This is a record of all the work done by myself, Heroboy, Trokair, and Banjo, as we create some of the most innovative UO scripts and artwork ever seen on a shard. - NL

DNA Alteration Machine
The subject of roleplaying a race in Ultima Online has come up many a time, including the oppertunity to let players be monsters instead of your garden-variet species (the dreaded Dwarves, the annoying Elves, for example). So what we at Mischief Pirate Teknologies have created is an almost vending machine-style approach to encourage the player to roleplay a character they might never have had the oppertunity to before. Essentially, the user walks up the machine, and pays a small fee (the proceeds go to orphaned pirate children) based on the strengths and weakness of the particular race the player wants to use. That player's DNA, right down to the stats and color, are then wiped clean and born again. Not really a good idea for players who have clawed their way of mining rocks to be the best at 250 STR, since all that work is then lost in your new body. However, for the new player, the DNA-AM is an absolute God-send for those who are sick and tired of the same-old same-old. Each race is carefully balanced, to prevent misuse of the machine. You can even mess around with your own Human DNA to give yourself different body colors and hair, however, once again your physical characteristics are at the whim of the machine - this tool is NOT for those who have emotional attachments to their 'stats'. Welcome to a new world of roleplay, made easy and comepletely shard customizable.

Magic Voodoo Head
Long ago, I bugged the Admin of the Lair to build me a jester hat that would allow my character to halucinate for fun. Heroboy and I are big fans of the halucination trigger in UO, and when Admin Abby proved she didn't have the know-how to build my much-promised item for me, Mischief Pirate Teknologies decided to make it for ourselves, with a much more creative twist. Banjo has been a long-time practicioner of Voodoo, and hence, unlocked the secret of taking the souls of the dead and transplanting them into a waiting living host creature. Magic Voodoo Heads were born! Simply by rubbing the forehead, your body is immediately inhabited by the long-since deceased soul of another player, allowing you to see the world through never-percieved oppertunities. Who wouldn't want a Magic Voodoo Head??

Celeberty Resource-Gathering Robots
Who in their right mind wants to mine rocks and cut those damn trees? Not me, you bet your britches. Through our highly-advanced knowledge of autonomation, Mischief Pirate Teknologies has built sophisticated robots that do that very boring work for you! But wait, there's more! Why not personalize your robot with your own celeberty skin? Have Lord Brittish mine your rocks! Have Blackthorne catch fish for you! And what do you need to give our robots to insure they continue to work for you (and don't revolt against their human masters in a bloody war with the fighting and the biting and the blood ...)? DUNG. That's right, feed your robot spoot to keep him happy. Where do you get spoot? Well, your parents should've explained that to you long ago.

The Cheapest Monster on Earth
AKA "Sneaky Monster"
Bored with the lame-ass monsters in Ultima Online? Why not fight a monster that is completely invisible?? He can hit you, but you can't hit him! So how do you defeat a monster you can't see and you can't it? You insult him! That's right, this monster may act tough, but he's got sensitive feelings. Everytime the monster attacks, it will toss out a random insult. If you can counter the insult correctly, you then cripple the emotional complex of the monster, thus destroying him utterly. For example, if the monster were to tell you "Would you like to be buried or cremated?", and you responded "With you around, I'd rather be fumigated.", the battle would thus be won. Your prize for all this wit? Magic shoes! This monster also serves as an excellent tutor to all Lair of the Sorceress staff, who, when faced with an argument or any variety of conflict respond with wit along the lines of "you're just full of shit" or "you don't have any friends", or my personal favorite "I'm sending a government intelligence agency after you for made-up accounts of trouble you've caused, not knowing my own staff have been trying to mess with your computer for months". ;) I guess then the "Cheapest Monster on Earth" would be Lair staff. I stand corrected :) .

Golem Helper NPC (in conjunction with Fallen Ranger Teknologies)
Instead of the traditional "here's a deed, click on it and you pull the NPC out of your pants scenario", you actually have to BUILD the golem using ingredients, and combining them together in the patented "Golem Box" to make "Golem Ore" - from there are on, you're just a few metalsmithing clicks away from your very own golem! What does a golem DO, you say? ANYTHING YOU WANT! That's right! Tired of homework? Don't like going into a fight naked to get your corpse back? Just generally lonely because you play at 3:24 in the morning on a Tuesday night?? The Golem is YOUR BEST FRIEND!

Daemon in a Hat (in conjunction with Fallen Ranger Teknologies)
Spawning a daemon onto the wearer, we promise this magical hat will give you many hours of laughter, as you watch your unlucky companion run away in terror. The hat comes with a foolproof "doubleclick to release me" event, so with care, you can even wear it!

The Musket (in conjunction with Fallen Ranger Teknologies)
Bow got you down? Crossbow too slow for your liking? Miss the smell of gunpowder after you nail your enemy with a bullet to the brain? Well, the Musket is for you! Using the latest teknology, the musket fires cannonballs (yes, cannonballs) at your foes, reducing them into a pile of mooshed organs and bone fragments!

Stat-Boosting Crystals (in conjunction with Fallen Ranger Teknologies)
Instead of macroing yourself to death, or raising skills the "hard" way, why not go the direct route? The new StatBooster (tm) Crystals will fill your tiny, inept brain with enough knowledge of the skill at hand to boost it a whole 10%! Yes, a whole 10%! Comes in every skill, and one color.

A Grand Variety of NEW GAME ARTWORK
Through the use of our database editing abilities, Mischief Pirate Teknologies is working hard to actually draw brand new artwork for Ultima Online. Wear underwear on your head, pistols for pirates, fight with fish swords, and tame your own ski-doo! Why just script an item that looks like a muffin with a different hue, when you can draw something yourself!

For Customer Service Inquiries,
please feel free to email Banjo the Helper Seamonkey, our Head Teknologist.