| The Harshness of Reality A nice evening, cool with the sun just setting. Courage and nervousness raising in my throat making a mix that cause me to want to puke. Swallow, I kept telling myself, calm down. Twitching feet, sweat pouring down my neck and making my hands clammy. There you were, walking towards me, full of beauty and elegance. You always seemed to have this air about you that I could not control, I just wanted to pull you in and hug you forever. Here goes nothing. �Hey,� I call, standing up to wave you over. Over grown trees make a nice canopy over the bench that I sit at. Flowers all around. You notice me out of the corner of your eye and head towards me with a smile. Your lovely smile I can�t get enough. To think it has been a year ago that I saw that smile for the first time� Time flashes, memory passes. Curled up and saddened, I lay crying from this hurt. Torn away from all reality. I wanted to loose myself in that moment, that I hoped we both could have shared. That moment seeming so long ago. You sit down next to me on the slightly uneven bench, covered on the north side by a thin green moss. �What is it you wanted to talk about?� You inquire looking at me. There seems to be a look of wonder and yet a look of dread and horror passing across your eyes, as I open my lips to speak. �I just wanted to�,� Words choking in my throat, �I just�I can�t do this I am no good. I�I�I love you.� I turn away sheepishly, not wanting to see your reaction in case it was bad. A saddened look from you would have crushed me. The only thing I feel is you standing up and hear the thin sobs that came from within your hands as you ran away. I could only look up, startled not knowing what to say. I was frozen on that bench. Night falling, I still couldn�t move. You must have been gone for an hour, maybe two. It meant nothing now. The only thing was the hurt. Images flickering through my head of you running away with your face in your hands. Always a bad idea. Tears stain the carpet. The uncontrollable sobs shaking every inch of my body, until I ache all over and can�t shake anymore. Standing, I head for the door and out into my house. Blank expression, no feeling. This hurt is over taking me. Its always too much. Grabbing a small box I head for the door and out into the daylight once more. To the spot where it all occurred. Here I will leave it, everything we have had together. The bench stands vacant in the sun, glistening cold dew sparkling on the moss. Flowers barely opening as the warmth of the sun touches down on them. Opening the box, there sits pictures of you, endless amounts of small trinkets and memorabilia. Tossing them aside, strewn across the ground, cold steel hits my teeth. The taste of metal fills my mouth, as I grasp the trigger. Tears streaming once again down my face. Click. Pain flashes through my brain. The earth starts to rotate backwards, flowers, trees, sky, sun, trees, flowers, stained red grass. Thoughts swirl as I feel my body loose grip of itself. A body lays mangled on the ground. No idea of description. Around its knees random pictures and objects lay strewn aimlessly. A gun in one hand. What is this body? Who was this man? No recollection. The only thought that floats, as the body descends away is �I�m Sorry.� |