A long time ago, before this site even got really underway, Heroboy and I decided that the shear amount of work running a guild and this website was more than even a superhuman could withstand. So we decided to go out and buy a helper monkey. After a short trip to the local pet shop, we wound up with Bingo. He was a lively little guy - always taking stuff and dumping it on the floor ... and taking dumps on the floor ... he was great fun. Then one day, we mistakenly left him to die in the dishwashing machine. He was always climbing in there ... I have to say that was the cleanest monkey corpse I've ever buried.

Fresh out of cash, and obviously a monkey, Heroboy and I had no small simian to turn to for aid. However, after reading an advertisement in one of my more favorite comics (Archie & Jughead, Issue #43) about the grand wonders of the Seamonkey species, we decided that would be where our help would come from! Since we could not afford to buy the Seamonkey Culture Kit ourselves, we set to work pouring various life-giving chemicals from my basement into my backyard pool. Soon a great torrent of color and electricity brewed in the water, and then, A GREAT EXPLOSION RIPPED THE YARD IN TWAIN!

I searched among the debris for any signs of life. Heroboy had brought the home movie camera, but since I can't put videos up here (they're too big), all we have is the audio from the following destiny-altering moment. You can listen to it here.

I know Banjo's work hasn't been very inspiring, nor has he been even very coherant ... in fact, he spends a lot of time sleeping, acutally ... but I truly believe that this special, divinely-blessed monkey will be our savior! Somewhere, deep within his patchy green fur, lies the power of the universe!

He also makes a decent cup of coffee.