Author's Note: I'd like to dedicate this piece of work here to... uh... no one, really. But since it's my style to stick an author's note on here, Makeawish still belongs to Ivy/Tigerhawk, Cheetor is unfortunately the property of the massively evil Hasbro&Co, the list belongs to some anonymous person, Flash is still my property and the cheese belongs to no one. Then again, since none of you really exist, it's mine! All miiiiiiine!!!
...
Long story...
"I won't do it."
"Of course you will!"
"I'm not going to!"
"But Flash, you have to!"
"And who says?"
"It's the rules."
"Whose rules?!"
"The rules of the game, stupid."
"It's a stupid game!!"
"Of course it's a stupid game, it's truth or dare!" I glared at Flash, who was crossing his arms obstinately and slouching down in an evil kind of way. "Cheetor dared you, now you have to follow through."
"But I don't want to!"
I glared at him. "You don't have a choice."
Flash must have realised he was fighting a losing battle because he flicked his gaze away from mine. With the threat of counselling hanging over his head, there had been a subtle shift in the chain of command. "But-"
"Come on Flash, it's the game." Cheetor shoved Flash in a playful manner. Flash grit his teeth and the glass in his hand exploded into bits.
"You also have to agree to have the moment be captured on camera." I added.
Cheetor burst into giggles. "This's better than baby photos!!"
Flash grumbled some evil sounding words and stalked off.
"Don't forget the boots!" Cheetor yelled after him.
"Shove it up your pipe!"
"Oh, I guess Flash doesn't want to play anymore." I said in disappointment, making a resolution that he still wouldn't back out of the dare. "Since he's not doing it, I guess I'll dare you?"
"Oh no." Cheetor groaned. Obviously memories were still fresh in his mind of previous dares we had run through. The one he had just given to Flash was still the worst though...
"Alright. Cheetor... I dare you to..." I looked around my room quickly, mind racing to think what I would do. No, maybe, no, no, been done to death... my eye fell on a piece of paper. I snatched it up and thrust it into his hands. "Here. I dare you to do at least ten of these. In public!"
Cheetor scanned over the paper suspiciously. He gasped in horror. "You wouldn't!"
"Cheetor, Cheetor..." I smiled. "You should know me better than that!"
You've got to be joking.
Well, why not? You honestly don't want to go around doing Flash's dare, do you?
NO!!
Then let's go.
-Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you, "like it that way".
Alright, let's start with that one. That one doesn't count, it's not really public.
What? It's not? Well, you can do it, but still doesn't count.
Oh, slaggit... hmm... anyway... just wait a click. [A few minutes pass]
"CHEETOR, WHAT THE FRAG ARE YOU DOING TO THE TV?!"
"Flash, but I like it that way!!!"
-Drum on every available surface.
I can't believe you did that to Flash. How could you?
Lighten up, it was fun! Of course it was fun, but messing with someone's TV... that's just cruel.
Heh. Remember how he chased after me with the remote? Oh, how could I forget?
Anyway, what about this dare? Cheetor, if you do this one I will pull out your guts through your nose and tie my shoes with them.
*tappity tappity tappity* Cheetor
*tappity tappity tappity* Cheetor!
*tappity tappity tappity* CHEETOR!!!
... Hmphm.
*tap* I'LL KILL YOU!!!!
-Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Ooh, pain... Primus, it was only a joke! Grrrramahumaphazuh
Come on, I was kidding! Grr...
Come on... geez. Humans. No sense of humour. *Whack whack whack!*
Alright, alright, GREAT sense of humour! What's the Batman theme, anyway? You know.
Uh... nope. Is that the same as the Superblastoamazo-squoid theme? ...
Guess not. How's it go? Something like this... dahnadahnadahnadahnadahnadahna... Batman!
... ...
That song sucks! -Staple papers in the middle of the page.
I don't get this one, why? It's annoying.
But... I don't know, it's on the list so it's automatically annoying.
Uh... right... where's the stapler? -Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
FBI? Federal Bureau of Investigation. It's the American equivalent of the stupid ad we get on our tapes... you know. DID YOU GET WHAT YOU PAID FOR?
That one?! I'd never do that, that's just... that's just cruel! I know. *shudder* But that doesn't annoy me half so much as tapes that you can't copy.
Still upset you couldn't copy Dogma, huh? *Grumble...*.
-Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
Hey, I want to do this one! You mean you actually want to?
I just said that, didn't I? Primus... But we don't have any of those strips.
