| Just some random things with no set place.... Allergies, Allergies, Allergies..... Anyone out there have bad allergies? I never did, but now I do, thanks to the idiot landscaper that lives across the street from me. In the spring and summer he cuts his grass about 2 times a week. In the fall and early winter he's out there blowing leaves off his lawn about once a week(which makes no sense considering that there will just be more there tomorrow, and the next day after that). And so there I am, inside my house staring out the window trying to drown out the noise of the lawnmower or leafblower with my stereo cranked up full blast. Nose is running, eyes are itchy, and all I can think about it blowing his house up. But then I saw something interesting. In the winter (the safe season!) I was standing out in my front yard and I saw the sensor light in his backyard go on. I looked, heard a crash, and watched as 3 of my cats knocked over his garbage can and strew garbage everywhere before running off. It was great! Revenge is fucking sweet, let me tell you. A special shot out to Oliver, Jake and Stellar, my wonderful feline mischief making buddies, who do all of my dirty work for me... In Life, You Wish Nothing But The Best For Some People I haven't moved out on my own yet because my father is remarrying in a year and he's moving in with "her", so I get the house to myself. Worth waiting for, right? But then I thought of something: What if they get divorced and he moves back in? That's not cool, because there will be no more drunken wild parties or guys sleeping over. Can you believe that shit? I am 22 years old and I am not allowed to have guys spend the night, even friends. And even if they sleep in a completely different room! For my sake, I hope they live happily ever after, so I can have at least some fun before I die!! The Mystery Of The Missing Whopper The true story, you read it here first. One night my father brought home six Whoppers from Burger King for dinner. Two for each of my brothers, and two for me. I remember counting six Whoppers in the bag before I took out three and distributed them to the three of us. My brother Kevin was playing his guitar at the time so he put his in the microwave, then went back to retrieve it a few minutes later. And then we realize that there are only two Whoppers in the bag when there should have been three. Of course I blamed it on Kevin because he was the last to leave the room and Matt had never left the room. My father is on a low carb diet so I knew he didn't take it. Kevin was the obvious suspect. But he denied it, and the pursuit of the missing Whopper began. I interrogated everyone several times. I looked everywhere. I wasn't giving up and my family thought it was funny. I spread the word to friends: "If you see Kevin eating a Whopper tomorrow, tell me immediately!" So it became a big joke after that. I became the "Whopper Nazi". We never found out what happened to it. I keep thinking "the herd" may have gotten ahold of it.... God No!! Get It Away!! You wish to read of dysfunction, check this one out... My cat didn't "wipe" so to speak after vacating the litter box, and had a turd hanging from his ass that fell off in my brother's room on the floor. So my brother was yelling at me to clean it up. I said "No, it isn't mine, therefore I am not cleaning it up." So he says "Ok then, I'll put it in your room then!" I ran to lock my door but the tissue and turd found it's way in before I got it closed. So I picked it up and threw it back in his room. I ran into my room and locked the door but he managed to shove the damn thing under the door, and then ran into his room and locked his door. So I shoved it under his door. He started laughing and screaming "God No! Get it away! Damnit!" So then needless to say it finds it's way back into my room. I just flushed the damn thing, which should have been done at the very start, but what fun would that have been? Very dysfunctional, very sad, very funny. Only in this house, too.... Some Guys Should Always Have Long Hair Examples: Oded Fehr- Looks terrible with short hair. But if you see him in "The Mummy", and "The Mummy Returns", he looks amazing. Someone needs to chop the hands off his hair stylist or something.. Orlando Bloom- Please, someone tell this boy that he looks great with long hair!! Makes me not able to wait long for the next LOTR Movie.. Brendan Fraser- So it was glorious in "The Mummy" for like, 5 minutes. But then they cut it off! How horrible! "Airheads" I think it a masterpiece, and he should have kept it that way. "George Of The Jungle" too. More to come if I get angry enough at hairdressers and professional stylists. |
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