The other day I flipped on Maury Povich and he was havin’ another paternity test show, where a mom comes on the show to find out if this guy or that guy is her baby’s daddy. So I started thinking to myself which historical family would need to go on this show the most? How what about the Virgin Mary and her 1 month old baby Jesus. Maury: They have come on our show today to find out if Joseph is baby Jesus’ father. Mary says he is and Joseph says he’s never slept with the bitch and that Jesus’ daddy is some dude named God. So let’s bring out Joseph and find out who baby Jesus’ real pappy is? Okay now when it comes to 1 month old baby Jesus... Joseph you are not the father and god you are! Joseph: I told you bitch I wasn’t his daddy! I told you! I told you! Oh and God would be like, “great another mouth to feed!”
Yes us Portuguese people are crazy we love our cod and fava beans. I eat that shit every day that’s why I shit once every 4-5 days and I crack the toilet! When I do shit... boy does it smell like genocide in that motherfucker.
Another thing I love to eat is Italian food especially any food with pesto. I can eat that shit even for breakfast. How about some Pesto O’s. It's a complete balanced breakfast for any kid named Guido.
I am sick and tired of celebrity break ups and divorces. I am especially annoyed with Jessica Simpson. Damn that’s a fine stupid bitch. If I was Nick Lachey, I would put her naked in a human sized hamster wheel and have her run for food and water. Jessica: Nick I’m hungry! Nick: Well keep on runnin’ bitch! Keep on runnin’! Maybe this would have saved the marriage!
My Stand Up Act Schedule
Rooster T. Feathers Comedy Club in Sunnyvale
on Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008 at 8pm
Let me know what you think of these bits and if you want a copy of one of my stand ups email me at [email protected]. Thank You!