Slag! Well, next time you go shopping just sneak something onto Flash. That's kind of the same.
I guess... Well let's go to the next one then. Maybe that's good.
-Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
What's the point of this one? Dairy products go off after a while. Oh, this is a good one.
You mean like Milk, cheese, yoghurt? Don't start with the cheese again...
What's WRONG with cheese?! EVERYTHING!
Oh come on, cheese is- It's-
You- But-
-Specify that your drive-through order is, "to go".
[Ten minutes later]
Okay, so we're agreed?
Guess so. Alright, you never mention cheese anymore and I won't bring up that little 'incident'.
Cheese? What's cheese? Never heard of it. -Set alarms for random times.
I'll go do this one then? Yeah, you go do that.
[Twenty minutes pass]
All done! Gee, that was kinda... anti-climatic.
Uh. Yeah. Tell me about it. Moving on...
-Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Beep! Bip bip Beep. Beep beep bip bip beeeeeeeeeep bip bip uh... beep bip.
Beep bip bip beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeep beep bip bep. Beepbeep beep bip beep.
Beep! Beeee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Beep bip bep beeeep bip. My mother did WHAT?!
-Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
But I do that anyway. No one's supposed to know that!!
-Leave your Metallica tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
But I don't have a Great Uncle Ed. Just find an adult and do that, geez!
I really don't want to do anything to 'Mum and Dad' while they've still got that shotgun... So adapt it.
Alright... brb... [Time passes]
"Cheetor, what are you doing with Melissa's Wiggles CD?" ...[music] Fruit Salad! Yummy yummy! Fruit Salad! Yummy yummy!! [/music]
"I'LL KILL YOU!!!!" -Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
You are CRUEL!!
[Pant, pant] Agh, my spleen... You deserve whatever he did to you, you evil, evil person.
But my SPLEEN! Just shut up about that and do the dare!
*crooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkk* Stop the dare, stop the dare, stop the dare!
-Honk and wave to strangers.
*HONK!* Hi! *WAVE* Cheetor...
*HONK!* Hi! *WAVE* Cheetor...
*HONK!* Hi! *WAVE* Has it occurred to you that 1) we're in your backyard, and 2) WE'RE NOT IN A FRICKEN' CAR!!
*HONK!* Hi! *WAVE* -Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
My eyes!!!
It's blinding... almost hypnotic... Don't! Cheetor! Resist the colours!
You know what I think would really set it off? Some hot pink... -Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
I don't want to repeat that experience! Gah, for a minute there I thought I'd lost you!
What's your opinion on magenta? Noooooo!! Quick, do the dare!
Alright, brb... ...
Huh? ALRIGHT, WHAT THE SLAG IS GOING ON? WHAT ARE YOU TWO UP TO?! CHEETOR, GET AWAY FROM THE TV! NOWWWWW!!!
-Wear your pants backwards.
I think Flash is getting annoyed. Yeah, that's the point.
Did he really have to stab me with the fork though? I don't know...
My pants feel weird. -Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
Slag, we aren't in a restaurant. Here, have a mint anyway.
-Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
Ooh la la! I can't believe you expect me to do this. Hehheh. You sound funny like that.
Ooh la la! You're not serious! Do it in a girly voice, come on, come on, do it! Do it!
Ooh la la! I'm not going to. Do it! Do it!
Ooh la la! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!
- Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
Ooh la la! I don't have a copy of that. Just go with the Wiggles again. That seems to have a good effect.
Ooh la la! If you say so. -Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-Cyrillic-landscape mode.
Ooh la la! Alright, here I go... No. Don't do that.
Ooh la la! Why not? Because. Messing with someone's computer... that's just... that's cruel.
-ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
-only type in lower-case.
-dont use any punctuation either
dOnT bOtHeR tHeY dOnT aPpLy
-Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Ooh la la! Here I go. Do it quickly, we've still got a shitload to get through.
Ooh la la! Nothing's going to stand in the way of the Golden Rocket! ...Cheetor?
Ooh la la! Yeah? ... Nevermind...
-Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Hi kids!
Hi Mrs J!
Ooh la la! Hi, uh, 'Mum'. What are you two doing?
Ooh la la! We're playing a game. Oh, it looks wonderful. What's it about?
We're just looking at this list here. It's fun.
Would that list have anything to do with the fact that Brendan says he's going to shoot Matt?
He is?
Ooh la la! He is? Hey, high five, it's working!!
-Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
*Jingle jingle jingle* Ooh la la! This is kind of fun! I want jingle bells!
