Sujan: I’d like to have some vitamin for my son.
Doctor: which vitamin;A,B,C ?
Sujan: Never mind, any will do, my son doesn’t know the alphabet yet.
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Detective asked Mr. A: Have you seen a man with one eye named Tony. “ I can not say I do know”, was the answer, “what is the name of the other eye?”
Mr.Bhishma returns a book to the Library and says, “ so many characters and no story.” The Librarian replies, “ so you were the one who took the telephone directory.”
Teacher: Stand up Lal and come here, this composition on the dog is same as your brother’s, word to word.
Lal: Yes sir, it’s the same dog.
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A T.V. repairman arrives by Mr. Singh’s house and found his way blocked by a barking, snarling dog. “ Don’t be afraid by him”, exclaimed Mrs. Singh, “ you know the old proverb, a barking dog never bites.”
“Yeah”, said the repairman, “you know it, I know it, but does the dog know it?”
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“ I keep three pairs of glasses with me”, said Mrs. Singh to Mrs. Shah. “ I use one for my long sightedness and other for my short sightedness.” “ And the third one?”, asked Mrs. Shah. “To look for the other two”, was the answer.
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Mr. Pandey: if you have spotted the man who stole your car, why don’t you get it back ?
Mr. Joshi : I’m waiting for him to put on a new set of tyres.
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Three fastest means of communication one telephone, two email, three woman.
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Layer: What is your date of birth ?
Niraj: Jan 3rd
Layer: Which Year ?
Niraj: Every year.
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Layer: All responses must be oral, okay ? what school did you go ?
Dil: oral
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Arjun: That is a funny pair of shocks you have on, one green and one brown.
Tap: yes, I have another pair exactly like this at home.
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Bhishma: My dog is so smart that he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.
Kalpana: I know.
Bhishma: But how ?
Kalpana: My dog told me.
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Binod: I wish I had enough money to buy a horse.
Bikash: What do you want a horse for ?
Binod: I don’t want to buy a horse, I want the money.
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Professor: Usha, what is your aim ?
Usha: to be an animal doctor.
Professor: why ?
Usha: Because animals can’t complain of wrong treatment.
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Psychiatrist: What’s the problem?
Sharvendra: It’s my memory. I forget everything.
Psychiatrist: When did this problem begin?
Sharvendra: What problem?
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Kamala: If the sea gets buried, where will all the fishes move?
Priti: They will climb on trees.
Ranjana: Shut up. They are not cows to climb the trees.
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Sunday school teacher: hands up all those who want to go to heaven? What about you Srijan? You haven’t raised your hand, don’t you want to go to heaven?
Srijan: I can’t, my mum told me to go straight home.
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Wife: Do you want dinner?
Dil: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes & No.
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Kiran: Is this my Train?
Station master: No, it belongs to the Railway company.
Kiran: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to Delhi?
Station master: No sir, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.
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Girl: Do you love me?
Mukund: Yes dear.
Girl: would you die for me?
Mukund: No, mine was undying one.
Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do. Saheb: Kal aana. Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain. 
