1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not
ask us. We refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear
getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and
by then, you are stuck with her.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if we can find the perfect present yet again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an
answer you do not want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with
it.
7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
formation and monster trucks.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think
of it that way.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not
work. Just say it!
16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to
miss sometimes.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look
good with your dress?
19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it.That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
26. No, it does not matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
All comments become null and void after 7 days.
28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.
31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want
it done-not both.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do
we.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right
to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.
37.
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.
Peach is a fruit, not a color.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets
thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about
you.
44. What the hell is a doily?