Ooh la la! Here you go! *jingle* *Jingle jingle jingle*
Ooh la la! Heheheahahah!! Cheetor, *jingle* SHUT UP WITH THE OOH LA LA! THAT'S *jingle* EIGHT DARES AGO!!
*jingle* -Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question? Yeah, that's the dare.
Yeah, that's the dare? Yeah. Now go irritate Flash.
Go irritate Flash? Yeah! Go!
Yeah? Go? *WHACK*
[A few minutes later]
**Indecipherable yelling** What? Take my [censored] and shove it up my [censored] so that I can [censored] and [censored censored censored]??? -Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
He really sounded pissed that time.
You could say that. How long do you think you'll be walking with that limp?
-Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Kennedy? UFO? OJ Simpson? President, Aliens, and some nutty murderer.
Sounds like a good
movie
.
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
Go try this one!
Okay! [Time passes]
I couldn't get to Flash, he's locked himself in his room. -Light road flares on a birthday cake.
...Mm... nah...
Do you hear that? What?
Never mind, it's gone now. ...
Get it? Get it? Get it? *WHACK*
-Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
*twiddles thumbs* *also twiddles thumbs*
-Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
*yawns * *drools*
-Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
This one sounds funny.
You will now address me as CONQUISTADOR! Fine, as long as you call me Empress-most-high.
There's no way I'm doing that. I'm not calling you conquistador then.
Then I won't call you Empress. I'm calling you Dorkboy from now on.
Fleshie! Buttlicker!
Skidplate-sucker! -Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Idiot!
Moron! Cowhead!
Anus! -At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
[censored]er! [censored]eater!
[censored]! [censored]!!!
[CENSORED]!!!! -Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
Yeah, you can wear a cape saying "Hi my name is Cheetor and I'm a dumbass and I like eating linty cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese"
-As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
I'm going to skip all over on YOUR HEAD! -Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
*Mumblemumblemumblemumle*
Stop that! -Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
NO! NONONONO!!!
99 bottles of beer on the
wall, 99 bottles of beer!
Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on
the wall
98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer...
Take one down and pass- This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some people, started singing it not knowing what it was. And they'll continue singing it forever just because, this is the song that never ends...
-Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
97 bottles of beer It goes on and on my friend...
On the wall, 97 bottles of beer... Some people started singing...
Take one down as pass it around... SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...
... I don't think Flash sounds too happy.
-Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Look, I'm sorry about what I was saying.
Me too. I didn't mean to make you angry. Friends?
Friends. Of course, you still understand that you're a [censored] [censored] of a [censored]. In an entirely affectionate way, of course.
Sure. Whatever. -Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
Huh? Dunno.
-Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
You know Cheetor, technically that's true.
How do you know that? Well, because I'm writing this for one. And also, the only perspective that I ever get to see is my own, which basically means that the world revolves around me. I never get to see anyone else's perspective which means that I have no idea if they actually have one or not, or if they are merely creations of my own subconscious mind to provide some relief from the tedium of existence.
Uh... yeah. So I guess that kinda makes me God.
-Ask people what gender they are.
What gender are you? I'm a girl. What about you?
Well... gender as such doesn't really apply to Cybertronians. Really?
Yeah! Gender specific roles for us are actually more of a cultural thing, because seeing as we are not biological life-forms as you are, there isn't that whole push to reproduce. So therefore we aren't born one way or another. Gender is more something that is placed upon us by society, rather than uh, what happens to, erm... you know. So how do you make little Cybertronians?
Well Rachelle, sometimes a socially-specified male likes a socially-specified female very, very much... -Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
...And that's how little Cybertronians are made! That's what YOU think!
That's supposed to be my line! That's what YOU think!
Oh yeah? Yeah!
That's what YOU think! -Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Alright, so this Cybertronian walked into a bar... And?
Umm... Yeah?
I forgot. It was real funny though. -Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off, "In case the big one comes".
I don't like this one... Why not?
It reeks of, uh... bondage? -Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
Lysol?! Dah fuh?
Oh, right... Americans again? We should bomb them.
Yeah! Lets go find a bomb! -Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains
Songs? Like what? Darn, no bombs... umm... try anything out of the Lion King.
Right. Oh, alright. I've got one. I'll be back in a sec. [Some time passes]
Cheetor! What are you doing outside of my door? The Circle of Life?! NO! NO! SHUT UP!
-While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Like this? No, more like this.
This's stupid. -Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Alright. Let's try this one. What time is it?
It's Six-o'clock. Uh... Cheetor?
Yeah? It is Six-o'clock.
