"Alright Flashy, Cheets, a few rules for Chemistry." We were making off for our first class. Our first hour. In Hell. "One: No constructing bombs. As much as we all want to, the teachers are just going to steal them lock them in the secret vault in preparation for their world domination plot. Two: No constructing weapons. Ditto." I shot a look at Flash. "And I really like my head in one piece. Three: Never look the teacher straight in the eye. If you do they go nuts. If you by so any chance do look them in the eye, lower your head and slooooooooowly back away. It's the whole dominance thing, you see. Four: The teacher's chair is the teacher's chair. It doesn't matter if it's one of those cool spinny ones, if he catches you on it, it's the same result for number three. Only this time he runs rampant with a chainsaw. And..." I paused.
"And...?" Cheetor prompted. I thought for a few seconds. "There are some people you'd better avoid in class as well..." I ran through the list of names. And ran through some more. And a few more... Cheetor halted me. "You're basically saying the only ones we're allowed to talk to are you and Shirley."
"Yes." I confirmed. "Speak to anyone else with extreme caution. And watch out for Kelly, she has a shotgun."
"A shotgun, you say?" Flash suddenly looked excited. I saw his hand twitch. I could practically see the images in his head of him blowing me away. He was NEVER this sadistic in my fanfics!
"Yes. And if she doesn't use it to blow your head off, I can assure you that you'll never have children again."
He looked... confused. "Eh?"
"Oh that's right, it's a lesson for biology, isn't it?" I jumped in front of Flash and stopped him. "Remember. No stunts. I got you out of Mr M's office this morning and you owe me a favour."
"Mr M? I could have gotten rid of him without you."
"I've no doubt you could. But... I have security."
Digging deep into my pocket I brought out the one worst thing I ever could have. Having nabbed it on the first day, it had remained hidden until a time when I needed it. And I needed it now. Badly.
"Flash, if you dare do anything... and I mean anything... I think you can guess how many copies of this are going to be plastered around the school."
When Flash had become human, it seemed he had inherited the single most important survival attribute of any normal teenager. The fear of Baby photos.
"You WOULDN'T!" he cried, aghast and tried to snatch it off me.
"It could happen." I hopped away and baited him with it. He tried to snatch it again and I returned it to my pockets. Flash stared at me fiercely but did not dare to move.
"I'm going to-"
"You're going to what, Flashy?" I dug my hand into my pocket again. He did not dare say another word.
"HAHAhahahHAHAHAHA!!!" Cheetor was behind me, laughing his guts out. I whirled around and took one look at him.
"You were also a real cute baby."
He looked horrified. "You didn't!"
"I don't believe in taking chances." I began to strut away. "Now come along, children."
My Chemistry class is not very interesting. A whole lot of gunk about polar molecules and covalent bonding and some things about vectors I don't even get because I don't take physics. Cheetor, next to me, found it boring. Flash found it plain insulting.
"They expect us all to believe this?" he growled, scribbling strange pictures all over his file. "They really do? Primus, I'd hate to see what their spacecraft would look like, I doubt they've even discovered hyperdrive...mumblegrumblegrumblemumble..."
I poked him and pointed to one of the posters of a rocket taking off. He looked at it most unimpressed. "What's with the shape of that thing? Combustion fuel source? Ridiculous! What about the energon, earth is supposed to be full of it!! Don't tell me I have to live in these conditions..."
I shook my head sadly, wrote "Baby pictures" on his file, and returned to playing Squares with Cheetor. In case you've never played the game, basically you just connect the lines on graph paper. Not exactly thrilling. But neither was my chemistry class and I know what I prefer.
"Cheets, you reckon you could program my graphics calculator? It's got a couple of programs on it, but I wouldn't mind some games."
"Games? Where games?" He looked around as if the guy from Doom was about to walk in and rip someone's head off. I wished he would...
"On my calculator, reckon you could make some? You're supposed to be a big game whiz or something." I pointed to it. Cheetor titled his head and examined it critically. Before I could stop him he ripped the back off.
"HEY!" I yelled and beat him around the head with the case.
"Hmmmm..." Cheetor ignored my assault and poked around in the back. "Not very advanced... but I guess I could do it. Does it have VR?"
"It have what?"
He sighed. "Virtual reality."
"Umm... no, it's a calculator. Can you make a game or not?"
He examined it a little further. "Sure. I could improve it for you too, if you want. Looks kinda lame."
"It's a calculator. By the way..." I checked down seven boxes on the graph paper. "I win."
From Chemistry, we went on to Introductory Calculus. Unexciting, to say the least. I was disappointed to see that my teacher was indeed present, with a sadistic expression written all across his face. Mildly depressing, yes, but I decided maybe I could provoke Flash into attacking me and step aside at the last moment so 'unnamed individual' could get a thrashing... so sad that there were witnesses. But one day. One day... hwahaahahaHAHAHAHA!!!
Boring class though, Flash almost decided to get up and kill the teacher anyway just for the hell of it. I informed him that such killings were illegal and he was only allowed to kill me and I had baby photos and that he was acting just like Tarantulas and Rampage and that if he wasn't lucky I would bring the two here just so they could rip him apart. Only one of my statements seemed to get through to him. It was the one containing the words 'baby photos' And suddenly there was peace.
