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GRAND
LEIF AUTO |
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people have stopped
in to laugh at Leif |
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GRAND
LEIF AUTO |
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Before you begin, we ask that you please take this time to empty your bladder, for what you are about to read may cause you uncontrollable bladder issues, and nobody wants to see you piss yourself.
Sincerely,
The Web Masters |
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GRAND
LEIF AUTO |
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The picture above and to the left is a yellow fiero, which we from now on refer to as Exhibit A. Please make note of its extreme yellow color and distinctive ugliness. It belongs to the ambiguously gay gentlemen to the right. His name is Leif "Nerd" Tobler. Nerd has a 3.999999 gpa, and has recently been applying to prestigious med schools throughout the United States. He lives in the library, and it's quite possible that he has been tutoring you, one of your friends, or perhaps even your son or daughter.. Keep this in mind as you continue to read... |
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One fateful night in October, Nerd decided that the pressures and anxieties of a closet-homo were just too troublesome, and he proceeded to drown his sorrows in some alcohol. Clearly too drunk to drive home, Nerd passed out at his buddy's house. From this point on, nothing is 100% certain. What IS known, is that at some point between the hours of 1 and 6, Nerd awoke from his slumber and drove somewhere, for something, probably in search of his home, for in a drunken stuper, one always thinks they can drive. At some point on his journey, Nerd stepped out of the vehicle, probably to urinate. Having no luck in finding his apartment, Nerd sadly crawled back into his car and drove back to his friend's house where he again passed out on the couch.
Enter Exhibit B: |
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The picture you see above is a crappy blue pontiac. Notice how very not yellow it is. The morning after Nerd's journey across town, he awoke with a terrible hangover and decided it was time to go home and shower. But alas, his car was missing! (GASP!) Not to worry though. In Nerd's pocket were the keys to a blue pontiac, which happened to be sitting outside the house. Thinking one of his friends must have driven him there, Nerd took the car to his house and showered. After a tedious search for his own car, driving all across town in his new mysterious pontiac, Nerd drove the to the Police Station. "I uh, have this car but I...can't find mine." The police calmly looked Nerd in the eyes and said, "That car you have was reported stolen this morning. The owner woke up to go to work and found that his car was missing, but a yellow fiero had been left in his drive way in its place."
Editors note: Oh God, it's too good...several years later and it still makes me laugh so hard I nearly piss my pants! |
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Yes, that's right. In his utter state of drunkenness, Nerd pulled into a strangers driveway and for one reason or another, got out of his car. Upon climbing back into his car, Nerd accidentally mistook the blue pontiac for his yellow fiero. An honest mistake. Nerd is not only stupid when drunk, but also completely colorblind.
Please keep this in mind the next time you let a fair-haired fair-skinned boy with a gentle voice and a 3.9 gpa tutor your son or daughter, or before you let him assist you in anyway. If you still feel that he is smarter than you....may God help you. |
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UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! It has been asked of me by many, "What ever happened to that Leif character who stole the car? It has also been asked of me by Nerd himself that I kindly update this page to let everyone know just how it all panned out. And so, without further ado, I bring you the verdict.
Due to the competance of his lawyer, Leif received a 10 dollar fine for improper parking.
My uncle asked me this Christmas, "Hey what ever happened to Leaf?" I kindly reminded him that it's pronounced "Leif" and told him that Nerd is currently attending med school. He replied ever so calmly, "You know, Janae, there are some friends you're going to have in life that you just have to be honest with and say, 'If I ever wake up in a hospital bed and you're standing above me waiting to operate, I'll take my chances without the operation and get the hell out of there.' " You know...that just might be some really good advice! |
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Special THANKS to Rick Peterson for providing the photos of Exhibit A and Exhibit B. |
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