I meant in the morning!!! -Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Beep, beep, beep. That one doesn't really work right now.
-Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
Aiaiaiaiaismith? Uh...
... ...
I like eating pie. -Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
We've been here for half an hour. No one's slowing down. We'll just wait longer.
[time passes]
There's a car! [car passes]
Hey Rachelle, what's this finger mean again? -Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
*chomp chomp chomp* NOT ON MINE!! GEEZ!
-Wear a LOT of cologne.
Please, please, please don't make me do this one! Please! Please! Please! Alright, alright. Wussy.
Just because you prefer to stink. Well at least I don't lick myself... gah, lets not even go there.
Yes, lets not. -Ask to "interface" with someone.
We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz! o_O;; I don't wanna know...
-Sing along at the opera.
Oh solo mia... I do not know you, I repeat, I do not know you.
-Mow your lawn with scissors.
Physical labour?! Cheetor, you're losing it.
Make that 'Conquistador' -Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
I'm not calling you Conquistador.
But you have to, it's in accordance with the prophecy. There is no prophecy!!
Of course there is. It's in accordance with the prophecy! -Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
Frank's not imaginary, he's just invisible! Isn't that right, Frank?
And you say I'm losing it... -Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
But they don't! -Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
No one cares if they don't rhyme... oops, next point.
I hope Flash's let go of the shotgun by now... I'll be back in a few minutes. [time passes]
*BLAM BLAM BLAM*
I've assessed in his psychological profile that he doesn't have a very good self esteem because he has a short temper and has to resort to actual physical violence to make him feel go about himself!!! -Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
Sticky wicket isn't cricket, Sticky wicket isn't cricket, Sticky wicket isn't cricket, Sticky wicket isn't cricket, Sticky wicket isn't cricket, Sticky wicket isn't cricket, Sticky wicket isn't cricket, Sticky wicket isn't cricket... Not here, go do that to Flash!
Uh... nah.
-Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
But you CAN! I will reserve comment...
-Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
No. No no no!!
[Its My Life begins playing] Nooooooooo!!
-Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
You mean like this What?
What What 'this'?
What do you mean ...
.. You're evil.
-Never make eye contact.
-Never break eye contact.
Does this one count right now? Nah.
-Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Well...
I can't hear you, falalala, I can't hear you, falallaal, I can't hear you... You're *so* immature.
-Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
Rachelle, this tricorder says that you're under too much stress and you need to eat more cheese. I'm going to jam that cheese up your rear in a moment!!!
-Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal voice.
And she takes the cheese, oh she looks mad, she takes a step, another step, yes, can you see the vein in her forehead, see it throb, she grabs poor innocent Cheetor by the arm and... hell-O!!! -Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Gah! What did you do that for?! -Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Quick, book an appointment for a proctologist!!! -Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
How could you!!! *And the #1 way to be annoying....*
-Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.
That's it, it's over.
There's no way I'm going to eat this now! Did you do ten of the dares??
I don't know. Oh, gross... oh, look at this... Fine then. Whatever. This's gone on long enough, you win the dare. Congratulations.
Great! Oh, my poor cheese... I gotta go home now, see ya tomorrow!
Bye!
BEEEEEEEEEEP!! BEEEEEEEEEEP!! BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!
The alarm exploded into my ears and I leapt off of the bed in panic. WHAT THE FRAG?!
The red letters on my radio-alarm-clock blinked at me guiltily. 3:45 in the morning.
"Damn you Cheetor, I didn't mean MY alarm!"
"Did he do it, is it done?" I grinned eagerly, hopping up and down on the couch. 10 o'clock now and we were here to see Flash do good on his dare. Of course, I'd also been there to decimate Cheetor for waking me up so early...
"He's coming out!" Cheetor said in the guy version of an excited squeal.
"Be nice, kids." Mrs J said, readying her camera.
"Mary, I think we really need to take this kid to a psychologist. What if he... you know." Mr J pulled at his collar.
"What, dear?"
"He, uh..." He cleared his throat.
"Yes?"
"Huh-hum. You know."
Before Mr J could finish off that statement, there came the slam of a door. And a stomp. And another stomp. A pair of white boots entered the room.
"I'm going to kill you." Flash said dully. He tugged the miniskirt down a little further for decency's sake and wriggled in his sailor costume. The hair from one of his pigtails was coming loose.
"Say it say it say it!!!" I yelped, bouncing up and down on the chair. Flash looked at me and groaned. And albeit lacklustre, he said it.
"I... I'm... I'm Sailor Moon and I will punish you."