I don't need to tell you that Geometry & Trigonometry passed without any dramas so I'll skip to English. Which, come to think of it, didn't really have any dramas either. Clare decided to go psycho at one of the boys in the class, calling him and his 'little friend' (in all sense of the words, I'm sorry to resort to potty humour but it's what she's like!) every name under the sun. But it's only to be expected. This also marked the first time Tanya and Clare actually got to be in a class with Flash and Cheetor and they took full advantage of the opportunity. Flash and Cheetor were on either side of me, and Clare and Tanya were on either side of them. Flash, showing some of his sadism, chose to sit down next to Clare. "Hi, Clara." He smiled.
"My name's Clare, little man." She smiled back. Not very nice smiles I'm afraid.
"If that's the way you like it, shorty."
And so on, so forth... Clare finally had someone to beat up besides Ashley, though she did that often enough... Tanya and Cheetor had also started up a conversation, Tanya was trying to discover what books he read.
"Ever read Animorphs?" she requested. He shook his head, no. "The Ancient Future Trilogy? Star Wars?"
"Never heard of them."
"Well, they're really excellent. You would like Star Wars actually, it's a bunch of books about..."
I tuned out. No, not the dreaded Star Wars!!! Puh-lease, it was three very nice movies and a prequel, but the books... hmmhmmhmmmhmmhmm... needless to say, was happy when class ended. And off to Biology!!
I would remember this period for the rest of my life...
Clare and Flash were not hitting it off so well, while Tanya and Cheetor seemed quite... ::cringe:: Omae no korosu, Tanya >_< MY Cheetor!!! Wish up your own damn BWTF, he's MINE! MINE, you hear!! Now where did that possessive thought come from... silly voices, always trying to screw me up... ^_^
"Flash, did you take your medication again?" I asked privately. Clare had stormed off somewhere, probably looking for a chair to smash over his head. "I don't like that grin."
"You wouldn't, would you... anyway, what about medication?"
"You're supposed to take it for medical problems." Without checking the labels I dug out the pink bottle, shook out a few pills, and handed them to him. He quirked his mouth at them, but down they went. Perhaps that would stop the sadism...
::10 minutes later::
"Shit, he's worse than Sallie on Gogo-juice!" Cat was moving her head
from side to side, trying to keep up with the blur flying around the room.
"I didn't even know that was possible!"
I watched the blur circle around the room.
"Flash, slow down." I yelled. He zoomed by again. "Youcan'ttellmewhattodoI'mSailorMoondamnit!!"
I paused. "But even Sailor Moon needs a rest."
"ShedoesnotallsheneedstodoisyellMoonHealingPowerandshe'srightasrain!"
"Yes, but eventually she needs a rest."
"MoonHealingPower!!!LookatmeI'mallbetter!!"
"But- Flash, off the desk!!"
"WhyIlikeitonthedeskWhat'reyougoingtodotomeIt'srealcooluphereIcanalmostsee ItalybesidesIcandowhateverIwantI'mSailorMoonandyouhavenopowerovermeHaI'llbetyoudon'tevenbringoutthosestupidbabypicturesHahahah!!"
"Yes, that's what I'm going to do-" I reached into my pocket and grabbed the dreaded shot. There was a dark blur, a wind, and the photo was shredded at my feet. "HEY!!!"
"HahahahyouhavenopowerovermeyouneverdidIamSailorMoon!!!"
Flash was back up on the desk, brandishing the metre ruler- I mean, Moon Sceptre.
"Andyou!" He pointed at the class in general. "You'reallyagentsoftheNegaverseIshallpunishyou!!StartingwithyouummZoicitewhydidyoudyeyourhairblack?ItlooksrealslagbutIdon'tcarecuzI'mpunishingyouanyway!!"
I watched in horrid fascination as he grabbed Betty by the hair and dragged her back behind the desk. (Yay!) Betty is, as you would expect, the, uhh, slagger of the school and though I have no real reason to dislike her, there is a definite energy clash. Same for...
"AndMalechitewhatareyoudoinghereandwhyareyousuddenlyagirl??" Flash blurred again and returned with a screaming Dana. Strange that he had chosen these two, but I was not complaining... "NowyoustayherewhileIgocheckonTuxedoMask!!" Flash began to rocket around the room again. Paper was flying everywhere. And the teacher still had not returned from her coffee break.
"What drugs is he on, and where can I get some?!" Clare ducked, barely avoiding the ruler that came snapping out to her head.
"Heycanyouseethatitlooksrealprettylikesomethingor..." Flash paused a microsecond, thoughtfully. "Idon'tkknowwhatitlookslikebutit'srealprettyanywayheydidyouknowwhat???"
He was looking at a light.
