"can you help me?
help me with my brain"
[Drive, "Pretty Boy Heaven"]

It took 6 years, but I finally did it. I did it in a cowardly, horrible horrible way - a note - and I won't have an answer for another day, probably, but at least I did it. I guess I decided I couldn't go the rest of my life not knowing. Whatever happens, the exercise in and of itself was worthwhile, especially considering where my head has been of late.

I'm on pause. And I must go forward. I'm tired of being stuck in this rut. Even my recent enthusiastic plans came grinding inexplicably to a halt recently when I stopped writing, stopped responding to winks and smiles, and just... stopped. I tell myself I'm pressed for time, but I'm just not making the time.

I hope the answer comes back yes. If so, I'm figuring Saturday. And if so, you can bet your ass I'll be writing on Sunday.

Yes, I'm mildly manic right now and this will be all over the place. But then I'll post it anyway. Why? Because I'm such a humongous dork.

I came to an important realization recently: I don't want to work in the IT industry any more. It can't hold my attention. It doesn't feel like a challenge. Yes, it's a fast-moving industry. In fact, so fast, I feel totally left behind, like it's gone on without me for the past 3 or 4 years, and that I've got lots of catching up to do. But that's just it; I'm not interested in catching up. I'm interested in doing something different, something new, something challenging.

And I know what sorts of things I should be doing. That much is obvious. The path from here to there is the only part that isn't.

But right now, I can't focus well enough to ponder that, as I count down an unknown number of minutes between a yes or a painfully simple silence.

*sigh*

PS: I figured out in my head today a way to re-arrange my bedroom again, which will render it a bit different than it is now. I'll probably get to it on the weekend. Now that has gotta be good news, right?