm embrace

I have never known each part of myself
and some of me I never will
see
feel
understand

and so how, I ask, can someone else
hold me
love me
care and understand
if I don't know this part of me

and yet they somehow do
most of all
You

I sit, lonely
and think of how I long to hold you
touch you
snuggle close and feel the warmth of your sleeping body

and I think of a recent time
when I said to someone that
there was a time when I would doubt myself and my feelings
ask myself each day how I felt
am I in love, or in love with love itself

and so it was put to me
'what answer did you find?'
my answer was this

'I've stopped asking...'

I no longer need to question myself
I may not even be sure what love is
or what it's supposed to be
I may not understand myself
or how I feel
or why I feel
or how I should feel

but what I know is this

there is one
with whom I long to be
and I can't stop longing
I want to hold her
touch her
be with her
she makes me happy
she gives me comfort
she shows me love
she stands in the face of adversity
and calms the storm in my soul
she is there for me
showing me what it is to love someone
giving me the strength to press on
and when I'm with her
or even when I think of her
I can smile
feel warm inside
rest my head and think

whatever this is
I want it to never
never
end

and so I ask myself
what can I say
to even come close
to expressing how I feel
"I love you" just isn't enough

but perhaps something else
something simpler
can come a little closer

"Thank You."