"What?" Cheetor asked. He was probably the only one who was able to keep up with the complete conversation. I was only getting snatches. "What is it Flash? What's so pretty?" He was speaking like he was speaking to a child... a very hyper child... "Idon'tknowanymoreheydidyouknowwhatIthinkmytongue'sgettingbigger." Flash stuck his tongue out and examined it. "Doyouthinksohey!Lookwhat'shappeningtomythumbIthinkit'sgettingsmallernotbiggerwhatdoyouthink??" He held it out for inspection. Cheetor checked it.
"Yep, definitely." He confirmed. "Wow, and look, my hand too!"
Flash boggled and stared at Cheetor's hand. "ARGH!you'rerightwhatarewegoingtodowe'regoingtoshrinkawaysothatwe'renothing!!Idon'twannashrinkawayIhavetopunishtheNegaversebeforeIcandoanythingsoIguessIwill!"
Flashranbackto... I mean, Flash ran back to the desk to confront Dana and Betty. "AgentsoftheNegaverseIcommandyoutofeeltheMoonPowerorbepunished!!"
They only shook their heads mutely in shock, not following the conversation.
"AlrightthenMoon-Tiara-SomethingIcan'tremember!!!" Flash picked up a hat and frisbeed it at them. That hat fluttered to the ground uselessly. "BwaaaaaaI'velostmypowertiaraaa!! It'snotfairIwantmymoontiara-oohlook,sharpandshiny!!" He made a snatch for a pair of scissors. Oh no, not sharp objects when he's like this!!!
"NOWyoushallbepunished!!!"
Before I could run ahead and do anything, Flash had blurred again and Betty and Dana suddenly had some very shonky haircuts.
"HeydidanyonetellyouyoutwolooklikeSailorMercuryandSailorSaturn???"
They began to scream.
"Heywhatareyouscreamingatthat'sitI'mgoingtoKILLyounow!!" Flash zoomed around the room before stopping sharply in the middle ala' Roadrunner.
"Yessss, kill..." he said softly, with a grin beginning on his face.
Oh no...
I took a step back.
"You!!!" he yelled, pointing a shaking finger at the desk and the girls behind it. "Shall be PUNISHED!!!" Flash rocketed back onto the desk. He didn't immediately start to maul as I thought he would, he just bared his teeth and snarled. Which still isn't all that comforting.
"Flash!" Cheetor yelled. "CALM DOWN!"
"Yeah! Fla..." I realised just what we were doing. "BRENDAN!! Listen to me!!"
Flash stopped snarling and straightened up. Slowly, he turned around. "What?" he said.
"Oh good, you're calm." I breathed.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!" He had whizzed back right in front of me.
"Brendan, this isn't like you..." I said calmly. He grabbed me by the throat and hauled me up.
"Negaverse..." he growled.
"No! I'm not Negaverse!" I choked, and pointed to the two bald girls. "They are!!"
"No they're not... It's you! I should'a known it... Queen Beryl herself!!!!!"
Yegods... "I'm not!"
"You would say that!"
"Fine then! Fla... Bren... Sailor Moon, I have your Tuxedo Mask! And if you do not release me immediately, I shall call upon my Negaminions and they shall destroy him within the hour!"
He dropped me, horrified. "You wouldn't!"
"I would!"
Flash gulped and turned slowly around. "But..." he whispered. I relaxed, the trial was over.
"But I don't care!!" He grabbed my neck again.
"Flash, what the pit do you think you're doing!!" A little belatedly, Cheetor jumped into the fray and wrestled Flash.
"Bah! Jedite! I thought you'd be back!"
"That's right, er, Sailor Moon!!! And... and... hey, I'm punishing you too!"
"No you aren't!"
"Yes I am!"
"But I'm Sailor Mooooooooooon!!!"
"I don't care!"
"But- but- Buuuuuuut..." Flash sniffled. "I'm supposed to be punishing..."
"I'll give you a candy if it'll make you feel better. But only if you promise to be a good sailor scout." Cheetor reprimanded. I applauded him, geez, whattaguy...
"I will, I will!" Flash squealed. Cheetor grabbed the lolly jar and gave him a snake. It disappeared into Flash's mouth faster than he'd been running around the room.
"Can I have another?" he asked.
"No, that's enough."
"What if I joined the Negaverse?"
"No."
"But-"
"No."
"I WANT ONE!!"
"No!!"
I should have seen it coming. Sugar and medication...
"I WANT A SLAGGING LOLLY!!! THAT'S IT JEDITE, I'M PUNISHING YOU!!!!" Flash began waving the metre ruler around again.
"Wait! No! I have more lollies, I swear!!" Cheetor grabbed his bag. Flash subsided. And as Cheetor began rifling through, I felt another sensation in my stomach. Reality was shifting yet again...
"The side pocket!" I yelled. Cheetor snatched the blue bottle out.
"Lots of lollies!" he cried. Flash made a snatch. Cheetor bagged it away. "How many do I give him?!" he yelled.
"Heaps!" I replied. "Anything to calm him down! Just give him any!!" Cheetor broke the seal and practically threw a handful at Flash. Flash grabbed them and gobbled them up... and collapsed meekly onto the floor. Cheetor nervously poked him with a foot and looked up at me.
"Uhh... is he supposed to twitch like that?"