life320

March 20, 2002

Hey. What's Happening? Well the whole reason I started this page was because of what's been up as of lately and my feelings the last few weeks. Let's just say that these last few weeks have tested my will to live more than any ever before. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to commit suicide, I'm too lazy for that. I'm just saying that I don't really give a shit about anythign anymore and wouldn't mind if says, lightning struck me down.

Everybody at school knows whats been going on. I've realized that the last seven years of my life have been nothing but a complete waste of time, effort and money. I've realized that I can't do anything right and I have no social skills. I've been trying to make somebody feel good about themselves and everything and apparently all I did was make her feel bad and cry. Never knew that telling a girl the truth about things like life and the reason she's here, can make her feel bad. But I also didn't know that a girl would argue with you when you said they weren't ugly.

I also have been problems with my family. The fact is that just about two weeks ago I almost got in a fistfighht with my dad and ended up giving him a big scratch on his back from pushing him into the oven. He deserved it but still. I also almsot left my house because I'm sick and tired of hearing their voices. They are also the two most negative people in the world that I have met and it's no wonder that I view myself as a loser and I have -50% self esteem (inside joke).

I have also realized that I hate just about everything in this world. The only girl who I have ever loved, Hallie (don't worry, I only love her as a friend. She's practically married to my friend Jeremy), gave me a two page list on everythign I should be thankful for and things that she's thankful for. She obviously put a lot of time into the list and showed me that at least somebody cares about me. But out of the over 150 things she had listed I crossed off everything except four. According to that I only am thankful for my friends, Jeremy (more about him under the friends page), my computer and music. That's not a good thing, that's a bad thing.

Well I'm done ranting for now. Just remember not to worry about me and not to tell my parents about this because I don't need to here their shit. I will leave you with a quote that Hallie told me and is so unfortunently true.

"No one will love you until you love yourself"

Adam