helping you score.

1/18/01: Intro/Penn Bowl Guidelines

So, you're at a college bowl tournament. You're young (maybe), single (possibly), and looking for love (yeah, right) or action (more likely). What do you do?

Well, girls and boys, my first piece of advice to you is a sad one: you're probably not going to score, unless you're at Penn Bowl or at PACE NSC (thanks to Shawn Pickerell on that correction. What can I say, I've had too many cocktails since then). Seriously.

But since Penn Bowl is almost upon us, here are some useful guidelines for the grand event. They're also fairly good rules to live by in general, if you need those spelled out for you.

So, without further ado, NACutie presents...

How to Get Ass and Not Be One

1. Bathe.

1a. Smell nice.

1b. Dress with a modicum of style, or at least an awareness of what
garments really ought not to be worn in public.

1c. Work on having appropriate hair. It will help.

2. Age differentials of three years or greater are to be viewed with
extreme suspicion, particularly if the older party is no longer a
full-time student. Such situations are subject to approval by

2a. WATCH IT with the first-year girls.

3. Persons whose previous social behaviour has caused them to be
denounced by members of the appropriate sex shall not get any.

4. If someone did not want to get with you while sober, assume that
they do not want to get with you while drunk.

4a. If you didn't clear it with them while they were sober, consult
a sober member of their team.

5. Save all getting of ass til after the tournament. In particular,
no ass shall be gotten while packets are being read.

6. Get ass only in appropriate places. This does NOT include rooms
which you are sharing with your teammates. Your teammates will be
authorized to cause you bodily harm.

7. In the interest of the future genetic viability of the species,
do not create qb babies.

NACutie is in no way affiliated with NAQT, apart from occasional sectional. NAQT is a registered service mark of the National Academic Quiz Tournaments, LLC.

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