Ah...our modern day superhero....
A few weeks ago I was with my brother Matt and a few friends at a chinese food buffet. After a nice lunch, we decided to raid the dessert cart, where we discovered this weird concoction that was almost...indescribable. It looked like shredded green stuff with pieces of carrot in it. So my brother turns to me and says, "Yo Jess, I dare you to try that." I took a closer look. "What the fuck is it?" Matt was like, "I don't know, but it almost looks like seaweed, doesn't it?" So by this point all of us were gathered around the dessert cart. "I'll try it if you do," Matt said to me after a few seconds. "But I still think it looks like seaweed." Suddenly, out of NOWHERE, this guy shows up and says, "Actually, it is seaweed. And it's very good for you too." No one could say anything at first, and then my friend Pete said "I don't care if it's good for you or not I still ain't fucking eating it." And then like that, the guy was gone. I ended up trying it, and my conclusion ended up being that seaweed should stay in the sea. As we were walking outside to leave, my brother asked me for a cigarette. I gave him one, and he said "gratzi". So I said "prego". Matt was completely dumbfounded. "What did you just say? Did you just call me spaghetti sauce? I know you just called me spaghetti sauce." We were all hysterical. "No, Matt. Prego means 'thank you' ". "No it doesn't! Prego is spaghetti sauce!" Matt yelled. And then all of a sudden here's this guy again. "Actually, she's right. It does mean thank you." He said. "And in portuguese, it means 'a nail!' " No one could say anything. Who the fuck was this guy? We're all planning on pooling money together to buy him a superhero suit, whoever the hell he is. I'm just waiting for him to pop out of the fucking trunk the next time we're having a stupid roadtrip dispute over something irrelevant. "Well, actually..." SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Gratzi, Captain Input, for all of the useless knowledge.
...So if you don't like cats, you better get busy!! The population of cats in this world is growing way out of control and only YOU (and others with too much time on their hands) can stop it!!
That's right, folks. It's true. I got dumped. But I am turning over a new leaf. A few examples of the new train of thinking that I have adapted:
1.) I will not sit and wonder about what it was that I did wrong. I will focus on what I did right.
2.) I will no longer give someone the "benefit of the doubt", because let's face it, most people don't deserve it anyway.
3.) If you go out of your way to prove that something was not a deciding factor in your choice to break up with me, I will automatically assume that it is.
4.) I will not expect you to be a good post relationship "friend", nor will I expect you to call.
5.) If you decide you want nothing to do with me it shows that you probably never did.
6.) I will hear no talk of possibly "re-uniting" in the future, because it is something I do not expect.
7.) Good things happen, bad things may result. Who the fuck cares? They're only things..
And I move on....