Sometimes I feel
like I am in a hole,
with no view, no nothing.
I am surroounded by a black void,
encompassing me entirely,
consuming my efforts to escape.
As I try to climb up,
I lose my footing, and slip,
down
down
down
I fall into darkness.
Not knowing when it will be my last chance.
I call on friends.
I call on family.
I call on God, who surrounds me.
I am told to keep trying,
and be careful next time,
but it continues
over and over,
time after time,
I fear the next slip
will have my neck on the line,
a head on a platter,
it doesn't matter,
who I am,
where I came from,
they just want ca$h,
and then they're done.
But till then,
I must continue
till I'm out of the hole
and I've paid my due.
Written on 7-24-2002
I am a fool! An insolent slave!
A slave to my own sin,
the evil lurking frim within
my troubled soul has lost all hope
and has lost all concern for the future.
I am a drone, following mindlessly
the Evil Master, who cheers me on
into my own eternal fiery grave.
I used to travel on the lighted path,
the one set out by my Father;
but now I am a bastard!
Not knowing where He is leading me.
Am I wandering?
Wandering into a bottomless chasm I like to call Hell?
Why won't I wake up? Why won't I see?
Why don't I realize where I NEED to be?
Why am I lost? Why am I alone?
Have I abandoned the One who took away all of this?
Why don't I see Him with the eyes of my heart?
Why can't I look within my soul to see its good?
Have I fallen into the pit of despair?
I am lost trying to get out.
Help me! O God! So I may
see my way out of this mess!
So I may not be in distress!
Written on 7-28-2002
My soul cries to You, O Lord.
Please lift me up.
You alone can save me, Lord.
Will You fill my cup?
My soul longs to be with You
May that be where I stay,
Cause You are always here for me,
To brighten my darkest day.
And, Oh, how I love You Lord.
You fill my life with joy and peace.
You make my days so wonderful.
When I am bound, You set me free.
I look all around me, and,
Sin is all I see.
It covers everything around,
And it resides in me.
I need You Holy Spirit,
Lord, I need the cure.
Please wash all this sin away.
Please come and make me pure.
So please, Lord, hear my prayer
And keep me clean.
Keep me from
All of the obscene.
Lyrics written on 8-1-2002
I am a human,
Much worse, a guy,
I am one of many sinners,
And that is why
I need a Lord and Savior
Someone to make my soul pure.
I feed my habits
But now I've had it
Up to here
No tears
Left in my eyes
They all are worn
and tired of scorn,
and lust and hate,
and rush and fate.
Enough is enough,
God will help me change,
and that is great;
To start anew,
Wipe clean the slate,
and live for Him.
To imitate
His perfection
I'll be a reflection
of the light in life,
So that I,
may start to feel much better
about myself and about whether
or not I should cry
when I start to sigh,
or if I roll an eye,
does that mean I'll die?
I bite my tongue,
and nothing comes out, but
Filthy lies,
Profanity, immorality,
and wandering eyes.
All these things, are symbols of
a filthy soul,
a soul that needs Jesus Christ,
to make me whole.
So come now, Lord of all,
Save Your son.
I need Your mercy, Lord,
You are the Perfect One.
I am no one,
Just one in a million,
A pack of fools.
A bunch of slaves sold to sin,
Monkey-see, monkey-do.
I try my best to overcome,
Instead I am beaten
I see the enemy
and now I am retreating.